Very pleased!

     I am VERY pleased that Bay Girl(Will fondly be known now as Bailey) and Cream girl (Who will be called Drifter)  did VERY well over the cold spell.  I cut the blankets off Bailey and she's been open aired for a couple of days, she's out and about and moving around the pasture with Drifter on their own.  Still mostly drinking out of the drainage creek instead of the water tub but heck, they're drinking!  Their poop is wonderful, I picked through it and it looks awesome.  Their pee is still a bit darker than I'd like to see but it's not syrupy.  They're putting on a bit of belly fat.  Good, keep putting weight on is what I want.  

      If Drifter keeps making the progress that she's made in just the few 5 days that she's been here, she'll be adoptable soon!  Bailey will be another story.  I don't know if she'll ever be adoptable due to her blindness.  She's been a real good girl though.  She should make a good companion pony for someone somewhere.    I've had an offer to bring them to Scott County An imal Control- they'll take them, rehab them, She did tell me there was a 99.9% chance likeliness that Bailey would be put down due to being blind and un-adoptable.  She's barely 4 or 5 years old, I just won't take that kind of chance.  Blind horses can still be placed, there are still homes out there that are willing to deal with them.  So she'll stay with me until she does get a good safe home!
     If Bailey hadn't started following Drifter around I would have allowed Drifter to go over to Aunt Lisa's to finish up her rehab and rehome.  
     I can't wait to see Heidi tomorrow, it's been so long since I have seen my baby.  I talked to Sandy(Originally called her Sara, brain keeps calling her Sara) today and she checked Heidi daily for me and said she's alright, she misses me though.  I'll be spending the next couple of days going to her, should be decent temperature wise, both camera's are ready and we're going to ride and play!  She's still my heart and soul, though we might add Bailey to our mini herd.  I'm still fighting and struggling to find a new job, I'm sad that if I don't as soon as Drifter finds a new home, I'll probably bring Heidi home.   Not until after she gets her teeth done by Haygard but Bailey will need to get her shots and teeth done by my vet.  
     If I can get a new job and afford it, I'll move Bailey to Tamarack as well- assuming she doesn't get a new home.  I will not let her go to home that will breed her, cataracts can be hereditary and she doesn't deserve this.  She deserves a comfortable life after what these people in the past have done to her.  What can I say, she's growing on me.  I have to get some of my grooming stuff and bring it home tomorrow so I can groom these two girls out and clean 'em up.  

Utter disgust

     I'm in utter disgust.  Words cannot even begin to describe what I think of humans that cannot take care of their animals but will not give them up.  At least someone finally gave these two poor girls up- but it may not be soon enough for the dark bay/seal colored mare.  I don't know what I will do but I can try to get them back into condition and find them homes.   I'm gullible, I don't know if I *can* do it, not from this point with her 

     I am thoroughly disgusted, I am praying and hoping these girls can survive the cold the next couple of days.  I have a fleece blanket that I'm going to use bailing twine to tie to the dark bay mare and I found Jasmine's rain sheet- while it has a rip in it at least this way it'll keep her mostly dry.  Hopefully the 72" will fit her.  I'm going to put a plea out for some blankets to fit these two girls.  I have to measure Lady (the cremello) she might be able to wear something bigger.  I have the 72" so I'll see what I have for size tomorrow.  I know I'll get super cold doing it, but I have to help these girls.  I made a promise to them that I will do my best.  
     I promise to do my best by these two girls, I promise to get them as healthy as possible and place them into the best possible home that I can.  I swear to god I will do whatever I can to do this and even if the blind one has to stay with me for her life so be it, I just need a better job, I cannot stay at Nestle.  It's my bargin that I offer.  I'm praying one of those applications that I put in to call me for an interview.  

Happy New Year

     I have been very slow to make and follow my New Years resolutions.  I don't believe I ever made note of any last year as I had just had surgery 4 days prior to New Years.  I know I failed on the weight loss and fitness side which would have been on them.  From a horse stand point, getting Heidi farther under saddle and trotting- both of which I have done this past year- and this year has already started with a bang.  The rabbits did really well for me this past year and I've learned and the barn has grown very well- I know one of my resolutions was to get my first homegrown Grand Champion- I did, just haven't followed through with all the paperwork yet- I had 3 that could have been granded, with two of them being homebreds.  Despite the losses in the barn earlier in the year last year, I've rebounded much better.  Steels lagged a little and chocolates kind of came and went.  I'd really rather have steels in the barn than chocolates.  Chocolates sure are pretty but just not what the steels are.  I told myself I would see TR or Dustin preform live- that didn't work out either.  I did get bloodwork done and while that didn't turn out as expected but I'm working on that as well.  Last year got jumbled up.  This year- 2014- I turn 30 and I need to stay as organized as possible.  
     
