I've been mentally tossing up the idea of writing this out.  But it's an online journal and I'm VERY highly doubting R or K even read it.  It feels more right to put it out now.  I do think it's time to move on from my past.  I think by my moving to Kentucky and now it's been so long since I've been back and I don't spend the time with R & K and at time M too, that we're all changing.  I'm just not sure what to think anymore.  Rachel's certainly not been the Rachel I remember.  She's just different.  She's changing as she grows and I hate to be the only one of the three of us, (R, K, and H/me) that holds true to what we started as.  I'm the only one staying true to my word.  I see Kylie drift back and forth with mild depression and it's strange, I wish I could be there to do more.  Rachel just completely drifted.  I use to wonder what she's doing and thinking but lately, I don't care, I don't care at all.  I want to care but I feel like I've been cheated and lied to, or I've done something(on top of moving this far away) that I can't get them to talk to me.  I don't push it anymore if they chose to talk to me, so be it.  They know how to contact me, so whenever they feel like it, they can. 
     I just want to bring Heidi home or be closer to the barn, days like today, when I couldn't see her I just get easily depressed, part of it's the cold, part of it's winter just being nasty and ugly.  Tomorrow I'm going to go up and see Heidi, pull her out, let her go graze solo by herself and I'll just sit and read with her.  The peace and quiet will be nice.    

More mental rummaging

     I Love mental rummaging days.  I put a lot of thought into the bunnies, sold a few yesterday actually!  Then Put some more thought into them as I was washing up Heidi's mane and chest yesterday since I got to the barn later than I had anticipated and she needed her mane taken down and cleaned.  Sara's got a great idea to just put her in a paddock to eat some grass and sit out there with a book or something, just spending the time with her.  Today, since it's raining I'm going to put her in a stall to finish drying out(after it finishes raining of coarse-around 2 pm) let her eat and I'm going to sit there and talk to her. I think I'll plop her across from Spencer so she has another horse she can see.  
     I think I'm going to go ahead with the addition to the barn, bring my steels back up to snuff.  Two more steel does should do the trick, especially with the incoming steel buck.  Steels don't breed true but I know that and can plan ahead for that.  I'm just glad for the extra cage space right now, as I sold 3 rabbits and this will allow me to separate down the blue babies a little farther so their water dishes will go farther.  I'm going to put the three for Rachel in one cage, the other 4 will stay in the other cage.  This way if anything sells it'll be easier to just pull them out, without worrying about the ones I pulled for Rachel. I need to find out if Rachel still has that transport coming down or not.  If not I'm going to go ahead and sell her bunch, no point in hanging onto them for whenever she finally does get transport.  I should have others available by the time she gets more transport.  
     I'm bumbling around this morning because I know it's not going to quit raining until around 2 pm, so I plan to head over to Heidi around 1:30- putting me there at 2:30 so I can pull her in, let her dry, take her blankie off.  I'll probably sit with her a while more for my sake than hers, I"ll leave her in for about an hour again, flake of hay and I'll sit comfy cozy with her, maybe bring my sketch book or my crocheting as something to do besides talk to her about life and things I'm planning for mine, hers or our futures.  

Guilt and Confusion

     Well, I broke down and listed my other saddle, Phoenix's, on Ebay.  Ebay had sent me an offer to list items for free, so no charges there.  Right after I had gotten done listing it, Aunt Lisa was contemplating my extra saddle for the standardbred as she wasn't sure her's would fit it.  The fit would really depend on how wide the standardbred was, at least for fit for the horse!  Apparently there's a TON more to fit than meets the eye.  Though I don't think Aunt Lisa shouldn't have an issue fitting into the saddle as she's about the same height and everything else as I am, and my leg fits the saddle, whereas I know Amanda's got a Wintec Wide for Browyn adn she's too tall, her leg's too long to comfortably fit the saddle.  
     The extra bridle I have, Heidi's original one I bought from Kylie I still have- for a distinct reason as a just in case.  The draft bridle might finally fit Heidi now.  Before it was on it's tightest holes and it would barely fit Heidi- and Heidi's got a BIG head, so it may not have fit another draft horse if it's head is smaller.  The only thing we'll need is a smaller bit, all my bits are HUGE because Heidi needs bigger bits, but I know she's got a smaller bit- 5 or 5.5" I'm pretty sure.  It wouldn't be hard for me to get smaller bits once we found how small we needed.  I'm still crossing my fingers that it can work out.  Well it's got one week listed on Ebay and then it'll come off and if it doesn't sell by then I'll just hang onto the saddle and wait it out a little longer and see what comes up.  Same with my riser pad as Heidi sure doesn't need it, but a Standie might.  Luckily it's priced high, I'd really rather we keep it down here and I'd really LOVE to see it used as I've got plenty of money invested in it- it's fully functional and ready to go with a NICE set of stirrups-which I think she could REALLY use to help her ankles and knees.  
     Plus the Standie was raced so he's been under harness before so if we ever do venture into driving again he'll be ready to go, I just have to get Heidi trained to drive.  It's all exciting news to me, I can't wait to see what happens.  I'm hoping so long as I go up late enough tomorrow I can get a good ride in and then get Sara up on Heidi to let her walk around for a little while, then we can let Heidi and Spencer into the arena together and see what they do together.  I'll be bringing my big camera and the tripod.  
     I also got a fun, nice chat in with Mark again.  Been too long since I got to chat with him.  One of these days I'll get around to calling him again.  I have to make sure his phone number is in my phone.  He got me going back at my photography, so I spent a good part of the afternoon messing with my camera and learned a few more things, without cracking the owner's manual out!  I'll be glad to get it out and play more with it again.  Maybe soon get out to Natural Bridge and to Red River Gorge.  
     Well tomorrow should be good, pay day, get some bills paid or caught up, gas in the truck so I can go see Heidi, Go up and go for a ride, play etc.  

