Sometimes . . .

     I've had enough, Nestle is toast.  They're going to get what they ask for.  That place has me so wounds up, angry, blood pressure through the roof I can't take it anymore.  I went awol last night and flipped.  Enough is enough already.  They put me into a crew, they're the ones that told me that I wasn't leaving that line, and now they're saying the line will be down the next two Saturdays, but I have to work one of them.  HELL FUCKING NO.  I'm line 8, my line doesn't run, I don't work.  PERIOD END OF STORY.  That's exactly what I'll tell my supervisor too.  She wants to walk me out and fire me- go ahead!  I'll find something else to pay for my rabbits and I'll bring Heidi home until I can move her back again.  The two of us are making good progress there and everything but apparently I'm not good enough or something.  Seems like everything I try nothing happens.  NOTHING.  I'm so fed up with everything.  Just so wrong.  I need to blow my anger off on something.  Reapplying to these places isn't working, to hell with them.  Tuesday I'll go back to Boonesboro vet and inquire and drop off my resume.  Something, anything has to give. 

Strengths

     I've gotten upset with myself again, back above 270 pounds.  Really?  Come on Heather, you can do better than this!  It's only 271 but still, I need to go the OTHER way not up, down.  I need to start doing something.  Today was great.  I ran around almost all day.  I stayed active, I took 2- 30 gallon trash bags full of feed bags mostly and some trash out of the barn today.  Next step will be to do that with my bedroom.  I've got so much crap in my room it really needs to come out.  I'm hoping to eventually get the one thing moved out of my room as soon as I measure the tote draws so I can find a wooden piece to put underneath them to keep them up off the heater vent.  

     My jaw has been hurting now for 3 days.  The prescription fluoride paste seems to do a good job, I brush with my normal toothpaste, rinse like normal and then brush with the fluoride and eat or drink nothing for an hour (Usually I go to bed anyway), my jaw still hurts but nothing I can't fall asleep to.  If it gets bad, I have Aleve next to the bed and that seems to help if it's bad.  1 more week to deal with the pain, then the root canal.  6 more weeks after that then the crown on top to put the tooth back to usable!  I can't wait.  As much as I cared to try and keep my teeth in good shape for the longest time, I failed miserably on that one.  Now with this many cavities cropping up, it'll be a couple at a time to get fixed, then braces to straighten out my teeth.  It'll be a costly, longer road but I'm going to do it.  I'd rather not lose any of my teeth and I'll do whatever it takes to keep my teeth together.  

     I failed to get over to Boonesboro to give them my resume to see if they need a Vet assistant.  I'm still working on a new cover letter to submit to Hagyard for vet assistant there.  I'll get to Boonesboro next Tuesday after my dentist appointment.  

     On a home animal front.  Dang Bailey's annoying.  She had this mini temper tantrum like a toddler.  I was in the barn tattooing bunnies and she kept screaming, pawing, pacing around the barn head butting the gates and the panel pieces.  She just wouldn't give up, and kept nudging me when I was heading up to the house to go soak her alfalfa.  I'm not a gaited horse person so I'll be looking for a good pet home for her.  The pawing needs to quit, she can't see what she's pawing and she'll rip up her leg on the cattle panels that go around the barn.  She's got to be feeling good, at least good enough to paw, pace and scream for food.  It's not like she's not being fed enough, she's getting LOTS of grain and plenty of extra hay, she just wants the grain.  I'm going to have to start cutting back her grain so she goes back to eating hay.  The hay is way more natural than the grain is for her body.  

     I have a couple more rabbits put up on the sale list.  Those few that are on the sale list, if the buck's don't sell in a reasonable amount of time, and a couple of the does, I'll put them in the freezer.  I've got three people right now that are trying to find transport for the two Chin dutch babies that I have available.  It's good to know they're highly wanted now.  I'm thinking of moving Belle and bringing in a new doe and I'll cross Eliot back to his daughter to hopefully improve ring pattern and body type.  I'll be moving a couple of my blues out as they replace themselves, keep a single offspring, and move the parents.  The Vance x Gwen litter will replace themselves hopefully.  Alura I'm still tossed up about to keep her as she's an excellent mother and her first litter was gorgeous.  She's not the best looking doe herself but if she'll constantly out produce herself then she would be good to keep.  Trinity, I think, despite the leg on her, she'll move out after her litter.  I'll keep a baby out of the litter.  I'd much rather as she's not the friendliest doe nor built the way I prefer.  

