Saturday, December 26, 2015

Merry Christmas, and the count down begins


Merry Christmas to all, with much love from myself, Heidi, Willow, Oasis, Connie, Natalie, Athena, Willie, and Hercules.
Christmas brought a lot of things for me to help get myself ready for my own place.  I do lack a few things still needed for my own apartment, but they are still things that I can pick up as I go.  I figure to be at least a few months out as I need to put aside money for deposit and the last few things that I need.  There's nothing wrong with where I am now, with Kylie, but her present engagement to Doug, I just feel intruding.
The count down has begun to moving Heidi to Lucky Charm.  While the farm is a touch further away, towards Lexington, it's about 2 miles further to this farm from Kylie's than Tamarack was, there's not many boarders and it's usually quiet.  No more Sandy stress from trying to micromanage, and Heidi off grain.  She's gained so much weight, her neck is thick and she's got huge fat deposits along her crest, tail head and a ton through her belly so much that she looks pregnant.
Willow has been wonderful.  She's taking everything else in stride that we've done and I think she'll take to working off leash, with plenty more work, quite well.  She only barked at Allen once yesterday, and he came outside to get dad's Christmas present out of my truck, in a big black hoodie.  We jokingly called him Darth Allen.  
Today I plan to pull some of my things out of Tamarack.  First step will be to drop the trailer over at Lisa's.  Spend some time with them, get my stuff from Allen and Dad that I forgot and then to Tamarack.  I'm going to get my blankets and some of my stuff that I don't need there anymore in my tack box and grab my mounting block.  Then the truck can happily sit for a little longer until moving day comes, cause then I can just toss my tack box in the back and lead them over to Lucky Charm.  I may even be able to put my tack box in the back of their truck.  Well I need to get myself moving. I have to check and make sure the trailer will be okay, cause if not I have to make new plans quickly.  So much planning, so much to do but it'll be worth it in the end.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Roads ahead

     Things have been just going steady as can be.  Kylie and I switched out and started trail riding and Heidi has really blossomed into the mare I always wanted.  We've gone to riding without a crop or spurs or anything.  We can canter or trot out in the open fields and we're both relaxed.  Eventually I may invest in a western saddle and do both.  I also talked to Michael and he's going to check into a friend of his that may have a harness for me that I can either do payments on or he might give it to me. Here's for hoping.
     Willow's been training really well.  We take 20-30 minutes of our lunch break to go out and walk.  We did really good and for the first time I made her work with distractions and it worked!  She did get up on a long sit and I was able to correct her.  She's always been perfect about it and it's hard to keep making her go forward  when there is nothing there to go forward with.  I hate waiting for her to screw up to correct and more forward.  I'm hoping eventually we'll be able to go with Mikey over lunch with one of his Pits so he can keep working.
     My bunnies are going to sell out and then I am going to keep my retirees and eventually colonize them all together.  Athena, Connie, Natalie and Clover will join them eventually.  Athena's not that old but she's been so abused by the other doe that I don't want her to get roughed around.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Learning

     I've been learning quite a few things since the last post.  I've been very lightly working Heidi, but been mainly at the trot.  I might try and canter again soon too. depends on how much time I get to work Heidi.  She'll get a day or two of work and then several more days off and I'm just not getting the consistent work into her that I should be to get but I'm too busy to really do it and I'm too inconsistent.  I guess maybe for a little longer that is just the way we are going to be.  It'll be  a long time until I get the time to do everything with her. I will do what I can. 
     I have been slacking on Willow's training, I haven't done hardly ANY at all since the last show.  We've chosen to get to a show in mid November so I have to get her back at it and training.  We'll be ready for that show.  Just need a few good swift kick in the ass days. 
     I have yet to finish Rachel's wedding pictures.  I didn't work on them at all today.  I was out fishing with dad most of the day got home and had to do laundry, dishes and then get dinner in the oven.  Gotta get them done, I have another wedding to do this coming Friday!  

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Crossing Bridges

     Heidi and I have been making strides forward.  I gave her some time off after getting her butt kicked with cantering and jumping.  Today I had been intending to just take it easy but Shana helped me see a few things and taught me a few more things to help improve Heidi and maybe it will help me improve as well. We have a ways to go.  It's really actually quite impressive watching Heidi work from the ground.  I know fully watching Shana on Heidi is a lot better than me on Heidi but we're both greenies.  Hopefully soon I'll be able to ride more often with Shana and we'll get Heidi pushed more forward that maybe by late spring next year we could enter a schooling show.  I don't think I will bother trying to get her to jump for a little while, just get the solid walk, trot, and canter under her and keep her working efficiently.  Then work on me as well.  Maybe afterward I will consider trying to teach her to jump.  I may not bother either.  While I remember quite enjoying jumping Phoenix back in college- the last jump experience I had was not a pleasant one.  Guess hitting the sand was not a good thing for my confidence when it comes to jumping.
     I am still dreading my vacation trip back to NY for Rachel's wedding.  A long train ride and some long nights are coming up and I just dread leaving Willow.  Not for the sake of her well being, I know she's good and safe with Lisa.  It's I hate being away from her.  I've gotten so accustomed to having her right there with me constantly that it will be very strange to not have her there with me.  In a way I wish I had brought her along with me but maybe being away from her will make the trip home a lot easier to take, knowing I'll be coming back as soon as possible.
     Waffles is doing okay.  I want to try and get some water removed from his tank and then get some fresh water in tonight.  I haven't had another bubble nest since the first one he made me.  I looked for a new tank heater this morning while I was out at Wal-Mart but no joy.  Did find some freeze dried bloodworms for food, but I have plenty of food for him right now.  I give him a few of the pellets that Kylie gave me to feed him and some of the mixed food that I have as well.  He's still as bright and vivid as he has been from the get go.  He really is such a pretty fish.   I never realized exactly how pretty these fish really were.  Hopefully I can do him justice since it's been FOREVER since I've been around fish.  I hope he's alright while I am gone.  I am sure Kylie will take care of him and the bunnies while I am gone.  Thinking of Bunnies . . .  The bunnies are doing okay.  I hope to have a couple of them ready for the show the Saturday after I get back.  I may not have anything really ready to show except a few chin's and *maybe* a steel.  Either way I should be alright showing.  It's more for Kylie to see how her Mini Lops do than anything to me.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Me

