Keep on, keeping on

     Life has just been rolling by these past few weeks.  With Christmas upon us, I finally got myself caught back up with life style.  Sometimes I wish I could find a self help manual to help get my life style back under control.  I had a really good Christmas spirit and then suddenly it was gone, then back again.  I don't know why it happened,or how but it did.  Still in good spirits today even as the day came to the end and I know I have to go back to work tomorrow.  
     I have barely gotten to spend any time with Allen.  A bit of it has been me.  The 24th I ran and disappeared to the barn and went riding.  I was gross and nasty when I finally did get home and it was pouring rain, which didn't help anything so I showered and we all actually stayed and talked some at the table.  Then this morning I was first up and I stayed home until 2pm before leaving for the barn.  A couple hours up with Heidi then I stopped by Aunt Lisa's to see her, Jim and Grandma since I have to work tomorrow and won't get to see her then.  
     Aunt Lisa even showed me the correct way to trim up feet.  I did what I thought was right to get Willow's trimmed but looks a bit choppy.  No surprise, I did it wrong.  I still haven't heard back yet from Emily for a training class.  I really need it as well as Willow.  There is so much for even me to learn, especially if I ever want to compete in Rally down the road.  I want to, I really do.  I really think it will be a fun new avenue to try. 
     Heidi got a new saddle, as I joke, it was a Christmas gift to myself.  Of which I really couldn't afford, it ended up on my credit card- fully knowing that it may or may not fit her correctly.  So far no saddle that I had found and tried on her had been that perfect a fit, until this dressage saddle.  A Thornhill Vienna II.  It seems to be the perfect saddle, which is kinda scary.  It will hopefully last a very long time.  If I can keep up after the leather it will last a VERY long time.  So I've been scrubbing, conditioning and wiping that saddle down a LOT.  Each time I do condition the Thornhill, I condition Lisa's saddle and the cheapy english I picked up to ride Mary in.  Tomorrow I intend to at least try that saddle on Mary to see if it'll fit.  If it doesn't I might try and donate it to a rescue or something.  Maybe trade it online or do a partial trade for another one I don't know.  I'll know more tomorrow.  A nice long day in the boring office.  Thankfully I am an 8-5 person this time. 
     First time in months getting 8-5 and right about now I wish I was on 7-4.  No morning kennel cleaning and everything else should already get stocked up by the time I get there.  I will do what I can to get everything ready to go but I don't know much of it because I never get the chance to learn it.  The only one there that is even keen on teaching me is Diane.  I still do not feel comfortable there, despite spending the months trying.  I don't know what to do.  Still on the job hunt for just the right place. 

Rollin on!

     I still have some good days and some bad days with personal image but lately it's been more good than bad days.  I'm still working on things mentally than anything else.  Having some extra money would be really good.  I still can't let go at Boonesboro.  More so because I really don't want to start over again.  I'm not ready to start over.  I do have to figure out the money issue still.  I know eventually I'll move up but can I make it until then?  Then again, I have this really bad desire to just go shopping for things and say to heck with it.  But eventually everything has to be paid for.  

     Heidi's been great.  I still can't wait to get up on her again and go riding again.  I just got her a new girth in the mail that should hopefully stay fitting her over the coarse of the winter.  I'm going to go try it on her tomorrow after work.  I get out at noon.  I can't wait to see her again.  I had to order her a second sheet as they want a back up one at the barn for when the first one gets soaked.  I can't wait to see her tomorrow.  I know I hate leaving Willow in the car for any length of time but I need to see Heidi again.  

     Willow has been doing good.  She's  learning a lot and she gets kinda disappointed when I don't take her with me to work.  She's a little off right now, I think she got into something and it has been upsetting her stomach.  Tuesday night she was listless and mopey, today she's been better but still not completely back to normal.  I'm watching her and if she's still really far off tomorrow then I will have Rex take a look at her before I leave. 

     Tomorrow should be a very exciting day for me.  Half day at work, then a short while up with Heidi, then home to collect Jess and head back to Lisa's for Southern Lights with her and Grandma!  I'm kind of excited to spend an evening out again.  I just hope I can keep myself warm enough.  I've been having so many issues staying warm but I can do it for a night out.  I know I can.  Hopefully Willow will be fine while we are gone.  

     The bunnies are great.  I haven't seen them yet this week but I will tomorrow afternoon.  I have two very promising babies in Raven's two babies.  I'm hoping to sell at least one of them, and I have all of Blue's babies to sell.  I might have most of then sold already. Then lastly the Holland Lop doe.  I will give it one more shot to get her pedigree but I have already sold the buck anyway.  I could, if Speedle lives to spring, breed her to him come spring.  *Maybe* Just maybe right now.  I can't wait until I get my life all ironed out and get everything going the way I want it to.  Soon enough.  Still got a LOT of plans and so little time to get them all rolling.  

Mental Break

     Well things are holding fairly well.  At least for me for now.  I'm still spending far too much getting my car running sound.  Brakes are sitting in the backseat, then Tune up.  Friday afternoon We'll be stopping by Rogers to have the exhaust checked- possibly fixed if it needs it and they can do it.  Then Saturday will be a barn day with Heidi.  Sunday will be a home day with Willow and bunnies.  I *should* have several going home so I don't have to worry about them anymore.  I'll have to tattoo Raven's two babies since I think the black jr doe should be going.  The gray I think is going to stay and grow out some more.  Blue should be going, I am weaning her litter this Saturday so those should be interesting to finish growing out.  For now I'm going to get rid of the Holland Lop doe and I'm still considering the holland lop buck going with him.  I need to make sure I leave an empty hole for Penelope.  I highly doubt I will see her but I just want to retire her here and keep some snugglers. for the time being.  
     Willow has been doing great.  She's getting Sit pretty well.  She doesn't even think of much having gone wrong after her spay.  Keeping her quiet was a bit harder.  But she got her first bath Monday after her surgery.  Rex and I were talking today and he even said she should be perfectly safe to switch over to the adult version of the food when her puppy formula is gone.  I might go ahead and switch her this time around.  
     Heidi was awesome for Thanksgiving.  Even though the kids, except Logan, kept running behind her and Misty and running around.  I thank god the two were so quiet and so well behaved.  I'm still waiting for everyone to post pictures of the kids and their pony rides.  We got Jennifer to sit up on Heidi with Natalie and with Logan.  Maybe I ought to try finding Brian on Facebook and see if he uploaded some?  I don't know.  
     Brian seemed more relaxed and more settled with the crew of us.  He even was trying to talk me into joining them on the DoTerra team as another 'seller'.  It's still a very strong thought in my head.  It's just hard to get myself to actually do it.  I'm not as human friendly as I used to be.  I am looking at a change of focus, change in career.  I think the Vet tech job is a close field to where I really belong, but Boonesboro is just too large.    Right now I just feel like a kennel chambermaid.  If I wanted to clean shit all day every day I'd have become a chambermaid-which are paid more than we are.  
     I'm still working on trying to get a budget set aside for an apartment.  I just don't know where to go with it just yet.  So many unanswered things going on in my head, a lot of time needs to be put into it and see where things go.  I just need to figure things out and get them going correctly.  

