Keep trudging

     I do understand to never give up on your dreams.  I do remember stating once to myself in my past that after losing Sedonia that I would eventually have a little black pony mare again.  So maybe Bailey has come into my life to replace Sedonia.    

"Neither will replace Sunny, but I will have to make do with it.  Someday, I will find a pony like Sunny and it will be black . . . I just love ponies too much.  As of July 3^rd, it will be a year since I last rode a horse, but it’s not the end.  I will ride again someday, when I find the right calm horse." 

     An excerpt from a story I wrote years ago- long before moving to Kentucky.  I have found the 'right calm horse' in Heidi and I just may have found my 'black pony' in Bailey.  I don't think I'll end up placing Bailey, that blindness will bind her to me because the reality of blind horses getting good loving homes is slim to none.  I will look, don't worry about that but first to do something with Drifter.  As much as I do enjoy that mare as well, she does push Bailey off the hay and out of her feed pan.  Bailey will do better on her own than with Drifter there.   

     I have started and quit many things and this time, I do solemnly swear that I won't quit  trying to make things work out.  I've quit enough stuff already this year, and I know why I started but I also understand why I am quitting, it wasn't worth the pain.  I still found myself angry today with Rachel and it still hasn't left my mind despite what I've been doing to try and make it leave.  Maybe going back to Nestle Hell tomorrow will help me get rid of it.  Maybe not.  I am not sure.  I'm going to continue to apply to places- multiple places and multiple times if need be.