      I have had a whirl wind two weeks so far  at Kylie's.  Willow still has her spats with the dogs.  The only one she hasn't really bothered with is Eli.  I know it's only been two weeks but I need to get this figured out.  Something will have to give.  I need to do a little study and research of dog behavior.  Most of the time so long as I am watching I don't worry too much about letting her play.  I can yell at her and pull her up on the couch next to me for some time out.  I hope that either I can figure something out or I will have to make a Plan B.
     I have made some huge strides with Heidi this past week.  I made the mistake of saying Heidi's never cantered under saddle  so Megan played musical ponies with me and she got Heidi to canter under saddle.  Then afterwards we went for a mini trail ride down to the creek and back, this time Heidi cantered up the hill behind Amber(Kylie) and Rayna(Megan).  It was one of the most exhilarating things I have done in the 4 years I've had Heidi.  I couldn't wait to canter her under saddle.  I knew once I was riding more and around people I was comfortable with I would be fine.   First Canter on Heidi 9/3/15- then on the 4th I attempted to get her to jump a little cross rail- Well she's not a jumping pony.  First fall off Heidi too.  Hopefully my last one but I'm just not ready nor fit enough to jump yet.  Today I cantered her in the outdoor arena.  Took a little bit but I've got some work still to do on myself as well as balancing Heidi.  We did better in one direction with picking up the correct lead opposite direction we counter cantered.   Shana and Megan both told me it was harder for Heidi to pick up the wrong lead but she was doing it for me.  Still need work, apparently that was what I was telling her to do.  I have been ecstatic with our progress.
     Willow was okay at her show on August 30th.  First time out in Beginner Novice Obedience and all off a sudden that day her sit for exam was GREAT, her automatic sit upon stopping- well lets just say I think she forgot how to sit.   Otherwise we did really good.  Class originally was supposed to be 6 people.  3 showed up, including us.  The Min Pin NQ'd and the blue heeler was first place with a 195, we got second with a 185.5  We were marked down on tight leash(partly me partly she was lagging) and no sits.  So I've let her have this down time to try and settle in a little more at Kylie's and once I get back from New York I will get back to the grind of training with Lisa again.  I will get her going good enough I do want to get a first place at some point.  That's more of me than anything else.  I just have this drive to get a first place.  We've got a couple seconds and a third but I want a blue ribbon.  
     Also bunnies have been good.  This prolonged heat and drought is taking it's toll on them.  I lost one to heat but hopefully the last ones can make it these next 3 or 4 days until it finally cools down again.   Once it cools down I'll try to get Juliet re-bred and from there I either need to make or buy more cages or I have to get rid of a couple and then I can go from there.  Part of me wants to continue the Chins only and move the others all on, but I have Connie, Natalie, Raven and Willie still left.  Willie I am sure I can probably sell on, possibly Raven as well.  Natalie and Connie are both too old to sell on. 
     I have been job scouting a lot lately and I've put in for this photography job.  I worked hard pulling 56 photos and had Allen critique them and we got it down to 42 images in my online portfolio.  Now hopefully it will yield a job out of it.  The pay isn't bad, $135 a day plus my travel expenses which is more than I am making now, and it'll mean every weekend off- so I can continue showing rabbits and Willow as often as I want.  Right now I have it at Boonesboro my set day off is Saturday's if this last photography job gig doesn't lead to a new job then I will be picking up a second job so I can afford Heidi's board.  I've already talked to Sandy and told her ahead of time that I will pay what I can as I can until I get the second job up and running and paying.  Also with the spats y dog has caused on a few occasions I have also looked into income based apartments.  There are several in Winchester that I am going to get after and see if I can qualify for them. I just don't want Willow to create a disaster for someone else.  I can leave her crated while I am at my second job on the weekends.  She still does bark at Doug but she let him pet her today so it's a step in the right direction. 

Monday, August 24, 2015

Moving forward

     It's been a pretty good couple of days. I finally got all moved over at Kylies and Willow is settling down really well.  She still has a few dominance issues with Penny but they're working it out.  She's not a fan of sharing her bed and her crate with the others nor my bed either. But she's settling.  It's been a little adjustment for her but I'm hoping once we go to work tomorrow we'll be much better and get back into routine.  This week Mary should be in to do checks and I'm either going to talk to Mary or leave her a letter and see about getting a set day off so I can pick up a part time job for Saturday and Sunday  afternoons and whatever day off I have.  I'm hoping to get Wednesday's off.  It'll make things a lot easier on me.  I need the extra money to help pay board.  I'm already facing the fact of having to ask for help to cover September.  Right now I don't even have the money or room on my credit card to get my train tickets up for the wedding.  I know I need to get myself together and hopefully over the next two months I can get everything organized and get through all my stuff so I can may have stuff put together to bring over to Dad's for court day weekend and sell/ get rid of.  I've learned in this move that I have way too much stuff for a 30 year old person.  So now it's time to really get a hold of everything.   
     I went up and went riding today with Kylie, before running back to my dad's place to get my pants that I forgot in the dryer.  If you can call it riding.  Heidi had her feet trimmed last Wednesday, along with Amber had her's trimmed.  Kylie's going to have more shoes put back on Amber's fronts.  Amber was acting all ouchie today like the lack of shoes was killing her so we really didn't do much riding persay.  We kind of got up to the arena we walked around then stood in the middle just talking and it was kind of interesting.  Just a fun relaxed day.  
     I got home to pick up my pants, Willow enjoyed running around sniffing everything like she hadn't been there in a month or two.  Then went in and got her routine milk bones from mom and settled down to chill while I sat there and talked to mom for a little bit.  It wasn't until I was leaving did it hurt.  I don't know why it didn't bother me yesterday but today was much more painful.  I do miss my dad.  I am so used to him being around all the time that not having him here just doesn't feel right. I know that too will pass and like Kylie said to me earlier at least he's only a 45 minute drive away, not liking visiting her folks 11 hours away.  
     Now to just get to work on losing weight and I'll be fantastic.  Time to kick myself in gear and get going.  I know Mikey wants me to join the gym with him but I'll have to have him find out the actual cost because it'll be a while before I can actually afford it.  I hate not being able to afford anything hardly, but I have to start somewhere. I have Heidi, I have Willow I have a fresh start with one of my bestie's and let's see where this goes from here. 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Problem solving

     This week has been a very trying week.  I have stayed up late on my days off trying to get things done and my body refuses to sleep in so I am physically wore out from not getting enough sleep.  I think tonight I'll take some nyquil and go to bed very early to get my sleep.  Moving is tough, and I have it easy.  Today was supposed to be moving everything else but my dresser, TV, Computer and it's desk but it won't be.  It'll probably be just my movies since I only have two totes that I am working with, which leaves Saturday for whatever I can get into my truck Friday night and then Sunday will be everything else.  The forcast is saying no rain so let's hope that can hold and this way the dew is the only thing that can make what's in my truck wet(and even then it'll have to go through a tarp).  I really hope I can get all this done and get it out of the way so Sunday is as easy as possible. 
     Willow has been training great.  Still having some issues with Sit for Exam.  That's going to be our sour spot I think.  I'm pushing her training the best I can and I'm hoping the move the week before the show isn't what messes her up.  She'll still be going out to train on our lunch breaks at work so here's for hoping.  I can't afford to blow two entries in a row.  I know the last one when she was sick was not her fault- just very irritating to me.  But still was a blown entry.  
     I have barely spent any time at all with Heidi now.  Between moving and the heat there hasn't been much hope for messing with her after work.  September is fast approaching and without a new job prospect in sight(but plenty of applications out) I'm at the ends of my rope as to what to do.  I can't 'bring her home' since Kylie's field isn't horse ready yet and I couldn't make someone else take care of her and still have that drive out to Bath county to see her.  I've told a couple people when they asked me what I wanted for my birthday was simply money to put towards my board.  Hopefully by the end of September I can have another job (or a second one) to start getting money paid up for Heidi's board for the winter.  I really don't make enough money to keep a horse and it does bother me something fierce.  My brain tells me I should sell her because financially I couldn't do anything with her, and seeing as I didn't get a raise at a year I should just give up.  I cashed out all my overtime to get the calf for meat and with this move I haven't hardly gotten to work any overtime, but I love Heidi so much.  Heidi and Willow are my life right now.  I have my bunnies and they make me happy too and then there's Waffles too.  He's so stinking cute.  Been a long time since I've been around fish.  
     Just all comes down to lack of money, need better paying job and need less expensive hobbies and 'pets' really.  I even applies to a graphic designer job posting.  It's been so long since I've done any of that kind of work I'd really have to work at it for a little while to get current with the programs.  I have applied to customer service kinds of jobs, even the ones that have you as a phone rep.  Hopefully something can and will give soon.  As much as I thought Boonesboro was the place little over a year ago, it's just a stark realization that I probably should never have left Nestle- even if I hated it there, I could afford to keep my big girl.  Had I not I would have never gotten Willow though.  Six of one half dozen of the other, right?  Well I'd best get to packing, it's not going to do it by itself.  