Beauty

     I don't know what's been going on with me the last week or so, just foul mood, snippy, angry and depressed since Willow's spay surgery.  Saturday's ride on Heidi helped to lift my mood and then today with Willow being with me has been even better, then the wonderful pink scarf from Jenny at Heartland Sheltie Rescue.  Lisa and mine's only thought was it was from me donating food and an x-pen and LIsa donates so much of her time and energy to helping what sheltie's she can do.  I just wish one day I can do something like that, maybe not with Shelties, or even Aussies but maybe Labrador's.  I still would love to have a Lab again some day.  
     I have wanted a companion, human companion for a while.  It's been a long time that I've actually wanted someone, so this morning when I got up at 5:30 I started to cruise Craigslist personal ads.  I actually saw one that was actually interesting.  I'm toying with the idea of emailing it back and seeing what actually comes of it.  Kylie talked me into joining Pond Of Fish so who knows.  At least meet a few people and actually try.  
     Saturday I actually tacked up and rode Heidi.  It was a gorgeous afternoon to ride.  A bit windy but not too cold and not too hot either. Eventually I need to invest in some winter riding pants.

Dreaming

     Still daydreaming about my own place and I have still yet to do anything about it.  I know it's bad that I haven't started working on it, but tomorrow is certainly another day to step forward.  I shall walk next door to the Shell station and get a newspaper and start.  I'll have two more days of no Blake so I will be sketching at work.  Tuesday I'm going to try and take both dogs with me to work.  Ayden needs a recheck on his weight and if we get time I'll have Rex or Patrick take a look at his eye.  It's getting all gunky again. 
     Between all the running around I did today and what Lisa was doing I didn't get the chance to talk to her.  I'm trying to trade some of my extra's for a new bit and a girth for Heidi so we can ride again.  I can't wait to get back up on her back and see how she rides again.  I need to invest in some warmer riding pants though.  it's getting really seriously chilly for me.  I don't handle the cold anywhere near as well as I used to.  I don't know why but I'm just a wimp.  
     I still dream heavily of being able to find a *real* man and get my own little place and farmlet and be able to keep a couple horses(Heidi and if I could wing it- Amber) and just be a peaceful homemaker.  I don't care to work full time but I just want it to be something easy and stress free.  Some place I don't have to worry about bosses and owners not trusting me.  I just want to be able to do things again like I used to, even when I lived in NY.  I made $12 an hour working Monday-Friday and occasional Saturdays at Bard and I was happy, life was good.  I had friends I saw, hung out with and talked to on a more routine basis.  Right now my two closes friends are Lisa and Sandy.  That's where I go when I need to get away, I need to unwind.  Either the barn or Aunt Lisa's.  I don't know what's so different now compared to then.  I'm not as young as I was then.  Had I not chosen to move down here I wouldn't have Heidi and that's a big thing for me, and I wouldn't have that relationship with Dad's side of the family like I do now.  Negative thing is the lacking relationship with Aunt Sheri and Uncle Dennis.  I miss the weeks and weekends with them, letting my mind escape reality even if for a little while.
     Willow's doing good, she stayed home all last week because she got a routine down and had no messes in the house, bad part, she doesn't really respond much to me now.  Whereas at the clinic with me she had me all day.  She's excited when I get home, but I don't know what kinds of bad habits or anything that she's picking up.  It just drives me bonkers that she doesn't respond to me like she use to.  Maybe just some more training work will help or something.  She's not big on car rides so I have to get her over that.  

Wiser

     I'm learning a few more things as I'm moving along, my introverted paths.   I am quite a solitary person I realized.  I never got around to calling the one apartment place but I will do it Saturday on  my way to the barn to see Heidi.  I hope this cold spell breaks by mid week next week I wasn't ready for this kind of cold as I'm sure a lot of folks weren't.  I know Heidi wasn't.  She wasn't fuzzy enough and was cold even with her rain sheet on so her midweight went on her. She was a lot more comfortable then.  
     Thinking of Heidi, I'm back to thinking neck threadworms on her and I'm going to put her on a rigorous deworming schedule and see if that works on putting the itchiness at bay.  Between the deworming schedule, spirulina, garlic and winter coming it should put it down into remission and come spring keep her on a strong deworming schedule should keep her from getting it back again.  It's not something that will ever go away, once they get them, they don't ever go away.  Misty might have gotten it off of Heidi.  The larvae migrate down to the ventral area- thus making them itchy and then a fly bites the larvae of infected horse, then bits an unaffected horse giving it to them- ie Misty.  Dang it.  Worst of all is there's no real way of knowing and no way of getting rid of it completely.  
     Just keeping up with the whole disaster of change, Willow's changed food again as well.  I was mixing her original food with Blue Buffalo puppy and she kept trying to eat Ayden's, so I picked up the Puppy version of Ayden's and she wolfed it down.  So Hill's Ideal Balance is her food.  I'll pick up the adult version next May when she hits a year old and then pick up the buy 10 bags get one free series.  Yeah it'll take a couple years to get the free bag since it has to be the bigger bag.  

Moving forward some more!

     Well it's been super good lately, Willow did great over at Lisa's in the yard where she could run to her hearts content.  I wish Luna would have run with her as I know Luna's FAST.  Luna and Tinks could just run with her.  She's fast and if I can get her trained to agility and I could do it myself she would excel.  Also assuming she likes getting out into public.  She stayed with Lisa, Jim and Dad while I ran to Tamarack to drop Heidi stuff off and try Lisa's saddle on her.  I'm hoping and praying Willow's growth on her hind food goes away with the antibiotics that Rex gave her.  I'm seriously hopeful.  I've been making her drag her leash but leaving it on the ground.  
     I was contemplating buying one of those if it actually fit Heidi now that she has withers.  Shockingly, it fits.  Well, other than the girth being about a foot too short.   Lisa told me not to buy another one that she'd sell hers a lot cheaper.  Right now I just need to order a longer girth and probably a girth extender.  I'll aim at Thursday to order those.  Then I'll talk some more to Lisa other than some dog training tips, I'll see what Lisa wants for her saddle, this way I can start getting Heidi ridden again and get her going again.  
     I'm hoping Thursday to get some phone calls made and possibly visit/tour one apartment place.  I need to get that in gear so I can get moved out and on my own.
     With all the stuff going on I'm hoping to find a way to sell or even trade some of the extra horse stuff towards stuff I need.  I intend to keep at least one of my water tubs, but I don't need both.  My dual sets of feeders and tubs I intend to keep as well cause eventually I intend to get a second horse.  At times I wish I made the money and didn't have a puppy to work with and I'd have gotten Amber from Kylie.  
     Well, hopefully I should have a more positive.  Attitude has been good lately so hopefully keep going in that direction.