My world update

     I have a small world update.  I had 3 litters in the nestbox- Connie, Natalie and Della.  Della's were born the 22nd, and they froze last night with the harsh cold snap.  Natalie and Connie's are still fine thank god!  I only stuck my hand in Connie's box and felt them moving, Natalie's I took out and physically checked them over but their eyes are open and they're fully furred.  

     The only real one in that litter that I'm watching is the steel.  The black's not bad, I'll admit that but I don't want to fall in love with yet another black.  I'm not aiming to hold blacks in the barn.  I'm still thinking of adding one more steel doe besides Natalie's daughter.  I've been eyeing a Mel x Anna daughter of Catherine's.  
     Monday I went up to see Heidi and we went for a ride, it was actually really fun and just a great afternoon in general.  I rode, put her in a stall to eat messed with her for a while before I finally broke down and let her back out.  I pulled Misty back in and finished combing out her mane.  

     I am hoping to go back over and see Heidi tomorrow, just sit with her for some time even if it's in a stall.  I want her to be safe in a stall and I'd rather sit in there with her for a while.  Just let me talk things through and talk, about anything really.  I might not mess with Misty for a little while, just let my jealous mare settle back down.  I kind of can't wait to see her again, just talk to Heidi, tell her what I'm thinking and see what she thinks about things.  Getting a new job, hopefully, me not seeing her as often as I should and just some more personal things.  

Wee! The weekend has come!

     The weekend has come, two weeks off. Today I spent the day down in Lexington finishing up my Christmas shopping.  It was, for lack of better terms, interesting.  Lexington is not a place to be this close to the holidays.  Took FOREVER To get from store to store, but I got everything done that I needed to get done which was the goal!  Now whatever money I have left over for the week has to go into my gas tank so I can go up and see Heidi.  I haven't seen Heidi in over a week.  I'm ready to bring her home, I really am.  I wish I could find a place closer to home to bring her but sadly I haven't found anything yet. 
     I'll be working on a Cover letter to send in with my Resume to Hagyard for the job they have listed.  That'll be sent in on Monday, plus stopping at Spencer Creek Veterinary in Mount Sterling and seeing if he's looking for help.  I've made a promise to give it my best to make sure I have a new job by the time I go back to Nestle in January.  I have to go back in January to solidify my Holiday pay, but I want to be out before the 12 hour shift crap starts.  
     I've got a few cute bunnies coming up in the nest box, hopefully as spring Juniors they can sell.  Fall babies don't seem to sell anywhere near as well. 

Connie x Harold babies born 12/20

 Natalie x Michelangelo babies born 12/12

Black baby:

 Steel baby:

 Blue babies:

     I do like the steel and the black baby coming out in the litter, one of the blue's isn't too bad.  Connie's, one might be worth watching but it *is* a black and I'm not *aiming* to hang onto blacks.  Hopefully the little black is a doe, and the steel is a black as well, it'll be much better and easier to sell!  Buck's hardly EVER sell.    I should have a litter of Torts in the box in the morning.  I do give up on a few things- Like chocolates.  I can't seem to get a litter out of them.  I still prefer the blues, steels and torts over them.  Hopefully soon the Chinchilla's will take off.  Soon, soon.  
     My weight has been holding steady finally, now hopefully I can keep it holding steady, I had to go back onto the Activia.  I had swapped to the Coburn brand(Save-a-Lot) because it was cheaper and it should have done the same job, but something about the probiotics in the Coburn tears my digestive tract up.  So I had to go back to Activia and now we'll see how this goes.  Just mentally at a good stage, very good stage.  

