Monday, March 30, 2015

Living Life!

     Well I have to admit, now that I have funny way to go about things, A lot of things have finally gone away.  I feel so much better now that Amber is at the bottom.  Amber is alpha enough that Fortune has been put in her place.  I think Amber is one of the top mares in the field and she really doesn't like sharing me with Heidi.  But I kept telling her that she only has to share me with Heidi.  The two girls are good together, no squealing they were touching noses today.  I brought both girls in the barn at the same time.  Put Amber in the first set of crossties, Heidi in the second set.  I groomed Amber down, took a couple cleaned up pictures, tried to shave her halter path I had the clippers set funny.  I turned her out again because Neville's owner had shown up so I went ahead and got Amber out so she had a set of crossties to use.  Then while she worked on Neville, I got to work on cleaning Heidi up.  Heidi was way more of a fluffball than Amber was.  Then I finally got Heidi back out to her field and Amber was still waiting. So I gave them each a couple more peppermints and snuggled with them.  Amber wouldn't let any of the other mares near me except Heidi.  She kinda knew Heidi was part of the family.  
     I got Ayden in for his yearly shots and one last thyroid test. I figure yearly I'll do his thyroid.  Got him 6 months of Nexgaurd and he's already got heartgaurd  for over a year.  Good thing  too I can't get him going in the right direction weight wise but he's well behaved for me.  I need to do some more training work with Willow, Wednesday is a day off, and I will do morning training, even if I have to work hard in the backyard with her.  Afternoon is pony pedicure time. 
     I have to admit, having the drama calming down at the barn has made things much easier. I'm still a little too cold to people and it really makes me wish I didn't make friends like I had with Sandy.   Maybe it's time to do a big check of all my friends and then learn who my real friends are  and just take it slow again. 
     Well I am so tired, and wearing down for the night.  I'll try to either post a new post tomorrow or add to this one. 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Deep Breath

     Today has been a pretty good afternoon but as the day went on it turned uglier and uglier.  Maybe it was because I was at the barn early and shit has really been rough over there.  It's been getting worse for me with Sandy ever since I mentioned Amber was coming down.  It's just been a cluster fu*k there and she's been fighting with Juan and today I could HEAR Sandy screaming at Perry while I was putting my tack back into my car to take it back down to the bottom barn.  I talked to Juan for a little bit at the bottom as I was unloading my tack and forwarned him Perry was probably not in a good mood.  Juan went on to tell me that it was normal.  Sandy wants everyone to go through her and she wants things done her way- at least that's what it seems like.  The way she jumped on me when I told her about Amber just made me incredibly hesitant to deal with her anymore and I've told Perry and Juan about it.  I also flat out told Perry today that when it comes to paying Amber's board, when I get the check from Kylie I'll turn around and give it straight to Perry.  I'm not dealing with Sandy as a middle person, not when it comes to Amber.  
     Heidi was awesome today, been a touch over a week since I rode her last and we tacked up right after she ate breakfast.  It was her last time riding in that bridle.  I have to go back to the nylon one or Lisa's bridle. Eventually I do have to get her a good bridle.  After about hour and a half in her saddle I stopped, no coughing so the Spirulina wafers seem to be doing the trick.  
     Amber was still a bit edgy, I know I should give her a couple more days to settle in and I might get Shana to give her a schooling session first before I get up on her.  The rest of this week will be lunging anyway until she finally moves down to the bottom barn and then Michael will get her feet trimmed up and she'll be good to go!  
     Willow has been an absolute doll today.  She still loathes me leaving and just waits for me to get back.  I'm hoping now we will be on top of training and we'll be ready for that May dog show.  Sunday was bust due to Amber coming in, today was a bust because I had to go the other way to pick up a load of mulch for dad so one day during the week we'll hit Lowes during lunch.  