Forward thinking

     I'm so ready to move forward with life.  I got some interesting information at work today.  Willow and I had a bad day, the day before yesterday but we're moving on from it.  She learned and I learned some more and we're moving on from it.  I still can't wait until she's fully trained.  I learned one of the women, that used to work at Boonesboro, got into training and showing her Basenji's, got a new job, does do dog training at her home.  Hopefully, even with a 4 month old baby, she still does it.  If I can get her to put some training into Willow and myself it would be so much easier.  Then starting into showing would be interesting.  Even if we never really make it into the show ring, I would at least like to get the training into her.  She'd be a better companion in the long run for it.  
     I'm still waiting on a trailer ride for Heidi.  Everyone that I know of doesn't have a trailer tall enough, and even those that I have emailed/called asking if they can transport most still can't for a couple weeks because of Keeneland November sales.  *sigh*  It's starting to get me crazy.  I just want  to get her over to Tamarack and that's where she's going to stay for as long as I can keep her there.  Which will be until I get married(hehe, if ever!) and get my own mini farm to move her to.  I'm hoping then to shortly either get another job, a new job that's higher paying or win the lotto(Which is the least likely).  I'm seriously considering going back to english with her, but I want to try Lisa's saddle on her first this way if that fits then I'll just order one of those and work with that until I make the money to get a custom saddle ordered so it fits her no matter what.  
     I'm still aiming to one of these days get the phone numbers to some of the apartment places so I can start calling them and talking to them.  Find a good priced 1 bed room that's pet friendly and get moved.  I know it's going to be hard and interesting but it's a new adventure for me. 

Not Perfect

     So today was beyond interesting.  Gave me more insight to myself and where my priorities lay.  I actually felt good, other than sleepy while running my day out.  It felt amazingly good to not have Willow with me.  I keep telling myself that maybe a dog wasn't the right thing for me right now.  I have a super jealous horse, and still have a few rabbits left that need attention.  Heidi even turned her back to me a couple times already.  I feel guilty not spending time with Heidi.  I know once Willow gets out of this puppy stage  it'll be far easier to be able to leave her while I go to Heidi.  If I do have come down to a choice, Heidi was first.  I do love Willow very much, but she will also be far easier to rehome into a great home over Heidi.  Willow was a bit of a hasty decision, while a wonderful addition I didn't think a lot of things through.  I'm thinking them through now.  Better late than never.  Am I going to give up now?  No.  Not yet.  Unless apartment living proves to be bad for her.  I *am* going to keep moving ahead with the apartment choice.  It's what I need to move forward with my life.  
     On the flip side, Willow's learning in leaps and bounds.  I have found her favorite spot to poddy and she does tell me when she needs to go.  She's got more energy than I really want.  Again probably the puppy aspect of her life right now.  Hopefully she settles quickly.  I don't think I have the energy to keep up with a puppy right about now.  Maybe she was the wrong choice in breed.  Who knows.  I'm with it for the long haul right now.  Shortest lived buyers remorse hopefully. I know I had no regrets at all when I decided to buy Heidi.  I do wonder why I am having them with Willow.  Maybe I'm just not the kinda person to have a dog, I'm more of a horse person?  I just don't know.  
     Flipping channels once again, Heidi's been good actually.  I think I have pinned her itchiness down to Rice Bran.  I went to soaking the pellets to put the garlic and antihistamine's in and I haven't *Knock on wood* seen her itch since then.  I did however already pull her sheet out and she's had it on since Friday evening.  I'm going to take it off today though.  She just doesn't have the fur coat quite yet that she needed for snow.  She's ready to go back to Tamarack now to just get her a ride.  I'll call one of those numbers that Sandy gave me that can haul and hopefully it's not too expensive and we shall aim for Thursday this week.  I kinda can't wait for her to get back to Tamarack.  It's where she was happiest and this helps me with my idea of moving towards Winchester.  

Standing Out

     Everything has been crazy these last few days for me.  Despite Dani not being the dog I wanted, I found one I did want.  So Lisa took the road trip with me.  Willow came home with me.  She knows who her momma was from there.  I spent that night sick with a stomach bug and she stayed by my bedside the whole night until I pulled her up onto the bed. Well despite her 20 pound size right now, she tries to hog the whole bed.  I keep telling myself that I made a mistake, I don't have the time or the patience to train a puppy.  Sometimes I really do wonder why.  Did I want a dog that badly that I had to get one?  To either extent at times I do regret doing it, and at times I do not.  I would have loved to have adopted a rescue dog to give them a second chance, but she was an older puppy from a breeder and I think she's got a good safe home with me for her life.  Sadly I do know her life span WILL be shorter than, say Heidi's, will be but I may later on get another dog I may not.  I'm hoping once I get some puppy classes under her to try and see if maybe showing in Rally would work.  I would love to try it at least once or twice you know?  

     Heidi's been just loafing and I've been trying to figure out why on earth she's still itchy and I'm down to just one last thing to try- get rid of the Rice Bran Oil.  Even if it means going back to soaking the feed to make the anti-histamine stick to it.  I haven't hardly done a thing with her lately.  Her itching has been driving me bat-shit crazy.  I have to still get her shots tomorrow, and then if Uncle Jim would help trailer, I want to move her Sunday back to Tamarack.  I know it'll be far better for her there than here for the winter and I know darn good and well I fully intend to move into Winchester and she's in the best place for me to get to her daily if I chose to.  I really need to figure out what I'm going to do with her.  

     Allen promised to do a photo shoot of me when he comes down for Thanksgiving.   It will have to be up at the barn as I want some pictures of me and Heidi, just me, me and Willow and a couple of me, Willow and Heidi.  It's debatable if I want any done of me with any of the rabbits.  Right now I'm aiming at keeping about a half dozen or so.  The Holland Lop doe is hanging in there for the mean time.  If I chose to not keep her, I may not keep Kirby either.  Right now it's sitting on Raven, Natalie, Connie, a Blue x Tobias buck(Preferring a steel buck), Penelope and possibly Raven's daughter.  This is all still preliminary.  Hopefully I can find an apartment for me and Willow to live in and then in turn I can move the rabbits to Aunt Lisa's.  Hoping I do, big time.  I'm ready for it.  

Choices

      Well my mini aussie isn't a mini and I feel completely guilty that she went to all that trouble to go and pick up a dog for me, that when she got there she knew the dog wasn't the dog for me.  Still she brought her home with her and I still went to see her.  I was glad that she called and forwarned me that she was awfully small and probably not the dog for me.  Sadly she was right.  I do like the little girl but she is too small for me.  I still feel completely guilty.  
     I was starting my car search, giving myself about $3k to work with off the cash out of my Pension from nestle and Aunt Lisa spotted a nice little blue Ford Escort for $1500.  So dad and I stopped and looked at it.  If it really is as nice as it looked, then that leaves me the extra to 'buy' my puppy.  As much as I would love to have done a rescue I might have to buy a puppy to start with.  
     I've spent the last couple days feeling like crap, not only from the itchy spots of ringworm on my arm but my allergies flared badly over the weekend.  I think it's from the rabbits, or a combo of the rabbits and the cats.  Either way- I'm going to cut them back farther.  I haven't fully figured out how yet.  I am going to keep one dutch buck and a couple of does and I may keep the holland pair, I may not.  If the doe doesn't settle down and I don't get her pedigree I will let her go to a pet home.  I only deal with pedigreed rabbits and while I'd only sell the Hollands as pets anyway.  
     Am I bad if I keep checking my email waiting for Ryan Creek Aussies to get back to me, plus to see if the pedigree comes in for the Holland Lop.  More so the Aussie.  I had gotten so eager for a dog and I know Lisa is so sorry about getting my hopes up.  It wasn't so much getting my hopes up but helping me get a good feel for my deep sought after desire.  Even to this point my rabbits aren't high on my drive.  A dog I can take with me, Heidi can stay at boarding, the rabbits tie me down.  
     While I won't sell out of them I've got a short list of a few that are going to go.  Even with Penelope coming in I can work around quite a bit of it.  Penelope, Raven, Connie, Natalie are guaranteed to stay.  If the Spellmire blue doe throws a gorgeous steel buck I'll keep that in place of his daddy.  That puts my Chins out.  I know I went for the longest time wanting to get them, but right now don't like spending the time with them.  I kinda can't wait to spend it working with my dog and with Heidi.  One less thing to have to deal with really.  