Count Down

     The count down has begun, well some actually started a while ago.  3 Work days left until just under 2 weeks off, plus I have 3 weeks left to find another job or suffer the 12 hour shifts. 
     The 12 hour shifts start January 6th, and while we want nothing to do with it, they're not giving us any choice but to do them on Line 8.  I didn't even want the friggin line to start with, but Shana refused to let me train elsewhere so I'm stuck.  Dad's at least trained on 4,5,&7.  I know the basics to keep the other lines running, but never ran them to train.  So F-off Nestle I'll find another job.  I've got a few leads to other jobs but I'll have 2 weeks to push on them and see what I can get.  At this point, I'm not even concerned with having to bring Heidi home for the rest of the winter if that's what it'll take.  If I'm forced to deal with the 12 hour shifts, I'll still bring Heidi home, because seeing her every 2 to 3 weeks will not work out.   I'll get violent from being over tired and not seeing Heidi.  Would not be pretty.  
     Hagyard, Catalent, Alltech are all places I'm going to submit to.  I'm going to take a drive up through the industrial park in Wincester and I'll even look about in Morehead for something closer, and as close to equal as I can find.  I'm just getting more and more on the edge and and I'm afraid sooner or later I'm going to snap.  Tension right now is high and I know I can calm down seeing Heidi.  I can't wait to see her again.  Maybe I'll venture up before I go out to get her and see if the indoor arena is done, take her up there for a little while, just in halter and mess with her as it's supposed to be raining Friday and Saturday.  Saturday will be the first time I get up to see her, Friday I have to finish my Christmas shopping.  Mom, Jess and Dad left.  I know what I'm getting each one of them.  Very glad of that.  I got Allen's ordered this morning-hopefully it arrives in time.  
     One more hellacious night coming up.  Dad's on line 8 so we'll be late cause I'll be waiting for him.  I'm on Durkee so that shouldn't be too bad for me anyway.  I want to be done now!!  Luckily the next two nights I should be on Crispy Batter which won't be bad at all.  I can handle that, I know I can.  Much nicer, easier, slower paced, more mentally stimulating(IE I can think more!) and SOLO.  I don't have to deal with anyone!  Just leave me the F- alone!  
     I got my ticket for the Mega tonight, it's really super high.  IF I can even get a 1/5 of what the jackpot is I'll be happy.  I can get my loans and bills all paid off and go ahead and keep Heidi where she is, it'll give me the time I need to get another job.   Mental ramblings at their end as I have to leave for work. 

To do or not to do . . .

     I don't intend to quit, at times I just want to, but I go back and look at pictures and remember what it was like to have success, both with Heidi and with the Rabbits.  It's been awfully cold at times and makes riding incredibly hard.  I'm still too naive on english riding and Heidi's just too green under saddle and while we work well together, we aren't getting anywhere.  I wish I had seen her today, but I was just beyond too cold just taking care of the bunnies.  

     I did manage to at least pull Natalie's little bunch out and snap a quick picture.  I also looked each one over really quick, the three blues are nothing spectacular but the black and the steel look fairly decent.  I'm going to watch them continue to grow and I will monitor them to see how they come out as they grow.  I might just go ahead and stay with blue and steels, at least those can be interbred with each other. I'll keep the torts at a few.  I've given up with them.  Tort's are just not with it anymore.  I thought bringing Sassy's sister back into the barn would help- has not.  Buying Della and Jayger both would help boost it, again hasn't.  Maybe I just need homebred torts again, but I'm not sure.  
     A friend of mine, one lady I hold dear to me, she's helped me in more ways than she knows, has to try and find a place for her gelding, who she had in a foster type situation and she said she had actually thought of me as a place to put him that he'd be taken care of.  I know I've done retirements before, I've done rehabs before.  There's no rhyme or reason to why he's lame that she can tell, he's pasture sound.  It's been a tempting thought to bring Heidi home.  I miss having her at home.  
     Having Jess here at home has been interesting.  I've been doing my best to keep my thoughts and myself to myself and away from home the best I can.  I stay that way and I quite enjoy it that way.  I keep my bunnies to myself, I keep Heidi to myself.  Hopefully soon I'll be out and away and enjoy things a lot more.  I'm contemplating actually renting a small house, it's over near Lisa's, which would put me closer to Heidi and I might be able to move Heidi to Nelson's.  She wouldn't get the work, I'd have a longer drive to work, but I'm also working hard to get a better job.  Something more towards my fields of interest.  I'm still watching several job leads.  

