tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18414835905343405782024-02-20T18:08:00.178-08:00The Good, Bad, Equine and Canine!Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.comBlogger351125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-11601245361930141412018-12-25T04:58:00.001-08:002018-12-25T04:58:45.820-08:00Merry Christmas!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Merry Christmas. This year I will do better on blogging, it's been a troubling, trial full year but I've still managed to come out on top-always! I look forward to improving more and more over the coarse of the next year and as always Everyone have a save, happy holiday season no mater what you call the holidays, for me Merry Christmas! Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-10734594477822265352018-11-10T19:16:00.002-08:002018-11-10T19:16:46.023-08:00Not quitting! <br />
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Been a long few weeks. I feel like they all just disappeared. I worked and slept and that's about all. I am st<span style="text-align: center;">arting to feel a little bit of a monetary cramp as I have been feeding hay and both mares have been losing weight fantastically- but I have yet to break my normal 278-285 range. I bounce between all of it. I actually tried the Apple Cider Vinegar with honey in water today and almost gagged. I think it's the smell actually. I have finally gotten my sinus' clear and even with a cold right now they are staying pretty clear. Granted I am taking a crap load of pills which was what I wanted to avoid in the first place but I am hoping that if I can hold myself at all these pills I can eventually drop the Zyrtec. I take one of the doTerra vitamins(supposed to take 4 daily), a milk thistle, my HBP pill, a Zyrtec and a L-Lysine tablet all at lunch. Both Milk Thistle and L-Lysine are both supposed to help with weightloss but the L-Lysine is an immune supporter and Milk Thistle is a liver/kidney booster and de-tox. So I am totally ready to kick some butt and see how this goes this coming week with all of these pills on board and with the Southern Lights 5K coming up on Thursday it would be totally awesome I hope. I may not be able to run much of it at all because my foot is acting up and is stupid sore again. This time it's bruising mildly. But I don't want to think about things so negative. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">I haven't started doing much work with Willow, we have just been enjoying as much time outside as the weather has allowed. For the most part I try not to get her so muddy being outside and running around but she loves it so much. I am trying to keep her feet trimmed up so that she tracks as little mud as possible. I think she will come with me to the 5K I think she will like it, even if I have to leave her in the car while I am on coarse. I loving the time I spend with her and the less time I have spent on Facebook. I'm quite content other than my time that I have spent with my horses. It has been so flipping wet out there in the pasture, it's just a mud pit again. I hope the rain quits for a while and the ground can dry out so I can at least get the girls working on the lunge line again and do something. I want to get out and ride again but I do have to wait some on losing some weight. So does having lessons. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">I need to get something coming now together. I've thought of trying to do Halter and Showmanship with Tessa but now I've lost all confidence in my ability to do anything with them. I am hopeful that my confidence will come back as I start working with them (if it will quit raining that is!). <br /></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">I skipped out on the rabbit show today, I just plum didn't want to go. My rabbits are not ready at all to go up against the other big breeders. I got the two new does in and I need to get them bred out for some spring babies but I also am scared to breed them as it has turned cold already. Time for sleep, I have morning clinic tomorrow then it'll be run home and get laundry going, plus clean rabbit cages. So many things I want to do, need to do and so on. Time to do something! Sleep first and go from there. </span></div>
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<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-92137900869622905522018-10-20T20:08:00.000-07:002018-10-20T20:09:58.512-07:00Dreams<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been doing a lot of dreaming lately. Some dreams don't make any sense but some I just wish I could make come true. I know I can with good hard work and it will take time but I want to get so much more of it coming true NOW. I am being impatient. I know God has a plan for me, I know he does. He wouldn't bring me onto this path if he didn't have a plan.<br />
Some of my dreams was winning the lottery. If I did I can just about guarantee that I would get 3 horses. Truly, David Howard's Paint gelding and Becky's mare.<br />
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Truly: I fell in love with her when I was boarding Heidi at Tamarack </div>
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Becky's mare, I don't even know her name</div>
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I don't have pictures of David Howards paint gelding. All of them have something wrong. I would love to have a "mistfit" farmstead. I know Truly is something in her back or hips, Becky's mare has bad elbows and David Howards gelding has something wrong with his legs. Becky's mare and Tessa would likely either become a pair of broodmares or them together with Truly and the gelding would all turn into my future show horses, I have really gotten the bug to want to try showing in halter classes. Becky's mare is AQHA, Tessa and DH's gelding is APHA and I'm not sure which Truly is. I have a penpal up in Ohio that has Appaloosa's that she halter shows. Sounds like a fun new adventure. But lastly I cannot afford 3 horses, nor have room for 3 horses, so having 5 would be beyond my limit of everything</div>
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I have such a soft spot for old or 'damaged' animals. Patrick had this old chihuahua brought in last weekend hit by a car or tossed from a car or something and I couldn't see the poor thing left in a cage all weekend at the clinic. Thankfully I have a wonderful loving father and he let me bring it home for the weekend. It's really taken to Jessica and I have been expressing her bladder several times a day since she can't do it herself. She kind of looks like a little gremlin. Willow doesn't like her much, she's jealous of it but it's only for a weekend. Patrick mentioned something about putting her to sleep Monday because she can't control her bladder, and I fear she has kidney issues with the lack of bladder control and add on top of it a broken leg. She's loving all the love and attention she's been getting from Jess. </div>
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I'll probably cry if Patrick does put her to sleep. She's been such a good little thing. It has given Jess something to look forward to and something to do. I just have such a soft spot for old and need a soft spot to land kind of animals. </div>
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Willow- thinking of her. It's cooled down and we haven't done much, but hopefully tomorrow will change all that. We are going to go to Lowes in the morning for some orange construction fence to keep the neighbors dog out of our backyard. May not be pretty but that's not my problem. Keep the dogs out of our yard is all I care about. </div>
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The big girls are doing pretty good. Tessa had another round of thrush and then finally blew an abscess. Second abscess I have ever had to deal with! Been a while. It's been good with them and I Hope to continue to do good. I think with the rabbits getting cut back I should be okay. I'm just so frustrated trying to sell some decent show stock. I might totally give up showing and breeding them. I haven't fully decided but the mouse problem IS getting out of hand. Time to cut them back and get the mouse problem under control. </div>
<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-51359894583215131532018-09-02T18:47:00.000-07:002018-09-02T18:47:02.252-07:00Just my little world<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My girls are my life. I will have to say and admit full front. This past week off has solidified my love for my Equine girls, Heidi and Tessa. Heidi Hasn't been touched with tack since March 16th and on my birthday, Aug 29th, I tossed Tessa's saddle on Heidi after trying Heidi's english and the girth wasn't long enough, and off we went. The saddle was pinching her and she still behaved. She still had some serious issues with the big horse flies but it wasn't too bad. Didn't last long because of the heat. Same with today when I tossed Tessa's saddle on her and rode her around the pasture some. Heidi was not helpful and tagged along with us but She just felt so solid under me and my mind can't wrap around how short she really is. But she's solid. The 5.5 years she spent with Joey and the training he gave her made her the wonderful mare that she is today. I am glad of that really. She went from January 27th to September 2nd between rides, granted I did lunge her twice last week. </div>
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I have never been more proud of my equine children. They have been set to the side for the summer with occasional grooming due to my anxiety and my lack of energy to haul tack over to ride. I did go ahead and put a western draft treed saddle on my card so I can switch Heidi to riding western completely and I don't really plan much on looking back! I have always been more comfortable western. I think the english saddle has been causing some anxiety when it comes to riding. Now that the english pads and everything but the saddle are tucked into the bottom of my tack trunk I just want to go out and ride- now just need the temps to come back to some decent temps, make riding much nicer! </div>
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My youngest child, Willow, still needs her spot! She's been doing what she can but right now with the temps so high it's hard to work on training. I have about a week left to see about entering Ques4U's Rally trial at the end of September. That's also a weekend that Drache Feld are out of town and I'll have to take care of them. I will text Becky Tuesday to see if I might be able to swing a Sunday Trial 2 showing just to put us back in the ring. I just can't remember if there are any other fall shows if there isn't there isn't any point in it until later. I'm not sure completely yet. I DO want to show again, I DO want to move forward with it, but I also don't want to put us back in the ring this soon and then just not get to show again for months. </div>
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Thinking of we did go 'shopping' over at Bluegrass Classic and I actually saw several mini aussie's there. Makes me very happy to see it. I want to get a second one soon but I NEED to get my own place first. And no, I don't mean an apartment. I need my own home. </div>
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Willow needs a sister. I know she needs a playmate and a friend to play with someday. These girls are my life. I would love to keep the rabbits in there but sometimes that's not in the books to do. I haven't ruled them out yet but I *have* decided if I need to I will let them go if I have to. </div>
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I do have something for dorsal strips. The spots have them, anything Dun(red like Phoenix was, or gold like Tessa) or even the Grulla. That's what I plan on getting in the future is a Grulla QH gelding. 15.2 hands preferred. Anyway, that's future plans and I can just wait it out and see how everything pans out. </div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-26068409660305513352018-08-28T19:57:00.000-07:002018-08-28T19:57:15.754-07:00Thankful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well our few months at Aunt Lisa's for the big girls was over. Her field needs some time to recover for the sheep for the winter, so on the 25th, Nelson came over and hauled the girls home. Tessa balked at the trailer at first because it was a higher step up than she was used to, but a little bit of encouragement and she hopped up. I was a little worried she wouldn't load, I remembered the first time we tried to load her as a 2 year old, onto Nelson's trailer to move her home and we tried for almost an hour to get her on and couldn't get her on. The 5.5 years she spent with Joey he did a lot of training work with her and he hauled her all over the place. So her balking kinda scared me but she loaded. But Heidi loaded as I expected her to. I know she was a pain in the ass to load onto Lisa's trailer to bring her over to Lisa's, but I figured with Tessa already on the trailer Heidi * should * load right up- and she did. Didn't miss a step at all. Walked right up next to me. Super thankful she is such a fantastic mare. Tessa's no slouch on the fantastic mare aspect either, but I still say that I will not get another mare after these two, unless I find a guy that is into raising QH's and Paints. I also talked to Nelson a little about maybe bringing Heidi over to meet a stud in the next year or two. I am just scared to get a filly foal. Though Nelson said he preferred his fillies over colts. </div>