Heads up!

     Well a lot of things have started to come back around.  Now to only see if my paycheck can help to balance around.  Aunt Lisa found me an aussie.  It's a blue merle mini.  I'm thinking of the name of Willow for her.  I kinda can't wait to meet her see what she's like.  I can't wait to have a dog again.  Now hopefully I can possibly place my cats.  I think the cats are what's sending my allergies out the window.  Not completely sure but I'm going to talk to Kim about getting my allergies checked.  
     She's going to hate seeing me this go around.  I'll have been off my high blood pressure medicine for a week, I want her to get me something to help bring my diastolic number down, the systolic number has come back down.  I'm going to see about hopefully getting a stronger thyroid med since I still get sleepy but no where near as bad when I had her first run some blood work.  I'm also going to have her check my left knee.  I banged it badly when I came off Drifter months ago, and the kneeling on the concrete that I do multiple times daily it's gotten really sore and if I can just make sure it's safe to start walking, biking more and just adding to my working out. I'm still aiming at dropping 100 pounds.  I think 170-175 is a good weight for me.  I may have to do something else to help but I'll have a good talk to Kim about it.   
     I'm also still working on figuring out new ways to lose weight.  I'm hoping with having Willow to have to walk and work it'll help as well and I'm going to aim at lots of walking and some jogging.  Training work with Willow, training and riding Heidi(more riding than training).  So much excitement, so little time.  Weekend rabbit show- which hopefully I can sell my extra's.  The one baby of Raven's and the other turns out really quite nice to keep and raise.  I'm thinking a few rabbit shows each year as they die off and maybe I will continue maybe I won't.  THAT is still very much so up in the air.  It's still up in the air as to weather or not I'm keeping Heidi home. as well.  So much to think about, so little time.

Wandering Alone

     Today has been actually quite a good day for me.  Blake has come home which I wasn't expecting.  I figured he was gone for a while due to his owner, Grayson, having to have medical tests done in Louisville.  I've never been so glad to see Blake again.  For a while I felt it had been a nuisance taking up my lunch break but he's been such a stress relief for me to have him to work with.  Maybe he's acting as my substitute for having my own dog.  He's such a smart dog, surprisingly.  It really  does surprise me and it's got to be in the genetics and the up bringing.  I started a lot of his work when he was barely 16 weeks old.  He's more than doubled in size and his manners are wonderful now.  
     I still want my own dog.  I have my hopes running high when Lisa told me about Jenny- the lady that runs Heartland Sheltie Rescue, might have a breeder going out and turning over all their mini aussies.  Lisa said she's already inquired to see if they have a Red Merle female.  She'd foster and see if me and pup work well together and I'd go forth and adopt.  I really do want my own.  I know I have to stick to mini's because of my future apartment living.  The sooner I can get out on my own the better it'll be.  Jess and I have had a few spats now.  Lots of it pertaining to Ayden really.  I feel that she's using my job to get Ayden his medical requirements cheaper than what she's willing to pay.  So I feel I can at least keep his face clean shaven to my desires.  Well, she got huffy with me for shaving his scruffy face the other day and I really wanted to shave down by his eye so I could take another look at it.  Well she wants to get huffy with me, she's on her own.  Ayden's her problem.  She's got two months worth of thyroid med, I'm going to pick up a 6 month HeartGuard tomorrow if I remember and that's all I am doing.  Especially if I get my own dog, she's really on her own.  
     I played with Heidi today.  Wasn't much but it was something.  I let her loose for an hour in the backyard for an hour to eat some grass.  I have to make the choice really quickly to either get hay in or move her back to Tamarack for the winter. Cost wise should be equal for 5 months so there's no saying.  I'll think about it some more at work tomorrow. 
     Mom went to a new podiatrist down here in KY.  She talked to him and explained to him my issues that I have with my foot and he told her the same thing both Poster's did in NY.  Can't fix it I'm too young.  But he at least explained the reasons why.  It would be fusing the bones together and I wouldn't be able to walk for at least 6 months to a year and I wouldn't walk the same and possibly without some kind of aid like a cane.  So I kept putting my mind through the math and I realized I've already gone 8 years with the pain, what's another 15 years?  I've more or less gotten use to it, and if I can hold myself until 45 years old, then I could just retire Heidi to pasture puff as she would be 23  by then.  But I will have to have my left knee checked out sooner.  It's as badly painful as my right foot.  This I did between a combo of Nestle and coming off Drifter.  Smacking knee first into the ground was probably not the bestest of idea's.  What's done is done now to get it all squared away.  
     Work had some interesting turns but I'm going to try and corner Diane and talk to her, wait, she's off tomorrow.Well I'll shoot to get to her sometime and really talk to her again.  I can draw blood (Did a couple cats that Diane couldn't get) I wrap packs, I'm pretty unflappable to what comes my way, so hopefully it helps to secure me a small pay raise at least.  I'm ready for it.  

Step sideways instead of forward or backwards

     I thought I had made the right choice taking Boonesboro, but I'm facing falling behind on all my bills or getting a new job or working two different jobs completely just for the extra money.  Without the dalmation work each week that cuts all my extra spending money out, I run across an emergency need for something, I'm done, screwed, toasted or however you want to put it.  Sad part is I'm finally starting to get someplace.  I've started drawing blood(cats at least for Combo tests) and learning a lot more.  Alas I cannot afford to stay working there.  The only down fall is living paycheck to paycheck and hoping I have enough to make it to the next paycheck with cat, horse and bunny food, gas and everything else.  It's just not right.  My only other choice is to get rid of all my animals and focus solely on work.  But that's no life, not for me.  I couldn't survive without Heidi and my bunnies.  I'm going to stop by a few other closer vet offices and see if they need someone and if they'll pay equal to better.  Ideally $12 an hour or up is what I need.   
     Surprisingly the bunny show was awesome. I forgot how fun shows were.  I don't get to enough of them.  I went ahead and put in for October 18th off, it's the fall Shepardsville show.  Hopefully Mary will give it to me off so I can go again.  Even if I only do the Shepardsville and Frankfurt shows each year that's better than nothing.  I've already set my heart on going to Nationals next year up in Ohio.  I doubt I'll have anything worth showing there but I want to go up and see it.  I want to keep some of my bunnies going.
     Heidi's been a savior for me.  She comes gives me my snuggles and if I stop paying attention to her to mess with Oscar, Bandit or Jeanie, she comes over and puts herself in front of me.   She's such a jealous mare.  I'm hoping to still be able to send her to a professional trainer for a month or two come spring.  I'm not sure yet how the moving her back to boarding is going to work this winter.  Just five months is a thousand dollars.  $200 a month.  I can spend less than a thousand and bring hay in and take care of her myself.  I don't know.  I'm still mulling over keeping her here by herself for less.
     Still quite a few days I am still longing for my own dog, and I still dream of the day I have an aussie (Like Gracie!) laying on my bed snoozing with me or chilling in the back yard together.  Right now I'm using Ayden as much as I can but I know Jess will never let him go again.  Either way.  I still have huge dreams and aspirations and MUCH to do before I can get a dog.  Most of all get established and get everything ironed out.  