     Rolling on with life!  Time to get myself together.  As I go on with the year I will improve, I am making this a PROMISE to myself to do so.   

Situations

     I learned a few lessons and a few more things about myself today. I went at first for a ride on Heidi.  It's been the best ride and work day for the two of us in a LONG time.  No video as I failed to get the camera recording.  She stood very patiently at the mounting block which she hasn't done in a long time and we did quite a bit of short stint trotting.  I think I pretty much wore Heidi out.  I learned my right ankle does not flex as well as my left, so I have to figure that out.  I know part of it's the toe that's messed up but no podiatrist will fix it with me this young.  
     Thinking of young, I had a long, very insightful conversation with Sandy this evening.  That's what threw me fully off my timing.  I had intended to stop by Aunt Lisa's to bring the Lice treatment back so she can treat Drifter.  I put some in baggies to do the last two treatments on Bailey, and hopefully that'll be the end of that mayhem.  
     The insightfulness was when Sandy asked me what did I plan to do wiht my future.  Did I ever plan to move out and what my full intentions were with everything.  She made a few good points to me that I've mentally taken in.  She kept telling me 30, it was time to get out and get loose a little bit more.  While I do worry about taking on the responsibility of having my own place, one of my biggest worries was the rabbits.  But seriously do I need to take on that many rabbits when I'll hardly ever get out for shows?  Out of all the spring shows I had gone to in the past, I can get to 1 show.  Last year I made 3 or 4 shows total for the year, that was it.  So for the time being I think I'm going to cut back the herd, I've got a pretty good mental start on the list of who's going and who's not.  I'll try to get down to a trio of blue, trio of Chin, Trio of torts and probably 2 trios of steels-since so many of my steels are blue carriers as well.  That puts me at 15 rabbits.  Half of what I've got now.  Now to start making those choices.  
     One of the other things that came up in our conversations was Bailey.  What on earth am I going to do with her?  I'm not a gaited horse person, she's a real sweet heart don't get me wrong but she's not the horse for me.  I love her to pieces but she needs to be with a gaited horse person that knows and understands her limitations and how her body works.  I'll finish out and get her Rabies, Coggins and a pregnancy check, then she'll be listed up for adoption.  

Dreaming again

     I was chatting tonight with Kylie.  I didn't realize she was back to selling Amber again.  I've ridden Amber, she's a great mare.  I wish I could afford to buy or even if Ky would let me free lease her and then do a full board for her at Tamarack and use her for lessons.  I'd be afraid though to a point of it seems like every time I get another horse I end up not doing everything I can for them.  Or it feels that way.  I still miss Jasmine and Phoenix.  Mentally I still know I did but the part of having a steady eddy horse that I know, knows it's stuff.  

     Amber is just a really good mare, I know Kylie put the thought into selling her and I do trust her judgement. Just hard to see a good mare go someplace else.  A mare that Aunt Lisa or I or both could take lessons on, she'd be a good mare to do that with.  

Good Day!

     Had a GLORIOUS day today with Heidi.  A few things pop up that it'll be slow for a week or so.  But we rode out really well and we got a bath today. 

      I rechecked her back for the saddle and apparently it was too wide-again- for her.  So when I go back up Monday I'll either have to put the half pad in or drop it down a size to the 2XW bar.  I'm glad!  She's getting fitter and she's content.  All is well!  I'm a bit tired or else I'd type up more.  I've been working on stealing pictures to print to send to Grandma.  I got the new camera so I took a bunch of pictures I'm pulling some off Uncle Jim's blog as well to print because I got a coupon for 100 bonus 4" x 6" 1-hour prints.  Well I'll go back to pulled pictures tomorrow.  Tired!!  

Breath

     I can finally breath easier, Heidi's teeth are done and I have mine set up now to be fixed.  The one broken tooth on the bottom left will be full root canal and crown.  The only other option was to pull the tooth.  If I can, I'd rather keep all my teeth.  Then Once that get's all done then I'll go through and get all the other teeth fixed up where I've had other cavities start forming.  A lot of it's most likely from the soda and other acidic drinks and foods.  So he got me on a high fluoride toothpaste until then and I'll stay on the Pronamel afterwards.  Once all the cavities are fixed, then I'm going to look into braces to straighten my teeth back out.  Can't wait!  I'll finally have a smile that I LOVE.  
     Heidi's teeth were bad, not horrible but still bad.  She had points in the back, one of which had made an ulcer against the side of her mouth.  It wasn't bad at all.  She was an angel for Dr. Molly Culberson.  She was only very lightly sedated and she has a nice big mouth for her to work in.  She didn't mind the power tools and she was eating much better afterwards.  Still a little slow and mopey but I'm not sure if that was on purpose or accident. I'm glad.  Eases my mind quite a bit.  
     I got home, after stopping and picking up a few things on the way, like a new point and shoot digital camera since I broke the battery door on the Nikon(how I'm not sure) and while it was charging, I still had Jess', I went out and gave Bailey supper.  I really think she's pregnant, I really do.  Monday I'll have to take a quick visit up to my vet and set up a date/time for Dr. Ben to come out and do all Bailey's crap.  