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Anyway, the girls came home and have been so comfortable together. I finally went and got some fly spray because the big horse flies were bothering the crap out of the two. </div>
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Wormed them on Sunday and Monday and Tuesday I lunged Tessa about 5-10 minutes each day. Hoping sometime before the weekend to get on her and ride. Might be bareback. I did get my saddle scrubbed clean. It's been sitting so long it was all covered in mold. I am hoping this drive I have had the last couple of days continues so that I will get on both girls before I go back to work. </div>
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Sad part is the rabbits seem to have gotten pushed to the wayside. I keep telling myself I simply cannot keep up with all the different animals. Sadly the dog show in September is out because I have to work at Drachefeld. I am tempted to bring my sister and 'teach' her to do it so I can do the show still but I don't want to make Becky mad at me either. So I guess until Mikey is back and I can have choice weekends free to continue showing I guess dog shows are out of the question. </div>
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So eventually I guess I will have to find a new loophole to go through with future plans. I REALLY would like to find a guy that's totally decent and worth my time to deal with. I would really like to get married someday. The girls at work made jokes saying I needed to get married so I could get divorced and join them in their divorced crowd. Honestly I don't want to get married just to get divorced again and be apart of their 'crowd'. But I would love to get married someday to a man that's worth it. I am still searching for a decent place to move into with some of my paycheck now being freed up, all that is left right now is credit card debt. I am putting cash aside for a newer car for myself. </div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-54248733917774296332018-08-10T20:01:00.001-07:002018-08-10T20:01:33.348-07:00Passions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been another month of craziness. Been working, house sitting and working some more! Again I haven't' spent any time what so ever with Heidi and Tessa, but I have settled on a date to bring them home- the 25th. I just have to go talk to Nelson and see if he'd trailer the girls back out to dad's. I never did get the large chunk of the fence replaced but I am going to see if I can't borrow the electric tape to just put up but not connect to the electric to help keep my girls off the fence and possibly continue to replace fencing. I do miss my girls. I have learned so much that horses are just my release and I miss having them around. I know I could always go over and mess with them I just never have the energy especially by the time I drive over there and now I am in the drive to get hay put up in the barn for them for winter. <br />
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Becky did learn her mare didn't take to breeding twice now so she will be trying to find her a good home and as much as I do like the mare, I don't want another mare and I know I couldn't afford to feed/take care of another horse in general. Granted breed her over to Tessa's sire and get a dun, likely red dun foal but to me no garuntee that I'd get a colt to geld. Also David Howards got a yearling paint gelding that was GORGEOUS but has lameness issues and not worth much, I wouldn't mind messing with it- but again no room or finances to take care of 3 horses. </div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">I want to do more with them, just like I want to do more with a lot of things. I am planning right now on doing so much stuff with them when they are home again. I still haven't quit looking for my own place but I am looking right now at clearing debt. One more week and I'll be doing the last payment on my student loans! Makes me so excited to finally clear that one. Lastly left is credit card debt! Next thing to save up for is the newer car while I am paying down/off credit card debt. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">The last week I spent at Mrs Fu's was stressful. I was there Sunday through Sunday. Mom blew a tire on the Nissan in Lexington and had to go get that, and leave them my car and I was driving my truck with no brake lights, then they bust my car (okay, okay, it was just a half dead alternator). That drove me batty and I lost so much money behind driving my truck. I didn't sink but it was enough to irritate me to no end. I've been stressed out the last couple of months and I am so mentally worn out. I have tried a new thyroid supplement. I'm not sure it's helping or not but I am thinking it's helping some. I try to not take it daily as it feels like it does set my sinus' off at times. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">Willow and I did get through 1 training class before all the mayhem hit. I am intending to continue home training shortly and push forward. Aunt Lisa sent me a premium for a September show and THAT one I am pretty sure I can make and get back into the ring. Do a Rally Novice B and at least get back into the ring. I am ready to start doing some training work on top of working my horses. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">I still rollercoaster ride back and forth through depression episodes and I am trying to get a better control. I had a stronger depression episode this past week and then starting Thursday </span> it swung from the depression to anger issues. I was so angry at work that I was personally just a foul person to be around. I tried to angle my ways outside and away to try and minimize the damage. </div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">Many plans, many goals and I am happy to say I am starting to move forward. I'm still house hunting, it's just hard to find somewhere that I can afford on my salary and still have the room to keep my horses. </span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-16964378746927710102018-07-14T18:34:00.000-07:002018-07-14T18:34:57.665-07:00Moving Forward<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So it's been almost a month again but so far nothing major has been going on really. I have continued to cut rabbits back out of the barn. Gerdy passed away on her own after not bouncing back from a tooth abbcess like she should have. Granted she was old but the antibiotics just hit her harder than she could come back from. I did daily probiotics on her as well to try and counter the antibiotics but it wasn't enough for the 8+ year old rabbit. I feel guilty like I should have seen it sooner or something. Thankfully I didn't lose any to heat stroke though. A friend of mine lost 5 English Spots to heat stroke and he even has fans in his barn. It included Precious, the Willy x Cricket baby I had wanted to keep back to show but had a toe chewed off. I will do that cross again. I just have to slim down my number of rabbits because Even after House sitting for Mrs Fu, and then July 6th-8th at Patrick's, I have to pay someone else to take care of my rabbits. I have also slacked some on taking better care of them. Heat and all today I pulled all my senior dutch out and clipped nails- they were atrociously long. Tomorrow I will do the English Spots. I'm still toying with keeping Trick for now. I might, I don't know. I just know I hate the idea of moving Mirror on, but the guy that lost Precious and 4 others, is getting her to help rebuild his herd again. Helps me get my numbers down. I need to keep less of them for more house sitting. </div>
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The horses are just getting fat on pasture. I haven't done a thing with them honestly. I tried to put a grazing muzzle on Tessa and that made her an angry mare. After a week I ended up taking it off. She was angry, making a disaster for everyone else. Monday Michael will be there to trim and I might ask him about someone to lease her. I love her, she's queen bitch mare out there- despite being the youngest and smallest. Ellie and Heidi will stand nose to tail and swat flies with each other until Tessa comes over. I honestly need to start doing something with them. This heat just saps the drive out of me to do anything. </div>
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Well Breyerfest was this weekend at the Horse Park. I didn't go to the Horse Park but Aunt Lisa and I went down to the Clarion Hotel where they do the swap meet and I went looking mostly for scratch models for painting. I have a decent list of horses I wanted to get painted: Drifter, Honey, Truly, Amber, Sherralyn and I still forgot to get a model for Bo. Drifter, Honey and Truly are all going on the same mod- stock horse mare, and I wanted to switch Tessa off the mold(Stock horse mare) she is currently on to Indian Pony mold. So I luckily found 2 stock horse mares and one indian pony that are stratched. Never found a Marabella for Sherralyn but did find Family Arabian mare for her instead, it's the same mold that Jasmine is on. Granted the leg is broke off but the piece is still there and I do know how to re-attach the broken piece. The black mare I'm not sure what I am going to do with her. I might use that for a traditional sized Bailey.</div>
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The Gem Twist model I don't know what I am going to do with him. I found him for $3, with his tail despite its broken off. The John Henry model I just have to bend the leg back out and I'll either put Bootsie or Spencer on it. </div>
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There was a list of horses I wanted to find for myself. A couple I *KNEW* I could find but couldn't' afford at this time. I was looking at the Grulla paint mare in the Lady Phase mold and I found it online to be in a couple of different rooms for $100 so I had mentally written her off but I found her for $20 down in the community/ball room of the hotel right before we left and I snatched her up. I also picked up Savannah Dial, she's a scratch but I didn't realize those feathers are raised on her so she'll be a display model until I figure out what to do with her. I also found and got another carousel ornament. I have downloaded all the pictures of each ornament so now when I unpack all mine I can thusfore delete their pictures if I have them so I know which ones to continue to look for. Sadly no Hidalgo, Stunt Double, Rain and the original Spirit were found. Bobby Jo and the other red dun tobiano I wanted were limited Editions so were very $$$$$$$. </div>
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Anyway, I was quite happy with my loot from Breyerfest Swap. I was out late Friday night for it and I didn't get panicky until I was in the ballroom- the last place we stopped before we left. I even managed to get The Black Stallion traditional for my aunt since I know she loves Arabians faces and black horses. </div>
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Then Saturday morning/today, I started some dog training classes with Willow. It's hard to go back to basics and get a more solid foundation on her. I have been doing the exercise Becky told me last weekend and we didn't get hardly anywhere with them all week. But suddenly today it was like the light went on. Kinda made me feel stupid, like we hadn't been practicing. But we are getting there. I am thrilled with the progress. But I think I will wait until Bluegrass to take the hit. If I enter Greater Louisville, I will likely do a Rally Novice which will mean switching over to B class. I'm not sure if it will be of a help to do it. Becky said to either do a Novice coarse or take an intermediate if I wanted to stay in A before I jump to advanced since it's off leash. Intermediate is advanced signs and everything but it's on leash. I think I might go for the intermediate at Louisville just to get our feet 'wet' again and then shoot for Advanced at Bluegrass. I will see what Becky recommends next weekend after our class. Novice B or Intermediate. I want to at least get through Advanced and through Novice Obedience. I don't think we can handle Open Obedience. Though Becky might be able to push us to it if I want to. Honestly I really like the Rally better so I might stay there. Get our CD and call it good and go back to Rally? I don't know yet. I have to see how the training goes. <br /></div>
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So for right now I am still paying down debt and working every weekend. But house hunting is still on. I just have to figure out what to do with the horses.</div>