Seeing Stars

     Everything happens for a reason, at least how I believe it. Maybe Billy's wedding will be a blessing in disguise and I'll meet a great person while I am there.  I feel like I'm going to make an idiot out of myself going there though.  

     I have everything set and ready for Saturdays rabbit show.  4 Rabbit total entered- Connie, Natalie, Zachary, and Tobias.  There's just not going to be a lot of things entered from me.  I have plenty of items that I'll be tagging along for sale as well. Bowls and crocks.  

     I texted someone from CL that had an Aussie female for free.  I texted and asked for color, picture  and some more information.  I don't know why.  I can barely stay up ahead on my bills as it is, why on earth did I add yet another mouth to feed?  I know.  I want a dog.  I'm actually seriously considering looking for another job.  There's no way I can make it on $8 an hour.  I should never have taken the job because it's just too tight on money.  I've got my passcode coming for the 401k account so I can get that all sorted out and correctly going where it needs to go. Once that passcode comes in it should work for my Pension account as well.  Get the pension cashed out so I can get my bills all caught up and hopefully get a decent little car that should help with saving a little bit more money and not spending it in gas. Right now I'm too tired to think of too much so I'm just going to go to sleep!  

Muddled

     Well I've given my job more chances than I should have.  As much as I've been pushing to keep myself there. I'll see what happens after this paycheck.  I've told almost everyone there that I can't afford to stay at the job.  I doubt it'll do anything so I'm going to have to do something myself.  Time to start calling the other offices and see what I can push for. 
     I've got to figure out how to move Heidi back to Tamarack for the winter.  At least this way I know she's safe and she's comfortable.  At least this way I can make sure she's safe.  She's my baby she's my life right now.  
     I've got the double shows this weekend coming up. I'm going to pre-enter for Saturdy but if I do decide to go on Sunday it'll be day of show entry.   I've got plenty going for sale.  Maybe a few more of them will sell and I can have plenty of extra cage spaces again.  
     There's a female Aussie for free on CL.  I want to text them so badly and find out more information on her but I'm so scared that I won't be allowed to keep her and I won't be able to afford to keep her.  I might go ahead and text it tomorrow and find out some more information on her anyway.  Why did I quit Nestle again?  As much as I hated that job, it wouldn't leave me feeling like I can't afford anything.  

Quiet time

     Well now my brain is so muddled that I don't even know where to start sorting things out.  I haven't even had the time or motivation to get out and bike ride.  I usually use my drives to keep thinking about things and I'm not sure even where to start now.  Wednesday Grandma fell and broke her hip, it's been super crazy and insane since then.  I haven't had a full nights sleep since then either.  I highly doubt Lisa, Cathryn, or Jennifer has either.  I know Cathryn and Jennifer have already gone home but Lisa and I have spent so much time up there, and right now I just can't do it anymore.  
     I really need to start getting things figured out.  I just don't know what to do yet.  I'm just wore out and tired.  So many things need to get paid and so few things are getting paid because of just a pure lack of money.  I've begun looking at other jobs again.  I do like it at Boonesboro but there's just the really low payscale that I just cannot hold out much longer at such a low pay rate.  I haven't gotten any winter hay in for Heidi, I'm running literally paycheck to paycheck plus working the dalmation for the extra cash.  I've had inquiries from Neogen, but of coarse that's even farther into Lexington.  If the pay is just that much better I might have to leave Boonesboro just so I can make things meet up.
     I'll be doing quite a bit of calling around and what not on my day off this week.  Short time spent up with Grandma and Blake, then it'll be home to get more stuff done.  Rabbit cages do need to be cleaned again.  I've been lucky to remember to do them twice a month.  I do have the 27th off for a rabbit show.  It might just be my last rabbit show.  There's a double show on the 27th and a double show on the 28th. I might just go both days and be as pushy as possible to get the last few rabbits sold and gone. I'm still toying with selling the Blue Barn's steel buckk and Iria but so far nothing has been set in stone. 
     Heidi's actually been really good.  We've dumped 4 bags of saw dust into the barn and now it's her cozy spot.  She sleeps in there and just seems so much more comfortable.  I still want to do hay for her but right now I can't right now.  I just don't have the money to get the hay.  
     I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Selling all my animals has crossed my mind.  I can't afford them.  I know life wouldn't be the same without them.  I just need to sleep more, catch up on my sleep and then get everything straightened away.  

Jumbled up Brain

     There are still times that I just simply don't know what to do.  Part of me still wants to keep trying some with my rabbits.  As much as I love the Chin's I just don't have the chance to really develop them and work with them.  I might have to let my Chins go completely.  I think I'm going to let Iria go as well.  I'm looking right now at keeping her son, who is a chin carrier, but he's a decent looking buck and I might try to find a different chin doe later on down the road if I choose to keep going.  Looks like the steel buck will be going to a different home in the long run as well.  I really only need to keep two bucks.  I don't need 2 does to 1 buck or else I'd have kept the Blue Barn steel buck.  I don't know it's all running around my head like I'm insane.  What do I do?  I don't know yet.  I have to sit out there and actually think about it.  I just really need to sit and think about it without something else interrupting me.  Maybe a couple hours on Thursday.
     Heidi's still a tender spot for me too.  When I keep thinking about budgeting, there really is no room for a horse in it.  I can't bear to part with her.  I've been that way with so many other things.  I can't bear to do this or that.  But I SERIOUSLY need to put a lot more thought in it.  I really love Heidi, but I don't spend as much time with her as I really should!  That or my choice will have to resort to something of balancing better.  I think after Heidi I may not get another horse, I don't know for sure it'll depend on what's going on in my life, what I'm doing and how well I'm getting paid and everything else.  
     We got this dog in at the clinic.  Owner turn over had been hit by a car.  She's a blue merle, sorta, Aussie x Heeler cross with a docked tail.  She's been an absolute sweet heart.  Doesn't top the Red Merle that's in Arkansas but I'm partly hoping the shelter finds her a home once she gets up and going, if not it'll be really hard for me to not take her myself.  I really want to.  She loves to cuddle.  That could very well change when she heals up.  She was x-rayed today, I held her for those.  She never offered a growl, snarl, whine or whimper.  She's been one tough cookie these past two days at the clinic. I still really want a dog of my own.  Gracie is still on my mind and even though I found a closer rescue they don't have one that has the same draw that Gracie does.
     Well things at home have been quiet.  Just keep rolling on and keep going really.  Now if everything can finish as planned.  Even if it's in my dreams so be it.  I just want everything to settle so I can afford to get everything where it needs to go.  