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Peace of Mind

     Peace is coming, I know it is.  A few touches with irritation, awe and confusion are set to follow.  Well probably a few others as well as I am going to try to touch bases in quite a few other places.  
     Well after not sleeping worth a crap most of the week, last night I actually slept pretty good after getting my diffuser running again.  I haven't had it running for a while, mostly because I was always so wore down and tired and part of it was because I just want to keep pushing to see what is aggravating my sinus' and what can pull the pain and pressure out to let me sleep good.  Last night, after my shower I used my Flonase nasal spray and then doTERRA Breathe rubbed behind my ears, my nostrils and in my diffuser and I slept pretty good.  So maybe try it again tonight so I can sleep well again and get another night's rest.  This month's doTERRA order has to be small.  I'm still waiting on that winning lotto ticket to clear me out of my debts and allow me to become a good consultant.  I know I can do this, I just have to do it.   So far no other job leads have come out to a new job.  
     I have a very minimal tax return coming back, it'll be enough to pay off a few things but not much at all.  I had hoped it would have been higher so I could just order my plane tickets 
     I'm in awe, Amber should be in KY by now.  She'll be staying at Brookledge's hub for the night in a stall and they'll load her up on a smaller truck and bring her to Tamarack tomorrow morning.  I'm kind of glad that Kylie has trusted me to take good care of her baby while she keeps going with Gus and Rayna in NY before she moves down.   I'll be going up in the morning to greet her and probably bring her into the barn and groom her down and then take some pictures.  I have a lot of thinking to do while I am out in the paddock with her.  Part of it is paying board. I know Kylie said her mom would cover her board for at least a little while, but Sandy kept telling me that she was just dumping Amber on me and didn't care and that she was going to leave her on me to deal with even knowing I can't pay for her.  I kept telling her that Kylie was different, she wouldn't leave me hanging she wouldn't do that to me or Amber.  Feet, dewormer and shots, yeah sure I can handle those.  If Perry doesn't want to buy the extra spring shots for me I'll get them at work.  I don't care anymore- Perry couldn't say a damn thing to me about it, and Sandy kept going on and on about it.  To the point of wanting to figure out how to pay Heidi's board myself so I don't have to try and work a majority of it off.  I'm tired of dealing with the crap.  I hear so much drama at the barn and I'm not enjoying being pushed around like I am.  Eventually I need to do $400 a month for two pasture boards.  
     Personally, if Perry's *THAT* worried he should put some of the other non-paying boarders out as pasture horses, and take them out of stalls to lighten the load work up off the boys and get paying boarders in, instead.  According to Sandy Perry can't afford anymore 'freeloaders' it's running him under.  Ones like Una and Thor who's owners don't pay at all.  Then there's ones like John and a couple others that don't pay the full price because they've been there so long already.  It's so confusing.  Which one is right?  Which person is more intune with what's going on?   I know I need find a new job so I can take over paying Amber's board.  I'm also considering checking out a few other boarding barns around as well.  There was a barn Shana had been telling me about, if she'll go visit with me I'd like to check it out.  Shana's getting irritable with Hope keep getting her ass kicked by Fortune at night and they won't move or deal with Fortune, just move Hope out of the paddock and put her out with Desi and Trance.  Eventually Fortune is going to piss off the wrong mare of mine and she's going to get her ass kicked and then they'll toss me out instead since my mares are aggressive.  I have the faint idea that this is where that is going.  
     I kind of feel, between Boonesboro A.C., Nestle and the barn I feel like it's all blending together.  So much crap.  I never know what to do anymore.  Time to go to bed.  