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<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-51561617583541490582018-06-21T18:57:00.000-07:002018-06-21T18:57:50.654-07:00Long awaited update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I know it's been a while, long while. But I have been in my own head thinking a lot and trying to make adjustments to life. With Tessa at my aunts, getting fat on the pasture I had Heidi home and very mopey without her friend. Even when they were in heat and nipping each other they were still partners. So I was told if I strung the hot wire we could move Heidi over. Some hot weekends commenced and we got the hot wire strung and my mares re-united.<br />
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I am glad the mares are happy, even if they are all taking turns coming into heat and nipping each other. It also makes it hard to tell where all the mares are in hierarchy. Tessa had gained up so much of her weight all from pasture. I am unsure if I want to try and put a grazing muzzle on her or just talk to Michael next time he comes to trim and see if he or a trusted friend would like to lease her(we can work out arrangements then) Something to help her get in shape and give me time to get myself back in shape and also get them set for the fall/winter as well. I want to start riding again and part of me wants to lease Tessa and then start Lessons on a lesson horse since Heidi's not fit to be a lesson horse. <br />
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Willow has been doing quite well in her off leash heeling, so much that I am contemplating entering the august Rally trial in Louisville. Part of me thinks we will make fools of ourselves and part of me says- do it! Never know until you try. So I will continue to work on it until I have to send the entry forms in. That gives me almost a month right now to keep working. My Rally signs which have the new ones in it I can start to prepare us for a Rally Advanced coarse. I just hope we can do it! <br />
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Rabbits- oh well that opens a new can of worms. I've been fussing to put together cages today and stack hay in the barn and Been fighting with Mice. Rat poison is still being eaten so I know they are still around. I killed a mouse myself today in a bucket. I just can't keep up with this fighting rodents. So I am doing a full herd reduction. I've got so many of them I am going to part with. Intention is to keep under 10 not counting Gerdy, Natalie and Connie. Just balancing between Dutch and English Spots will be hard. <br />
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Then thinking about showing this fall will be tough. I've started doing house sitting apparently, I didn't mean to start it, about like I didn't mean to really start working at Drachefeld either. But it just happened. Drachefeld I started while Mikey was gone and I really enjoy doing them. I like the German Shepherds, and I have no issue with them. It's so calm and peaceful out there. Then Mrs. Fu approached me about staying with her dogs while she was gone to a horse show. Mrs Fu is the main owner over Dragonsmeade farm, and Drachefeld so for me it was hard to say no. And she said bring your puppy with you, so Willow came. Willow had a blast running with her whippet Skye in the backyard. I would not hesitate to do it again. 4 days no wifi except what my phone picked up. It was the best change I have had in a long time. I would spend my evenings with the 5 dogs (Muchacho, Skye, Maudie, Gloria and Willow) sketching and watching NCIS Los Angeles that I had on my external. It was lovely and I did so well, I enjoyed going out and seeing all the horses there. Granted they were Morgan's not the Quarter Horse or Paints that I love (and even a good blanket Appaloosa).. But couldn't resist the foals!<br />
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But I feel like everything is happening for a reason. Doing more house sitting, and working at Drachefeld is keeping me from spending a lot of time and resources on my rabbits so they are starting to phase out. Now after house sitting for Mrs Fu, Patrick has asked me to stay a couple nights at his place with his dogs. I have no problems doing it, and I even jumped at the opportunity to do it. So rabbits MUST be phased out or at least down. It will be an interesting to have a life without rabbits. Much easier to travel and do things, but I will miss my tuxedo rabbits and my spine striped beauties. I will keep a few of them but there has got to be less. I have to assume that something is changing in my life and hopefully guiding me to something better.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-13278001709454820542018-04-29T17:33:00.002-07:002018-04-29T17:33:28.452-07:00Always<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well been a little while again and I was doing good mentally for a while but this past weekend has put my heart to the test. I ran out of Eddie's hay that I had been feeding all winter so I thought, I will just have to get some of Harry's if he is interested in selling his rolls again. I knew that his hay had given them sores in their mouths last year but I totally forgot to think that it was the rainiest February in the written history of Kentucky and these are outside stored bales. The girls would not eat it at all. So I was down to the fact of they need to go to another field. I know the field across the road isn't an option because his dog is not good with livestock and it's a jack russel. He was afraid it would go nip the horses and since it's small and white, Heidi would try to stomp it into the turf. Only option I can think of to help my pasture was to take the horses off. At least Tessa is quiet and calm so I asked to move her to Lisa's. I hated doing it. I know she's fine over there, but I hated separating my girls. Heidi is moping around here by herself. I am trying to not cry knowing my middle fur-child is not here anymore. I feel like it's first steps to selling her or something. Push her away and forget about her. I'm afraid and I seriously miss her. </div>
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She seemed to really like being out there. She got a little bloody spot on her butt and on her forehead but I think that came from when the cut gate came and locked her into the front of the trailer. I didn't think to check that first. She was still really good to trailer despite being almost a year and a half without seeing a trailer again. It's on my list of things to get- a trailer, but for now it's a pipe dream. <br />
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Heidi is moping around being alone. I left her out to graze the backyard for over an hour today. I feel so awful, I just feel like she's going to hate me for taking away her buddy again. I hope the grass comes up under her quickly and I can get the fence repairs done around her. </div>
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As for the rabbits. They are doing good. I had tried to put Gerdy, Natalie and Connie in the x-pen together and they all dug out under it. So they are all in cages again until I can build an actual pen and put wire down on the ground to prevent the digging out. I have a few rabbits that need to go out the door to create room and this time I think sadly, Trick is going to be one of them. He has several nice babies in Linds' nest box. I like Trick but he's not proving himself to be a good brood buck. He shows okay but being a blue buck he needs to be really good. I'm not sure Mirror took to him for another litter. Her first litter was all charlie and sports, not a single marked kit from Trick. Cricket to Trick gave me 1 marked kit, 3 sports and 3 charlies. </div>
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These are Linds babies. I'm waiting to see how these babies grow out and what is a doe and what isn't. The lilacs are heavier marked so with any luck they will be does. Heavy bucks go to Marty. The blue I also hope is a doe because I want another blue doe. </div>
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The dutch are doing okay, Fist is going to go to Amy eventually, and I am hoping to cull out Legend after her litter to Fist since her daughter, Memory, is better typed and has a Willie litter in the box right now with a few good looking kits. I need to watch their body types first. I have to cut back the number I have. I still haven't gotten to where I can cull Natalie and Connie. </div>
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As for my health. I switched vitamins again yesterday. I had taken my GNC one at lunch like normal but after getting to Lisa's she brought me over the doTerra book and showed me a little clip on Hashimoto's and had a spare bottle of one of the vitamin's it recommends so I took one with dinner. It's recommends that you take 4 a day but I figure if I start with 2 a day and keep going I should be pretty good. So now I take one of those plus my HBP pill with lunch and another vitamin and a zyrtec with dinner. So far today I actually feel pretty good. I may have to go back to the Coburn farms yogurt as this Activia doesn't do what I want it to do. Other than the mind games my lack of ability to take care of my own horses is taking on me and lack of ability to lose any weight has taken but it will come, I know it will. I am still dreaming of the day that I will have both mares together again, and have my own little place again. Dreams, Heidi, Tessa and Willow are what keeps me alive and going each and every day. </div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-4385616997969091112018-03-09T19:09:00.000-08:002018-03-09T19:09:20.259-08:00Moving forward.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I am going to attempt to revamp this blog at least. It'll be basic life. Sometimes just mental ramblings. Anyone that reads can comment, it doesn't bug me but realize I do read but may not reply to any or all comments. <br />
I have started to veer away from Facebook. I browse it very quickly a couple times a day and share, like or comment on a few things but that is all. I don't particularly care to stay on there much. Most nights I just leave Facebook open if someone wants to chat with me. I don't go looking for conversations because so many people disappear and can't or won't hold a conversation with me. So I don't start conversations with anyone anymore. For the most part there's nothing I have much in common with people and I have so many personal things going on that it's hard to even want to try and keep myself and my family up to date so I'm not keeping other people up to date- and it's hard to even talk to them when they don't stick around for a conversation anyway! <br />
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Anyhow. Get off my little rant. I'll first stick to Willow. We've been working some since mid February on our off leash heeling and I'm looking at picking up a working set of the Rally signs since that's where I want to head back into is Rally. I know she'll be 4 here in 2 months and my original plan had been to have all her titles by now. But Somewhere I got totally of coarse. I'm not sure if it was where we moved back to my parents and I was bitter and angry for a long time, then I became the only human out of 4 in the house that was working. Dad was laid off for the winter, Jess didn't have a job and mom never has. I've been back here, this coming August will be 2 years, but I will have 2 of my debts paid off and I've been casually looking at houses for myself. After putting Ayden to sleep back in January I have had so much well had I done this, this wouldn't have happened and he'd still be alive today. I know it's not fair to his memory nor to me to do that but I can't help it. I haven't been able to bring myself to just tell myself straight that it wouldn't have mattered. Cancer is just an evil thing that does what it wants to do. Cancer took my second fur-dog child away from me. I'm also looking at picking up my own soft pop up crate to keep in my car for weekends at Drachefeld, the German Shepherd kennel so I can put her in that while I am working. I do love the dogs there, most of them are super friendly, and just looking out after I am done with them, at all the Morgans in the fields and watching the babies outside playing on the farm is fantastic. Drachefeld is owned by Dragonsmeade farm. Some day I would love to tour the barn and be allowed to roam the fields to take pictures of them. But that needs to wait until the temps are better outside! <br />