Still kicking

  

     It's been another up and down kinda work week.  I snapped at Heather W, because I was so irritated after work with lazy ass 'S' all week up until Heather and then Heather complaining about how lazy 'S' is and I finally said, 'shut up, I already know I do it every day.'  I was just so sick of it.  There's nothing we can do, I will, if I can find Mary tomorrow.  I will talk to her because I can't do this.  There's no way I'm going to work my ass off for $8/hour when 'S' gets paid the same as I do and she sits on her damn phone all day.  Debbie and Diane have already talked to Mary.  What gets me is I always have to go back through everything she does and make sure she's done it right.  She's an adult she can do her own damn job.  

     Anyway.  Got home and I was in a much better mood and just brushed Heidi and stood with her while she ate her supper.  I'm going to keep looking for another job if Mary won't do anything about 'S' and I"m going to do whatever it takes to make sure Heidi's taken care of.  I hope to be able to move her back to Tamarack for the winter.  Someplace that I know she'll be taken care of hay wise.  I know they take very good care of their animals every winter.  If I can get back there, I'll see about sizing Mary for a saddle and I'll ride her as well just to keep her in shape.  I've already kinda dreamed about it.  Trail ride Heidi and I'll get up on Mary and ride in the arena with her.  I'll ride Heidi in the arena as well but I'm intending to use my tax return, part of it, to get some professional training put on her.  I miss some of the girls and the possibility of riding out on the trails.  

     I'm going to call about my Pension and get that cashed out, and then roll the 401K rolled over.  Get myself a small car for running to and from work.  The better the gas mileage, the better it'll be.  If I can save on Gas then I should be fine to afford to move Heidi back.  I'll have to figure out what to do come spring when she needs to be moved back inside out of the sun.  Hopefully by spring I'll know more anyway.  I'm hoping they'll move me up soon, maybe to train and cover for Kari's maternity leave this winter at some point. 

     I haven't been messing much with my bunnies lately.  So yes, after this one last fall show I think I'm done for a while with them.  I might be more permanently done for a couple years until I get far more stable.  I might have to get all new rabbits to get back into them as well.  Not sure how old mine will all get or anything before I pick it back up.  I do know two of the does I'm keeping, I'm keeping as Pets only- Marcie and Hermione.  I might try one more litter with Marcie and one litter with Hermione this fall but no guarantee's yet.  They aren't selling worth a nickel plus if I never go to shows there's no point to breeding them.  Raven needs a prove out litter, so I might breed Raven and Hermione- I don't know yet.  Going to have to keep thinking about it, a lot harder too.  Raven should hopefully throw as nice a baby as her mother has.  Maybe I'll just cross out Raven to the Hooper line steel buck and see how that goes. 

     Tomorrow's an easy day at work so I'll put my mind to thinking about the rabbits and Heidi's future as I coarse my day on.  

Reflecting

     The weekend was interesting.  It's been raining off and on all weekend.  So much for going out horseback riding this weekend.  I really wanted to more as a birthday to myself than anything else.  Heidi makes me happy and that's about it.  I can tell she's miserable so I need to figure out how to get her some where that she's got a friend, I think she's lonely.  She probably misses Misty.  I miss Misty as well.  I really do wish I could make more money and make moving Heidi back to Tamarack much easier.  It will be easier to put her back there for the winter than to deal with bringing hay in and trying to make sure I keep enough hay out since I can only feed in the evenings and it's just not fair to her to have to go without for so long waiting on me.  Sometimes I just feel like I'm not being fair to her, like I need to do more for her and with her.
     Today I had a short span that I knew the weather was going to be decent, and I chose to go out on the boat.  It was relaxing getting out on the boat, I had the camera out again until the battery ran dead, which was but a few minutes before it started pouring.  We got wet one way or another!  We had our swim suits in case we chose to go swimming.  Got home and I'm too chilly to now tack up and ride.  I do have to wait until at least 6pm to go out and feed tonight as I have to load up the kittens for the night to get fixed tomorrow. 
     I've gone through my rabbits again.  I keep telling myself I have to get fewer of them.  Penelope should be coming down Thanksgiving and Iria and the Hooper Steel buck should be going northward.  So I'm looking right now at Connie, Natalie, Marcie, Penelope, Raven, Hermione, Zachary, and the little chin buck.  Speedle will make 9 rabbits.  As much as I know that the little steel buck is a nice little buck, I still much prefer the gray buck Zachary.  
     I still want a dog, I can't get the one dog from the rescue page out of my head.  She's a gorgeous dog and I would love to work with her.  I know by rights I shouldn't do it, plus the costs of finding transport for her to Kentucky when she's in Arkansas- 11 hours away.  I know it's wrong.  Maybe she will still be available when I do have the money for the transport.  

     She's a gorgeous dog.  "Gracie is a 4 or 5 year old red merle girl with a docked tail. She is an average size Aussie and weighs about 45 lbs. She is a very sweet, but also very shy girl. She follows her foster mom around the house but is afraid to approach her directly. She will come up from behind her foster mom and put her head in her lap, looking for petting. When her foster mom goes for walks, Gracie will not usually play with the other dogs; instead she walks just behind her foster mom, but will leap away if her mom tries to pet her. She is also very afraid of men. When she relaxes enough to be petted, she almost seems to melt with pleasure. She seems to really want to be someone's dog, but is afraid. She seems completely submissive to people, and has never acted aggressively. She was rescued from a neglectful breeder, and has not had a lot of socialization.

     Gracie is housetrained and settles well in the house. She is good with cats and male and female dogs, and seems to be a submissive female. She is fairly calm overall, but does like to play with another Aussie in her foster home. She is living with several other dogs in her foster home and gets along with everyone. She is living with school-aged children in her foster home and has done well with them. Gracie is moderate energy, but loves her daily walks with her foster mom. She needs a home that is willing to be patient with her and help her develop confidence that people can be trusted. She has a very sweet temperament; she just needs the right home to help her show that side of her to them."  I think part of it is that I've always wanted a dog for a long time and I chose Aussie's because I LOVE the red merle color and not quite as much hair as the shelties.  

     Maybe one day this winter I can start to inquire about transports and then see about adoption fees.  Hopefully she'll still be available.  