     Heidi and Bailey were both stars today.  Bailey took the huge jump and change in her feeding schedule all in stride today.  She was fed breakfast early and supper late, I didn't even get the chance to show her where her hay was, she just guessed.  Which thankfully was in the same location as yesterday's hay pile.  
     Tomorrow will be a Heidi day, then Sunday home, and Monday back in Winchester both for job applications and for sweet feed for Bailey.  Plus I can play with the new camera!  Got to see what I've got going here.  

Healing

     I had the day off kind of expectantly today.  It  was so nice to have the day off.  Since I was already halfway to Heidi, I dropped dad off at Aunt Lisa's and I went to see my girl.  She was a filthy muddy mess.  Took me almost a half hour to brush her clean!  Then I just put her saddle on and her rope halter to do a little free and line lunging then some bending, make sure she doesn't have too much spring energy to blow up with.  Just a half hearted buck during her free lunging and that was all, she didn't have that kind of energy!  Good thing!  Then Sandy brought Spencer into the arena, and I tried to get him to lunge.  Boy he doesn't understand personal space!  He kept trying to walk all over me like unreal.  He lunged out one direction fairly well, good eye out.  When I tried to get him to turn around, it was a heck of a fight, but I got two laps from him.  He needs to learn to get some impulsion from his behind instead of all on his forehand.  Just in all over he needs a better frame to work in.  I'll bring up my smaller rope halter with the green lead on it and teaching Spencer to bend and work with his back some.  Maybe I can teach the old guy some new tricks.  Once he starts bending and giving to pressure then we work on lunging with the bad eye out.  Hopefully the old brat doesn't kick me.  He's a bit more ornery than I'd like to deal with.  
     Heidi was being brattish too, she wouldn't come when I called her.  I had to go out into the mud to go get her muddy fur-butt.  She ran when I picked up the lunging whip.  She realized I wasn't dealing with her, that was when I was teaching Spencer a few manners.  He walks all over Sandy, he needs to learn he can't do that.  I'll teach him, then I'll teach Sandy how to reinforce it so he doesn't go back to pushing people around.  
     I have to pick up a new small digital camera as mine finally bit the dust.  Well the camera still works fine, but the cover over the battery compartment doesn't stay closed.  I'm sure if I got ahold of Nikon I could send it in to be repaired but to heck with it.  I'll look at an Olympus or a Pentax small one. 
     I hope we don't have to work tomorrow.  I can get so much stuff done tomorrow if we don't.  Warm enough to bath Bailey and give her a second lice treatment, then tattoo baby bunnies, hand graze Bailey for a little while maybe, start working on her run in to strip it down, start cleaning up the hay messes around the field.  Who knows!?  I'll figure something out.  

Better Days

     Things have certainly started improving.  I've mentally gone to a much better place.  I'd still like to lose more weight faster, but at least I'm finally 2 pounds down from Jan 1st.  Just a tad bit too slow for me.  Must get to work on it better.  Eventually, eventually.  Once it warms up I'll start taking Bailey out walking, and I'll just simply do more outside exercise in general.  Right now I'm curled up under my electric blanket(From Aunt Lisa) with Ayden- who also loves the blanket since I shaved his fur off.  I'll have to move a few of these other blankets off the bed and then move him some more so I can sleep.  I don't know why I've never thought about using one before, my only thought is I'd always be afraid of the wiring shorting out- weather the wall/house wiring or the blanket's wiring.  Fire's have scared me, except in a wood stove for 9 years now.  Bonfires and wood stoves don't bother me in the slightest.
     I didn't get a chance to get up and see Heidi today, just too many errands to do and just ran clear out of time!  Got home after a yummy chinese lunch today, in time to give Bailey a lice treatment, got her halter fitted to her, which is also a nice bright pink like her blanket and got back inside.  Pulled my new electric blanket out and put it on the bed and turned it on low to start slowly warming up my bed.  We dropped Ayden on the bed and he snuggled right down into the warming blanket.  He LOVES it too!  I don't blame him, he's been cold ever since I shaved his fluff off.  I knew he would get cold but he's less itchy and he is cooler.  He would constantly pant before, he's not used to having that kind of fluff on him.
     I am certainly more happy with the way life is going.  Certainly I can still use a better job and I won't stop looking until I get it.  I've got my dentist appointment to start getting my teeth straightened away again.  I figure every 3 weeks, over every 5 day weekend for as long as I'm at Nestle, I'll get a little more done on my teeth. It's late and the internet is dead- so this was typed while I was waiting for the internet to come back up.  But it's time for sleep.