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The horses, well they are there. I haven't done much with them, I rode Tessa back in January but not Heidi since November or December. I have figured out that I have to give up on the english saddle. 45 minutes in that Western saddle and I wasn't sore in anyway shape or form. 30 minutes in the english saddle and my foot was throbbing for days. Something about the english stirrup irons are not friendly and not comfortable for my foot. I will have to try that Western on Heidi one of these days. I have so much to do with them, but part of me is waiting to find out what I'm going to do. I only have 4 round bales left which is going to be roughly 40 days from tomorrow, so beginning of April to mid month. I need to decide if I am going to *try* to put the girls over at Lisa's for a little while if she will allow me to. Doing that I don't see them as much as I do now and I fear Heidi being a bitch to Ellie or to the cows, or both. Tessa I know for sure will be fine. She's been such a good little mare. Heidi I used to trust around other horses until we boarded at Lucky Charm. I don't know what it is. I know she likes being messed with more often now so I start to wonder what they did to her out there. There's so many variables still left with the horses, I need to really put some planning into them- but that's time to put into them as well as put into everything else that needs my attention. I have at least one more month before I really have to have a plan in order. <br />
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The rabbits. Gosh I really don't know what I am doing with them. I am loving all my guys, but I had that one litter that has been practically destroyed by a rat infestation and it was my showable babies- of coarse! Thankfully the lady that wanted the chocolate buck, wanted him for breeding anyway, and he's missing a toe, but the blue doe that I had wanted to keep for showing is also missing a toe so it's not showable either! The lilac doe I'm not sure it's going to live to grow up, it messed up it's hock, along with the black buck. The black buck I think is doing better than the lilac doe. If the lilac doe heals up will depend on what I do with her. If she heals up nicely I will try to show her and sell her, if not I might breed her or I might cull her out. I don't know. I love the spots, and I love my dutch but I don't want to get too many again. I would love to have blue and torts of both breeds but right now I have lilac spots with my blue and tort dutch with the blue. I guess this first show coming up will show me what I need to know about my herd and I will see what I plan on doing going forward. I do intend to only raise what brings me joy. While some of my lops did bring me joy at the time my heart has been stuck with these striped, running breeds. Dutch have always been a love of mine. I just don't know anymore.<br />
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As for my health. I switched around when I took my High Blood Pressure pill from before bed to at lunch time and other than I do struggle more with dehydration. I might have to go back to drinking more powerade again. But I am okay with that. I am down 7 pounds this year so far. It's been a year since my weight was this low. And that's the only thing I have changed. So I am hoping with my walking (and working Willow) son I hope the weather agrees to allow me to start biking and riding again and this weight will come off. I am totally ready for it. Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-21762526883405568882018-02-25T17:46:00.000-08:002018-02-25T17:46:27.131-08:00Mud, mud and more Mud<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Been a month of nothing yet so much! So much to think about and so much to go forward on and I'm happy to do things. I'm mentally pushing myself into a better and better mindset.<br />
I have been working every weekend since early January and this weekend has been an off weekend. I'm not working at the clinic, not at the German Shepherds or anything this weekend. Just a totally down weekend to relax and enjoy a few things. Of coarse though it is raining. It's been raining so much that we can't even get the 4-wheelers out into the horse pasture with the hay. Including my aunts 4-wheeler which is twice the size and power of dad's. We about buried it with the last bale and it's been raining ever since then. 5 days of rain. Tessa's got cellulitis in all 4 legs, so I coppertoxed them and gave her a big shot of excede, she got her second round excede shot today so that should help and I'm going to start her back on Horseshoer's Secret in hopes of that helping her feet. I think Heidi should go on it as well despite she's not showing any signs her feet are bothersome. Well Tess isn't either, she's still running out in the slop. Both girls had their friskies on Friday and Today. We had a brief sunny few hours on each of the last 4 days so the grass is really trying to take off and grow and they were searching and nibbling whatever they could. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend off from everything but I can do it.<br />
The rabbits are doing ~okay~ because I am still struggling with the remnants of the rat problem. I found on Saturday, two of Cricket's showables have toes chewed on. The chocolate buck and the blue doe. I'm still going to continue to monitor them for development see if the nail grows back and they just lost nails. The lilac doe I'm going to watch and see she messed up her hock and she goes to Cull or if she gets to stay and turn showable. The dutch, I'm not sure, I'm going to watch this development of these kits and see how they come out, but the barn feels cramped up with that extra set of cages in it so I do want to see what I can do to cut down my numbers again. The Jolene and Lantis tort litter is mostly mismarks. <br />
Willow, well, she's back to itching- a LOT and it's driving me batty. So I've been on this cleaning spree and I got my room cleaned up and out and got my car cleaned up and now it's time to get ready for bed for the work week to start again. At least next weekend is the German Shepherds. I do really like working at the dog kennel. I can take my time and get to enjoy the dogs as well. Praying for this work week to go nice, easy and fun!Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-18817860989720448672018-01-20T20:30:00.001-08:002018-01-21T14:33:49.146-08:00Keeping costs <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I will attempt to start out on a good note. I have been doing so well with the horses health and it does make me happy. I know it was bad to go that long without getting their feet trimmed. Last trim was back in August. (8/30) and that was where we found the thrush in Tessa's feet and how both of the girls' frogs had been just about eaten away from their feet. I felt awful going into September and I ran a month of Horseshoer's secret on both mares to help improve their feet conditions and I've been doing a monthly dosing of Koppertox on their feet and I've been doing my best to get and keep them in good condition. I may not do much with them in the winter and Heidi may do better in the winter but her arthritis in her right rear will get the best of her in a few more years I think. She'll need to be started on a joint supplement in the coming years. I had their feet done today and I gave Heidi some bute beforehand and she did better. Just sadly that Michael was as sore and stiff as he was. He was only 10 weeks post op for a personal surgery that he needed done(which is why the horses trims were so far out, usually I keep a 10-12 week schedule). I just felt so good doing something with them again. It feels like I haven't hardly done anything with them in weeks.<br />
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I likely will be working a bunch more overtime as I have a car repair waiting for me. The lower ball joints have gone bad again. I had them replaced little over a year ago and they should have lasted the length of the life of the car. Oh well. I knew dad had issues with the quality of the parts that Katie Tire in Mt Sterling had used, and that's where my car had been done a year ago. So go figure that my parts were also poor quality. Thankfully the car isn't at Katie's this time. We've never had an issue with quality of the parts used at Craig's.<br />
The rabbits are doing really good though. Well health wise. Breeding wise not so much. Both dutch does lost their litters to the cold. Odd for Legends to lose hers and Jolenes were 3 days old before they froze. Then Cricket gave me a gorgeous litter of 8 in a nice rainbow of color. I've got black, blue, lilac and even a single chocolate baby in that litter. I am very pleased how this litter came out. Mirror is pregnant to Trick due tomorrow. I am hopeful for a good live litter out of her. So far Trick hasn't proven to be a decent herd buck at all. I will keep trying him for a little while and see what happens. Hopefully I can get a good replacement out of him and move him on. Whoever thought the saying "breed like rabbits" could ever be so wrong? Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-78397534859636524022018-01-14T16:43:00.000-08:002018-01-14T16:43:20.747-08:00Independent <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Nothing huge or major has been happening here at all. It's been bitterly cold, unusually cold for Kentucky. We spent 2 weeks under freezing daily and it makes the rabbits water dishes hell to do. I had piles of ice building up and up and it felt like there was no reprieve. We finally broke out of the cold and did a warm swing for a week then yesterday was the start of another Arctic blast that will last for 4 or 5 days. By next weekend I will be able to put my water bottles back and more than likely be able to leave them up. Which is good, I need to start replacing my water bowls as I have cracked quite a few this time around. Only one bowl cracked far enough to not be usable that I know of. Dutch Willie's bowl might be cracked too far but right now it has to wait it out as there are no more spare bowls. Natalie, Connie and Gerdy are all still hanging in there- for old rabbits they are taking this severe cold quite well.<br />
I do have 2 of my dutch does bred for kits on Wednesday- Legends to Willie for a blue litter, and Jolene to Lantis for a tort litter. I am hoping they survive this severe cold. Then next up is next weekend is Lindsey to Trick and Cricket to Willie Spot. Then last will be a week from now with GiGi to Willie Spot and Mirror to Trick so hopefully will have dutch and spot babies to post some pictures of.<br />
Ayden however was a sore spot. I laid him to rest on the 10th, we had intended to do it on the 12th anyway but his nose bled all day on the 9th so I struggled all day with him in the kennel in the back. Finally Rex helped me euthanize him. He was just barely 11 years old (1/4/07) but his Nasal Squamous cell carcinoma had finally gotten the worst of him. I beat myself up thinking that it had been swollen before but he was managing but I *had * to do the punch biopsy to find out what it was. The punch biopsy aggrevated the cells and made his nose blow up. I knew we were on shorter time from there. At least I have to admit he had a good life, and he had a lot more time than several other dogs that I know of for sure. Gus, Brenda's bulldog, had 2 rounds of Chemo and his cancer came back and she had to put him down at 3 years old. Then Jagger, a client's Dalmation, had some bone cancer in his left front and they amputated the whole leg in hopes of cutting it off. 3 months after amputation the stump blew up and we x-rayed his chest and found the stump was a huge tumor and it had spread into his lungs and they put him down on the 12th- he too was only 3 years old. I'm glad that Ayden actually was older. I can finally talk about him and even think about it without my eyes welling up. <br />
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I got my new saddle for Tessa with some of my Christmas Bonus and I am so happy to report that it fits so now I can't wait to actually tack her up and try it. I can't wait until I can try it. It still doesn't fit Heidi so I will still have to keep Heidi english for the time being. I am okay with that though. Both mares are doing pretty good. Tessa's weight has really come down and Heidi's as trim as she's always held in the winter. I am letting them free choice on hay but still very limited grain. They are both also naked. I think I'm going to go back to my original plans of keeping them naked until they are older and truly require it. </div>
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So hopefully soon they can get their feet trimmed and be ready for some riding! If I play my cards correctly I can get them trimmed on Saturday and maybe go for a ride on Sunday! Well I am going to switch back to the Armour again and see what happens as the week goes on. Worse case I figure if my sinus' go crazy again then I can at least call or email the doctor Friday and have him switch me back. I have just enough of my pills set up to cover me through Friday's dose. </div>
