Sunday, April 29, 2018

Always


Well been a little while again and I was doing good mentally for a while but this past weekend has put my heart to the test.  I ran out of Eddie's hay that I had been feeding all winter so I thought, I will just have to get some of Harry's if he is interested in selling his rolls again.  I knew that his hay had given them sores in their mouths last year but I totally forgot to think that it was the rainiest February in the written history of Kentucky and these are outside stored bales.  The girls would not eat it at all.  So I was down to the fact of they need to go to another field.  I know the field across the road isn't an option because his dog is not good with livestock and it's a jack russel.  He was afraid it would go nip the horses and since it's small and white, Heidi would try to stomp it into the turf.  Only option I can think of to help my pasture was to take the horses off.  At least Tessa is quiet and calm so I asked to move her to Lisa's.  I hated doing it.  I know she's fine over there, but I hated separating my girls.  Heidi is moping around here by herself.  I am trying to not cry knowing my middle fur-child is not here anymore.  I feel like it's first steps to selling her or something.  Push her away and forget about her.  I'm afraid and I seriously miss her.  



She seemed to really like being out there.  She got a little bloody spot on her butt and on her forehead but I think that came from when the cut gate came and locked her into the front of the trailer.  I didn't think to check that first.  She was still really good to trailer despite being almost a year and a half without seeing a trailer again.  It's on my list of things to get- a trailer, but for now it's a pipe dream. 




Heidi is moping around being alone.  I left her out to graze the backyard for over an hour today.  I feel so awful, I just feel like she's going to hate me for taking away her buddy again.   I hope the grass comes up under her quickly and I can get the fence repairs done around her.  

As for the rabbits.  They are doing good.  I had tried to put Gerdy, Natalie and Connie in the x-pen together and they all dug out under it.  So they are all in cages again until I can build an actual pen and put wire down on the ground to prevent the digging out.  I have a few rabbits that need to go out the door to create room and this time I think sadly, Trick is going to be one of them.  He has several nice babies in Linds' nest box.  I like Trick but he's not proving himself to be a good brood buck.  He shows okay but being a blue buck he needs to be really good.  I'm not sure Mirror took to him for another litter.  Her first litter was all charlie and sports, not a single marked kit from Trick.  Cricket to Trick gave me 1 marked kit, 3 sports and 3 charlies. 

These are Linds babies.  I'm waiting to see how these babies grow out and what is a doe and what isn't.  The lilacs are heavier marked so with any luck they will be does.  Heavy bucks go to Marty.  The blue I also hope is a doe because I want another blue doe.  
The dutch are doing okay, Fist is going to go to Amy eventually, and I am hoping to cull out Legend after her litter to Fist since her daughter, Memory, is better typed and has a Willie litter in the box right now with a few good looking kits.  I need to watch their body types first.  I have to cut back the number I have.  I still haven't gotten to where I can cull Natalie and Connie.  

As for my health.  I switched vitamins again yesterday.  I had taken my GNC one at lunch like normal but after getting to Lisa's she brought me over the doTerra book and showed me a little clip on Hashimoto's and had a spare bottle of one of the vitamin's it recommends so I took one with dinner.  It's recommends that you take 4 a day but I figure if I start with 2 a day and keep going I should be pretty good.  So now I take one of those plus my HBP pill with lunch and another vitamin and a zyrtec with dinner.  So far today I actually feel pretty good.  I may have to go back to the Coburn farms yogurt as this Activia doesn't do what I want it to do.  Other than the mind games my lack of ability to take care of my own horses is taking on me and lack of ability to lose any weight has taken but it will come, I know it will.  I am still dreaming of the day that I will have both mares together again, and have my own little place again.  Dreams, Heidi, Tessa and Willow are what keeps me alive and going each and every day.    

Friday, March 9, 2018

Moving forward.

So I am going to attempt to revamp this blog at least.  It'll be basic life.  Sometimes just mental ramblings.  Anyone that reads can comment, it doesn't bug me but realize I do read but may not reply to any or all comments. 
I have started to veer away from Facebook.  I browse it very quickly a couple times a day and share, like or comment on a few things but that is all.  I don't particularly care to stay on there much.  Most nights I just leave Facebook open if someone wants to chat with me.  I don't go looking for conversations because so many people disappear and can't or won't hold a conversation with me.  So I don't start conversations with anyone anymore.  For the most part there's nothing I have much in common with people and I have so many personal things going on that it's hard to even want to  try and keep myself and my family up to date so I'm not keeping other people up to date- and it's hard to even talk to them when they don't stick around for a conversation anyway! 