Happiness

     I may have found a good place to mentally be but I really need this winter to go AWAY.  Just a mini rant off about the weather.  I know the groundhog said 6 more weeks of winter.  To heck with a rodent that should be annihilated.  The weathermen, when I had checked the weather a couple days ago, had said that was the end of the bad weather.  Well apparently they don't know how to look and watch weather patterns, more ice and snow last night.  Bailey's blanket got put back on her, had I known it was going to do this I'd have left Heidi's sheet up there with her instead of in my truck and asked the guys or Sandy to put it on her before the crap came in.  Poor Heidi.  Another month and a half, give or take, I should be bringing her home.  No stress and worry about going all the way over there to go see her, she'll be here with me.  Granted no arena to ride in or anything, but she'll have a shed to be in, in the summer sun.  I'll have Haygard do her teeth before she comes home, so that'll be less of a worry there too.  I'll have to pay for gas and have Aunt Lisa/Uncle Jim/Dad trailer her home but it won't be until the grass has really gotten a good foot hold in the pasture.  It has to come up under Bailey.  Monday morning I have to call Haygard and set them up to come and do Heidi's teeth.  I'd rather those get done first over Bailey.  Though I can have Bath Co Vet come out one afternoon that mom is home to do Bailey.  She just needs her teeth, Rabies shot, Coggins pulled and a palpation/pregnancy check.  
     Thinking of Bailey, flip side Drifter, Nelson thinks she could potentially have lice.  While it explains some of the itchiness there's no real way of knowing but Nelson said the treatment won't hurt her if she doesn't have lice.  Next weekend will be so good all the way around.  I'll be picking up a medicated shampoo to bath Bailey with to help counter the rain rot, and Aunt Lisa said the lice treatment stuff there should be enough to do 2 horses, we'll do Bailey as well so between medicated baths, lice treatment we should get their skin cleared up and stop the itch in it's tracks!  I'm hopeful.  I've also got to start getting the stuff I need for the bottle calves set aside.  I haven't the faintest idea where the bottles are- I *think* they were dropped back off with Aunt Lisa when we brought Ben and Jerry over.  I've got electrolyte already, then the medicated milk and the regular milk replacer- those are the biggest two catches, ohh plus the calf starter feed.  The calf feed will have to wait until we actually get them here.  
     I have to get down to Liberty at some point as well as the spring comes in and before Heidi comes home.  I have to build a couple pens, similar to the ones they built for the llama's, for the girls so they can eat in peace.  I'll probably put them against the back of the barn so I can still hang the feeders right over the fence.  I'll have to at least build one, if not two.  I've got enough panels right now to pick up a gate and build one pen.  Eventually as I build a 'new' barn I can transfer them up to that and use them as stalls, this way what they have for a run in now can be used to store hay.  It'll mean a carport roof, then build some walls-in particular a kick wall- and then close in the half walls and make stalls out of it!  I know the basic principles now to just get it in action.  This way I can make it how I want it and it'll be easier for me in the long run.  At least that's the working theory!  
     I so badly do NOT want to go to work, I've been contemplating calling in, since last night at work.  I really don't want to go.  My paycheck would take a hit and this much I do know and right now, I don't want to take that kind of hit to my paycheck.  Must keep trudging on, I must go slave to the hot pockets.  I don't want to but I have to. 