Change

     It's been and up and down week so far.  The sinus infection I've been fighting with has been kicking my butt as of lately.  I'm going to keep at a few more things and hopefully I can get this infection back under control.  It's been the cause of most of my up and down sleep nights.  On top of my foot starting to bother me even more than it was before. I know it's mostly from the severe bending I've been doing on it.  Walking and working Blake, a TON of bending at work.   But good thing is my kittens all go in for spay/neuter next week so as long as they're fixed I'm happy.  No more kittens for me after this.  I don't know yet what I'm going to do with the three cats, they don't even have names yet.  I'm going to start making my budget and see what I can afford and start that disaster rolling.  I may have to drop down to an efficiency that's super cheap and kinda dumpy but whatever to start with to cut the gas costs down.  
     I know in my budget- there's a few things that I have to take into consideration, things I know I have and things I have to eliminate from it.  I know a lot is going to depend on the cost of everything.  There's so much to consider, and so little time.  My own dog is out for now.  I can look, dream and desire one but it has to wait.  My pay is so low, I need to move up as soon as I can.  First I have to do something about gas mileage. Must save up for a car.  It's hard to save up when you don't have much money to work with.  
     Well The rabbits have hit another slam spot and I have to see where else I can cut them back.  I would love to keep Iria's daughter but only if Penelope was coming back down.  I know right now for Chin's I'm only going to keep Fiona's son.  If Penelope was coming back down, I'd keep Iria's daughter and move Iria on, this way I could cross Iria's daughter back to Fiona's son and get Chin babies if I chose to breed again.  
     Work, well I should have been expecting that to happen.  I bust my ass at work every day.  The only day that I can relax is the day that I don't work with Shelby.  And Kari told me today that she's not surprised that Shelby got her job as she's related to Patrick.  Well to me that still shouldn't matter.  She's not doing the job that she's supposed to be.  I'm almost sure I'd be fired if I tried to be as lazy and attached to my phone like she does.  She left a cat today- with a broken pelvis no less- that she moved cages to clean it, she gave it food and it was 3 hours before I noticed today that it didn't have water.  I had been busy keeping up with everything else and I pointed it out to Diane.  I mean I can't keep up with everything she does I feel stupid not being able to trust her to do her job and pull her own weight.  The cats all hate her, she yanks their tails.  Yeah I'm not big on cats but I know not to yank their damn tails.  And she wonders why even Mickie kitty has bitten her, Clark has and at first I thought Jingles was just being himself and biting people but it's not, she yanks his damn tail too.  I watched her do it to a clients cat.  I just want to grab her hair and yank her around and see how she likes it.  She does it tomorrow I WILL yell at her.  Jingles is jealous and is lovable just don't be mean to him.  
     Anyway, I need to go to sleep, get some kind of a decent night's sleep before the last full day of the week.  Then I have to start work on my budget.  

Journey

     I haven't had a good relaxed day like this in a seriously long time.  This weekend has been awesome.  Saturday I stopped up at Tamarack on my way home, to visit with Sandy.  I got to see the Arena completed and it looks fantastic!   I'm hoping to find a studio apartment and be able to get into that and get Heidi back to Tamarack for the winter.  It will mean asking Lisa to put the last remaining rabbits at her place and I'll be out to check them at least every other night.  I only plan to keep about 8 or 9 rabbits.  
     Sunday wasn't bad today either.  I had an hour at the clinic taking care of the cats that were there, a grand total of 7, did a little bit of laundry and cleaned up the floor in the hallway as there was dog hair everywhere.  Rex's truck was still there as well, I think he had a late night call last night.  Either way I was quiet, got my stuff done and got out of there.  I brought Grandma back home with me.   Then I got up on Heidi after breakfast.  It was a really nice ride the yard was still super squishy.  I had sweat rolling down my forehead and the huge horse flies were trying to bit the crap out of Heidi so I got down and let her loose again.  Hopefully the weather will break again.
     I have one full day of work tomorrow then another day off.  I'm going to try to get out every night to bike ride.  Even if it's just a mile or so up the road so long as it's not raining.  The more I do it the farther I can push it.  

Smile and Carry on!

     Today was probably the best day I've ever had at Boonesboro.  I most certainly got a good upper body work out today.  I was the only Kennel person so going and getting the spay and neuters was interesting.  Usually Shelby and I team up and use the stretcher to carry them.  But no Shelby this weekend.  So we had two Golden Retrievers coming in for Neuters, 60 & 62 pound brothers.  I ended up carrying them back to their kennel to wake up.  One at a time. They get a little bit heavy like that.  Good thing I could do it, there wasn't anyone available to help, too many walk in's and Kari can't lift something that heavy.  So I just did it.  I really enjoyed, it kept me moving a LOT today.  Keeping up with the Kennel, keeping up with moving the surgery dogs and keeping up the laundry as well.  Thankfully several boarded cats went home today, and one board dog goes home tomorrow morning.  That makes Sunday easy for me.  
     Hopefully Sunday afternoon will be decent enough to get on Heidi for a ride.  I brought her home almost a month ago and I've yet to do anything with her.  I finally got her girth the other day and I tried it on.  Fits nicely, I can't wait to get in the saddle now!  
     Well tomorrow is a half day, the kennel part should run smooth as silk now.  With so few, and there shouldn't be any surgeries coming in.  Be a good chance to get out into the rooms and learn.    

Decisions to be made

     Well I got 'Hazed' today by Patrick none the less.  Jeff, Diane and Rex all had a great time laughing at me.  Patrick asked me to hold the little mutt pups for tails and declaws (okay Schnauzer Poodle cross- Scnoodles I guess.) and no one mentioned to wear gloves, I figured I'd just hold them like Patrick told me to.  So we get done with the 4 puppies and Patrick just casually says ' by the way, that stuff is Silver Nitrate and it'll leave brown marks on your skin.'  So I went to the sink and attempted to scrub my hands, then he comes over and retorts, 'and the water speeds up the browning process'.  Diane and Jeff looked at each other, then me and Diane says, "you were hazed'.  I keep picking at the brown spots hoping they'll come off.  It was a humorous day.  Later Rex had me and Shelby helping him catch some feral cats out of their crates to be euthanized and I got the Siamese and as I got the net over the cat(who was hissing, growling and would lunge at us if it hadn't been netted) and Shelby squeaked.  We called her squeaky the rest of the day.  
     The only thing that's hurting me right now is the lower pay.  It's not sitting to where I can get an apartment.  I'm going to, once I get Microsoft office back, set up my budget and see what I got going where.  Then I'll see what's left over after that. and I'll start planning it.  I have to figure out a way to get a small apartment or even a studio, and get Heidi moved that direction.  If I made enough, Brent Francis' place would be ideal, then having to get Heidi someplace after that.  Dad had mentioned maybe talking to Aunt Lisa about using a bottom pasture for Heidi and putting her there, but I don't want to do that to Lisa.  I know how much she liked Heidi- maybe not so much since Heidi broke her.  I have to call my 401k and my Pension companies.  Get the 401k rolled over into an IRA and I'm going to cash out the Pension gives me a few thousand to work with to clear my credit card and to buy a small car to run to and from work.  The trucks 16.5 mpg is hurting on a roughly 70 mile round trip to work.  
     Looks like, at this moment in time, that I'll be keeping Heidi at home for the winter.  It means buying hay and bringing that in, getting a new water tank heater and a cord as well since mine is fried.  I hope soon I'll make enough money again to move Heidi back to a boarding barn, but Shelby and I both had the same idea, we both want to go back to school and get our Vet Tech's.  Hopefully make more money again.  I mentioned it to Rex when the two of us were waiting on the cats to go to sleep.  It's hard for me to cut my pay almost in half when I actually put thought into it. 
     I'm also going to go ahead and stop at the Mt Sterling vet office.  I found a message on the machine from them that no one had told me about and if they'll pay equal or more than Boonesboro I may move over to there.  I LOVE Boonesboro but it's just too far.  Shelby's half the distance that I am but for her Boonesboro is still closer.  It'll be better come winter for driving.  Plus I won't have to get up anywhere near as early as I do now. Of coarse the long drive right now makes it easy to be able to eat something before I get to work.  Take my pill by 5:40 and I'm usually getting off the interstate around 6:40 and eat my breakfast going up Bypass.  Well it's sleep time.  I haven't slept too good the last few nights.  Part of it's a sinus infection brewing.  I'm still working on draining out my sinus' from the years of working at Nestle.  