Anyhow.  Get off my little rant.  I'll first stick to Willow.  We've been working some since mid February on our off leash heeling and I'm looking at picking up a working set of the Rally signs since that's where I want to head back into is Rally.  I know she'll be 4 here in 2 months and my original plan had been to have all her titles by now.  But Somewhere I got totally of coarse.  I'm not sure if it was where we moved back to my parents and I was bitter and angry for a long time, then I became the only human out of 4 in the house that was working.  Dad was laid off for the winter, Jess didn't have a job and mom never has. I've been back here, this coming August will be 2 years, but I will have 2 of my debts paid off and I've been casually looking at houses for myself.  After putting Ayden to sleep back in January I have had so much well had I done this, this wouldn't have happened and he'd still be alive today.  I know it's not fair to his memory nor to me to do that but I can't help it.  I haven't been able to bring myself to just tell myself straight that it wouldn't have mattered.  Cancer is just an evil thing that does what it wants to do.  Cancer took my second fur-dog child away from me.  I'm also looking at picking up my own soft pop up crate to keep in my car for weekends at Drachefeld, the German Shepherd kennel so I can put her in that while I am working.  I do love the dogs there, most of them are super friendly, and just looking out after I am done with them, at all the Morgans in the fields and watching the babies outside playing on the farm is fantastic.  Drachefeld is owned by Dragonsmeade farm.  Some day I would love to tour the barn and be allowed to roam the fields to take pictures of them.  But that needs to wait until the temps are better outside! 

The horses, well they are there.  I haven't done much with them, I rode Tessa back in January but not Heidi since November or December.  I have figured out that I have to give up on the english saddle.  45 minutes in that Western saddle and I wasn't sore in anyway shape or form.  30 minutes in the english saddle and my foot was throbbing for days.  Something about the english stirrup irons are not friendly and not comfortable for my foot.  I will have to try that Western on Heidi one of these days.  I have so much to do with them, but part of me is waiting to find out what I'm going to do.  I only have 4 round bales left which is going to be roughly 40 days from tomorrow, so beginning of April to mid month.  I need to decide if I am going to *try* to put the girls over at Lisa's for a little while if she will allow me to.  Doing that I don't see them as much as I do now and I fear Heidi being a bitch to Ellie or to the cows, or both.  Tessa I know for sure will be fine.  She's been such a good little mare.  Heidi I used to trust around other horses until we boarded at Lucky Charm.  I don't know what it is.  I know she likes being messed with more often now so I start to wonder what they did to her out there.  There's so many variables still left with the horses, I need to really put some planning into them- but that's time to put into them as well as put into everything else that needs my attention.  I have at least one more month before I really have to have a plan in order. 

The rabbits.  Gosh I really don't know what I am doing with them.  I am loving all my guys, but I had that one litter that has been practically destroyed by a rat infestation and it was my showable babies- of coarse!  Thankfully the lady that wanted the chocolate buck, wanted him for breeding anyway, and he's missing a toe, but the blue doe that I had wanted to keep for showing is also missing a toe so it's not showable either!  The lilac doe I'm not sure it's going to live to grow up, it messed up it's hock, along with the black buck.  The black buck I think is doing better than the lilac doe.  If the lilac doe heals up will depend on what I do with her.  If she heals up nicely I will try to show her and sell her, if not I might breed her or I might cull her out.  I don't know.  I love the spots, and I love my dutch but I don't want to get too many again. I would love to have blue and torts of both breeds but right now I have lilac spots with my blue and tort dutch with the blue.  I guess this first show coming up will show me what I need to know about my herd and I will see what I plan on doing going forward.  I do intend to only raise what brings me joy.  While some of my lops did bring me joy at the time my heart has been stuck with these striped, running breeds.  Dutch have always been a love of mine.  I just don't know anymore.