Friday, March 20, 2015

Giddy

     Well life and the world in general is looking up.  It's been totally strange the way everything, especially my mood, has perked up.  Between doTERRA, Amber and Kylie's moving down here it's just perked me up something fierce and even Willow has been working really well.  
     Rabbits were also a perk.  Even though one out of five does gave me a litter- I had a single Chin baby out of that litter.  A mismarked Chin, but still a Chin none the less.  The whole litter is a disaster.  I intend to sell all of them and keep just Juliet.  Romeo will go up for sale as well as the litter.  I will keep just the 6.  Juliet, Natalie, Connie, Raven and Eclipse alongside a blue buck which I still have to find.  While I love the idea of keeping my dutch going.  I'm going to do it on a minimal scale.  Blue and steels only.  
     Willow has been training so well.  I think she would have been ready for the April show had I mailed the AKC paperwork out when I was first going to.  She's starting to work better.  I'm going to try and pick up a set of the cones myself and if Jim gets a copy of the signs I'll print a second copy for myself and keep working here at home.  I think the two of us will be working good by the May show.  May, then one in June and one in July should hopefully put us ready for the Bluegrass Classic later on this fall.  It's just so exciting to actually get to do this as we go on.  Showing Willow is a dream coming true. 
     Horses.  Yes a pluralized it for a reason.  Kylie has entrusted me with Amber's care until she gets here in October.  I can't believe it I have dreamed of having her and Amber around to help guide me through this english riding thing.  In my core I'm a western rider, I'm still worried I am not good enough for Amber.  Amber will be here this weekend and by Monday I will be up on her.  I'm not even nervous or scared like I was with Mary.  Mary I was petrified to get on, and with Amber I have no fears.  I wouldn't have any fear with Mary now but Mary's not really overweight she doesn't *need* the exercise.  It's Una that really needs the work to make her drop some weight.  I'll be working Amber most of the week, Una and Heidi on the off days.  Plus add any of the other horses onto the grooming list of horses to take care of.  Mary and Una's mane's I'm going to pull instead of letting Sandy cut them with scissors.  TC, Bootsie she can cut with scissors.  
     The doTERRA has really been helping.  Even just taking the vitamins twice a day, instead of the recommended four times a day as proven to be helpful.  My next order has to stay small unless my tax return(which was a measly $490) comes in prior to the order. 
     Anyway, I need my excitment to wear down, I need to get at least one more decent nights sleep.  It's going to be a long day tomorrow, especially if I wait around for Amber to show up at the barn.  It'll be a good day to bathe, pull mane's and groom.  

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Breathtaking Times

     It's been a few really awesome days.  A lot of me is still in awe at things going on and how well life is going.  A lot of things are going great.  I might jabber a bunch more on as the post goes on.
     I'll start with the dogs. Friday was a dog show.  I had wanted to enter but I knew darn good and well, big show I was NOT ready.  Of coarse I still could have entered had I actually gotten her AKC number and was ready that way to enter.  I just now got the pictures done- only need to print them now- and I'll get it printed at Walmart tomorrow as well as print them here at home so they are ready to go.  I'll have the PAL filled out and ready.  Monday it gets post marked. I am so ready to get her entered in a show and give it a wing.  Tinks and Lisa did awesome.  Just like I prayed they would.  I knew they would do really well.  Tinks adores Lisa so much and Lisa's just a great teacher.  I'm actually glad that she's my teacher.  I know I still need to get Willow working more and we are.  She's still young and excitable.
     Then some really big news.  Kylie has offered to ship Amber down a year early.  She'll be in my name but she's going to cover her board until she gets down here and I'm going to try and work Amber back into condition.  Next spring when she moves down she'll evaluate where Amber and I stand and if we're doing good, I'll do what I can to take over Amber under her supervision and tutelage and with any luck I'll be either in a higher paying job or have moved up to be able to afford to keep both mares and show Amber.  Heidi's started to get ring sour and I'm at a standstill with her due to my lack of knowledge and her lack of knowledge.  Hopefully after I start working Amber I'll gain a little more and then I can add more to what Heidi knows.  For now I'm going to keep riding Heidi but I'm going to keep trying to catch a trail ride group and get out for a trail ride.   I'm so excited, and yet so terrified at the same time.  I just fear that Amber and I won't work well together anymore.  I was perfectly fine on her in NY, so she'll get a few days down time after she gets here to settle in and then it'll be after work, work out sessions.
     With the addition of a horse I know and trust it'll mean cutting back off the rabbits.  I barely spend anytime out with them now, why would this be any different now?  I'm going to watch Juliet's litter for a Chin baby to keep as a pet and then move the rest of them on.  Romeo and Juliet will go, Chloe and Blue's son will go and I'll just be keeping Connie, Natalie, Raven, Eclipse and a Chin.  Then one last buck for breeding in the future. The Chinchilla will be strictly a pet, weather or not it's Juliet remains to be seen.   The buck will be a good looking blue buck.  Strictly 6.  I'll keep all the cages I have now, I am going to do repair work on them this year and that leaves me extra cages for when/if Kylie gets bunnies after getting down here, or I have to do rescue's after Easter.
     Anyway, I need to get myself in bed.  I know darn good and well I have so many things to do tomorrow that it's not even amusing anymore.  So much to do, so little time!