Rainy Day focus

     Well a rained out Sunday gave me a LOT of time to think about things.  Boonesboro Animal Clinic is a step towards where I want to go but I still would rather get into Large animal, more importantly back into Equine.  I'm going to hold out and stay at Boonesboro until I can at least train my way up enough and I'll pick at Rex, Jeff and Patrick's brains on Horses.  I started to pick at Jeff's on Saturday since Heidi's still itchy, no where near as bad as before. I think she needs to go up to 2 oz's a day instead of the 1 oz she's on.  If I can get Patrick, or Jeff to agree maybe I can buy a container of the Tri-Hist from them.  I know it's all at cost, which I can tolerate.  If it'll stop her itching that's all I care.  She's my everything.  She just let me snuggle her several times today and that's what I want.  For my world I have several rabbits that I've chosen to keep and they're all my snugglers.  I might move them on later on, but as of right now I can't do that.  I still have to push and get rid of quite a few more rabbits.  
     I thought a lot more and heavier on moving into an apartment or studio.  I have to find one that's inexpensive enough to afford, and yet close enough to be able to get out to Heidi and my rabbits every night so I can take care of them.  
     I kept dreaming today and thinking a lot on if I ever won the lotto, what would I do?  Well for one I'd get my truck fixed up properly; pay off my student loans, pay off Allens for him and pay off Jess' for dad.  Then I get my own little place to keep Heidi at, just 5 or so acres and I'd get her a companion.  I would also go back to school, I'd keep my job at Boonesboro until I got the further education.  Part of me wants to go back now and go back for Equine Nutrition and Vet tech.  
     I've not gotten much weight off, so much for a 30 x 30.  30 pounds off by 30 years old, I do have it going in the correct direction now, but there's no way to get 30 pounds off.  Right now I've gone from upper 270's to the lower 270's.  So going the right direction and it's great.  I'll keep going the way I'm going and I'll get there eventually.  
     There's something about my bedroom that is driving my sinus' crazy.  So after work tomorrow and my day off Tuesday I'm going to try moving my bed and cleaning the wall behind it.  I'll do whatever I can to get my Sinus'.  While they got a refill of my thyroid medication I won't push for the blood pressure refill.  Mom said she has extra of hers which I'll have to cut in half as her's is twice as strong as mine, and I have extra of my own.  Well Bed time I have a bad feeling Jess will wake me up in the morning.  She's finally starting work again after being off for 3 weeks(I think).  

Continue

     Everything so far has been going as planned.  Got my first paycheck and Yes, I did take a pay cut.  The pay cut was worth it though.  Every little bit of it. I have more time with Heidi and I have more time to keep going over mental things.  I'm pushing to keep fewer rabbits.  10 or less INCLUDING Speedle now.  Marcie still is on the cut list.  I'm keeping Connie, Marcie, Iria, Fiona's son, Zachary, Tobias, Hermione, and Raven for Dutch.  Speedle makes number 9.  Leaves me open to a future baby if I happen to find one. Archie made the cut this time only due to fur type.  He has very cottony fur not nice slick dutch fur.  

     I was talking to Aunt Lisa and she mentioned being able to possibly keep them there.  I've still yet to find a studio apartment.  It'll probably mean leaving the dog off for several more years and settling Heidi back in at Tamarack on pasture board.  I have still yet to talk to Perry about moving the rabbits there too.  I'm going to go through all my rabbit stuff this Sunday or maybe tomorrow afternoon so I can start getting that stuff listed for sale.  I'm going to move everyone to 32 oz water bottles and self feeders.

    That'll keep everything I need local to Winchester.  I seriously need to buy a small car to keep running back and forth.  It's getting to me on the gas to keep going back and forth.  Once I cut some of the other random expenses out then I'll be safer, especially if I can train and move up.  Only thing that will potentially mess up is my Doctors.  I don't think St Claire's goes that far west, not much past Owingsville.

    Well I did upgrade to my smart phone, now to fully drop mom and dad's phone's off my plan and get mine to a straight $60 a month.  For a smart phone that isn't bad.  I don't use it heavily as a smart phone just yet anyway.  

     Time for some sleep.  Half day at work tomorrow.  Get to say goodbye to Mikey since he's going back to school after tomorrow.  It'll be okay.  I'll miss him.  

Reflections

     I have found my starts to be awesome now.  I'm very happy where I have finally ended up.  It's been a long, rough road.  This year has been full of it's ups and downs, many face plants into that road but I finally have gotten to the better part of the road and while it's still rough I know everything will smooth out as I go along.  Just keep marching and it'll get better.  
     I finally got back in contact with Marie. It's been a while but it's so relaxing being able to talk to her again.  She was someone local that we connected over rabbits and we fell apart for a while because of the little youth boy in Lexington.  We've just now, almost a year later, actually started talking again.  It's been kind of interesting and I started to follow her husband's ministry page.  I did a lot more especially after Stanley's heart attack and everything else. And while I re-kindled that friendship, I seemed to have lost the one I had with Rachel.  She's always with her boyfriend, we barely talk to each other anymore.  Kylie and I have more or less reconnected, and she's even thought about moving down here, do like I did, and do a restart and refresh.  It would be really nice change of pace for her.  I think she'd do well doing that. 
     I've turned to a more spiritual manner now, and I know Grandma misses Church on Sundays so I'm actually thinking about going with her.  It's not something I've ever done and not something I know a lot about but it would be something for her to enjoy and more for me to learn.  Marie said she's got some extra bibles and would send me one so I could start to learn more.  It's something Grandma and I can share and I think she would really enjoy going again and having company.  
     I even got a call from Sandy and we talked for almost an hour.  I kind of can't wait to be able to move Heidi again but if I move her I have to move the rabbits either near her or with her at Tamarack, mostly so I don't spend my whole evening at the barn and forget to get home to take care of the rabbits.  If I move her back before winter, I have to move the rabbits and get my own apartment all in the same time slot.  It's all still in the planning stage.  
     I was talking to dad earlier and I had mentioned getting an apartment in Winchester and then having to find a place to keep the rabbits over there and he was like just get the little car and stay here.  I continued by telling him I wanted a place I could get a dog again and he started to argue and I pointed out that it could come to work with me everyday and I had vaccines and it's spay already covered in my benefits at work plus I DEF would wait until Ayden was gone.  He didn't argue, he knew I had a plan.  Then I could hopefully work my schedule around so that I could get training classes and even show a few times.  Minimally she would have her CGC on her when I got done.  Well it's off to bed, I'll be minorly short on sleep going into work tomorrow but Monday's are usually a bit lighter and easier to handle than the rest of the week.   

First week Wonders

     First week has gone by in a whirl wind.  I've learned quite a bit, I've stayed calm, quiet and relaxed.  I've only gotten irritated a few times at some people not over anything in particular.  Just many differences in opinions on how things need to be done.  But I'm still working hard and still doing what I can to learn.  Work fast and hard and earn the time to venture into the back parts of the clinic and help clean rooms, and learn what I can from the vets as they work.
     I've got my first week real dutch sale that I'm scared about.  It doesn't feel right.  If I could actually feel comfortable doing something with these rabbits then I would just keep them, but I need to sell them and cut down the stock.  Well it's bed time before the last half day of work.  After work I'll stop by someplace and grab some pizza or something for Grandma and me and I'll go by her place for some lunch.  I'm sure it'll make her terribly happy.