Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Analyzing Stress

     I have been really trying to understand a lot of the stress, what it has been doing to my general well being and where it's coming from.  
     I know some of what it's been doing.  I lack any motivation to do anything, Monday, my day off this week, I ended up dozing on and off several times during the morning.  I finally had to get up and get moving or I'd have slept all day on and off like that.  It certainly didn't help a lot of things.  Also when I try to take the doTERRA vitamins it makes me incredibly drowsy so I had to jump back off of them and boom, I have energy again.  I don't know which one is causing the issue.  I might have to try them one at a time and see what happens.  Maybe there's one that's causing the problems.  I'll have to figure it all out as I am going.  My doTERRA hasn't even been helping the emotional roller coaster that I have been on.  I know Aunt Lisa had been telling me the same thing, just very strongly emotional.  I've been that way, along with severely angered and stressed.  There's just been nothing that's helping.  
     Some stress has been my lack of money for anything.  I got all but one bill paid, and got my entry for the dog show done, and I ended up with $34 left for one more tank of gas for my car.  I also didn't get a bag of horse feed picked up.  I'm fairly sure my rabbit food will last until my next paycheck so that isn't so worrisome.  It's going to mean yet another very small order from doTERRA.  I hate straining my money this hard.  I've been waiting for almost a month for the last of my pension payout so I can get bills paid and caught up to current.  I am praying it comes in sometime this week, but I did the same last week.  I just want to sit and cry with the lack of money and the bills piling up.  I know dad says it was the same for him when he was my age but this whole hormonal disaster I've been in is driving me crazy.  
     Some of the stress is Tamarack.  I know the stress between Sandy and I that I've carried since March with her is just adding up.  Ever since I started having issues with her, Willow has picked up on it and Willow barks and growls at her.  Sandy was stupid enough to stick her arm in my car window to pet Willow and Willow almost bit her.  Personally that's Sandy's own fault.  She shouldn't have stuck her arm in my car to start with.  Now she's pushing that Willow's not allowed on the farm, she's a liability issue.  I flat out told her if someone was stupid enough to let their kids run loose and not controlled and they stick their arm in my car window, they kinda deserve to be bitten.  If my dog is in my car and Perry has told me I could even let her out in the past, she is normally fine.  But now they're both against Willow being there.  The two of them are both so two faced and it's just not where I want to be.  I personally get flustered when I see Sandy so I haven't even been able to ride Amber properly.  She picks up on my tension very easily, much easier than Heidi does.  So I haven't been to the barn since Sunday when I finished up manes on TC, Bootsie, ChaCha, and Coco.  I also body brushed them.  I miss my girls but the farm makes my stomach turn.  Hopefully soon I can change all that. 
     Hopefully my check will come in the mail tomorrow so I don't have to worry too much about the money issue.  I plan to put some of it into a savings account and pay Heidi's board for June.  Bad part is that check has to come in sometime this week to pay board by the 10th.  That will give me a small/short amount of time to find another barn or to figure out where I can put them for a little while until I can get a new job.  
     Thinking of jobs, I'm still looking and applying to a lot of them.  I have heard today from Rex that we have a new vets office opening in Mt Sterling.  I might have to check them out, see if they'll pay more or even if the pay is the same, but a weekly paycheck and health insurance that covers dental.  I don't know if I want to start over at another office or not.  
     I've been looking into going back to school to finish up a photography degree and try to get a job in that field as I continue to go on with life.  Sadly this is only scratching the surface of what's in my head.  
     It's close to bed time, I am going to swing by the barn tomorrow just to hug my girls and give them their supper, then stop by and visit Aunt Cathryn and Aunt Lisa.  Maybe just a hug between Lisa and I will help both of us get into better moods.  

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