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Not giving up

     I have started riding a lot more again and Kylie gave me some pointers while we were riding yesterday, and even if I ride alone I can work on it better.  Heidi's been going with really good with the spurs though I think dropping back to the 3xw gullet bar will do better, she seemed a lot more uncomfortable with the saddle yesterday with the 2xw gullet bar than she did the other day with the 3xw.  So I think for now I might just go back to the 3xw and keep working and see what happens.  I am getting more and more comfortable.  Soon I will probably have to move back to lunge line work and start teaching Heidi to canter undersaddle.  I can't wait to be able to canter under saddle again.  I think once she starts to canter under saddle we'll be able to improve.  I know I've been thinking and saying the same thing for the past 2 years that I was going to get Heidi solid but I think now I really can.  I may have lost a lot of my confidence and as I have noticed more and more a lot of my drive.  Even though I know I had Shana helping me, I don't know.  It's not the same as having Kylie there.  Maybe because Kylie was really the one that got me started on horses. 
     Willow had to skip the last dog show and it really bummed me.  Partly because I didn't want Lisa to go alone.  Going alone kind of sucks.  But Willow had Kennel Cough and while she's basically over it now I couldn't risk spreading it to so many other dogs.  Perry was telling me last night that it was basically my fault, I shouldn't bring her with me to work so much that's just lining her up to get sick.  But I do know she's been vaccinated and it was a strain not covered by the vaccine.  It's really no one's fault but the shelter's.  The shelter dogs were what brought it into the clinic.  I kind of want to leave her home tomorrow to make a point but it won't make any kind of point what-so ever.  It'll make her upset, that I know for sure.  She literally has been glued to me for a long time.  She was ready for the show but was sick.  So I went ahead and entered Bluegrass instead.  I know I am super nervous about Bluegrass as I know it's a HUGE show but I'm hoping that by entering on Sunday we'll be okay.  We will have to be okay. She's got this week off and then two weeks of grind to get herself prepped for that show.  It was Tuesday evening before she finally started to play again. She's back to playing again and running.  I've missed dearly watching her run around or after her ball.  
     I have done it, I went and got a few more rabbits.  I'm actually really happy to have them again.  I've bred one of my does right away.  I'm heavy on Chin's now but I'm okay with that. I love the chin color and blues, so I got a blue pair and what steel does I have are blue carriers so I am hopeful for some blues down the road.  I'm really excited to be able to get back into them.  They were part of what I was missing.  
     Now I just need to find me a man that can handle me in general.  Also need to find a better paying job so that I can afford to sustain myself.   The horse, the dog and the rabbits!  Loving my life right now and going to at least enjoy enjoy what there is to offer.  

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Quietness

     I have been up and down but more ups lately.  I've had several days where I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I just wanted to sit and cuddle with my dog and my horse and be content.  I miss having Heidi at home so it was easier to take care of her.  I have been a horrible pony mom and haven't seen her enough at all this year.  We rode today, especially when I had to pull out of the dog show because Willow has Kennel Cough.  I know she's had her vaccination for it but Patrick said to Mikey- since it was his dog that got it first- said it was probably a strain that wasn't covered by the vaccine.  Well shit.  I was so ready and eager to show and I was so disappointed when I realized Willow didn't have allergies and really was sick.  I about cried.  Then we went up, caught Rex at the clinic and we got some meds.  She's been sleeping most of the day, she hasn't had much energy and what energy she does get we run it out. I know she still needs the exercise.  
     I got another Wintec Wide for Heidi and I got back up on her again today in it.  Oh how comfortable it was.  I hope soon to have the girth in that she needs to fit that saddle, it took Shana and I to get the girth on her today.  She was great and I'm glad of it.  I learned I didn't have the saddle quite far enough up.  I shall keep that corrected from here out.  
     Hoping for a better day tomorrow.   With Willow feeling better and great things come!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Relaxing

     It's been a pretty good day, other than the rain practically all day long.  I didn't get Willow out and working again, that's a day off that she coudn't really afford.  I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew this time around.  Hopefully we can squeak by at least. The first and only time I have ever wanted to just squeak by.  Aunt Lisa wants to skip Bluegrass Classic and in a way I am terribly thrilled.  I know it's a HUGE show and the thought of going to that show gives me shivers.  I think at least this year I wouldn't be ready for a show of that size.  Just like the first show that Lisa showed in I wouldn't have been able to, I'd have freaked out.  Next year I might be able to do, but I'll have to get my second dog ready for those kinds of shows before then or get Willow to work off leash.
     I'm hoping soon the weather will start to cooperate so I can get back to riding Heidi.  It's been so long and I'm itching to continue and get better myself.  I am starting to think that Amber was a bit too much horse for me.  Pretty, sweet and good mare none the less but I have lost too much skill.  Kylie gave me a set spurs so hopefully that can help hold Heidi in a trot.  I'm still so lost in saddle land. The most comfortable saddle we ahd together was the wintec, which I of coarse sold and got the aussie, then got rid of the aussie for the dressage.  I'm not comfortable running long stirrups.  So I'm back to looking for a wintec.  Easier said than done. 
     I will totally admit it now too, I really think Kylie was right, I really think Amber was too much horse for me with what skills I still retain from years ago.  Kylie's going to whoop my ass back into shape, with Heidi, Rayna and probably Mary.  Get me back up to a level of riding that I used to be at. 
     I'm really looking forward to getting things moved into Kylie's this weekend.  Get some started at least.  I need to first get the shelving up for my models and my stuff out of Jess' storage room  then slowly empty my room out.  Before I make the complete move I will move the rabbits over.   Last things to move are computers, bed, dog and human.  I am ready.  

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Slumped

     I don't know what's been going on.  I went days, over a week cheerful and happy, and then today, after getting home after the barn I was back to totally depressed.  I don't know what caused it.  Was it a combination of things?  
     I don't know if it was seeing Kylie with Amber again.  I knew those two were such a good pair, I hated the idea of splitting them up before and deep down I knew she loved her.  I did like riding her but I also knew I wasn't good enough for her,  I made Amber fat and lazy.  Part of it was I was scared to ask her to do much because I don't remember enough.  I admitted it to Kylie today while we were riding, I haven't cantered since that accidental canter on Lindy in 2006.  I was jealous watching her and I *know* Amber is out of shape because of me.  I want to get to that point again.  Even if I have to first canter on Mary or Rayna, I will do it again.  I just want to be as good as I once was.  I need something that's forgiving in a horse, which Heidi is, but also something that is well trained or at least is more forward than Heidi is.  Bahloo would have been a good choice.  I was just as comfortable on Bahloo as I was on Amber.  I don't think Cathryn is going to ship Bahloo up now.   
     I am totally out of shape, I am so fat so I've decided my stomach can now tell me when it's hungry for me to eat.  Maybe it will help, maybe not.  I'm going to try a few other things when it comes to vitamins and other supplements.
     I kind of can't wait to get moved over to Kylie's.  I am so ready to get out and get going.  I want to wait for the painting to be done and then I'll start moving my bigger furniture that is in storage over there.  Then my extra barn stuff into a corner of her barn.  Storage of some stuff until I can get through it all.  I know I have so much horse crap still it's not even funny.  Some day I will have a second horse again.  I will keep my second horse stuff just in case. I'm doubting I'll ever get the chance to have a second horse without getting married but for now I'll keep it because there's no point in getting rid of it. 
     I am having some serious second thoughts on the dog show this coming weekend.  I am the only Beginner Novice Obedience 'A' person.  First in that ring that day.  9:00am.  Oh lord.  Now I'm scared shitless.  I really need to work her hard this week.  I hope we can at least qualify.  Of coarse if we qualify we're first place anyway!  LOL.  Breathe deep and relax.  I need to relax for this week and just get her working.  Heeling, sitting upon stopping without being told and sitting straight.  Oh god I hope I can do this.  
     Though I have to admit, it was awesome, weird and interesting to go to Kylie's house today and find her there.  It's been something else. I'm glad she made the trip in pretty good.  Let's see how life plays out from here.  