Good day

     I missed out on the Florida trip, sadly, due to having to work.  As much as I would have loved to have been there, meet Dustin and see him play live, see Aunt Anne and Sarah preform at a big dog show- I meant to send my camera down with Lisa so she could get some good video and pictures.  In a way I'm glad I didn't, I got some video of me riding today since I was by myself.  I would like to see a dog show one day, I don't know if I could do it with a dog of my own but tempting thought.  
     I went out to the barn today, went and got Heidi but this time in her Rope halter.  I was going to try riding in just that, but I also brought her nylon bridle up to the barn(finally!) and I put that on over the rope halter and we rode with both on.  Rope halter was a fail, she really didn't know what I was asking her when we did that. But we had two cavaletti's in the arena that we did walk over a few times, and 3 ground poles.  The ground poles, the first time we walked between them since they were scary, second time walked right over them.  She does get her feet up, she's getting coordinated very well now.  The video function did work this time.  I got too cold too quick though, so afterwards we untacked and were talking to Sara as she brought Spencer in for some shots(the vet was on her way).  Then she made up some warm bran mash, which Heidi LOVED.  She's so spoiled!  I'll have to keep bringing up some alfalfa cubes and soaking them for her to munch on after our rides!  She'll enjoy the extra attention!  I'm hoping to get Sara up on her just to walk around the arena a little bit, she's not been on a horse since before I was born!  She'd love it, I know she would.  She worries about being a plus sized rider, but I am too and Heidi's more than physically capable of carrying our size, no problems.  Heidi's quiet enough that I can lock us in the outdoor and I can walk with her while she's up on Heidi.  Maybe on Sunday afternoon we can try it!  I mean Spencer's such an adorable old gelding!  She's actually his 3rd foster momma and she ended up adopting him to keep him comfortable.  She thinks about some day getting one that she can ride. If she can at least enjoy Heidi some and she'll be spoiling her too.  It doesn't bother her much, Heidi's a sweet heart and despite her size she is easy to work around.  Maybe next time we'll put her in with Spencer for a little while, I'll be watching closely cause sometimes Heidi doesn't know her size and I'm afraid of her hurting the poor old TB gelding.  
     Well out of 6 does that I had bred, 1 actually took, 2 may have but I didn't feel anything.  I'm going to give them some more time. 

Unsure

     After riding today and working with Heidi I'm to a point on uncertainty.  I think every time I get a step in the right direction I take 2 backwards.  Today Heidi wouldn't do anything.  I think at times I need to start riding with a crop.  Since she didn't want to move, I got down and MADE her move.  Then I got back up and we did much better, a couple laps to let her cool down after running, gave her a bunch of cookies and her apple.  This was just not what I was expecting, the other day was so good and today was horrid.  Maybe she's not cut out to be a riding mount.  Maybe I should try driving instead.  At this point I am unsure what to do.  I love her to pieces, but just don't know what to do.  

  It's strange, it's odd I don't really know what I'm thinking, I'm going to take this week to mentally puzzle things out while I am at work.  Driving or riding?  Anything at this point to keep my mind off my sister, and everything else that has been mentally puzzling me-which is up to and including my rabbits.  

Striding forward!

     I failed twice to get the camera recording so there's nothing there to see us in action, I shall retry tomorrow after Michael gets done trimming her feet.  Hopefully my brain will/can function that early in the morning!  He says he'll be there about 10:30, so I have to be there about 10-10:15 to pull her out of the pasture and get her legs hosed clean.  That should be fun!  after she gets trimmed up I'll tack her up and put a few of the crossrails in the arena and we'll try some riding around this time.  Hopefully with the added crossrails it'll interest her a lot more.  Plus I know how to make the video recording work this time on the camera so that should be a LOT better!  I should get some video tomorrow. 
     I was happy, she had her ears back, she was listening again and I was just a lot happier with our progress today.  She was just wonderful.  I wish I had gotten it on video.  Just such a good girl.  Listening.  It's a shame I can't get anyone to go with me but sometimes I just love being me and her out there.  Well we shall see tomorrow how it goes again.  Michael will be there at 10:30 to trim her feet, then I'll go for a short ride before heading home to take care of the bunnies. Plus I HAVE to remember to bring the pumpkin by for Aunt Lisa(I've only forgotten twice now!) and pick up the remote for the tv as well.  Heads down and eyes closed, it's sleep time!

Feel bad

I came across this ad on Craigslist:

'FREE fixer upper filly, weanling!(Cynthiana)'

Super cute filly for FREE!
She is newly weaned and ready for some attention.
Fixer upper is due to a nasty dog wound on her right front pastern. It was infected and somewhat "fused" by the time I returned home from working out of state. We have cleaned and done her tetanus and antibiotic rounds as we should. It has healed for the most part but can not guarantee that she will ever be truly sound . She puts weight in it now but us a long way off from trotting about freely.
It has also caused her shoulder to bow and displace from carrying the extra weight while lame. May never fully rectify that.
She is FREE to someone wanting a project critter or companion animal.
Is haltered but expects a shot when caught at this point.
Her mother is a purebred Halflinger whom is a great harness pony.
Papa is a TWH.
Oops!
She is a dark bay with a white star on her forehead.
If ya want her, call me please!
Otherwise she can stay here but it would be great to see her get some TLC instead of being out with the cows :)
858-588-6747
No texting please.'