Relaxing

     I did get up to my visit with Miss Heidi today.  It was relaxing.  For the first little while I was by myself, just Heidi and myself, then Sandy joined us messing and medicating Spencer's eye.  It's always so calming to be there with Sandy, Spencer and Heidi.  The four of us.  Heidi enjoys Spencer's company.  I'm hoping I can get a new job and be able to afford to keep her there and bring Bailey to join her.  I've made the full mental choice to keep Bailey.  Bailey will be safer with me and I've kind of grown fond of the little black pony blob.  
     I'm so glad to have gotten in a short ride today, it tells me she really does need her teeth done.  Still a lot of head toss. Hopefully I can get them in to do her teeth next weekend over my 5 day.  I"ll be calling Haygard tomorrow.  Then once I have my teeth done, Heidi's done, then I'll have to add Bailey's shots and crap to the list of things.  I have my dentist appointment set for the 21st.  The one tooth WILL be getting fixed or pulled.  I've already told them that it would have to be done.  I'm still hoping Heidi's going to be alright with the dentist.  She'll be sedated I know but still.  I've never seen a power float done.  First time for everything!  
     So far Jess has held onto her job for a decent length of time.  Longer than Nestle!   I bought some clippers the other day and did a craptastic job shaving Ayden down, but Ayden's more comfortable.  The two of us are doing okay with each other right now.  We've certainly had better times but we're not at each other's throats at the moment.  Well I'm not at hers, she's not big enough to be at mine.  
     Two more days of torture until I can go see my baby girl again.  And a week from now BOTH girls will be getting baths.  

Lots of updated changes!

     My mind is made up, Bailey will continue to live with me and I'll be doing vast barn improvements on the rabbits.  I'll be building new cages soon, spray coating the floor wires to keep them from rusting as fast.  I'm ready to kick this pig and get it going.  Get a good barn together with a small number of rabbits!  I'm thrilled, Alura kept 6 out of the 7 babies she had, she had one runt that passed away at a day or two old.  6 out of the 7 are showable- the runt was showable.  One has a split stop.  I'm thrilled to get such nice looking babies to raise up!  They're a week old today.  I was tickled to see that they had stayed warm through the last couple cold days.  It's warming up from here out that I can tell so far!  Awesomeness!
     I took Bailey's blanket off today, she's just so itchy I feel so bad.  I can't wait until my 5 day when it'll be up to the 60's.  I can give Bailey a good bath and get her clean.  I'll have to find my betadine and give her a good scrub so hopefully she won't be so dang itchy after that!  She's just been such a love bug lately that I can't help but keep her.  I don't think I'll ever find a good, SAFE, home for her.  She's just crawled into my life and I've given her love and compassion.  She's come into my life for a reason, same as Heidi did, for a reason.  Now to continue on this path and see where it goes.  I want to ride this roller coaster and see where I go!  
     Just in a very good mood right now!  I ended up spending more than I should have today on things I shouldn't have.  I wanted to just order a new power cord for my cordless clippers, ended up buying a new pet grooming kit at Walmart instead.  Same company but different charger cords.  Uhg, oh well but these cordless should work on Heidi too.  I'm going to cut Bailey a halter path tomorrow morning if she'll let me!  Let's see how well she handles being clipped. Then after I get done here, I'm going to see Heidi.  Get her trimmed back up, go for a ride, maybe get Sandy up again and bring her blankets home to get them washed when I can get to an unmanned laundromat.   I got Heidi's midweight came in the mail today, Fed Ex dropped it off right as we were sitting down for supper.  Heidi's midweight won't see her until NEXT winter, but her two sheets need to be washed, plus Bailey's.  It'll be good to finally get them all cleaned!
     I still have one dutch baby to name.  Steel doe baby from Natalie.  She's staying here with Iria, her mom- Natalie and her grandmother- Keisha.  I'm hoping that eventually one day I'll bring Penelope home, even if it's just to retire as she gets older and I'll keep all my favorites as pets.  I've had thoughts of still getting out of rabbits.  Maybe one day but it's not yet.  Just very happy and hyper right now!  Time to wind down, I'm still exhausted after working the last two days.  

Wonder thoughts

     I've been doing whatever it takes to keep Bailey alive, as most people know.  I bought her a mid weight blanket-which has kept her snuggly warm and gone through and gotten her so much and modified her diet to keep her at weight gain.  She's taken the deworming in stride, so she's not worm infested.  Stood like a lady for her feet trim, so yes next step is the vet.  Rabies, Coggins, teeth and a Preg check.  I do have to go over and get some pictures of Drifter to compare from her take in pictures to how she looks for Aunt Lisa now.  