Monday, July 20, 2015

Looking out

     Parts of me are very relieved at some present circumstances.  As much as I do love Amber I am actually quite relieved that Kylie is going to give her another shot.  I do not ride enough, this heat has proven it quite well.  Plus Amber and Kylie, to me have always been a very good pair.  I can't wait to see what the two of them can do now.  She's going to bring in a trainer to do a lesson with every other week at Tamarack.  I hope the two of them excel.  I love her body style, I love the way she moves, she's comfy but I really can't afford two horses.  I know even making the move to live with her will help with costs but I need a new job very badly.  I have to keep looking and keep trying.  Eventually I will get there.
     Eventually I will find me a man too.  Kari seems to think, at least she joked today, that he could literally walk through the back door anytime and meet and hit it off. I'd like to think that sometimes things like that could actually happen but I highly doubt it.  I'm really not the attactive type.  These guys want thin pretty bimbo kinda gals.  I'm the direct opposite. I'm a smart ass, heavyset, more thinking, tomboy kinda gal.  I do try to keep it positive but let's face it.  I'm out with public daily and they frown upon girls like me.  I bottle up a ton of my emotions and I'm not as easily out going as most girls my age.  Add the lack of motivation to stay completely current.  I have an old smartphone and I haven't watched much real TV.  I don't know a lot of new tv shows, stars, singers, etc.
     I am wondering at time what is wrong with me?  Personally I know that I am super picky on guys.  I figure I have my horse, my dog and I'm still sticking with a few rabbits.  I think so anyway.  I need to get off soured thoughts and get to bed.  It's late and I do have to work tomorrow.  I have so many things to do after work as well.  I do need to stop and get a good hug from Heidi.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Moving forward

     I am still thinking a lot about moving in with Kylie and her spare bedroom.  I think it will be a step forward.  It seems like the right choice to make and at least a step towards moving out on my own completely.  I know as soon as I move out of my current bedroom that's it.  There's no going back.  Jess will be repainting it and moving herself into it.  I already know she is. Rachel has reassured me a few times that Willow, Eli and Rodeo should at least all be pretty good together and Penny seems like a very laid back dog as well.  It will give Willow someone else that will play with her.  It does mean that Jess will be on her own for Ayden's meds cause once I move out Ayden isn't coming with me.  Hopefully Jess is ready for it.  
     I am still worried about fighting with Ky or Doug and it ending up like Rach and Val did.  I think that is what scares me the most.  I don't want to make an enemy out of my best friend.  It would also help to open up more options for jobs for me.  Even if what I'm paying to her is starting out where it is, there is always the option to move it up as we  need to and on top of helping Kylie out it'll help me get moving on with life.  I know it might mean keeping down to just one horse, one dog and just the few rabbits I have left for now.  I *might* inherit a Beta fish.  It'll be my first foray into owning a fish but with Kylie there to teach me more about them and making sure I don't screw up Pancake any worse.  
     I finally got back on Heidi today.  Man how I have missed that.  I hadn't realized how much I have missed her.  We rode with the side reins today and it helped to control her during her trotting.  I posted almost a full lap in each direction and I am actually kind of hopeful to teach her to jump a little and just do some fun shows and schooling type deals until I get more stable financially to get her into dressage training and me into dressage riding. 

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Fears

     I have finally started sorting out a few feelings and some things that are going on.  I have had a lot going on lately-surprisingly.  
     I gave Kylie the open invitation that if she needed to sell Amber to raise some funds for another horse, then to go ahead and sell Amber.  Yes I do love the mare but I am no where near as connected and invested into Amber as I am Heidi.  Amber would also bring in the better money.  I know I love her, maybe not as much as I do Heidi but I have been keeping her a little more at arms length in case Kylie wanted her back.  I have her physically going back in the right direction.  Got her feet back to shape, got them hardened up, also got her teeth floated and I have her settled in at Tamarack.  She's going good, better than I expected her to settle in.  She is still a bit spookier than I thought she would be.  She needs some more one on one time and a lot more consistent work.  I know Shana had mentioned something about selling Hope so maybe she would be interested in a couple times a week riding Amber just to keep her in shape.  I really want to continue on with Amber.  No I don't have the money to afford the real lessons and keep Amber in training.  No I don't have the money, nor make it, to afford two horses on board.  I would love to keep Heidi on Pasture board but if I start making more money I would like to put Amber in first, and eventually both mares on full board.  Maybe not at Tamarack.  I will look at other barns in the future too.  I haven't ridden Heidi since Kylie last rode her because I've been working so much on improving myself on Amber that I haven't even tacked Heidi up.  I found an identical saddle to Heidi's but narrower to fit Amber.  Downfall it's $950.  It's so tempting to try and figure out how to get it anyway.  I might wait and use Kylie's extra, a Stubben Roxanne, I think, and working on flat work and start my jumping again.  Once I do get better then work on aiming for dressage and bring Heidi along behind us.  
     I am kinda excited at the prospect of Aunt Cathryn shipping Bahloo up as well.  Lisa could do the work on her as she's amazing under saddle and hopefully by now some decent ground manners.  Do some lessons on Bahloo with Shana or Kylie and I'll do some on Amber and some on Heidi, with Lisa and we could all have just a LOT of fun.  I don't think I'll ever get to the point of being able to show but I do want to build a good solid working into both of my mares.  Once I'm thoroughly comfortable then I'll start to think about showing the girls.  
     I am scared that I won't get another job nor a raise at my current job.  I do want to get my own apartment at some point, and get out and start dating again.  I do know I am not trusted by at least two of the vets that I currently work with so it makes me really hesitant to trust them there.  I want to work somewhere that I can actually make a difference and be trusted.  I think part of it was me.  I failed to be that open and even keeled with them when I first started.  I've finally started to relax and trust them but that's how I also overheard that Patrick doesn't trust me.  So I can't stand to work for someone that clearly doesn't trust me.  I've had my suspicions for a while and it was all re-solidified when Brenda returned, then I let it slide some and then over hearing Patrick just made it worse.  Does tell me that either Kari, Diane and Mikey do trust me or they just wanted me out of the way and out of the clinic.  I don't know how to tell the difference.  I am not as good with people as I had hoped I would be.  
     I left some open invitational stuff for my doTERRA with a few of the women at work and Mikey.  Mikey seems to be the most open and willing to learn.  The others seem to think it's a bit of a joke.  I don't know.  I'm willing to be open about it if they are willing to listen.  Anyway It's long already and it's time to get ready for bed for me.  