     It makes me sad to see something like this and knowing just some time and care she could come around to such a cute little pony.  I'd love to bring her here for the winter, keep her by herself for the winter and just work on her.  I'd keep her as a companion for Heidi.  She can be ponied along on a trail ride.  That or if she came back around, I could break her out to the best of my abilities and find her a good solid home.  She has Jasmine's markings and she'd make a good little project- while I don't need a second project-getting Heidi undersaddle should be a good enough project, I'd love to bring this little filly home, even if it had been a stud the same thing, bring him home and geld and wait it out.  I'm good at messaging, just keep that shoulder messaged.  *sigh* No trailer, and really not wanting to spend the gas money to drive up and get her.  I just don't feel in the mood to drive, it's only an hour but my truck's just not that comfortable to drive that far in.  I've taken that drive a few times in the truck and it is fully doable.  I am torn as to try for it or not to.  It'll eventually mean buying more hay and actually putting up the water tank and the heater-which I had hoped to get away from for this winter at least.  Maybe I can get a better job and afford to put both onto Pasture board, but this filly would still have to come here first and get all her shots.  Then add having to have daily handling to get her to flex and pick up her feet for trimming-which I'll have to do here.  That or maybe I'll talk to Michael about boarding her with him.  She'll be much shorter than Heidi. 
     I must stop dreaming, I should go and hope she has a good home and a good family that'll keep her and keep working on her.  Though in Kentucky that's far and few between.  I must have faith that someone will do right by this little filly. 

Finally a break!

     Finally a break from work, and the temps are going to be cold and nasty- but that's not going to stop me this time.  I want to get over and work on Heidi, I really do.  I need to.  I want to.  I know Heidi's just mentally maturing and she just needs time and just keep working through it but it makes me wonder.  I want to get Cynthia Royal's horse training DVD's (if the price wasn't so high that is) watch and learn from them.  See how I can bring Heidi around.  I'm going to eventually go back to my Parelli book and try to re-do some stuff out of there for Heidi too.  See if I can't get her to come back around to the pony I knew she was. I may have to move from Tamarack to someplace closer for the time being. There is a round pen, I just have to bring her back into the pasture to get to it.  Maybe I'll do it anyway. 
     I'm just trying to pass some time, We're supposed to have a short night at work tonight.  While it's not good for the paycheck it's good because I can't stand being there.  I hate my job and I particularly hate Line 8-which is where I'm stuck.  I can beg and plead and maybe get a day away from Line 8, but for the most part I'm stuck there.  I don't like it but I can deal with it until I get a new job.  I'm going to keep looking and searching, even if it means bringing Heidi home and cutting my number of rabbits in half.  I'm ready to do that.  I'm trying to do that now. Selling as many as possible and I've even considered selling Natalie since I have her sister Connie- my two Grand Champions.  I've got both of them bred to blues to see if they still carry the blue gene.  I think my torts are going to go down to a trio and stay there.  Faith, Della and Tort buck.  Soon, soon. I hope.  Time to go get ready for work.  Short, night, short night, just keep telling myself that and *maybe* it'll be true.

Uncertainty

     I am at this point uncertain what to do or think.  I think part of it is Heidi's mad at me for putting her over at Tamarack.  I know this time she could hear me, and see me but she turned around and still walked away from me.  So I went over to one of the other mares that had been nudging me and petted her for a few moments.  That seemed to change Heidi's mind about walking away from me. I got her back up into the crossties, praised and gave her some treats.  Then gave her a good brushing again.  I just want her to get used to coming back to me again.  Hopefully I can get her back under saddle again, and I'm going to try going back to her other bridle with the other bit. I've been through a bunch of different bits and want to try something right about now. 

 

 

 

 

     Hopefully We can get this stuff all sorted out soon.  Allen's here so literally everything is going to be a bit crazy.  I'm still hoping to get some work on her next weekend.  It's a holiday weekend plus a 5 day weekend so I don't work from Wednesday to Wednesday.  It'll be nice to be off and away from things. 

Musings

     I went today to go see how Heidi faired the last two days out in the big pasture.  She seems to have settled in quite well, not bits or welts on her at all, and no one appeared to be limping from a landing kick of hers.  She's a love bug and settled mid herd, she's not the bottom and certainly not the top.  I think the Palomino mare out there is top of the herd, she followed most of the way back to the gate.   