     She's been letting me love on her and I actually started trying treats with her.  At first she didn't really understand what I was giving her but then she realized it was tasty.  She loves the one Apple ones I picked up before that Heidi's not exactly thrilled with.  Heidi will still eat them but not her favorite thing to eat.  
     Well today's going to turn bad, I have to go to Nestle.  It sucks but it's a paying job.  Right now I'm at my out of pocket max between the bloodwork, the ultrasound, and then the ultrasound guided biopsy- it's satisfied!  So any more bloodwork I need done before I leave Nestle I won't have to pay for.  Good thing there!  I swear up and down it's Nestle's fault that I got so screwed up in the first place.  Truthfully probably not but it just feels so good to blame someone!  At least I'll have some good company for these couple of nights that I have to work.  Though I'd still rather have a different job soon, I am waiting my time.  Good things comes to those that wait, right??    

Horse dates

     Between Jasmine, Phoenix, Bahloo, Heidi and now Bailey  I have learned so much and I get a minor feeling, I'm in line to learn some more.  I really think Bailey's bred, and without much doubt I'd bet Drifter is if Bailey is.  Could be neither are but they both could be or even just one be bred.  So I'll learn about foals that way if she is bred.  I'm hoping I'm well wrong but Bailey's just- weird.  Her belly shifts and moves way more than Heidi's, Phoenix's or even Jasmine's used to.  I might have to invest into a stethoscope to listen and see if that helps, or wait until March when the vet comes out to do her shots and coggins and have him palpate.  I might try to get him out Wednesday or Thursday.  I'll have to call them first thing tomorrow morning.  Hopefully I can get him out!  I really am worried.  I don't know what I'd do differently but I do know that it'll be less to mentally mess with if I worry.  

     I still have six of the 7 babies born to Alura.  I finally was able to look through them today.  2 Have waves in their saddles, while showable not high on the priority list as show stock, 1 has a split stop so that marks it as a disqualification.  1 DQ baby in the bunch.  The runt that died was show ably marked.  I'm hoping at least one of the really nice babies is a buck to replace it's daddy.  I can't wait for these babies to hit the showtable.  

     My tax return is back and already half gone.  But I've gotten my bills from St Claires all paid off, got Bailey's blanket and my alternator paid off from where dad paid for them.  I got some blanket wash ordered, Heidi's mid weight blanket ordered while they were on sale.  This way I have her a midweight for when I actually need it I'll have it.  Eventually, over the summer I'll order the neck cover and the heavy weight so I have them for when she gets old.  If I keep Bailey I'll order the set for her as well, she needs the heavy, neck cover and the rain sheet.  I may totally skip the neck covers as I'm not a freak for using them anyway.  But my girls will have their 'jackets' and I could keep them good from here.  Keeps Bailey and Heidi set up for the future down the dream.  

     I am still dreaming about that Clyde mare.  I'd LOVE to put her with my herd, she'd be a good second horse to have here for people to come ride with me.  Sadly I do not have the money to buy her so I can just drool.  She'd have blue for her color.  It's planned out already!  Heidi in purple, Bailey in pink and the Clyde mare in blue.  

     Just imagine her in blue, a nice blue saddle pad, and bright blue halter- yummy.  Yes, but I'll continue to dream.  It's the end of my dream to have two horses for riding so I can have a riding partner.  I'll have to wait and watch and see what I can do as the time goes on.  Who knows, I may end up keeping Heidi at a boarding barn and never have the need to get a second riding horse.  I'll always keep it in the back of my mind.  Bailey is also a second concern.  She does need a friend here. I'll stop dreaming now while I have a chance.  Time to move on to something else to dream and drool over!

Happy Days!