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ruts

     I have been eternally stuck in one spot and it's just not moving very much.  I have been fighting and trying to get my life together.  I eventually want to get off and living my own life.  I just need to get a career not just a job.  The job hunt has been slow and steady.  No calls for interviews yet but hopefully I can look at a pay increase as a year comes up at the clinic.  I will continue to look for better jobs.  I am only hopeful that I can find a good job, a good faithful man and be able to keep all my babies happy and comfortable!
     Willow has done so well.  I have done some light work with her this week, just to let her have a little down time to be a dog again.  It'll be back to the grind starting next week since then we'll be at 4 weeks to the next show.  I have a couple of weeks still before we have to enter and we're going to work on the obedience side of things since I can't talk to her in there.  First step will be heeling and sitting upon stopping.  Sitting straight as well.  Everything is going to go hard core with her.  I know she's young and she's still heavily learning and Lisa said she thinks Willow will be awesome when she's older.  She's awesome to me now, just a diamond in the ruff.  Part of me is so driven to get a second dog and start this again and do it some more.  I already know my career with rabbits is over.  I hardly ever pay attention to them.  Usually my rabbits are lucky to see me every other day.  My brain keeps telling me to sell the last of them and get it over with.  My heart says to hang onto the last of them and wait it out.
     I keep telling myself to wait it out, wait it out.  My life is going by me while I 'wait it out' and I'm starting to wonder what other steps can I take to move forward with my life.  I might finally have my doTERRA taking off at least  a little bit.  The clinic girls (and Mickey) are all interested so I've got some photocopies of everything paperwork wise so see if they would be willing to just order them online through my website and it will be so nice to have them take off a little bit, at least pay for themselves as we go.
     Last touch subject is the horses.  I know I LOVE Amber and Heidi both very much.  I know I really technically can't afford to have horses in my life.  I also know Kylie's looking for another horse when Amber really is the horse she needs.  Unless she's truly given up on the mare, Amber can do everything that she wants to do.  I know she's not Phoenix nor Liberti of which she misses.  I miss them too.  Especially Phoenix.  I had always left the invitation open if she ever wanted Phoenix back but she never did.  Bahloo was a good stand in for her to ride.  She was happy and comfortable on her.  I was comfortable on her size wise and width wise but me and her just didn't click like I do with Amber and Heidi.  I am still really hoping that Cathryn does ship Bahloo back up for a while.  Lisa can ride one mare, Kylie on another and me on Heidi and we can do a large trail ride, or even Doug on Amber for the trail ride.  I am starting to think I may not push myself to try and show Amber, I really don't think I could afford to show her even if I got that far.  Amber may be better off with someone else that would show her.  
     Who knows.  All I do know is this is what has been on my mind lately and if it wasn't for my vetiver oil I'd never get to sleep at night.  Still I don't want to be stuck in this rut I am stuck in right now. 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Stuck

     I hate rainy days off from work.  I really get into my own mind and hunt out for things that aren't really there.  I really need to get out of my head and get back to my life.  But this will be a depressing kinda post for the most part.  
     First and foremost I know weather has a lot to do with things.  The weather on my day off this week was subpar.  In fact quite ugly.  I mean I got out and I go to do some things, but the list of chores I had to do was LONG.  I didn't even get them all done.  Some I could still be doing now but I have given up for today.  I am too wore out.  SO many things to do, so little time.  But Kitchen has been cleaned, I scrubbed the stove, microwave and the counter around the sink so it's clean and doesn't stink back there anymore.  I might have to go through and wipe down the stove every night so I know it's clean and stays that way. I hated having to scrub all that.  
     One sore subject is the horses.  I'm sick and tired of fighting and struggling to find a new job so I can afford to keep the mares on pasture board.  Heck I'm still not the one paying Amber's board.  I really need to get a new job so I can afford to pay the board and really make it feel like she's my mare.  Heidi I need to just get her back working properly.  I think with Heidi when I go to ride I think we really need to ride more on the side reins.  I ought to get my own side reins but if I can for now if I am going to ride her I'll just borrow Shana's side reins.  I'd really rather ride Amber as I don't seem to have to push as hard when I ride her.  I'm still working and bonding with her and we're still enjoying our time together.  It does make Heidi super jealous.  I really think Heidi's the more jealous mare of the two.  Today Heidi wouldn't even come to the gate, Amber at least came to the gate for me to give them some grain.  I haven't seen them since Sunday and it's Thursday.  I fully intend to go out and see them again tomorrow.  If it's not raining I'm going to ride again too.  
     I have three dog shows lined up- a positive aspect to the post.  I am really looking forward to those.  She's been working really well and I'm just happy that she's doing good.  Hopefully we earn our Title this time around and then the beginning of August show we shall try beginner obedience.  Then if we continue to improve the way we are, I'm hoping to get our CGC at the end of August.  I still have some work and I know where I need to go heavy on heeling, and then the sit for exam will be hard.  Long sits and downs will be hard for her as well.  She just needs time and work.  I know she does.  I am being so hard on her but she needs to be the socially acceptable dog so she can continue to go out and about a lot.  
     Last sad to happy was with Mikey- a coworker of mine.  I felt partly hurt that I didn't know what was going on, but I don't think they trust me.  If the coworkers don't trust me there it's hard to relax.  But anyway, Mikey had taken ill, and I've been doing what I can to keep up with what's going on.  I hate to bug him and text or message him myself or even call him.  He keeps in contact with the others and I've been keeping up with it that way.  He's supposedly getting better now but it still bothers me. I think one of the only ones that sorta trusts me is Diane.  Either way.  It's done, it's over and I'm job hunting.
     Back to one last downcast.  Still nothing on the job front.  There just hasn't been much opening up.  I think some of it is coming down to me and the way I self assess myself in job assessment tests.  I put myself down and I know I do.  I need to stop self degrading and keep learning to be positive.  

Monday, June 29, 2015

Dreaming

     Well I've been doing a LOT of dreaming lately.  Yes I know you gotta play to win when it comes to the lotto but I shall continue to dream anyway.  I got so many dreams and so many wants and desires.  
     One of my dreams is to be debt free.  I can't wait to be debt free.  So many things to have to pay off and so little pay. When the debts are paid off(which right now will take a LONG time) I can actually enjoy things again.  I think even if I ever own the lotto, I'd still go into an apartment.  A decent sized apartment and I'd get my second puppy.  Having it shipped in would be seriously expensive to start with.  I'd make sure my car was sound and probably donate it to a good cause, and then look at a newer car for myself. Something comfortable enough for me, another human and both dogs in the backseat.  I know first thing to be done with a lotto winning- half goes into a savings or CD or something to be able to live off of.  Then second thing I would do would be to put 1/3 of what's left into an account to set aside for my horses.  Get them moved onto Full board and leave them at Tamarack.  There, done happy and set with them.  
     I've got some good training sessions on Willow.  I'd really like to have classes and see if that can counter balance where I've been lacking in her training.  I'm hoping to get her Rally novice title this coming weekend.  Then there's a beginning of August in Louisville that I'm thinking of starting Obedience A in.  Then from there it's all training for Bluegrass Classic at the end of the August.  I'm not sure if I want to swing back into Rally then or keep at the Obedience.  
     Who knows, I intend to keep my dreams livid and chin up.  Keep trying to live my life and my dreams!

Thursday, June 25, 2015

De-stressing!

