Distance

There has been a heck of a disappointment going this past weekend.  Social Media is a blessing and a curse all at the same time.  It does leave me knowing a lot of where I stand with people and the thing being is it's not right in anyway shape or form.  Sometimes I hate cutting ties with people and sometimes it's just one of those things that you have to do in order to move on with what has happened.  People make things so damn difficult to stay friends.  And not to super sugar coat anything but Rae and Mich had em so upset this past weekend, that add that to the clinic junk I had going through my body I just downright felt like shit.  

*Ranting Starts*

Just to take it back and start at the beginning.  I first met Mich on her first day of Kindergarten.  We were a K-12 school, LOVED Argyle CSD, and she lived across the road from us on her grandfather's Christmas Tree farm and we all walked up to the end of the road to Coon road to catch the bus.  I took her everywhere with me for the longest time until she was I think around 12 or 13.  Then she, with what I am presuming her other grandfather's influence split us up and made it so she didn't come around anymore but she was allowed over at Rachel's.  But in those many years, she would come to ACC with me when I had to work on Saturdays(or was it Sunday's, it was a long time ago) in the lighting studio and there was when I really taught her to read really well.  She knew but hated it because it wasn't as easy for her.  I started with Into the Land of the Unicorns (Bruce Coville, Unicorn Chronicles #1) and from there we moved to A Horse Called Wonder (Johanna Campbell, Thoroughbred series #1).  It didn't take long for her to get to upper reading levels above her age range.  
To attempt to make a longer story short, (Too Late!  Whoops, shouldn't have watched Clue last night), she graduated from College this past weekend.  I didn't even so much as get a message saying she was.  Does she know how proud I am of her?  Going from hating school as an elementary student, to doing good and graduating college?  Probably not.  Does she even give a rats as$ about me anymore?  Very Unlikely.  She she even remember all that from back then?  Also not likely.  Everything for her has revolved around Rachel.  
Rachel's another one that I used to be inseparable from.  And I would say the last 4 years has done nothing but go downhill.  I had an episode already, January '14 of distrust in them so why would now be any different.  Though that one was Ky and Rachel at that point I hadn't even reconnected with Michelle. While I'm on good ground, I think, with Kylie it does make me want to completely disconnect off social media and see what happens. I'm done being the 'nice' person.  I am hoping this coming spring to do a trip north and visit so I can visit Mark, Trish, Auntie and Unc and probably Kylie depending on school/work etc, but I don't think I'll make the effort to visit Rachel and Michelle, especially knowing that she can't even make the effort to have a conversation with me.  I don't even want to hear the whole, I gotta work thing.  I was working 50 hours a week at Nestle and *STILL* made the time to talk to her, and she's not making that effort.  Couldn't even give me the decency to tell me Michelle was graduating.  Michelle couldn't give it to me either so as they saying goes "Whatever!"  Just wait until they want something from me and I tell them nope!   
Maybe I am being harsh, maybe I'm just over tired and I am being a witch I don't know but I do know that what there is between Rachel and me, and Michelle and me is not much of a friendship- not to me.  It does take effort from both parties and my efforts have gone un answered so now they are no longer there.  

*End Rant*

Plus perks- the clinic junk has me on a Z-pack and Monday was just a laughing afternoon.  I don't know what on earth had me so wound up but it was crazy.  I think last night's wind up was from too much Ale 8.  That's what I get for drinking it.  I don't drink soda much anymore but when I do it's typically Ale 8 now.  So hopefully I do better today and sleep better tonight, than I did yesterday.  Heidi, Tessa and Willow are all doing great!  It's just me that's slacking and having issues.  

Part of me hopes Rachel finds this and reads it and is as hurt by it as I am by her and part of me just hopes she and I drift apart and stay that way.  I'm not confrontational, I'm just used up.  I have so much more to look forward to in life and it's time to go for it and find my way.