Listening

     It's been quite a crazy couple of days.  I didn't even stop at the barn Monday or Tuesday.  Just came home.  Today I finally did stop at the barn and just didn't even have the gumption to tack up.  I brought each mare in, in turn, and gave them solid groomings and shaved their halter paths good and down.  I don't really know why I just didn't get up and ride either girl.  I haven't ridden since Sunday and I really want to.  Maybe it's lack of having someone to ride with.  Well, no it can't be.  I could have ridden with Shana and Erica today.  Shana swapped out horses from Hope to Clara and Erica stayed on Finnegan but went to bareback for Shana's ride on Clara.  I could have gone bareback on Heidi with them.  I should have.  I don't know why I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Maybe it was because I didn't want to try and change cloths, or it was still kinda warm and I had Willow in the car or something!  I just don't know!  Maybe it's because I'm such a bad rider that I didn't want to try and ride in front of those two.  I really need lessons.  I can't wait to just keep pushing myself forward, onward and upwards.  My girls are so calm and it's my dream, just living it, now to make the living I need to support myself and my three wonderful girls.  
     Thinking my girls.  At times it still never feels real that Amber is here and she's just as calm as I remember.  The first week she was here it was terrible, but once she settled into the bottom field it has been perfect.  She's calm and she's relaxed with me.  I mean to me, she still feels a little thin but I'm still waiting for the pasture to really start growing good grass and I am sure her weight will pick up.  She stays calm even when she has several days off and is really learning quickly the ropes and rules at the barn.  I am hoping that soon I should have a saddle in for her and then in a couple of weeks Michael will be in for her next trim and I'm going to have him put front shoes on her, then when Heidi's due, I'll have fronts put on her as well.  I can't wait to really get going with the girls and get a lot of things together so I can really advance myself in my life.  
     Heidi is just really Heidi.  She's calm and I'm watching for her serious itching to start again.  I have both girls on the Spirulina wafers when I get there to do feeding.  She's starting to NOT run away from me when I go out to get her.  She still won't come to me most of the time but she has stopped running away.  Her new halter that I picked up at Perri's Leather tent at Rolex actually FITS her.  Yes it's turquoise but it fits her and it's only a 1" wide which I've been looking for, for ages.  Yes, now to save up for a couple leather halters for the girls.  
     Last little lady to think of is my Willow baby.  Today Lisa set up a mini rally coarse.  I fumbled the first few runs and then some was literally lack the training.  At least now I know where I need to get her working to get her more ready for the show in a month.  Oh lord I hope I can do this.  She's so hyper still it's hard to get her to focus that quickly.  
     Well as normal everything comes down to money.  I need to make more money, win the lotto or get this big wind drift of money to keep things together.  As always I will always figure things out.  I have to learn to listen to my heart on things that matter, but I will listen to a good solid voice of reason.  I know I cannot really afford what I need to do so I NEED to get a better job so I can!  I will never give up.