     These last few days to even a week since the last post has actually been really good.  Michael was supposed to come the day after the last post, it was a day later because of the heat.  Amber is moving so well on those shoes.  He put ones on that had a little more heel support.  I grinned a HUGE grin of pure bliss the other day when I watched her gallop across the field to come over and get her grain.  Kylie and I rode the other day when she was here, both mares were great.  Heidi still doesn't much care to be ridden in the summer.  She really hates the heat still.  Last summer I was able to get her onto full board for the summer so she was in out of the heat.  This year just won't happen.  I wish Perry would put a run in out there so they really had a good spot for shade out there.  I'm still hoping he will.  It'll be easier in the winter so they can get in out of the weather on bad nights. 
     So far, not good, on the job hunt.  I have been applying to several more places and I just don't know what else I can do.  Though at least I have to admit, I might have a few people at work actually interested in the doTERRA now.  I was just telling them about the few that I do have myself and I had all the stuff with me today but Mikey was out sick and I wasn't going to go up front to talk to Kari about them.  So it shall really wait until they are ready.  In the meantime I am going to keep trying with them and just see where it goes.  If they're really interested in a class I am quite sure I can talk to Cathryn and find out when the next time she'll be up and see if she'll be interested in holding one more class for me. Even if it's at the clinic during lunch or something.  
     I started to work Willow again during lunch.  Tomorrow will have to be another short lesson because I do have to run to the Post Office as well and ship a few things.  Next show is in week and a half!  I can't wait.  Jess already decided to not go with us so hopefully I can just hop a ride from Owingsville as Aunt Lisa and Uncle Jim go by to West Virginia.  I still need to do it more.  
    I was talking to one of the girls that I sold some extra horse stuff to today and it really made me miss Bailey and it made me miss rehabbing horses.  I hated how much confidence I lacked back then and I'm more conscientious now and I know I can't afford it but doesn't make it any easier to help with the rehab.  I think I might try to get a job at a Thoroughbred farm.  I know there is no rehabbing there, but maybe get some retiree's off the track to try to start their retraining.  I'd really like to do the rescue and rehab myself though.  Maybe it is just that I miss Bailey.  I don't know.  I'd love to go to an auction and find one to rescue and rehab it back to health and find it a good home.  If I could win the lotto I'd buy my own farm and keep Heidi, Amber and Bahloo if Cathryn needed me to and then use some extra area to do some rehabs.  Everything is just calming to me right now and I have so many dreams and ambitions.  Now to start making plans and categorizing short and long term goals and making plans on meeting them!   

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Believing

        A lot of things have been processing lately.  I had three weeks between dog shows- and three more weeks until the next show.  This past three weeks I flopped some quite a lot at doing some more hard core training, I will not make the same mistake with these three weeks until our next show.  Next show I hope to do better.  I would like to place at least for her title show(assuming we qualify).  A lot of what we have to work on is her jumping up.  I haven't completely figured out how to make her quit doing it, and making her heel better.  
     Might have Jess coming with us, and Ayden, to see if it's something she wants to try doing.  I really hope she does, it could be something interesting to do, even if she never leaves Novice, just like me.  I can't seem to push Willow far enough to push her to off leash for Advanced- at least not quite yet.  I might follow the same route that Lisa is doing with Tinks.  Rally Novice, then Beginner Novice Obedience, then if we start doing good that way we'll come back and finish our Rally once we can start to work off leash really well.  Might take me a while and I might end up going into B before I can get there.  We did qualify with a score of 93 on our second show.  it gave us 7/8th place depending on the time as we tied with someone else for points but at that point it doesn't matter, they only place out to fourth.  
     The big girls have been pretty good.  Amber is still limping after her rough hoof trim.  I'm trying to put off calling Michael back to put shoes on her.  I've sent him a message to see what else I can do.  I've been putting the hardener on them to try and harden them up.  I know they needed that cut.  The sooner the better really.  Once we get her feet on the straight and narrow I know she'll be fine.  Just need to get her feet comfortable again.
     Just texted Michael, he'll come look at her tomorrow after work.  I can't stay late at work, I will need to take off at 4pm no if's ands or butts.  Hopefully I can get everything straightened away with her feet.  I really do miss riding her.  Heidi's my love bug on the ground, but when it comes to riding, Give me Amber any day!  I love both my girls very much though and I will see their love and care through the end of everything.  Heidi's feet are solid and she's totally set and ready to ride again.  If Michael doesn't take too long I will ride Heidi afterwards with the new girl Megan and her gelding Max.  If not I totally understand that as well, Amber's comfort comes first.  

     Anyway, Still job hunting, I have a very strong desire to get my own apartment for Willow and myself.  As much as I've finally started to get comfortable at the clinic, I know the costs of living are far higher than what I make.  I believe I can still find that job, I just have to keep faith and keep trying.  Maybe in the end I will find my dream man too.  Who knows.  Lord only knows what will happen.  

Friday, June 5, 2015

Hope

     I have been doing everything humanly possible to hold out as much hope as I can that my Pension check will come in this week so I can get caught up on my bills.  I'm just about ready to give up.  It's going to mean giving up a few things for a few months until it does come in and it's going to mean quite a few other changes.  
     I know one of the things I will have to give up is my doTERRA.  It'll mean one or possibly two oils a month.  This month is already on second month of very small orders.  I just simply don't have the money to continue with them.  I have gone to being very stringent with my oils and I have only used teeny tiny amounts because I don't want to run out until I have the money again to keep up and catch up with my oils.  I try to use a very small amount of my vetiver every night and it's helped me sleep a lot better.  I stopped using my diffuser because it was using too much oil.  I use one drop behind each ear of the breathe on the dry days to help fight the allergies, rainy days I don't bother with.  Lemongrass only when my foot starts to throb and balance on my feet only on work days- single drop each foot.  I know there's quite a few drops of oil in each bottle but I'm just not ready to run out of anything.  I don't know when I'll be able to get back on top of everything again.  
     I am so far stressed out that I finally stopped at the barn on Thursday.  Sandy wasn't there, she had already gone up to NY for the Belmont, so I knew I had a week free of her at the barn.  I stopped there and still all I could do was pull my girls(Whom came RUNNING to me) and give them some supper and brush them down.  I just don't feel comfortable there anymore.  I really don't like the idea of going somewhere else but I can't even force myself to ride out alone anymore.  Heidi I still can quite easily, she'll just go and I'm more than willing to ride her tomorrow.  Hopefully someone will come ride with me tomorrow.  I hate to put Amber on the back burner again while I wait for so long to have a dependable riding partner like Kylie.  
     I can't wait for things to start leveling out.  I have applied for a few more jobs, hopefully a higher paying one will pop up.  I do like the idea of working in a vet's office but the lack of pay to be able to sustain myself does not work too well at all.  I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, this is just getting too hard.  It's not that I hate this I just wish sometimes I had thought things through a lot more before I had quit Nestle.  I'm still have some regrets quitting there.  
     I know eventually I'll have everything sorted and everything on the straight and narrow.  Things are just making me depressed and I am fighting to keep myself above water.  I know things will take an upturn as soon as I can clear some bills.  I am hoping, praying that check comes in the mail each and every day.  