As for my health.  I switched around when I took my High Blood Pressure pill from before bed to at lunch time and other than I do struggle more with dehydration.  I might have to go back to drinking more powerade again.  But I am okay with that.  I am down 7 pounds this year so far.  It's been a year since my weight was this low.  And that's the only thing I have changed.  So I am hoping with my walking (and working Willow) son I hope the weather agrees to allow me to start biking and riding again and this weight will come off.  I am totally ready for it. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Mud, mud and more Mud

Been a month of nothing yet so much!  So much to think about and so much to go forward on and I'm happy to do things.  I'm mentally pushing myself into a better and better mindset.
I have been working every weekend since early January and this weekend has been an off weekend.  I'm not working at the clinic, not at the German Shepherds or anything this weekend.  Just a totally down weekend to relax and enjoy a few things.  Of coarse though it is raining.  It's been raining so much that we can't even get the 4-wheelers out into the horse pasture with the hay.  Including my aunts 4-wheeler which is twice the size and power of dad's.  We about buried it with the last bale and it's been raining ever since then.  5 days of rain.  Tessa's got cellulitis in all 4 legs, so I coppertoxed them and gave her a big shot of excede, she got her second round excede shot today so that should help and I'm going to start her back on Horseshoer's Secret in hopes of that helping her feet.  I think Heidi should go on it as well despite she's not showing any signs her feet are bothersome.  Well Tess isn't either, she's still running out in the slop.  Both girls had their friskies on Friday and Today.  We had a brief sunny few hours on each of the last 4 days so the grass is really trying to take off and grow and they were searching and nibbling whatever they could.  Not exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend off from everything but I can do it.
The rabbits are doing ~okay~ because I am still struggling with the remnants of the rat problem.  I found on Saturday, two of Cricket's showables have toes chewed on.  The chocolate buck and the blue doe.  I'm still going to continue to monitor them for development see if the nail grows back and they just lost nails.  The lilac doe I'm going to watch and see she messed up her hock and she goes to Cull or if she gets to stay and turn showable.  The dutch, I'm not sure, I'm going to watch this development of these kits and see how they come out, but the barn feels cramped up with that extra set of cages in it so I do want to see what I can do to cut down my numbers again.  The Jolene and Lantis tort litter is mostly mismarks. 
Willow, well, she's back to itching- a LOT and it's driving me batty.  So I've been on this cleaning spree and I got my room cleaned up and out and got my car cleaned up and now it's time to get ready for bed for the work week to start again.  At least next weekend is the German Shepherds.  I do really like working at the dog kennel.  I can take my time and get to enjoy the dogs as well.   Praying for this work week to go nice, easy and fun!

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Keeping costs

I will attempt to start out on a good note.  I have been doing so well with the horses health and it does make me happy.  I know it was bad to go that long without getting their feet trimmed.  Last trim was back in August.  (8/30) and that was where we found the thrush in Tessa's feet and how both of the girls' frogs had been just about eaten away from their feet.  I felt awful going into September and I ran a month of Horseshoer's secret on both mares to help improve their feet conditions and I've been doing a monthly dosing of Koppertox on their feet and I've been doing my best to get and keep them in good condition.  I may not do much with them in the winter and Heidi may do better in the winter but her arthritis in her right rear will get the best of her in a few more years I think.  She'll need to be started on a joint supplement in the coming years.  I had their feet done today and I gave Heidi some bute beforehand and she did better.  Just sadly that Michael was as sore and stiff as he was.  He was only 10 weeks post op for a personal surgery that he needed done(which is why the horses trims were so far out, usually I keep a 10-12 week schedule).  I just felt so good doing something with them again.  It feels like I haven't hardly done anything with them in weeks.


I likely will be working a bunch more overtime as I have a car repair waiting for me.  The lower ball joints have gone bad again.  I had them replaced little over a year ago and they should have lasted the length of the life of the car.  Oh well.  I knew dad had issues with the quality of the parts that Katie Tire in Mt Sterling had used, and that's where my car had been done a year ago.  So go figure that my parts were also poor quality. Thankfully the car isn't at Katie's this time.  We've never had an issue with quality of the parts used at Craig's.
The rabbits are doing really good though.  Well health wise.  Breeding wise not so much.  Both dutch does lost their litters to the cold.  Odd for Legends to lose hers and Jolenes were 3 days old before they froze.  Then Cricket gave me a gorgeous litter of 8 in a nice rainbow of color.  I've got black, blue, lilac and even a single chocolate baby in that litter.  I am very pleased how this litter came out.  Mirror is pregnant to Trick due tomorrow.  I am hopeful for a good live litter out of her.  So far Trick hasn't proven to be a decent herd buck at all.  I will keep trying him for a little while and see what happens.  Hopefully I can get a good replacement out of him and move him on. Whoever thought the saying "breed like rabbits" could ever be so wrong? 