<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-43764156487547111532017-12-24T17:55:00.001-08:002017-12-24T17:55:02.978-08:00Merry Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have, thankfully, been in a much better mood. I know the doctor's office dropped a bomb on me and made me upset, but I put a lot of honest thought into it and I decided to take my own results and take the knowledge into my own hands to learn. My lipid's panel came back bad, so I have bad cholesterol. FT4 came back still below normal but my TSH came back down to the high end of the normal range. Doctor's office called and said everything was normal on the thyroid panel. I had bad cholesterol and she said that Baker said I needed to watch my diet- or start some kind of diet and to exercise more. Baker and I had a conversation about this whole thing when I was there. He knows what is going on. Still needs to come down and my FT4 still needs to get to the higher end of the range but it's slowly moving that way. I'm struggling with another sinus infection though. I've had a few of them now since upping tot he Armour 90. So I really am honestly thinking that there's something about the medication that is setting off my sinus'. Lately I have been in just such a good mood that I gave up the arguing with the doctors office. A fellow AFGAFH lady and I have plans to keep each other honest and start working on weight loss in the New Year. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />As for New Year goals for 2018:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get more debt paid off. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get Willow into some more training classes so we can continue Rally and Obedience</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get Heidi and Tessa both working under Western tack</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get riding lessons</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Get more fit for work, cattle work is going to demand me to be more fit</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Learn to be more patient and less bottling up of emotions </span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At least start the apartment search if I don't get futher</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Attempt to be more social- planning 2- 5k walk/run's</span></li>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's not much but I don't want to make high goals and then look back on this next Christmas and see how much of this I got accomplished and then realize that I haven't gotten hardly any of them accomplished. </span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been doing okay with Rach and Ky actually. I have been going through my friends list and deleting a bunch of people I do not talk to anymore or people that really don't give a crap. I've got a lot of my own problems that I am trying to keep in control of, I don't need more stress. </span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Well thinking of promises. I promise to live as happy as possible and move forward with happiness and just do-it! Our rain has finally started to change over to snow so with any hopes I will wake up Christmas morning to a dusting of snow! </span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-87471667480844644132017-12-16T20:13:00.003-08:002017-12-16T20:13:45.047-08:00Not quitting yet.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue;">So this past week has been I think the worst Rollercoaster ride that I've had in such a long time. Between Grandma back on the 7th at the hospital and then the stressful roller coaster ride after that it's been awful. Cousin Becky has been down the whole past week and I finally got to see her today and it's been just awesome knowing she has gotten grandma to perk back up and be more responsive. She wasn't today though. So I don't know what to think is happening there. She seemed to shudder in pain or something while we were there. Spent the whole hour quietly or talking to dad. It's getting harder to sit there with her. I just know that someday she will be gone and that's what keeps me going. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Doctors visit Thursday afternoon was not the nicest for sure. This time I red flagged high for depression. He asked me if I wanted to take something for it, and I declined. I know most of it is stress. I think once I de-stress a lot of the depression will go away. I know at least now that I am starting to relax it will get better. We did re-do the thyroid panel and it's getting better but it's still showing high hypo. At least my TSH has come back into the high end of the normal range, it's not over the top, and my FT4 is still below normal range but it's coming up. My FT3 is coming up as well but still at the low end of the normal range. So I started, on my own, that I upped my medication and when I weigh in on Monday I will see. He also did a lipids panel this time and all those numbers are off; flagged either high or low. I just need to get control here and now to start figuring out how to do that and keep de-stressing as I am going. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">I know this is a medical post really, but honestly I actually did go out today after visiting grandma and just brushed my two big girls out and treated their feet and I honestly felt so much better. I would love to still get them and myself into a better position so that I can actually do more and have more fun but even just taking care of them makes me happy. It felt good to actually get a good brush through them. I haven't been able to even get a good grooming over them in a long time. I can't wait for spring so it's brighter when I get home again and I can start to do more. Winter over all is a bit depressing. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Dad and Becky had a point, and I know my aunts have all brought it up to me on numerous occasions but, I need to go back to school and get my certificate for Vet Tech. If I thought I could honestly afford it I would. I just don't want to mess up what I have. I like working with the vets I work with. Honestly they are some of the best folks. Sure they annoy me at times but what job doesn't have it's annoying times. I really do like where I am. I also at this point cannot afford to go back to college. I have 8 months left to pay on my student loans as it is so it's coming- slowly. I have so many plans for this coming year that I honestly don't know if I have the TIME to do all of it. Soon I will work on next years goals. Soon. Just need, and want to have a nice weekend before I go back into the get ready for the work week syndrome! </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-13746443237634657882017-12-09T19:43:00.001-08:002017-12-09T19:43:37.896-08:00Wake up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well after the minor blow up last Tuesday seemed to have calmed me back down. I am so glad that I finally got it off my chest. It seemed to help the week flow by a lot better and I was able to focus more on what is going on around my little world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My health was at the fore-front for the most part. I had the clinic junk going last weekend, and Monday Doc and Scotty both said get a Z-pack and it will clear it up a lot faster. So I did and now that I am going back to my normal allergy issues and some sinus stuff but I think once I get my gut back in line the sinus problems will slowly dissipate on their own. At least I hope so. I *HAVE* to call my doctor's office and get an afternoon appointment- preferably before Christmas to have another blood draw done. I've been so tired. Last night I slept a solid 8 hours. Willow woke me up to go poddy and I let her out, told her to go pee and then I went pee, let her in and went back to bed for another 2 hours. I have been trying to doze on and off all day long. I've been exhausted for days really. Part of me wants to randomly up my Armour but I'm afraid to in case it's just too much. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thursday was a drop and kick in the bucket for me. Thursday I got a Text from Aunt Boo saying Stanton was trying to get a hold of Lisa and needing a POA for Grandma. And she had sent a text to Dad. I knew that dad had gone home and the sheep hauling was the following week. I texted back that I would try to get a hold of them and that the sheep haul was the 13th. So I called Lisa's house, got nothing, then called home, and was talking to dad on speaker phone and messaging Lisa through Facebook. Grandma was on her way to Clark Regional and Lisa wanted someone there when she got there, so, thankfully it was 4 pm, I showed Debbie what was going on and I took off for Clark Regional. I was there just a few minutes after Grandma got there @ 4:20 pm. Good thing I know the back roads to get off Bypass in Winchester. Got me down there much faster. Anyway. I went into Trauma 3 where grandma was and I started talking to her and she looked towards me and smiled. That did make me smile. I talked to the nurses some, and wouldn't allow them to do anything until Lisa got there. After that initial smile she dropped back to her unresponsive state. I talked to the nurses and answered what questions I could. First time in over a week I finally saw Aunt Lisa. Wasn't the way I wanted to see her, nor the place and I pray she doesn't get my cold as I wait for it to finish passing. Lisa stayed with Grandma and sent me the message Friday that Grandma was diagnosed with Pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms. They were able to give her IV antibiotics but couldn't give her any blood thinners to help with the blood clots in her lungs because her blood is already so thin. Late Friday night she made it back to Stanton Nursing Home and into Hospice care. So this morning Dad and I skipped going to visit. Let her re-gain her bearings. I will see her next Saturday. I know Lisa went down today to get everything set in order with Hospice. I will stop by church tomorrow and let Lee know so hopefully he and Cricket can go down and see her at least once more. I honestly hope she goes to see Jesus sooner rather than later. I know she's in pain and I'd rather she doesn't. She doesn't need to harbor that kind of pain anymore. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do my best and tomorrow morning after morning clinic I will go by her place with her Christmas present on my way to Paris to meet with Amy and get my tort dutch do and hand over the English Spot buck Foster for a 4Her. It will be so nice to see people outside of my coworkers and the clients and someone that I enjoy seeing! I need to go out and socialize more. I kind of can't wait for everything to happen so the next two work weeks go on a bit faster and get on with the Christmas holiday. I can't wait to see everyone and I'm eager for a good long weekend. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today has been the first snowfall. I was supposed to go to the company Christmas dinner and after getting to the far exit on the interstate I said NO, turn around before someone hits you. So I did. No steak and seafood for dinner for me, instead it was hot dogs but I smile as I see so many people stranded and know I turned around BEFORE it got ugly and I was home, safe and sound. So many roads are closed and it's a driver's warning out there. Tomorrow morning I can get the camera out and get pics of everybody out in the snow. This is the last holiday season for Ayden. Likely in January we will put him to sleep. He has Squamous cell carcinoma's in his nasal cavity- ie an inoperable cancer so his nose just keeps swelling up and right now one nostil is swollen shut. No amount of steriods is helping and to me his nose smells necrotic and I am hoping it can hold out until January before we have to put him down. Right now he's happy and not really struggling to breath so it's just a watch and wait game. He will tell us when he's had enough I hope. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not the most uplifting post but still a post to go forward off! I've woken up and I am going forward in thoughts medical and life in general.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-20984666894655199922017-12-05T02:16:00.001-08:002017-12-05T02:16:24.057-08:00Distance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There has been a heck of a disappointment going this past weekend. Social Media is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. It does leave me knowing a lot of where I stand with people and the thing being is it's not right in anyway shape or form. Sometimes I hate cutting ties with people and sometimes it's just one of those things that you have to do in order to move on with what has happened. People make things so damn difficult to stay friends. And not to super sugar coat anything but Rae and Mich had em so upset this past weekend, that add that to the clinic junk I had going through my body I just downright felt like shit. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*Ranting Starts*</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just to take it back and start at the beginning. I first met Mich on her first day of Kindergarten. We were a K-12 school, LOVED Argyle CSD, and she lived across the road from us on her grandfather's Christmas Tree farm and we all walked up to the end of the road to Coon road to catch the bus. I took her everywhere with me for the longest time until she was I think around 12 or 13. Then she, with what I am presuming her other grandfather's influence split us up and made it so she didn't come around anymore but she was allowed over at Rachel's. But in those many years, she would come to ACC with me when I had to work on Saturdays(or was it Sunday's, it was a long time ago) in the lighting studio and there was when I really taught her to read really well. She knew but hated it because it wasn't as easy for her. I started with Into the Land of the Unicorns (Bruce Coville, Unicorn Chronicles #1) and from there we moved to A Horse Called Wonder (Johanna Campbell, Thoroughbred series #1). It didn't take long for her to get to upper reading levels above her age range. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To attempt to make a longer story short, (Too Late! Whoops, shouldn't have watched Clue last night), she graduated from College this past weekend. I didn't even so much as get a message saying she was. Does she know how proud I am of her? Going from hating school as an elementary student, to doing good and graduating college? Probably not. Does she even give a rats as$ about me anymore? Very Unlikely. She she even remember all that from back then? Also not likely. Everything for her has revolved around Rachel. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rachel's another one that I used to be inseparable from. And I would say the last 4 years has done nothing but go downhill. I had an episode already, January '14 of distrust in them so why would now be any different. Though that one was Ky and Rachel at that point I hadn't even reconnected with Michelle. While I'm on good ground, I think, with Kylie it does make me want to completely disconnect off social media and see what happens. I'm done being the 'nice' person. I am hoping this coming spring to do a trip north and visit so I can visit Mark, Trish, Auntie and Unc and probably Kylie depending on school/work etc, but I don't think I'll make the effort to visit Rachel and Michelle, especially knowing that she can't even make the effort to have a conversation with me. I don't even want to hear the whole, I gotta work thing. I was working 50 hours a week at Nestle and *STILL* made the time to talk to her, and she's not making that effort. Couldn't even give me the decency to tell me Michelle was graduating. Michelle couldn't give it to me either so as they saying goes "Whatever!" Just wait until they want something from me and I tell them nope! </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe I am being harsh, maybe I'm just over tired and I am being a witch I don't know but I do know that what there is between Rachel and me, and Michelle and me is not much of a friendship- not to me. It does take effort from both parties and my efforts have gone un answered so now they are no longer there. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*End Rant*</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plus perks- the clinic junk has me on a Z-pack and Monday was just a laughing afternoon. I don't know what on earth had me so wound up but it was crazy. I think last night's wind up was from too much Ale 8. That's what I get for drinking it. I don't drink soda much anymore but when I do it's typically Ale 8 now. So hopefully I do better today and sleep better tonight, than I did yesterday. Heidi, Tessa and Willow are all doing great! It's just me that's slacking and having issues. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Part of me hopes Rachel finds this and reads it and is as hurt by it as I am by her and part of me just hopes she and I drift apart and stay that way. I'm not confrontational, I'm just used up. I have so much more to look forward to in life and it's time to go for it and find my way. </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-84049916905033603342017-11-30T17:34:00.005-08:002017-11-30T17:34:54.144-08:00Becoming<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life is different right now I'm actually thinking about the future and I'm actually optimistic lately. I don't know why I don't know how things are really going to play out but I am bent and determined to go forward and enjoy life no matter what my health throws into the mix. I've been happy, grumpy but happy if that makes sense. I know I still have so many bridges to cross but I'm looking forward to crossing those bridges! </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have started to do better with my eating and taking my vitamins and supplements. It's paying off so far, I think. Jess, Mom and I are doing a weightloss challenge and so far I am the ONLY one of us that is below starting weight. While I still want to lose more and do it faster but slow and steady is way better than dropping it hard and fast and getting sick. I got a minor mirror shock today catching a glimpse of my own reflection and I said I have to learn to love this women looking back at me. I figured I may not like her right now but that's who I am. I want to be stronger. I want to be more fit. I have plenty of wants to become a healthier me, but I have to start with being happy to start with. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Horses are actually doing great! I am very happy with them. Tessa's starting to lose weight and Heidi's doing great weight wise. Both still chubby but I'm not fit and trim so I don't see why they should be kept fit and trim. I'm hoping to start Heidi on a joint supplement and put her back on the Spirulina wafers again. Looks like I'll go through about 3 jars of them a month. It'll get Pricey but so long as it keeps it both girls happy I will do it! I might eventually just add spirulina pellets to Tessa's smartpak and then just get the wafers for Heidi. Not sure yet what to do there. </span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bunnies, well the bunnies are there. I know old man winter is coming in and going to hit much more hard core next week. I'm still holding small and steady with what few rabbits I have. I bred 3 does and I have 2 positive palpation's for litters next week. 1 dutch, 1 english spot. I'm still unsure if I will continue them harder in the spring or not. </span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy days coming forward. I'm going to go forward from today, feeling as fresh as possible and focusing on my health, and my girl's health. My girls are getting older, faster than I am but doesn't mean I can't get things figured out before that. </span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 💕💕💕</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Heidi, Tessa & Willow 💖💖💖</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-46479123350077211552017-10-28T18:12:00.000-07:002017-10-28T18:12:01.067-07:00Month of learning, depression and Happiness.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well This past month has certainly been a trying one. Highs and Lows, twists in the road and some back tracking. Some surging ahead blindly. So I am hoping to see how these next two months play out and then I'll have to see where thing are. <br />
Firstly I had my third followup appointment with the doctor, with bloodwork again. My TSH levels are still climbing and they need to get lower. My Free T4 levels are still dropping and are still below normal range, which were they need to be on the high end of normal. My Free T3 is still on the low end of normal and it should be at the higher end of the normal range as well but at least that is in normal range. It's disheartening. Everything I read said I should have started to go the right direct in switching medications and it's not. They upped the dosage and the costs of it are still ugly but whatever at this point. If I still feel shitty in the middle of December I may ask him to draw again and check it. If it's still high or even higher I'll switch back to Levo. I've dropped the Zendocrine down to every couple of days but I do take the Magnesium Citrate 100mg almost daily unless I've got full blown diarrhea that day then I'll skip that evenings dose. I sleep better too I've noticed. I've started using my diffuser MOST nights. Some nights I still forget to get it turned on. Today has been a Wild Orange and Clove mix. Very nice and comforting smell for sure! I am also trying to eat a little bit cleaner and cut back on the sweets and fats. I'm keeping as happy as possible and I'm going to start weaning off the pasta as I finish up what I've got for pasta sides for my work lunches. Time to get things figured out.<br />
I have been backwards thinking and reflecting lately. Leads to depressive episodes. I was in a depressive mood for a while until today when I reflected about all the horses that were in my past. I put what they all were and meant to me when I had them.<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Started it all with Jasmine. I took on Jasmine as a finish her rehab and either keep her in my name until Michelle was ready for her or find her a suitable home. She never left. <span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Abby was supposed to be a partner/friend for Jazz since I knew Jazz was losing her eye sight. She was too aggressive with the other horses at Gena's, she was a dominant mare, and she wasn't easy on the fences. She was rehomed. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Phoenix, he was a retiree from Kylie that I had intended to keep. Moved Him and Jazz to Kentucky with me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">Bo the mini was another friend for the going blind Jasmine until he started to pick on her as well. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline;">Sherralyn was my last stitch effort to find a companion for Jazz as she lost her eye sight. She hated Jazz after a short while so ended up rehoming as well. Came to find out she was blind as well. Tessa I bought purposefully for myself and she was just too green for me so I ended up selling her, but that was after Jazz had passed away. Heidi was a work up and never left, ended up buying instead. Honey the QH was just a rehome project, Bahloo was a rehab to send home. Then Drifter & Bailey were rescue, rehab, rehome horses. Penny was a hang onto until Kylie came for her cause we didn't mesh. That's a lot of horses in 11 years of owning horses. I honestly am thinking of getting a third horse when I can afford it, because I want an older gelding for riding. I am starting to think that I'll never be light enough to ride Tessa correctly. She honestly needs someone much smaller than me if I want to ride bareback. My weight is just too much for her and she's already told me that, so do I just not do anything with her while I struggle with my weight or talk to Michael and put it out there that I am looking to sell or trade for a larger QH gelding? I'd love to keep her and breed her but that's not possible with the field I have currently. There's no saying she'll throw me a colt that turns out taller than her either. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline;">Anyway. Off the depressing horse train of thought. It makes me miss Abby, Jazz and Phoenix to no end. Abby will/would be 29 next March 10th. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline;">Willow I have finally realized I have had her for 3 years. It's been a glorious 3 years I have to admit. I might have had the worst case of buyers remorse with her because I have never had such a high drive dog and I had a bad feeling I was in over my head. It scared me thinking that she'd only ever get as far trained as Magic and Ayden before her. Ayden I started when he was little and he was doing pretty good until Jess took him to Ohio. No offense to him but Willow is just that much smarter than he was. Ayden was no slouch for a Cocker Spaniel but Willow's smart as a whip. I think it's a herding dog thing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline;">Then to the flip side, I was talking to Lisa some this morning and she let Paige go. Paige was a favorite of mine I adored Paige from puppy hood, she's super duper friendly. She was the first dog I did a 'show' with, granted it was a mock fun show thing at the Sheltie Fun day shortly after moving down here. I loved Paige for her friendly nature and her spot. I don't know why I have a thing for that spot. Ayden and Willow both have freckles. Satin just for her size, that's why I wanted something taller. Piper and Luna for the blue Merle color. Paris just has those markings and some funny quirks. <br />I kind of miss doing fun things like that, but I'd hate going alone and Willow's not exactly a sheltie! I just keep doing whatever I can to keep things fun for us. We should hopefully eventually learn to heal off leash but even if we don't, I've had the best time learning and showing with Aunt Lisa. We haven't shown in a year and a half but I still remember those days like they were just a little while ago. </span></span><br />