    Anyway to farther for the New Years resolutions this year:

• Get fit and get down to 200-220 pounds (this I can DO)
• Get Heidi some training under saddle
• Get myself more training english
• Seeing as trotting Heidi undersaddle was one of last years and I have trotted her, trotting more consistently and even cantering her under saddle will be this years.
• Get a new job- maybe not a better one as Nestle does pay well, but I want a life outside of work
• Go and see Dustin play live, and TR if I can go both ways in one year.  
• Find a man interested in Me, for me
• As the Photo says, Love myself for who I am-mind, body, heart and soul.  
• Get to as many Rabbit shows as possible- most of this will depend on travel plans and work schedule.  
• Get Connie & Natalie Registered and Granded- to be my first two home grown Grand Champions(the last one that I could have granded last year was killed by Coyotes and not bred by me anyway).

     I have learned a lot more about being positive, still very pessimistic while I'm at work but when it comes to helping and supporting FB friends, family, and my non blood sisters I'm all for it as optimistic as possible.  I have stayed down a pant size- I'm in a size 20 now instead of 22 that I was from High School.  My end goals are to be around 175 pounds, and a size 18- smaller steps make it easier to obtain and I will continue to fight my way through and be the smart, fun, loving girl that I know I can be!    

     I've been mentally tossing up the idea of writing this out.  But it's an online journal and I'm VERY highly doubting R or K even read it.  It feels more right to put it out now.  I do think it's time to move on from my past.  I think by my moving to Kentucky and now it's been so long since I've been back and I don't spend the time with R & K and at time M too, that we're all changing.  I'm just not sure what to think anymore.  Rachel's certainly not been the Rachel I remember.  She's just different.  She's changing as she grows and I hate to be the only one of the three of us, (R, K, and H/me) that holds true to what we started as.  I'm the only one staying true to my word.  I see Kylie drift back and forth with mild depression and it's strange, I wish I could be there to do more.  Rachel just completely drifted.  I use to wonder what she's doing and thinking but lately, I don't care, I don't care at all.  I want to care but I feel like I've been cheated and lied to, or I've done something(on top of moving this far away) that I can't get them to talk to me.  I don't push it anymore if they chose to talk to me, so be it.  They know how to contact me, so whenever they feel like it, they can. 
     I just want to bring Heidi home or be closer to the barn, days like today, when I couldn't see her I just get easily depressed, part of it's the cold, part of it's winter just being nasty and ugly.  Tomorrow I'm going to go up and see Heidi, pull her out, let her go graze solo by herself and I'll just sit and read with her.  The peace and quiet will be nice.    

More mental rummaging

     I Love mental rummaging days.  I put a lot of thought into the bunnies, sold a few yesterday actually!  Then Put some more thought into them as I was washing up Heidi's mane and chest yesterday since I got to the barn later than I had anticipated and she needed her mane taken down and cleaned.  Sara's got a great idea to just put her in a paddock to eat some grass and sit out there with a book or something, just spending the time with her.  Today, since it's raining I'm going to put her in a stall to finish drying out(after it finishes raining of coarse-around 2 pm) let her eat and I'm going to sit there and talk to her. I think I'll plop her across from Spencer so she has another horse she can see.  
     I think I'm going to go ahead with the addition to the barn, bring my steels back up to snuff.  Two more steel does should do the trick, especially with the incoming steel buck.  Steels don't breed true but I know that and can plan ahead for that.  I'm just glad for the extra cage space right now, as I sold 3 rabbits and this will allow me to separate down the blue babies a little farther so their water dishes will go farther.  I'm going to put the three for Rachel in one cage, the other 4 will stay in the other cage.  This way if anything sells it'll be easier to just pull them out, without worrying about the ones I pulled for Rachel. I need to find out if Rachel still has that transport coming down or not.  If not I'm going to go ahead and sell her bunch, no point in hanging onto them for whenever she finally does get transport.  I should have others available by the time she gets more transport.  
     I'm bumbling around this morning because I know it's not going to quit raining until around 2 pm, so I plan to head over to Heidi around 1:30- putting me there at 2:30 so I can pull her in, let her dry, take her blankie off.  I'll probably sit with her a while more for my sake than hers, I"ll leave her in for about an hour again, flake of hay and I'll sit comfy cozy with her, maybe bring my sketch book or my crocheting as something to do besides talk to her about life and things I'm planning for mine, hers or our futures.  