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Analyzing Stress

     I have been really trying to understand a lot of the stress, what it has been doing to my general well being and where it's coming from.  
     I know some of what it's been doing.  I lack any motivation to do anything, Monday, my day off this week, I ended up dozing on and off several times during the morning.  I finally had to get up and get moving or I'd have slept all day on and off like that.  It certainly didn't help a lot of things.  Also when I try to take the doTERRA vitamins it makes me incredibly drowsy so I had to jump back off of them and boom, I have energy again.  I don't know which one is causing the issue.  I might have to try them one at a time and see what happens.  Maybe there's one that's causing the problems.  I'll have to figure it all out as I am going.  My doTERRA hasn't even been helping the emotional roller coaster that I have been on.  I know Aunt Lisa had been telling me the same thing, just very strongly emotional.  I've been that way, along with severely angered and stressed.  There's just been nothing that's helping.  
     Some stress has been my lack of money for anything.  I got all but one bill paid, and got my entry for the dog show done, and I ended up with $34 left for one more tank of gas for my car.  I also didn't get a bag of horse feed picked up.  I'm fairly sure my rabbit food will last until my next paycheck so that isn't so worrisome.  It's going to mean yet another very small order from doTERRA.  I hate straining my money this hard.  I've been waiting for almost a month for the last of my pension payout so I can get bills paid and caught up to current.  I am praying it comes in sometime this week, but I did the same last week.  I just want to sit and cry with the lack of money and the bills piling up.  I know dad says it was the same for him when he was my age but this whole hormonal disaster I've been in is driving me crazy.  
     Some of the stress is Tamarack.  I know the stress between Sandy and I that I've carried since March with her is just adding up.  Ever since I started having issues with her, Willow has picked up on it and Willow barks and growls at her.  Sandy was stupid enough to stick her arm in my car window to pet Willow and Willow almost bit her.  Personally that's Sandy's own fault.  She shouldn't have stuck her arm in my car to start with.  Now she's pushing that Willow's not allowed on the farm, she's a liability issue.  I flat out told her if someone was stupid enough to let their kids run loose and not controlled and they stick their arm in my car window, they kinda deserve to be bitten.  If my dog is in my car and Perry has told me I could even let her out in the past, she is normally fine.  But now they're both against Willow being there.  The two of them are both so two faced and it's just not where I want to be.  I personally get flustered when I see Sandy so I haven't even been able to ride Amber properly.  She picks up on my tension very easily, much easier than Heidi does.  So I haven't been to the barn since Sunday when I finished up manes on TC, Bootsie, ChaCha, and Coco.  I also body brushed them.  I miss my girls but the farm makes my stomach turn.  Hopefully soon I can change all that. 
     Hopefully my check will come in the mail tomorrow so I don't have to worry too much about the money issue.  I plan to put some of it into a savings account and pay Heidi's board for June.  Bad part is that check has to come in sometime this week to pay board by the 10th.  That will give me a small/short amount of time to find another barn or to figure out where I can put them for a little while until I can get a new job.  
     Thinking of jobs, I'm still looking and applying to a lot of them.  I have heard today from Rex that we have a new vets office opening in Mt Sterling.  I might have to check them out, see if they'll pay more or even if the pay is the same, but a weekly paycheck and health insurance that covers dental.  I don't know if I want to start over at another office or not.  
     I've been looking into going back to school to finish up a photography degree and try to get a job in that field as I continue to go on with life.  Sadly this is only scratching the surface of what's in my head.  
     It's close to bed time, I am going to swing by the barn tomorrow just to hug my girls and give them their supper, then stop by and visit Aunt Cathryn and Aunt Lisa.  Maybe just a hug between Lisa and I will help both of us get into better moods.  

Monday, June 1, 2015

Broken

     I have finally gotten to the point where I feel completely broken down.  Work has been putting stress on me that I'm just caving under.  It's not like me to just cave under the stress.  I have gotten to where I just stay to myself, I keep thinking and wondering what I have done to earn this kind of treatment from the other older women that I work with.  It's just so much easier to deal with the vets and then keep to the back with Willow.  She always knows when I'm stressed, she lays with me and doesn't pester the crap out of me.  I have had so much stress at the barn as well, Sandy is just irritating me so much that I find it hard to keep my anger and frustration under control so riding Amber has also been a futile mission.  I lose my temper quickly when she decides to be lazy so I have chosen to be the smarter person and just do the right thing and stay out of saddle.  I've been doing bending and just friendly games on the ground.  It's the smart thing to do since taking Amber up to the outdoor arena is part of my frustrations, cause Sandy can watch me.  There's something different about her watching me now.  Amber picks upon my frustrations and it gets crazy.  
     Part of me just wants to switch barns, I don't really trust Perry anymore either.  I find it hard to trust Juan as well. I'm just in a very untrusting rut that I cannot pull myself out of.  Even my oils aren't helping as much.  It's psychological.  I know if I stopped bringing Willow to work, I could stay longer at the barn in the afternoons, but Willow is my release at work when I start to get frustrated or I get ticked off I go grab her and take her out for a walk and blow off some steam.  Then usually once I have blown off some steam I am good for a few more hours.  Last week I stopped working the dalmations again I just can't do it anymore.  I mean I didn't even do dog training with Willow last week.  I have a show in less than 2 weeks, I really need to get her out and training but my funk has not let me do it.  I just spend a lot of the time with her that I should be working on her training.  We skated by in our first show but she needs the work before our next show.  I might take her over to Alfie's to work some.  
     I do have to admit one of the only good things about the higher stress level's is my weight has dropped some more.  May 1st I was 272, June 1st today I am 266.5 I am going to try to keep the downward trend going.  Hopefully not through stress but I know the stress will be there, I just have to control it better.  Today is a cleaning kinda day.  Clean and re-organize my bedroom, I did the bathroom yesterday early morning so just see where my cleaning and organizing goes.  I may send a message to Aunt Lisa and see if she wants to meet at Lowes but I think we'll get rained out on a dog training session.  See if there's other 'tricks' that I can try with Willow.  I think I'm just going to dig deeper into working on making her heel and I think that will correct a lot of the issues.    

Monday, May 25, 2015

Greatness

     The last few days have been phenomenal and I know I have been feeling it too.  I've been doing most of Willow's training as I could on lunch breaks at work, only spending half an hour doing so.  My other half an hour this last week was spent with Blake and Briley the dalmations.  I don't know how much longer I can feasibly work with them. I've gotten so used to working with Willow for the half an hour, then letting her out with Callie to play and wear the two of them out then taking Maverick outside and working with him if he's there.  Right now it's been leave Willow and go work with Blake and Briley for a half an hour and then come back and get Willow out and get her working for 15 or 20 minutes and then let her romp with Callie for about 10 minutes.  
     Our show on Saturday was great.  Willow didn't do as well as I had hoped for but she still did great.  Three of the signs that we had were not ones we had practiced at all.  The serpentine was the one that didn't worry me.  It's simple heeling and Willow had been doing pretty good with that.   The one, I don't know how to explain but the swap around, swapping the leash behind my back, I never practiced that one but we seemed to both do it quite well.  The last was the call front finish left.  I've done call front finish right but not left.  Gotta work on that one!  She turned into a jumping bean after that sign and we finished with her jumping up and down so that needs some work as well.   Next show is in 3 weeks, just a single Rally show cause we don't wanna get up that early to do both.  We've gotta keep cracking!  She's been by my side ever since then.  Which I don't mind at all.  
     I've been riding a LOT.  I've started to feel that in my legs.  Right above my knees on the outsides of my leg.  They're sore but it's not a bad sore.  I can feel it but it's not that bad. I've really been enjoying getting the girls out and riding.  Heidi's actually been enjoying going out a lot more.  I finally figured out when I do get to ride with someone else it's just a lot, lot better.  Yeah so Shana was correcting me through most of my ride but finally riding with someone else was just the best feeling.  So I need a lot of work, so what.  So I need actual lessons, so what?  Shana didn't care, She actually waited to come ride with me and that was what made all the difference to me.  Amber was on her best behavior, she enjoyed Hope's company.  I haven't enjoyed Sandy's company since mid March when I learned of Amber coming down,  I've avoided her since, almost similar to the plague.  I still find comfort just sitting out there with my two girls.  I kept off Amber for a week and she still rode out great, no high strung behavior, nothing.  Maybe it was because Hope was there grounding her or she was just that calm.  She's been so calm.  I actually admitted to Shana that I actually prefer riding Amber over riding Heidi.  Heidi tweeks my back and makes that sore, Amber doesn't.  I don't know why or anything.  I do know I should check out a Chiropractor for myself at some point.  I just don't know what to do.  Heidi does love me, she does what I ask of her.  My heart is just feeling like it's torn about what to do.    
     Yesterday I went out to the barn and rode each girl up in turn to the arena and we did some trotting.  It was hard to keep Amber's attention because Sandy had taken Spencer out to graze.  I hadn't put two and two together until then that my girls and probably Fortune as well, were really hungry.  Amber quit working so well seeing Spencer grazing nearby.  So when I got back to the bottom, I filled four muck buckets with the loose hay that had fallen off the hay wagon and put them out one at a time- the girls(Heidi, Amber and Fortune) fought over each one until I got three out there. It was pitiful to see.  They really are hungry.  I know their field resembles a dry lot.  I know Perry has seeded it heavily but it hasn't rained yet to make it grow.  I have told Perry I know the girls are hungry and unlike the ones that are full board that can get hay in their stalls during the day, mine don't have anything to eat.  Sandy said she'll tell him again that they need hay or something to eat.  I've been graining them heavily but it's just not as good for them as hay is.  If he won't hay them I will have to find somewhere else to move them to.  They need the hay or grass to eat.  If not I'll be dealing with ulcers from being hungry all the time. 
     It still begs to differ what is going to go on with my life.  I do know that I have my horses, my dog and a couple of really close friends that I will always  love and cherish and that I talk to on a more routine basis.  