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^Paige^ <br /></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;"><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">So this past month has been interesting. Though I have figured out that I'm putting on about a pound a month, I've got 20 pounds heavier this month from October 2015. It's time to change this. Time to take some </span><span style="color: #1d2129;">precautionary</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;"> steps and get things correct so I have many more years to enjoy things! </span></span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-27771501244477975252017-09-29T20:01:00.000-07:002017-09-29T20:01:08.079-07:00Past<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today was good for a little while but I tanked at some point later in the afternoon. Maybe it was from my ride today that was less than subpar on Heidi. I think a lot of it is stemming from so much bad mental issues and medical problems.<br />
I went for my ride today after work and it's just not the same any more to tack up and ride. While the temperatures have started to come back down, it's still not down far enough for Miss Heidi to not sweat. I am beginning to wonder if it will ever cool down enough to ride her again without her working herself up. Add that to them working on an underground water pipe out back had them all sorts of wound up and Heidi had no desire to listen and settle. We did a LOT of trotting work and I had the urge to canter her but then I didn't at the same time. I want to canter again, I really do, but I am also so scared to do it at the same time. I honestly want to get some lessons and I just want to help get myself better. <br />
I hate to think about monetary issues but this is where my brain is going right now. I want to do Dog classes with Willow, I want to do riding lessons but I'm still eyeball deep in debt that needs to be addressed. I am still considering picking up a part time weekend job. I'm also afraid to pick up that weekend job and then in turn miss out on so many other things that I can do. My rabbits seem to be doing fairly well and I would love to continue them but they also take money to continue raising and showing. Fair enough though is they don't take as much monetarily as the horses do. Right now so many of my rabbits are so against me playing with them, they aren't terribly cuddly and I run through them so fast that I don't do much with them. Sometimes it does make more sense to sell out and discontinue them so I have more time to focus on so many other things. I also think that I've put so much into getting them to where they are that I shouldn't just bail on it and give up. It's just a conflicting thought in my mind. <br />
Honestly I need some one to just sit down and talk to me and help me ponder through this. I need to hang tough and keep trudging until something shows it's self. So far this year hasn't been the star year that I had been aiming to have. I have cleared one bill, out of 3. One still has just under a year left an the other, well . . . that would be credit card debt. I keep trying to pay it down and it's going but it's going slowly. I think part of it is I need to get a budget set down and stick to it as tight as possible. It should be much easier as now Jess is finally working again and I am not spending extra money on things for the house that people need. I've been giving extra in to make sure dad and I have the things we need for our work lunches and I know we've had outside help as well but it's been hard to even think about this. Hopefully going forward we should all start doing better. I'm glad that I'm still here, I don't know how mom and dad would have made it without me here but it's been tough for me because of all my own personal medical issues and mental issues but for the time being I guess I need to just get this mental issue under control and then go forward. I still wish there was someone that knew me that knew how to help me understand but alas, the lack of friends does not help. Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-32556413552182937872017-08-28T19:29:00.000-07:002017-08-28T19:29:25.086-07:00Keeping up the fight.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This week of vacation that has just started has started in such a good mood. I haven't bothered to check my weight. it is still high, higher than my last doctors appointment but for the time being I am okay with that. I just picked up the new insoles for my sneakers so I can start taking walks in the mornings when I get up and I hope to take a few long walks each day and maybe that will help. I just got a voice message from the doctors office and they need to move my appointment because Dr. Baker won't be in the office. I will have to call first thing in the morning and see what I can do to get in this week. I have to. I don't have my other choice but to get it done this week, I can't take more time off to get all the way back into Owingsville after I've started to do more bloodwork. I will call them and see if I can at least go in and have blood drawn Thursday morning and have them at least run the T3 tests. I'm going to keep pushing, I want to be put on a T3 supplement to see if that will help since the Wellbutrin did not. <br />
So Saturday I took Jess with me down to visit Grandma and we had a pretty good time over all. Then I came home with the intention to clean and reorganize the barn. Which I actually got done with Jess' help. She helped me move the new cages into the barn. So I got several things reorganized and I have the rabbits settled. So Sunday I was able to get my mini running table set up and get all the English Spots on it to run. I'm still working tonight, Monday, on getting them uploaded to Facebook. I am hoping with the new video of 1BC2/Polly up I will be able to get her sold. I might go ahead and raise the price on her now since I'm putting a bit more work and time into getting her show ready. She's a really nice little doe. I just can't keep her. I took Hide out and was playing with her, and realized it's not a her, it's a him. So I got some new pictures of him and I am going to sadly list him for sale. It's kind of sad, I had hoped it was a doe in hopes of keeping it as an offspring of Connie's in the barn but I will have to try and re-breed her again. She's keeping her weight well so I might try it with Willie once he comes home. I right now have Natalie bred to Lantis, the tort buck, but I want to wait for a blue to breed Connie. It's kind of sad really. I REALLY liked Hide. Well marked, nice body type. The steel markings are VERY light but he'd still make a good brood buck if he doesn't molt out into all black or into more steel markings. Tis a very sad situation with Hide. *Hopefully* he hasn't bred his momma, I just weaned him despite he's just under 4 months old. I thought it was a doe and I left it at that and figured Hide as fine staying with momma. Well I was wrong on sexing. I'm not usually wrong but I haven't checked Hide since he was 3 weeks old. I almost always re-check at 6-8 weeks. I didn't. I made a mistake. Not a mistake I will make again. <br />I haven't ridden at all since the last time I wrote partially because I have been lazy and tired, and partially because of lack of motivation and lastly, it's because of poor weather conditions. It's been hot and gross and that bugs Heidi with the heat. Either hot and humid or wet and rainy. I haven't had much choice in the weather. This week Tess has had a round of Cellulitis spurring from some bad thrush. I feel so awful about not noticing the thrush until she was 3 legged lame on Saturday. She wouldn't even put weight on her right front hoof. I feel awful. I still feel awful even today. Sunday when I figured out that it wasn't just a puffy leg. So I texted Patrick telling him what I had and what should I give her, and he said Excede, so off to the clinic I went and got her a big shot of Excede Sunday morning, came home cleaned her feet out and put Iodine in all 4 of them and the big shot of Excede. Today I switched back to the Blue Kote but at least this evening the swelling and heat are gone. So I am hopeful tomorrow afternoon to get a good ride in on Heidi and maybe ground work Tess some. I am a little weary to start working her this soon but I also moved Michael coming to trim up to as soon as he can. I will have to step up and treat their feet way more often than I have been. I have also blocked them out of their run in, to keep their feet from being in the muck. I really need to do something about that run-in situation. Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-5114267249282911662017-08-14T17:31:00.001-07:002017-08-14T17:31:12.817-07:00Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Everything has been tossed into a blender lately and this past weekend was what tossed it to the blender. </div>
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Marty asked me for some bunnies so I bred a few does, but we shall see what comes of it. I've kind of started thinking about keeping them slim and seeing what happens from there. I kind of don't want them to weigh me down and I kind of wanted to start getting rid of them. I have a few things on my mind and I will see where it goes before I totally can the rabbits completely. </div>
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It was the first time in a bit over a month that I actually talked to Rachel. She even started the conversation. It didn't last long as per usual she ditched me for someone else but she started it and carried it for a little while. I still felt like she didn't tell me the whole truth as to what was going on. I told her what was going on here. I don't know what to do about her right now. Partially don't trust her anymore. Michelle went down and visited the old farm and makes me miss it more and more. I've been going through all my old pictures of the farm. </div>
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At least Eeyore and Dakota are still there. I figured Spudley, Camile and Beauty had all passed on by now. Last time I was up there 4 years ago it felt like Gena hadn't wanted to see me so I've refrained from really wanting to go visit again. Michelle told me that my leaving was very hard on her. I hope she understands how hard everything was on me to pick up and move 1600 miles away and start over. I saw it as a new opportunity to start over. In so many ways I am glad to have done it. I've really gotten to know the other side of my family(my dad's family) and I've really enjoyed knowing them. Had I not moved down here, I wouldn't have my three girls, Heidi, Tess and Willow. I am enjoying my job for the basic part, which I couldn't do up there. Only down part has been all the medical issues that I have had which are common for people down here. I do still wonder what life would have been like with different choices in the past. </div>
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It made me sorely miss Jasmine and Phoenix, as they are VERY similar to Heidi and Tess. Just they way they act and behave is so very similar. I would LOVE to be able to afford to get a third horse but as of right now I need to make other steps in life before I can do that. I must content myself with what I have for years to come. </div>
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I am so happy with how things are going. I've been feeling okay. Last night was a night I woke up in the middle of the night in a hot flash kind of feeling, about 15 minutes later I was cooled off enough for my sheet and back to sleep I went. I haven't been on the scale in a few days but this week I have started having a Slim*Fast every morning for breakfast and I'll see how that goes. Starting Wednesday I am going to go back to walking through part of lunch. Even if Debbie doesn't. I have to, I need to. My weight has sat the same since my doctors appointment, actually it went up and has come back down to basically the same. It's time to kick this crap to the curb and stay that way! I am so tired of reading these Hasimoto's books and I'm just trying to live life and enjoy it and also get (and Keep) my Hasimoto's in check. It's autoimmune so it's there for life now but I'm ready to take my life back. </div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-83212480336479289012017-08-05T07:05:00.000-07:002017-08-05T07:05:01.189-07:00Looking Forward<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a whirlwind few months here in Aya Sora's land. Most of it has been a roller coaster but there are still a few things that are not. On the biggest positive side is my Springleaf loan is paid off. I've created a new 'budget' so to speak to rebalance where money goes and it does give me a little more monetary freedom going forward. Good to start putting money away for a deposit on an apartment- so long as my car and truck allow me to! Right now I need to save up and get 2 new tires for each of them. The truck's front right keeps going flat and the car's are just practically bald. That is kind of what I get for buying cheap-ass tires on the car, they last 2.5 years and then they are toast. Not bad considering. Car does need another new alignment so I might call a tire place and see if I can't just get it done and re-aligned while it is there. <br />