Guilt and Confusion

     Well, I broke down and listed my other saddle, Phoenix's, on Ebay.  Ebay had sent me an offer to list items for free, so no charges there.  Right after I had gotten done listing it, Aunt Lisa was contemplating my extra saddle for the standardbred as she wasn't sure her's would fit it.  The fit would really depend on how wide the standardbred was, at least for fit for the horse!  Apparently there's a TON more to fit than meets the eye.  Though I don't think Aunt Lisa shouldn't have an issue fitting into the saddle as she's about the same height and everything else as I am, and my leg fits the saddle, whereas I know Amanda's got a Wintec Wide for Browyn adn she's too tall, her leg's too long to comfortably fit the saddle.  
     The extra bridle I have, Heidi's original one I bought from Kylie I still have- for a distinct reason as a just in case.  The draft bridle might finally fit Heidi now.  Before it was on it's tightest holes and it would barely fit Heidi- and Heidi's got a BIG head, so it may not have fit another draft horse if it's head is smaller.  The only thing we'll need is a smaller bit, all my bits are HUGE because Heidi needs bigger bits, but I know she's got a smaller bit- 5 or 5.5" I'm pretty sure.  It wouldn't be hard for me to get smaller bits once we found how small we needed.  I'm still crossing my fingers that it can work out.  Well it's got one week listed on Ebay and then it'll come off and if it doesn't sell by then I'll just hang onto the saddle and wait it out a little longer and see what comes up.  Same with my riser pad as Heidi sure doesn't need it, but a Standie might.  Luckily it's priced high, I'd really rather we keep it down here and I'd really LOVE to see it used as I've got plenty of money invested in it- it's fully functional and ready to go with a NICE set of stirrups-which I think she could REALLY use to help her ankles and knees.  
     Plus the Standie was raced so he's been under harness before so if we ever do venture into driving again he'll be ready to go, I just have to get Heidi trained to drive.  It's all exciting news to me, I can't wait to see what happens.  I'm hoping so long as I go up late enough tomorrow I can get a good ride in and then get Sara up on Heidi to let her walk around for a little while, then we can let Heidi and Spencer into the arena together and see what they do together.  I'll be bringing my big camera and the tripod.  
     I also got a fun, nice chat in with Mark again.  Been too long since I got to chat with him.  One of these days I'll get around to calling him again.  I have to make sure his phone number is in my phone.  He got me going back at my photography, so I spent a good part of the afternoon messing with my camera and learned a few more things, without cracking the owner's manual out!  I'll be glad to get it out and play more with it again.  Maybe soon get out to Natural Bridge and to Red River Gorge.  
     Well tomorrow should be good, pay day, get some bills paid or caught up, gas in the truck so I can go see Heidi, Go up and go for a ride, play etc.  

My world update

     I have a small world update.  I had 3 litters in the nestbox- Connie, Natalie and Della.  Della's were born the 22nd, and they froze last night with the harsh cold snap.  Natalie and Connie's are still fine thank god!  I only stuck my hand in Connie's box and felt them moving, Natalie's I took out and physically checked them over but their eyes are open and they're fully furred.  

     The only real one in that litter that I'm watching is the steel.  The black's not bad, I'll admit that but I don't want to fall in love with yet another black.  I'm not aiming to hold blacks in the barn.  I'm still thinking of adding one more steel doe besides Natalie's daughter.  I've been eyeing a Mel x Anna daughter of Catherine's.  
     Monday I went up to see Heidi and we went for a ride, it was actually really fun and just a great afternoon in general.  I rode, put her in a stall to eat messed with her for a while before I finally broke down and let her back out.  I pulled Misty back in and finished combing out her mane.  

     I am hoping to go back over and see Heidi tomorrow, just sit with her for some time even if it's in a stall.  I want her to be safe in a stall and I'd rather sit in there with her for a while.  Just let me talk things through and talk, about anything really.  I might not mess with Misty for a little while, just let my jealous mare settle back down.  I kind of can't wait to see her again, just talk to Heidi, tell her what I'm thinking and see what she thinks about things.  Getting a new job, hopefully, me not seeing her as often as I should and just some more personal things.