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Independent

Nothing huge or major has been happening  here at all.  It's been bitterly cold, unusually cold for Kentucky.  We spent 2 weeks under freezing daily and it makes the rabbits water dishes hell to do.  I had piles of ice building up and up and it felt like there was no reprieve.  We finally broke out of the cold and did a warm swing for a week then yesterday was the start of another Arctic blast that will last for 4 or 5 days.  By next weekend I will be able to put my water bottles back and more than likely be able to leave them up.  Which is good, I need to start replacing my water bowls as I have cracked quite a few this time around.  Only one bowl cracked far enough to not be usable that I know of.  Dutch Willie's bowl might be cracked too far but right now it has to wait it out as there are no more spare bowls.  Natalie, Connie and Gerdy are all still hanging in there- for old rabbits they are taking this severe cold quite well.
I do have 2 of my dutch does bred for kits on Wednesday- Legends to Willie for a blue litter, and Jolene to Lantis for a tort litter.  I am hoping they survive this severe cold.  Then next up is next weekend is Lindsey to Trick and Cricket to Willie Spot.  Then last will be a week from now with GiGi to Willie Spot and Mirror to Trick so hopefully will have dutch and spot babies to post some pictures of.
Ayden however was a sore spot.  I laid him to rest on the 10th, we had intended to do it on the 12th anyway but his nose bled all day on the 9th so I struggled all day with him in the kennel in the back.  Finally Rex helped me euthanize him.  He was just barely 11 years old (1/4/07) but his Nasal Squamous cell carcinoma had finally gotten the worst of him.  I beat myself up thinking that it had been swollen before but he was managing but I *had * to do the punch biopsy to find out what it was.  The punch biopsy aggrevated the cells and made his nose blow up.  I knew we were on shorter time from there.  At least I have to admit he had a good life, and he had a lot more time than several other dogs that I know of for sure.  Gus, Brenda's bulldog, had 2 rounds of Chemo and his cancer came back and she had to put him down at 3 years old.  Then Jagger, a client's Dalmation, had some bone cancer in his left front and they amputated the whole leg in hopes of cutting it off.  3 months after amputation the stump blew up and we x-rayed his chest and found the stump was a huge tumor and it had spread into his lungs and they put him down on the 12th- he too was only 3 years old.  I'm glad that Ayden actually was older.  I can finally talk about him and even think about it without my eyes welling up. 





I got my new saddle for Tessa with some of my Christmas Bonus and I am so happy to report that it fits so now I can't wait to actually tack her up and try it.  I can't wait until I can try it.  It still doesn't fit Heidi so I will still have to keep Heidi english for the time being.  I am okay with that though.  Both mares are doing pretty good.  Tessa's weight has really come down and Heidi's as trim as she's always held in the winter.  I am letting them free choice on hay but still very limited grain.  They are both also naked.  I think I'm going to go back to my original plans of keeping them naked until they are older and truly require it.  

So hopefully soon they can get their feet trimmed and be ready for some riding!   If I play my cards correctly I can get them trimmed on Saturday and maybe go for a ride on Sunday!  Well I am going to switch back to the Armour again and see what happens as the week goes on. Worse case I figure if my sinus' go crazy again then I can at least call or email the doctor Friday and have him switch me back.  I have just enough of my pills set up to cover me through Friday's dose.  