     She's been doing really well, I don't think she could hear me when I hollered for her.  She's still mentally settling in, I think.  While I do love it at Tamarack, I learned quite a bit from Sara today, The lady that does the training and the other that does the lessons have moved a couple months ago.  Well that's a stinker.  I know I love Tamarack but part of it's the hour drive each way, the outdoor arena-and soon the indoor arena are wonderful, but no trainer and no one to help or give me some kind of guidance makes me weary.  I will take her out again tomorrow and try to ride a little bit, if that fails miserably again then I'll just stop and put her back into her rope halter and make her work on respect again.  I'm hoping it's just needing to mentally grow up some more and get more adjusted to work. 

     She did really well about standing the barn isle in the crossties while I scrubbed her muddy fur-butt clean.  She's still filthy but she's cleaner now.  We hung around and talked to Spencer and Sara, while Sara gave Spencer(who was filthier than Heidi) a bath.  Tomorrow, if we can just get a decent little ride in she'll get a good bath and I'll braid her mane down for the winter.  Thankfully Tamarack has hot water so she can get a warm water bath. 
     The bunny front I have a ton of them listed for sale.  It's far past the time to cut back down and I'm ready and I've got quite a number of them listed for sale.  They just aren't a HUGE focus right now.  My biggest two focuses have been Heidi and getting a new and better job.  I still want to focus on some of my dutch but not as large a scale.  Still majorly my blue dutch, with a few tort, steel and Chinchilla's.    Time to scale back some of the torts! 

Fun couple of days off.

     Well Saturday was a fun vacation day off.  I went to my first ever Specialty show.  There was a few rabbits that actually did good for me, good as I would have expected anyway!  There was a lot of higher ranking breeders there and I got to talk to a bunch of them.  I couldn't have been more happy with the turnout. 

     The two judges we had, Dave Hauser and Paul Jurgelonis.  I've showed against and under Paul in the past, it was a great time.  I learned quite a lot and was able to come home with my newly learned information and I went through the rest of my rabbits and looked to see who's staying and who's going.  I made a much better list based on good body type, hindquarters and temperaments.

 

My placing's:

Under Dave: Connie: 9 out of 9 black sr does Trinity: 3 out of 4 blue sr does Matilda: 9 out of 9 blue jr does Natalie: 5 out of 6 steel sr does Della: 2 out of 7 tort sr does Shelly: 4 out of 10 tort jr does

Under Paul: Connie: 7 out of 8 black sr does Trinity: 2 out of 3 blue sr does Matilda: 8 out of 9 blue jr does Natalie: 3 out of 6 steel sr does Della: 4 out of 6 tort sr does Shelly: 4 out of 8 tort jr does

 

     That earned Shelly's spot to stay in the barn, but Matilda is OUT. 

     Confirmation wise Matilda was not good in anyway shape or form.  As much as I hate getting rid of a blue Dutch- as blues are my favorites- I don't need to keep one that's not good in type.  I did come home with a really nice blue buck from Kristy Hume and a really cute tort buck from Al Gerhart.  Shelly did surprisingly well considering the competition she was up against.  I'm glad for it.  It tells me I was doing something right. 

     Then today, I was very happy and despite the rain I went over to Heidi.  I gave her some kisses and cookies and today she got to go out into the big pasture with some of the other pasture board mares, including Perry's few horses. 

 

     I can't wait for Wednesday to see how this goes for getting her out of the pasture, into the barn and I think I might just go back for some lunging.  She needs to relax some and we need to get the connection back.  At a few points today I almost wondered if she was even listening to me.  I think it's time to step back and I'm going to ask Perry if I can use that round pen that's inside the pasture since I don't want to take up the whole outdoor arena free lunging Heidi. 
     She settled and relaxed with the herd pretty well.  She ate a few cookies from me after the initial run and chase session. 

     Well just another crazy ramble end of the long weekend jot.  It's been a wild weekend.  Most of it's in the prior post, and I'm still content, I still understand that I have done the right thing, I know I have.  While I still miss that pesky grumpy old man I know he's pain free.  I still have the locks of hair here, with one to be mailed to Kylie for we shared the grumpy old guy.  I still haven't gotten the nerve to do his collage yet.  His Breyer is already done, I did that months ago. 
     I'm still happy with Heidi at Tamarack, but part of me still wants to keep looking for something closer.  It literally takes me an hour to get over there to see her and with winter coming up it'll be cold and I'll be less inclined to go mess with her-especially if I have to drive over in my truck.  So I might still continue to look, I want at least an outdoor arena, the indoor would be awesome if I can get someone else to come and ride with me.  I get lonely without another human out there to ride with and it's been hard to try and catch another boarder there to ride, most of them work 1st shift and I work second and even one of the guys there(Mexicans) said it gets pretty dead in the winter.  They're hoping to change that with the indoor to ride in.
     Still nothing on the job front, not a thing.  I'm going to start getting desperate soon.  I want to get away from Nestle.  I went in to the doctors for a physical the other day and today for the blood draw for blood work to see why my blood pressure has climbed.  Funny, I met Belinda there- she's now on First shift mix room and she was there for the same thing- high blood pressure.  I want to bet mine's cholesterol related.  She gave me a very mild blood pressure medicine, a diuretic basically and it doesn't seem to have made a difference for me. 
     Still enamored with Heidi's behavior at Tamarack, she's taking it in stride, still a little uppity and still doesn't stand at the mounting block but we'll keep after it so she learns to.  I have nine rabbits on the sell/cull list for which I am happy.  None of these rabbits I *need* for breeding with.  Nothing about them stands out.  Corbin and Hope would make a good breeding pair but I'm going to keep Hope's daughter as she has a WAY better temperament.   Between confirmations and temperaments that's how I got the list I did get.  I may have to pair down some more just so if I *do* move it'll be easier to take them with me.  I'm seriously contemplating it.  I'm selling down to 20-25 rabbits total.  The sooner I get down the better and a few of the adults will be butchered if they don't sell!  It's the end for me.
     Anyway, I'm going to go find some more jobs to apply to and keep trying.  I've got to keep trying, I need to get away from Nestle.  