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Mentally stable

     I am still working on mental stability.  I have a few things that I've made some mental choices but a few things went a little astray.   I've been trying to be a bit more of a friend and more social and actually do things out there.  
     Again I'll start with the rabbits.  I finally put them back on water bottles and each rabbit has a 32 oz bottle which should last them two days.  So this way I can do them ever other day and still be able to get to the barn several days a week to ride after work.  I don't know how Heidi's going to feel about all this riding and attention but at least the rabbits are covered this way.  I've got a few more that I'm going to try and sell.  I think though that I really have chosen to discontinue with the rabbits and keep myself aiming with Willow and Heidi.  
     So Sandy asked me today, being social to go out to lunch and if I could help her pick up her new table and chairs for her apartment.  I said sure, I figured we'd be back early enough that I could still get home, grab Willow and still meet Lisa with Tinks for a training session.  I didn't realize when we left she had intended to stop and take me out to lunch.  It kept me so late at the barn and I didn't end up leaving there until 5pm.  Then got home and did a super quick get the rabbit water bottles up and dingbat doe's feeder got some food put in it.  Me and Willow really need them still. I mean thankfully now the weather has improved and I'll be able to start going out for walks on lunch break and start really working her much more.  Heeling is the main thing we really need to work on- hard to do inside the clinic.  I think walking at least a half an hour at lunch will help with the heeling.  Her working collar and her leash are in my purse and I'm ready for it.  I'm hoping Lisa and Tinks could still meet at least on Tuesday or something to do one last quick session before the show on Friday.  I know her and Tinks will do so well.  I have so much faith in them as a team.  
      Well I'm thinking that Heidi's probably not going to want to tack up tomorrow since I've ridden her the last two days in efforts to help her expectorate the last of the mucus in her system.  She's been full of herself the last two days as the weather has improved and she feels better.  Both of which I am eternally grateful for.  I even talked to Perry again today to make sure he was alright with me tacking up Mary instead.  So tomorrow I shall get on Mary for the first time.  I'm scared, nervous and excited all at the same time.  I got out one set of polo's to wrap her legs, more for my mental sake than for her.  
     I can't wait until later.  Now that the weather has chosen to work with me, now to just keep at everything.  See where it all goes and at least have fun getting there.  Keep searching for a better job, eventually a dog friendly apartment and I'm even going to look for a real honest man that loves me for me.  I'm there mentally I am ready.  