     Very happy, tired, but happy and amused.  Jess FINALLY started working again.  Don't know for how long yet but still working again.  Awesome.  Now she has to keep said job and hoping by the end of March she'll have almost enough for a small studio apartment and can get her own place.  That's my hopes and dreams.  She had said she planned to have her own place by March so lets see if she still thinks she can.  
     I know right now, as in before work, I don't have a lot of time but I'll type as much and as fast as I can.  I am hopeful for a new job at least an interview next week.  I'll be putting in some more applications starting again next Wednesday.  I've got so much to do and so little time!  I have about my strongest desire to leave Nestle as I ever have, other than Eli.  I do quite enjoy talking to Eli.  He's funny and just good to talk to.  Laid back people are always the best.  Several co-worker, including Eli's partner on line 6, Jason, thinks the two of us would make a great couple.  I don't know so much about that but we're both single both low mid aged and we work well together.  We'll see what happens.  I'd hate to leave him behind after we rather got to know each other.  I know the other day I started to clean Line 6 dough after he got done(I was on White flake and waiting for 8 to get ready to be cleaned) and he stayed for a while and helped me clean and we were just talking.  It was relaxing.  
     Bailey has been a source of amusement these last few days.  I know she's itchy between dry skin and rain rot she's just beyond itchy.  I"m still toying with the idea of homing her out.  My head is telling me to do it she needs a child to bond to;  my heart says no she's safer with me.  Both are true so which one do you go with?  She's been a good source of amusement as I never know where her feed pans are in the morning.  This morning I watched her pick up her pan that's up by the barn(where I feed her) and walk around the pasture with it in her mouth.  She's down to a half a bale of hay a day and she doesn't quite finish that so there's still a TEENY bit of waste still but not as much anymore.  She's looking so good under her blanket I can't wait for the weather to turn better so I can take the blanket off and give her a good brush down.  I may start her with some Rice Bran oil to help her coat and skin a little.  I hate putting so much into the mare if I'm just going to rehome her in the spring though.  What to do, what to do, so many choices, so little time and energy to devote to thinking about it!  
     I really need to win the lottery, really I do!  Then I could buy a place with a good 5 or 6 acre pasture, and a small area I can make a riding arena.  Keep Heidi, Bailey and get one of these two lovely ladies!  I myself prefer the bay color over the black but I'm used to HEIGHT and WIDTH now and I think the Bay looks wider than the black(plus never been that big of a fan of black to start with).

     Oh the joys to being broke!  Can look but can't have!  Bay mare is $1250 Black $1600.  I bet we could talk the guy into $2500 for both- he IS a horse trader.  Some nice big windfall of money would be good!  Anyone have a spare $1250 I can have to buy the bay mare!?  Hehehe.  Then I could really ride into town for Court Days on her.  Of coarse I'd take her both western and english and she should fit a regular FQHB western.  Oh I'll dream of coarse. 

Another ranting day

     Just another bad night at Nestle.  My lord I've never seen so many dumb asses in one location.  Seriously I haven't.  This bunch made turnips look like Albert Einstein.  Maybe it's just my low threshold for stupidity, or a high intolerance for retards.  I seriously can not take this place any more.  I don't see how a company can seriously still be in business running the way this plant does.  No wonder their workforce has DECLINED 19% in this economy!  People can't take it anymore.  I'm at that point.  I'd rather flip burgers, seriously, than to deal with this anymore.  I'm to a point of applying to those places just to get the hell away from Nestle.  
     Jess hasn't been helping, I'm to a point of tomorrow, I'm putting a parent control on the computer so that the internet cuts off at midnight.  Force her to go to bed, she WILL be getting a job or she WILL be going back to Ohio to Lee and Donna.  I don't give a flying fuck what she thinks.  We cannot support her and I'm sick and tired of us not having this or that each week because none of us can afford anything more in groceries.  I'm done, just DONE.   She needs to get off her ass and get a fucking job.  She's not a kid she's 31 years old with a dog that she needs to take care of and I will not take care of myself because he's not mine.  I have 2 horses, 20 something rabbits.  I would figure out how to work a dog in if I had to but I don't need to, she took him and she insists that she couldn't leave him- well then damn well support him.  
     Winter surely isn't helping at all, along with some of my bastard bucks that keep spraying.  Just as soon as they replace themselves they are going.  I don't give a damn how much I paid for them, I'm just so irritated.  If I could find a roommate to share a place with, that I could afford I'd be gone from here.  As much as it would hurt me to leave dad like this.  I can't do this to dad.  He depends on my $80 a week to pay for groceries because that's one less thing he has to pay for- that's a straight $80 plus whatever else I have to pick up extra weather it be company store or 'can you pick this up' deals.  We're still waiting on mom's disability so that can make things easier.  Winter's not helping by continuing to DRAG on.  Frozen water dishes every day, so cold I feel like a human popsicle coming in after feeding.  
     My broken tooth hasn't been helping, having an incredibly painful mouth doesn't help.  I've had plenty of time to get the tooth yanked out- just not the money to do so.  Same issue with the truck really.  My truck has been sitting now for several weeks, get the headlight switch replaced and the alternator breaks down- the headlight switch is an original part that I replaced, so $20 for a lifetime warranty on that no problem.  The Alternator on the other hand, is 13 months old- 1 month out of warranty for a $90 alternator.  Life's a bitch- I'm giving it right back though.  Tax return money will go to catching up my Sallie Mae, getting front tires on my truck, Heidi's teeth floated and *hopefully* new exhaust on the truck.  Anything else left over will go towards the other bills that are still current but could use the boost.   
     The last thing not helping is lack of sleep.  Anywhere from 4.5 to 6 hours on a REALLY good night of sleep with this schedule.  I'm surely ready to lose it, if I haven't already.  I mean last night, I cussed my supervisor out for being stupid, TWICE, in less than a half hour.  Then cussed my line lead a few hours later for being stupid.  And I wasn't tired yesterday.  
     At least when I'm half dead and the doctors office calls to give me the results of my biopsy-again- I'm a smart ass instead of a royal bitch.  At least that came back positively.  It's just thyroiditis causing the Hypothyroidism.  The lump on my thyroid is benign.   Good and hopefully they don't have to do that biopsy anytime soon again.  I hated my neck being sore and stiff.