Rabbit world

     Well I went through the rabbit barn.  I set through a list of rabbits that are going to be culled, either by meat or by selling them.  So far I've got 9 on the meat/cull/sell list.  Several I know I can do without and will do without.  Between behavior and body type.  Count, Colby, Corbin, Dylan, Hope, Jackie, Wilma and Zelda are all on the cull list.   Rachel has told me that she'd like the blues, that would be Wilma and her mother Zelda. 
     Thankfully Keisha didn't take, she'd be due in a little over a week. She palpated negative today.  I rebred for the two chocolate litters to see if I can get some, If Marie doesn't produce this time around she's done.  This is the 3rd time she's been bred- first was by a proven chocolate and tort carrier buck.  So it's 3rd time's the charm or cull.  She has a nice little body type- key word, little.  She's not a horrifically big doe, she's very petite but dark and smutty for a tort. Terra's a proven doe and I'll sell her as such being a chocolate carrier with 1 leg.  She has a bit freckle on her nose now thanks to Marie(who's next to her) and possible to keep chocolate offspring for the spring show table. 
     I had a short physical today at the doctors and I go in the morning for blood to be drawn to have bloodwork done.  I go back in 2 weeks again for a follow up, plus she put me on a mild blood pressure med to try and bring it down.  I'm hoping this works to bring it down, I think that's part of why I have been beyond exhausted, constantly.  Every afternoon so far I've fallen asleep for a short while and I'm just wore out. 
     Tomorrow I intend to go visit Heidi again too, get one more ride in before I go back to work for the week.  I, thankfully, have Saturday off for the Dutch Specialty show.  Hopefully we're ready.  Right now I'm looking at taking 3 blues(Alura, Trinity and Matilda), 3 torts(Dylan, Shelly and Faith), 1 black(Connie) and 1 steel(Natalie) with me to the show. Connie and Natalie are more for getting registered and granded so they can successfully retire off the table.  They've earned their rights to come off the table.  Well time to go to sleep(again) but this time I'll get up and go get some blood drawn and then come home and finish my chores so I can go see Heidi.  I can't wait to see my baby again tomorrow.  Even if it's too cold to ride, ride, I'll take her out for a little while and just let her know that I love her. 

Whirlwind weekend!

     It's been a whirlwind of a weekend off from work.  It started a bit rough, putting Phoenix down and moving Heidi to Tamarack, but being out there with Heidi made it a lot easier.  Friday I sat out in her temporary paddock with her for a couple of hours.  I was very content after that I knew it was time for Phoenix and he's in a better place.  Part of me misses the 'steady eddy' horse but I couldn't ride him anyway. 

 

     Heidi settled in nicely the first day, no hollering, no bucking or running about.  So on Saturday morning I went back, with it windy as heck, and just lunged her in the outdoor arena.  Most of it was free lunging, but we did get to the line at the time.  Still no bucking or stupid behavior from the big baby! 

 

     I was so pleased with Heidi's behavior as I went home satisfied that I've made the right choice.  I know I have.  Even if she's about an hour away, I am very happy with her there.  Today I meet one of the other boarders.  I know her name is Sarah (or is it Sara?) and she's a nurse and owns Spencer- an OTTB 23 year old gelding that's more of a pet now.  She's a plus size and she adores Heidi.  Spencer likes Heidi as well.  If Heidi had been full board the two could have been pasture mates, but alas I don't think I can stay affording it.  I want to one day to put her on full board. 
     So after the happy free-lunging/line lunging, I came home and still with excitement that came from the morning workout, I got ready for a hunting outing.  I knew it was opening day and we've never had any luck opening day, but dad already had gotten one opening morning, so we went out for the afternoon.