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Inner voices

     I have had several options presented to me but my inner brain is still telling me no.  I need a job that pays better but gives me the same amount of hours so I still have time to ride the horses and work with Willow.  I've gone ahead with a lot, I've got a lot of things going on in my life right now and with the weather finally improving, I have a TON more that I want to do.  
     I'll start with the worse subject- the rabbits.  I've got a few that I still need to get rid of and out of the five does I bred, I palpated three and only one of them was positively pregnant.  The other two were negative palpation so if there's only one or two babies in there I'll figure it out then.  I'm doubting either Connie or Natalie took to their breedings I think they have cysts right now so either treat them or give it up.  Raven and Chloe I didn't check as they aren't due for another 11 days.  I have been trying to wait until a week left of gestation to check them.  I seem to be better at it then.  I haven't been that good at palpating for a long time.  Chloe is the unknown doe.  I don't even think I'm going to try palpating her she's spazzy and very aggressive.  Her litter will be culled HARD on markings and then on body type once they get older.  Chloe doesn't have the best of body type.  Juliet palpated positive, so I'm hoping for at least one nice chin baby in her litter.  
     Willow ran and leaped to her heart's content today.  Thankfully no limping after a few bad landings and she just kept going.  She was phenomenal and she listened quite well, now to start that kind of working on the leash and we'll have the April show ready.  Thankfully the temps have gone up now during the day so I can finally start walking Willow on lunch break.  We should get a lot more work done that way now.  
     Now onto the horse front.  Kylie gave me an offer to pay half the board on Amber and bring her down early and I can ride her.  As much as I really, really want to, I know I cannot afford it.  I would love the chance to ride the big gorgeous mare again.  and my heart says go for it, my brain says whoa think logically.  Even half the costs of pasture board is an extra $125 that I can't afford right now.  Heck I don't know how I am going to afford Heidi come May yet either.  I'm contemplating a second job or actually starting to try and become a consultant and get out there advertising DoTERRA and see what I can do to get things going that way for me.  I finally got on Heidi again today, it's been close to two weeks I think, maybe a little over.  She was rearing to go.  She trotted most of the driveway until I made her walk since it's slick mud right now.  I'm going to go and do it again tomorrow and this time push and make her work in the arena.  During the week I'm planning so far on every other day-giving me opposite days to take care of the bunnies- to go and ride or work someone.  Mostly Heidi but I do want to start riding Mary and start getting Una working again.  Una needs to work before she founders since her weight is so high right now.  Eventually I want to get to where I can go ride every night after work, even if I have to bop between Mary, Una and Heidi.  Sunday's will be their day off as that's Willow's day for working.  
     Dreams and ambitions.  Everything comes with a price and I'm thinking that's where I am going to do a lot of thinking, planning and improvising as it comes and goes!  

Friday, March 6, 2015

Positives

     Even today couldn't have brought me down.  I got out for work, albeit wasn't in my vehicle at all.  My truck failed to start, it was zero or colder this morning and my truck just would not turn over. I had to put Willow back inside, even after she had leaped up into the truck herself.  I rode with dad to work, left him and drove his truck the rest of the truck the rest of the way to the clinic.  I pulled in right behind Shelby so I know it was all good.  It was a quiet yet fun day at the clinic.  Not much going on we got to talk for quite a while, between what few clients we had and lunch break it wasn't busy.  Then when we hit lunch break I was done for the weekend.  It was pretty good.  
     Even if I had a few issues getting grandma for lunch at Giovanni's.  First it started as couldn't pull into her drive, still too snow covered.  So I parked across the road, and walked through ankle deep water and slush and crossed to the cleared sidewalk.  Then got her up to her place and coated up and back down.  Then I left her at the end of the sidewalk and had her wait there while I got the truck and parked right on the road so she could get in.  First I forgot you can't open the passenger's side from the outside. So back around the truck I went, climbed in and opened the door, then back around to help grandma in, put her walker in the bed, then driver's side door had locked its self.  So I had grandma reach over, shut the truck off, roll her window down and hand me the keys, then back around again to the driver's side got in and we left for Giovanni's.  This time when I stopped by the door to let her out since there was no close up parking I rolled the driver's side down, and told grandma to just let them know I was parking the truck.  I parked rolled up the window and we enjoyed a wonderful lunch.  I showed her pictures on my phone both of Barry and baby Emily and of dad and his redneck snow plow.  We both ate a LOT.  We were stuffed.  So while she was paying for lunch-as she insisted- I went and got the truck.  Used one of my sneakers to prop the passenger's side door open, and had the driver's side window rolled down.  Got her up in the truck and drove her back home.  On the way home she asked me how were we going to get her out safely.  Well I flat out said I'll pull up to the sidewalk and let her out like we did before.   She was worried about the traffic.  I said there was two lanes they could go around me.  Then she proceded to say I couldn't do that, I retorted Just watch me.  Dad insisted that, that should have left no doubt in her mind that I am my father's kid.  I'm a Vandiver through and through.  It was a great afternoon.  Then I stayed at Masco until dad got out and came home.  
     Got home and Willow was very happy to see me.  I grabbed a jug of water and had Willow follow me out to the pasture.  She ran around and went poddy while I was feeding and watering the bunnies and then we ran around a little longer through the yard and snow.  I wore her down quite a bit and then we came in and played, got her to just lay in my lap and cuddle for a while.  Tomorrow I shall go up and see how Heidi's doing and we'll tack up and see if she gets snotty again after a ride or if she coughs me out of the saddle.  Then at some point I fully intend to tack Mary up, it might wait for next weekend while it's nicer.  Sunday I'm going to try to ride again as long as Heidi does good on Saturday.  If not I'll walk her and Una up and free lunge in the arena just to get Una used to going up there.  I do at some point have to get a set of polo's out for Mary and get the stirrup leathers and irons on that saddle.  Anyway, it's after 10 I need to go to bed.  First get Willow out to pee.  

