At the ends of the rope

     I am at ends of my rope right now.  I watched Drifter and Bailey this morning and now I know why Bailey's not picking up the weight like Drifter is- Drifter's eating all the food, she pushes Bailey off.  Bailey lets her which is even odder. I know Bailey is hungry, she comes to my voice to eat.  If Aunt Lisa is still willing, I'll bring Drifter over to her place, and this way too, I can get Micheal on her feet, she's got the worst feet of the two.  I'm at ropes end right now.  Bailey needs the feed way more than Drifter-both need it.  Drifter pushes Bailey off the feed, but Bailey still follows her around.  It's easier to feed them when I don't have to work, but going back to the 12 hour shifts it'll be back to throw them feed and hay and run.  I physically can't have both of them here for this as I can't watch and monitor them to keep Drifter off Bailey's.  
  

     I feel like a failure right now.  I wanted to be able to afford to keep both of them through their rehab- but I see now that I just don't have the facilities, they need to be locked up separately to eat.  I don't have the money to buy the panels to lock them up while they eat.  I still have failed to continue to get this year under control.  So against my own better judgement I'll be resorting to finding a loan-either a bank or 401K loan.  I have to get back on top of all this, get it under control.  It saddens me that I have gotten so far out of hand and I have Nestle to thank for that.  I swear by February I will have gone crazy.  
     I might have already gone crazy, what am I thinking?  For 3 days I had no speakers on my laptop.  Now all of a sudden they are back today.  I don't think me and Dell's mix too well.  It's already froze up on me twice and now the disappearing-reappearing speakers thing.  Hm.  Maybe I should have stuck to Toshiba's!  I had super good luck with mine.  Sadly the old one is dead, mother board fried out.  Which is sad.  I do miss that laptop, it didn't do crazy things, just when it started to go that was it, it went hard and fast.  
     Time to get up and start getting ready for Hell.  I think on my first break I'll call and see about a loan against my 401K.  It maybe a pain in the ass if I get a new job to get that paid back but I'd rather do that as repayment comes right out of my paycheck and if I'm stuck at Nestle I'd rather do that than worry about yet another bill to pay.