     Bam, I finally got my first deer!  Just a small doe but I was tickled.  My first ever deer and dad says probably the first in over 50 years for that gun and it was from one of what I call the werewolf bullets.  I'm just super glad that I finally beat Allen at something!  He saw deer in the woods before I did, he missed first and hit a tree.  Alright Allen it's your turn!
     Today I went back up while it was nice and tacked up Miss Heidi again.  This time I got up on her.  This time no one was there for pictures but it was such a nice ride.  Feeling Heidi on the sand arena was different we did a few laps and figure eights in the arena.

     I still can't seem to get another job.  I am hopeful that soon I can, I really do!  Tomorrow I go to the doctors.  My blood pressure is still high and out of control so I have to get it controlled and I have to find out why. 
     I'm actually cutting all my bunnies down now.  I've learned over the past 3 days having Heidi an hour away it'll be rough keeping up with all the rabbits.  I'm going to make the choice to sell a bunch of them. Whoever doesn't sell will be butchered for meat.  There won't be too many left I'm hoping.  There's a small select bunch that will be staying a few torts, mainly blues, the steel does, black doe, and the pair of Chinchilla's.  I'm hoping to get a litter of chocolates out so I can tell if I want to try to continue working with them or not. At this point I'm highly doubting it, I think Chocolates are going to be on their way out.

Evil thoughts

     O do most definitely do what I need to do and speak my own thoughts.  This picture, I pulled off of Facebook mostly because it's so fitting for me.  I do at times get stomped on but I fight back with a vengeance. 
     Anyway, rambles on for thoughts today.  Last Saturday I told Phillip to take me off of the 'M' crew lead.  I don't want the job, never did in the first place and that Eric Flickinger wanted the job(which of coarse Phillip hates that idea with a passion as does the supervisor's and the other line lead Della), let him have it- Same with Line 8, Eric wants to be trained back there put him with Russel and train him back there!  I certainly don't want Line 8. 
     I physically can do the job of the Line Lead, I have the basic knowledge to get it done quickly and effectively but I get screwed over every time.  Oh well, run this line so I can talk to so-n-so, not an issue, I know enough about the other lines to keep them running but I'm not trained anywhere.  Sure it's a pay grade up, but the extra buck and change an hour is not worth the stress and stupidity that it thrusts upon me.  So no, I don't want the job.  I have enough on my plate without having to do 3 or 4 people's jobs at night.  Problem solve?  Nope that doesn't work well for me either.  I can solve the problems but it never comes out with a happy solution for people and I like going with the attitude of 'do this or you know where the door is' and let 'em leave! 
     Last Friday was a perfect example of this.  Two people called off (Russel and Justin) and Jeff got pulled into the sauce room because they were short.  Phillip had set me up to do Lead and Farinographs for line 8.  Well no Justin meant no prebatcher on Line 5, No Russel or Jeff meant 4 lines of golden flakes and no one doing them.  I TOLD Shana 3 or 4 times I needed Jeff back, I had no one on flakes.  She kept telling me nope, they need him, they're running BBQ(which takes a crap load of sugar in the sauce).  So I finally said 'fuck it' and kept prebatching on line 5.  Meanwhile 4 lines are going to shut down shortly because they were out of golden flakes, the prebatchers on all the lines had to take care of their own trash, because they were short trash people(when only 1 trash person is on, Dough room has to do their own), and no farinographs were getting done on line 8.  Lead paper work?  Also not getting done.  I about blew up on Shana for that mess.  She *still* hasn't come near me since then.  Could be a good thing.  I'd give her a piece of my stress ridden mind. 
     I told Phillip on Saturday Never again will I do lead.  It's funny, when I or even James has done it before too, we have to do multiple jobs, but when Phillip or Justin(he had to do it yesterday because I wouldn't) and Della too, do Lead that's there only job.  Nope, I will not get fucked over like that.  We are all equal as leads.  Just because I don't kiss her ass and bend over backwards doesn't mean you screw me over.  I've got enough issues going.  I'm completely freaking out about moving Heidi to Tamarack, plus my blood pressure is *still* way too high (141 over 95 today) and I have a doctor's appointment Monday for a full physical.  I haven't had a full physical in years.  I'm sure there's things that I'm lacking myself, shots and the like. 
     Now I need to see about getting my coats from Mary (lord I miss seeing and working with her) for winter riding and I need to relax!  I think I might just sell a few of my rabbits and only pick up the single blue Dutch buck.  I'm letting the chocolates go, the buck will stay long enough to get full size and butcher.  If he gets the two chocolate carriers bred, he gets them bred.  If not oh well to bad so sad.  Chocolates are going to wait until spring to get looked at again anyway.  
     To any extent- time to get ready for work, the winds picking up so the storms are rolling in for tonight.