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Enough

     The future has hidden its self from me again and I just don't know where to go.  Part of me wants to just go back to school, but there's no money in going back to school, just more debt.  I don't think I could handle any more debt.   I am already up in my credit cards from the constant car work and having to bounce back and forth between the car and the truck.  At times I still can't think of why I am still trying to prove my worth at work and prove to them that I can do more stuff, all they have to do is teach and let me go.  I can do it, but I sometimes think I should go back and do equine nutritional studies or message therapist as well as what I already do know for small animal.  I really enjoy bath days for dogs, I actually enjoy spending the time with each and every dog to give them a bath.  Gives me a chance to really get to know them and make them comfortable if they have to be back there in the kennel.  I enjoy making them comfortable.  Maybe vet tech wasn't quite the right field for me.  For the longest time I thought it was my dream field.  Could it be the field was right but the location wrong?  Or wrong field and right place?  Or wrong field and wrong place.  It certainly isn't right field and right spot.  
     I still feel awkward there. I know for darn sure it's the wrong place.  I see a lot of the backstabbing by the other girls that work there to each other.  Makes me very fishy and reserved about working there.  Plus I've seen them act funny around me even.  I've just gone reclusive and that's just how I intend to stay.  I do my job and I just recluse to back in the kennel.  It's safer for me than to do something stupid. I try not to get too close quarter with the other people either.  It's just not worth it.  The more I work with Shelby and watch the others the more I see that it's like the two of us versus the five or six of them.  Shelby and I are the outsiders.  I guess that's what happens to newbies.  You either become a puppet of theirs or you are an outcast.  Well I'm an outcast, so isn't Shelby. Maybe that's how the two of us get along so much better, or it's because we're both horse people.  
     Thinking horses.  Heidi's had a cold and was blowing snot the last few days.  Making riding a discouraging thought.  She's starting to feel better but it'll still be until late weekend or next week before I can ride her.  So it means I'm either grounded or I actually have to bite the bullet and get on Mary to ride.  I am just nervous to get on her.  She's a thoroughbred and I just worry about my weight being too much for a thoroughbred.  I know this is wrong, I should be able to tack up and ride no issues what so ever.  I'm just far too much of a nervous wreck.  I know it'll ease after the first time I get on her.  Why can't I have the confidence I used to have?  I might take Heidi and Una up to the outdoor and free lunge a little bit.  Hopefully Una will let me get her up there.  I'm hoping by walking with Heidi she'll be alright.  I just know that my skills are higher than what I seem to think they are.  I mean I got on Heidi as a 4 year old with no real training; bareback and with just a rope halter on.  I was only nervous at first and just focused on her and did it- never thought about it again and she was perfectly fine.  We've been fine together.  I really can't wait to make more money and be able to afford a second horse.  Finding a second horse of my own that I trust like I trust Heidi will be tough.  It's doable I just have to look at horses I know are available.  Silly me needs to do this.  
     Willow's been great.  I've finally started to trust her enough to go out without a leash at work.  She's been super about coming when I call for her.  Plus it's nice that she can get some good running in while I am watching.  Tink's first show is in a week and a half.  I still have to find Willow a popup crate.  Then I have to get her AKC paperwork filled out, photo's taken and printed and get the whole thing mailed out.  Also get my taxes done.  So much to do, I may make myself do them all this weekend so I don't even give myself TIME to ride- just to avoid Mary.   Either way, bed time, ready to wake up to a shit load of snow- again . . . .