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Changes

     It's been a bit of a trying couple of days.  I've done so much running back and forth that I am so physically wore out, it's not a surprise that my sinus' are getting the upper hand on me again.  
     First it was actually my sinus' and my ears got the upper hand but a little Basil on a cotton ball and in my ear cleared up the ear infection, it's left my ears feeling thick and nasty but no more pain and ringing.  So at least something has stepped forward.  Jessica finally has let me work on her toes.  Mom said she gave Jess a few days to clear it up herself or she was to let me do it.  So I made her soak them with Melaluca and then lose wrap with Frankincense on the toes themselves.  I told her to give it a few days doing it my way and see what it does.  The ingrown toe nails have been infected for so long I would be afraid of her turning septic and the infection spreading through her whole body.  Mom thought she'd end up losing her dang toes.  Either way at least she's finally letting me try something.  
     I've been running to the barn every night after work to feed my girls and to check them over.  I'm still soured from Heidi getting hurt.  I mean horses get hurt, that's just the fact of the matter.  I kinda wish that some of these jobs that I have applied to had came out positive so I could have finally moved onto something better paying.  I hate living paycheck to paycheck. It's just been hard.  I still take at least one day a week to check over the bottom barn mares.  I went through Saturday afternoon to feed my girls and instead of riding I checked and treated Thor, Misty, Mary and just groomed Una as she doesn't have any rainrot.  Amber's got some rain rot under where her saddle sits around her withers and Heidi's is on her hocks, like Misty's is.  Mary's is on her back legs hock down and Thor's used to be nose to tail but right now it's on just her barrel.  I've been fighting hers for a while now.  I just at times cannot believe half of the stuff I am doing for these horses that aren't even mine.  I take one whole day to work on his horses.  I hope they're all being relieved at the attention.  
     Today was a very trying time.  I went to ride Heidi now that she's all healed and fully off the bute and it's out of her system.  Tomorrow should tell me if the trotting aggravated it.  But when I first got there, took me a good thirty minutes to find Heidi's girth.  What what I have gathered when Sandy rearranged the tack room(the day Heidi pulled up injured), she set my girth to the side and it all got shoved into Shana's tack box.  Shana had said she had found a bunch of stuff that wasn't hers in her tack box.  I just don't know what to think.  Part of me is telling me that Sandy's trying to drive a wedge between me and Shana.  The other part is Shana did it to get me riding Amber more.  I still think it was Sandy, cause Chelsea's saddle also got scuffed up and I know the last time my saddles had gotten unceremoniously plopped on the concrete, so this time I went ahead and pulled Lisa's saddle out of the tack room. I don't want it damaged or parts missing off of it.  It just drives me insane that this is all going on there.  I still love it so much at Tamarack.  It's so pretty and it's just calming yet at the same time with all the shit going on it's so stressful.  I just never know what to do or where to go.  
     This week is going to stay busy as I have picked back up working with Mr. Meers Dalmation Blake and he got a new puppy, a female Brialey.  I will go up tomorrow and check it all out.  I won't spend more than half an hour at a clip on them daily as I really need to keep working Willow.  She needs to get ready for the show on Saturday.  I'm now nervous as heck just thinking about getting in the show ring.  I know once I get in the ring I just need to focus on Willow and forget everything outside the ring.  Focus and Do It!  I know there's only 4 dogs in my class but I want to rank near the top.  
     Anyway, I'm just so sick and tired of running myself down and I just want to relax for a while, take my vacation early and just hibernate from the world.  I would sleep, play with the big girls then play with Willow, nap and play around some more.  I just want to relax, feel good  and be stress free for a few days.  

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Dreams

     I have had so many things on my mind today while I was mowing the yard.  Just a lot of things that can't move forward without something else giving in.  
     Willow's training has been doing great.  She's improving with every session and she's working on Sit-Stay at home.  She's still a bit short attention spanned but I keep them as short as possible with lots of praise.  So things are going forward with her training, I think we'll do pretty good at the show.  At least good enough to qualify.  I need to start looking into the later shows and see what Lisa's aiming at with Tinks and if she's goign to work Paris back into condition and finish her titles out.  She's been really good, I made her sit and stay while I was opening the front gate on the pasture so dad could get in and mow.  I mowed the yard myself.  
     I was at the barn late last night.  I rode with the new girl, the teenager and her gelding Harry.  Amber helped keep Harry calm when he got spooky and Harry kept Amber calm when she got spooky.   But I rode her without the half pad under neath part of it was mistake cause I had put it elsewhere and part was I wanted to see how it fit without it.  Needless to say it went back under the saddle after our ride.  She needs it.  For now I am content using that many pads.  I hate how I KNOW she's going to sweat like a bastard under all those pads but I have plenty of pads to swap 'em out and keep switching them out as I need to.  
     Heidi's healing up really well too.  I'm really, really happy to see that.  I upped her to two bute tablets Sunday night with her supper and she got two on Monday night but Monday her swelling was almost gone.  I was VERY happy to see that.  While I didn't make it over today to check her I am quite confident that she was alright.  I had to mow the lawn today and due to running out of gas and having to run into town to get some more gas and get it out of the front yard I didn't make it over to see her.  Tomorrow after work I will go out, I'll ride Amber one more time and check Heidi's leg see how it looks after a day of no bute.  
     I thought I was fighting a sinus infection.  I failed to call the doctors office this morning but I did realize it wasn't in my sinus', it's in my ear.  It's been a LONG time since I've had an ear infection and it's down into my lymphnodes in my neck and I've been using Breathe or Peppermint Essential oil to keep the pain down but I finally pulled up the website and checked into what I could do.  Basil.  3 Drops on half a cotton ball and put in the ear.  The oils are too strong to be put directly into the ear but the vapor off the cotton ball.  So I'm trying it.  All I can taste and smell right now is Basil, but I shall see how it feels come morning.  I've gotten myself back on the Tri-Ease as mowing the lawn is murder to my sinus', I've also gone back to the Springtime Joint suppliment see if that can help the knees as nothing I've tried with doTERRA has worked.  I need to order Grapefruit as it's used for so much stuff.  I thought I had ordered it last month but I apparently didn't.  For now Peppermint will have to work. 
     For now, I'm just going to keep looking forward to the dog show, and working the horses to possibly show Amber in the fall in a schooling show, getting fit, and working my lifestyle to a happier and more filling place.  It's getting there.  Slowly but surely.