I finally have gone back to the doctors and got a bunch of tests run, still not the 3 I wanted done but those can wait for next time. I got the diagnosis of Hasimoto's hypothyroidism and it does explain so many things. I've ordered in a few books that will help me understand this disease and with any luck I can control it and learn to deal with this and move forward from here. It's an autoimmune disease of the Thyroid and it's basically where my body is making antibodies against my own thyroid. Where it comes from I don't know how it happened I don't know or understand yet but I have only read that I can put it back into remission and keep it there with a good control of medications. So next doctor visit I will have him run the other tests to see what I should be doing medication wise and see what I can't do to regain control. That should all help me on my end game of losing weight and getting fit. <br />
The horses have been fantastic. I've been out riding, I put a saddle for Tessa on my credit card (which I shouldn't have done but I couldn't resist) and I've had her out western and with Heidi staying English I should be doing alright. <br />
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While I am still not amused with the way I look at least I am *now* got a fighting chance to get things situated and going correctly. We will continue onwards, upwards and forwards. </div>
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Willow has been fantastic she's always by my side and when she's not she's by the front door waiting for my return with eagerness. She doesn't approve of me leaving her behind but when we had hit that super hot spell of 90+ for a week I got really stressed on our drive home as she was just so flippin hot but now with it cooler again I can go back to taking her everywhere without fear and I can go back to horseback riding again. We still need to get back to some kind of training regimen but that will come with cooler temperatures. I have off for the big dog show- as I have for the past 2 years and that is going to be our interesting drive to see if we really want to go up there and 'shop' or more so look around and just basically see what's up there. It's my vacation week and I have plans to do a few things at least. Not like last year when I didn't do anything for vacation. I want to go back to Old Friends again and maybe go down to Natural Bridge and hike that with Willow. I do have my follow up at the doctors office but that is only 1 day out of the 10 I have off(well Labor day I will likely be going into work in the morning but that's all good).</div>
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Last touche subject is the rabbits. I am slowly getting them to a good point. I have finally 1 blue</div>
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english spot doe Miracle(fondly called Mirror), and the two blacks that I am keeping- Cricket and Lindsay. Lindsay's sister Miranda is going to Texas next month and a blue buck named Trick is coming in, in exchange. Transport has already been paid and I am thoroughly eager to get a good solid base of blue going. Sadly none do trace back to my original 3 English Spots but I kind of knew that was going to happen. The dutch, I think I'm going to weed down to 3 pairs, since I have a blue buck coming in this fall, Willie, I am picking up a Sassy son, which is a tort buck since that's my last hold on Syd's bloodlines. Syd is the only offspring of Neena's I kept and she was the literal only child of Kitty's, as Kitty only had 2 babies to start with and killed one of them at 3 weeks old, so Neena got weaned early. Neena was gifted to a friend and was told if she ever got rid of her to tell me and I would go get her but of coarse she sold her and the line was gone once I lost the last of the Syd related offspring. So now with Legends and Chaucer tracking back to Rafik, Sassy's son tracing back to Syd and Colby(Not my homebred Colby Jr), Legends tracing back to Sam, and Hide, Natalie and Connie all tracing back to Amelia I have my foundation lines back. I will likely keep the three bucks, Willie, Sassy's son and Chaucer and then keep 3 or 4 does total. I will still need to get a tort doe to go with Sassy's boy. He still needs a name. </div>
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All in all I actually feel like I am going the right direction in life. Things are getting muddled here and there but moving forward. </div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-75084330132940851512017-05-19T18:35:00.000-07:002017-05-19T19:15:16.162-07:00Stopping to Vent <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been on a destructive downward spiral this week and I keep telling myself to stay the heck away from Facebook. Facebook has been a big sting for me lately. <br />
Start with the weight loss. All the friends that keep losing weight and saying 'If I can do it, so can't you' and it's just bugging me. I mean I'm putting a TON of steps in daily, I'm really not eating all that much and it's fairly decent meals when I am and I *still* cannot for the life of me lose weight. I'm stuck in the same 10 pound range. Even not eating well I'm still in the same 10 pound range. It's getting to be disheartening and if I just focus on that then my brain cannot think straight for everything else. It has crossed my mind at one point to just cut it off literally but then the whole bleeding and making a mess and it's REALLY not that easy in real life kicks in, but I wish it were just that easy. <br />
Actually having Mikey back at the clinic has made me into a much more cold hearted person. It's actually really wrong. I figured with him coming back that I was going to be cast to the side- Debbie thought not. I was right. Despite not wanting to be right. Scotty the most has irritated me about it. He knew the one day that Mikey was gone with Rex on a call and he kept walking around saying "Where is Mikey, I need Mikey" because there was a bull with a bad foot out back. So I blew him off too. I figured Scotty and Jeff would be the only two that if they weren't going to become so dependent on Mikey they would be the ones. So far only Jeff hasn't proven to be that way but he hasn't done any cattle calls. The one day I threw Mikey at them and I disappeared. I kinda said "fuck them, I hope they don't expect me to just pick back up to it when Mikey leaves for Vet School." I actually have been thinking of just switching jobs completely. I'm afraid to just go to a different vet office to work, assuming I could get into one, because I do like working with Doc- and well, Doc's about it really. I'm okay with Debbie, Alicia and I keep Brenda and Heather at a distance but that's about all- the others I just plum do not trust in anyway shape or form. They don't trust me so why should I trust them. <br />
Add that to Mikey telling me I went into a really dark place on Monday. Monday I was out trying to clean out the cattle pen and I kept chasing a baby Starling around so I could get it out into the open and kill it. So I grabbed the cattle prod and kept shocking it. I enjoyed shocking it until it came out into the open. The second one I killed was kind of a mistake but it kind of landed on my head jumping out of the nest and I freaked out and kinda flung it into the wall. Only reason we've been killing them is because they're over running the clinic and need to go but they are an invasive species and nothing is killing them except us humans. This isn't who I am. I don't know what is happening to me. I'm turning into a monster. I'm turning back to who I used to be back in Junior and Senior High and I have worked hard to get away from that personality type and to become an over all better person. I need to do better. I should go back to journally honestly. <br />
Add that to the roller coaster emotional train because I'm too scared to call Dr. Jones' office and set up an appointment and have the lab work redone. First find out if she'll run the tests that I want her to so that I can see about trading off to a different medication. All I have wanted to do all afternoon is cry. I haven't figured out the root cause of it either. I just want to snuggle with Willow, Heidi and Tessa and just let it all go but part of me wants to know why. The logical part of my brain is still.<br />
I surprisingly haven't gotten onto the roller coaster ride of monetary frustrations. It's all been what's going on around me. I'm just at wits end as to what can I do? I need to do something. I need to go out and make friends, I need friends outside of family. But then there's the whole thing of what on earth do I do with friends? I hate going out places I hate doing a LOT of things. Heck right now I don't even bother with my ex-best friends because they really aren't much of best friends anymore. They only talk to me when they get around to it, they couldn't hold a conversation with me to save their lives so no point in bothering. They also will only get a hold of me if they need something too. It all has to stop. I'm so tired to being used and dumped. Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1841483590534340578.post-62559390291696971682017-04-22T18:49:00.000-07:002017-04-22T18:49:10.337-07:00Enjoy Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Time sure does have a way of disappearing on me as the weeks have rolled on by and it's almost May now. I think I'm back to not having ridden in weeks again. I really can't wait to get a saddle for Tessa. Some part of me is now kicking myself in the butt for getting rid of all my saddles that didn't fit Heidi. But at the time all I had *was* Heidi. At that point I had, had no intention of getting a second horse. Well I want to go back to riding Western. Things I have yet to accomplish list is getting longer and I am not going anywhere on it. The one thing to do is going to be to start making a lot of choices. And they are hard choices to make. I've been trying to let time do some of the deciding for me. Time is fighting against me right now. Again it's almost May and I've yet to lose any weight, I've yet to redo any thyroid panels and I've yet to get any bills paid off. I've gotta do this, I've gotta get my head together and get myself together and GO. <br />
Part of me is still wanting to learn english so keeping Heidi under english for the time being. I still have time to keep working Tessa on the ground and riding her with Heidi's english saddle. The two girls look in really good shape, despite knowing my hay this winter has lacked in quality greatly. But I think both girls have stayed in pretty good condition. Other than that the girls have been really good. Heidi's still a moody mare over Tessa but Tessa's still a little lover. I still have to get the money set aside and I'm going to have Ben or Joe come out and float their teeth- both of them. It might still be the sores on Tessa's lips and mouth as to why she's dropping feed but it could also be her teeth. I finally took the big camera outside and sat there and took some pictures of them today, despite it was raining. I had to throw out a few flakes of the rabbits hay to keep their attention. <br />
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I also sat outside for a little while with the bunnies and am really in love with my English spots and Chaucer. I still am partial to not getting rid of all the rabbits but I honestly don't want them to</div>
tie me down as I am eager to step forward in life. I originally wanted to get to a trio of each breed and call it good enough but I am now down to a pair of dutch and 5 English Spots. Whoops. Plus the two old girls. Natalie is starting to lose some weight and doesn't look the best anymore. I noticed when I got my hands on her today. I feel awful. Natalie's almost 5.5 years old. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgku9TCWQM93qzDRc5MEW2yQUAsz-BFjZhFRZhcRGKykv8XARPdYkadO5LvVIWAdrvZVE3j0ZLausfqw6uLNtjw8cY8U4jKWLflbo9C5BtH38m1FKZk6804jr_WV7KlDE5JYnScp-1WGzk/s1600/IMGP3297.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgku9TCWQM93qzDRc5MEW2yQUAsz-BFjZhFRZhcRGKykv8XARPdYkadO5LvVIWAdrvZVE3j0ZLausfqw6uLNtjw8cY8U4jKWLflbo9C5BtH38m1FKZk6804jr_WV7KlDE5JYnScp-1WGzk/s320/IMGP3297.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I am contemplating moving her to a tiny cage and putting her back on the crock feeders and see if we can't get it back again. I would have loved to gotten a gray baby out of her and a tort buck but alas I don't think it's going to happen. I have her sister bred for one more litter from Chaucer. After that I think both girls need to be retired completely. They've done their jobs for me. I still might get rid of a few of the Spots as I get them where I really want them. </div>
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Willow is still doing awesome. I've restarted the Fresh Factors to see if that will help her any with her itching. I also REALLY need to get going on re-starting her training again. I have lacked really badly being so drawn out and tired at work that I haven't done much over lunch lately if at all. I even took a nap on Thursday. First time I've ever napped at all there. I have to go back to either walking or going to Lowes and doing training work.</div>
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So time to make my list of things that need to get done and get some more of them checked off. </div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09669526373236570198noreply@blogger.com0