Sunday, August 2, 2015

Slumped

     I don't know what's been going on.  I went days, over a week cheerful and happy, and then today, after getting home after the barn I was back to totally depressed.  I don't know what caused it.  Was it a combination of things?  
     I don't know if it was seeing Kylie with Amber again.  I knew those two were such a good pair, I hated the idea of splitting them up before and deep down I knew she loved her.  I did like riding her but I also knew I wasn't good enough for her,  I made Amber fat and lazy.  Part of it was I was scared to ask her to do much because I don't remember enough.  I admitted it to Kylie today while we were riding, I haven't cantered since that accidental canter on Lindy in 2006.  I was jealous watching her and I *know* Amber is out of shape because of me.  I want to get to that point again.  Even if I have to first canter on Mary or Rayna, I will do it again.  I just want to be as good as I once was.  I need something that's forgiving in a horse, which Heidi is, but also something that is well trained or at least is more forward than Heidi is.  Bahloo would have been a good choice.  I was just as comfortable on Bahloo as I was on Amber.  I don't think Cathryn is going to ship Bahloo up now.   
     I am totally out of shape, I am so fat so I've decided my stomach can now tell me when it's hungry for me to eat.  Maybe it will help, maybe not.  I'm going to try a few other things when it comes to vitamins and other supplements.
     I kind of can't wait to get moved over to Kylie's.  I am so ready to get out and get going.  I want to wait for the painting to be done and then I'll start moving my bigger furniture that is in storage over there.  Then my extra barn stuff into a corner of her barn.  Storage of some stuff until I can get through it all.  I know I have so much horse crap still it's not even funny.  Some day I will have a second horse again.  I will keep my second horse stuff just in case. I'm doubting I'll ever get the chance to have a second horse without getting married but for now I'll keep it because there's no point in getting rid of it. 
     I am having some serious second thoughts on the dog show this coming weekend.  I am the only Beginner Novice Obedience 'A' person.  First in that ring that day.  9:00am.  Oh lord.  Now I'm scared shitless.  I really need to work her hard this week.  I hope we can at least qualify.  Of coarse if we qualify we're first place anyway!  LOL.  Breathe deep and relax.  I need to relax for this week and just get her working.  Heeling, sitting upon stopping without being told and sitting straight.  Oh god I hope I can do this.  
     Though I have to admit, it was awesome, weird and interesting to go to Kylie's house today and find her there.  It's been something else. I'm glad she made the trip in pretty good.  Let's see how life plays out from here.  

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