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Merry Christmas


I have, thankfully, been in a much better mood.  I know the doctor's office dropped a bomb on me and made me upset, but I put a lot of honest thought into it and I decided to take my own results and take the knowledge into my own hands to learn.  My lipid's panel came back bad, so I have bad cholesterol.  FT4 came back still below normal but my TSH came back down to the high end of the normal range.  Doctor's office called and said everything was normal on the thyroid panel.  I had bad cholesterol and she said that Baker said I needed to watch my diet- or start some kind of diet and to exercise more.  Baker and I had a conversation about this whole thing when I was there.  He knows what is going on.    Still needs to come down and my FT4 still needs to get to the higher end of the range but it's slowly moving that way.  I'm struggling with another sinus infection though.  I've had a few of them now since upping tot he Armour 90.  So I really am honestly thinking that there's something about the medication that is setting off my sinus'.  Lately I have been in just such a good mood that I gave up the arguing with the doctors office.  A fellow AFGAFH lady and I have plans to keep each other honest and start working on weight loss in the New Year.  

As for New Year goals for 2018:

  • Get more debt paid off. 
  • Get Willow into some more training classes so we can continue Rally and Obedience
  • Get Heidi and Tessa both working under Western tack
  • Get riding lessons
  • Get more fit for work, cattle work is going to demand me to be more fit
  • Learn to be more patient and less bottling up of emotions  
  • At least start the apartment search if I don't get futher
  • Attempt to be more social- planning 2- 5k walk/run's
It's not much but I don't want to make high goals and then look back on this next Christmas and see how much of this I got accomplished and then realize that I haven't gotten hardly any of them accomplished.  

I have been doing okay with Rach and Ky actually.  I have been going through my friends list and deleting a bunch of people I do not talk to anymore or people that really don't give a crap.   I've got a lot of my own problems that I am trying to keep in control of, I don't need more stress.  

Well thinking of promises.  I promise to live as happy as possible and move forward with happiness and just do-it!  Our rain has finally started to change over to snow so with any hopes I will wake up Christmas morning to a dusting of snow!  

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Not quitting yet.

So this past week has been I think the worst Rollercoaster ride that I've had in such a long time. Between Grandma back on the 7th at the hospital and then the stressful roller coaster ride after that it's been awful.  Cousin Becky has been down the whole past week and I finally got to see her today and it's been just awesome knowing she has gotten grandma to perk back up and be more responsive.  She wasn't today though.  So I don't know what to think is happening there.  She seemed to shudder in pain or something while we were there.  Spent the whole hour quietly or talking to dad.  It's getting harder to sit there with her.  I just know that someday she will be gone and that's what keeps me going.  
Doctors visit Thursday afternoon was not the nicest for sure.  This time I red flagged high for depression.  He asked me if I wanted to take something for it, and I declined.  I know most of it is stress.  I think once I de-stress a lot of the depression will go away.  I know at least now that I am starting to relax it will get better.  We did re-do the thyroid panel and it's getting better but it's still showing high hypo.  At least my TSH has come back into the high end of the normal range, it's not over the top, and my FT4 is still below normal range but it's coming up.  My FT3 is coming up as well but still at the low end of the normal range.  So I started, on my own, that I upped my medication and when I weigh in on Monday I will see.  He also did a lipids panel this time and all those numbers are off; flagged either high or low.  I just need to get control here and now to start figuring out how to do that and keep de-stressing as I am going.   
I know this is a medical post really, but honestly I actually did go out today after visiting grandma and just brushed my two big girls out and treated their feet and I honestly felt so much better.  I would love to still get them and myself into a better position so that I can actually do more and have more fun but even just taking care of them makes me happy.  It felt good to actually get a good brush through them.  I haven't been able to even get a good grooming over them in a long time.  I can't wait for spring so it's brighter when I get home again and I can start to do more.  Winter over all is a bit depressing.  
Dad and Becky had a point, and I know my aunts have all brought it up to me on numerous occasions but, I need to go back to school and get my certificate for Vet Tech.  If I thought I could honestly afford it I would.  I just don't want to mess up what I have.  I like working with the vets I work with.  Honestly they are some of the best folks.  Sure they annoy me at times but what job doesn't have it's annoying times.  I really do like where I am.  I also at this point cannot afford to go back to college.  I have 8 months left to pay on my student loans as it is so it's coming- slowly.  I have so many plans for this coming year that I honestly don't know if I have the TIME to do all of it.  Soon I will work on next years goals.  Soon.  Just need, and want to have a nice weekend before I go back into the get ready for the work week syndrome!