Me, Myself and I

     I am quite thrilled to see Heidi come up to me today.  I walked about 10 feet into the pasture and hollered for her and she came all the way to the gate for me!  Yeah, as I have to replace my rubber boots.  BOTH pair of my rubber boots have holes in the, both in the right foot too.  Dang, dang, dang!  Oh well.  I see why now most folks braid their horses tails in the winter.  Heidi's was frozen muddy ice on the ends today.  I put her Schneider blanket back on because it has leg straps and I wanted her to have the blanket come down a little farther around her belly.  The pink you can see from a ways away though!!  I'm going to bring the pink blanket home and get a couple new loops onto it and some new leg straps so that I can use it next winter for Heidi.  

     I still think as much as I do love Bailey I think I really need to work to find her a good home.  I really need to keep working on Heidi.  I need to spend more time with Heidi too.  I just want to go back up to her every day, I want to put her onto full board and just work on her!  I really do!   I wish I could win the lotto so I could work on her a LOT more and not worry about Nestle.  
     I guess, after tomorrow with Bailey hopefully getting her feet done I will start spreading word of mouth for a home for Bailey.  Once my tax return comes in I'll get Bailey her Rabies shot and a Coggin's pulled to help her get the chance at a good home, her adoption fee will cover some of the costs I've put out including her blanket.  I'd still love to keep her here but I'd rather keep Heidi at Tamarack as I'm so happy there.  I love my days up there, despite the cold, just talking to Sandy or when I'm alone, just letting Heidi out into the arena, locking us in there and just sitting with her.  I haven't even attempted to try anything like that with Bailey.  Bailey's more or less lucky I do love her, and the fact that I am gullible,  Heidi will always be my number 1!

Investing to my future

     I'm back to being tossed up about what to do with Bailey.  My head keeps telling me rehome her so you can stay more focused on Heidi.  I want to keep Heidi at Tamarack, I have still yet to find a new job that would allow me to put both together at Tamarack and keep both.  If I had a bigger pasture I wouldn't even think twice about building a small barn with two stalls for the girls and keeping them both, but I need a bigger pasture for that.  My pasture at present isn't exactly ideal for Heidi either as it's too wet here.  Nothing will separate me from Heidi though, I won't give up on her.  I don't want to give up on Bailey either though.   My heart says to keep her as a a pet.  Poor little girl has been through quite enough in her few short years, she needs to have a home with love and compassion.  I'm trying to think of my future as well, two horses make things way more difficult to do things, but so doesn't having all the rabbits.  So things can really go more than one way.  I'll need to start thinking about future plans for both in case something goes astray.  
     I'm building a little bit in the rabbits so as the time comes up I can cross out and move out.  As much as I do like the Wiley tort doe Della and the Gerhart tort buck Jayger I'll probably keep a baby out of that cross and move both of them on- same with my Open Fields tort doe Marie and the Buckeye Hollow farm tort buck Corbin.  I've brought in a couple of steels that will start and solidify the base of the steels.  I've decided to take the barn in more of that direction over the torts.  Steel, blue and chinchilla.  That's been solidified.  Chocolates have been ruled out and torts are thinning down.  After losing both of my tort Rachel's I've fought tooth and nail to get the loving desire for them to come back and it never has.    
     I was up, Super Bowl Sunday to see my princess.  It was cold and miserable outside so I brought her in, cleaned her up and put her in a stall with some hay and her mash to eat.  I sat in the corner of her stall on a five gallon bucket. 

     Heidi's acting like she's starving, she dove into the feed pan and the hay like she hadn't eaten in a week.  I knew she had been fed hay outside.  Perry gets a little heavy on the hay part at times.  I was glad to see she was calm and sedentary in the stall despite the donkeys in the next stall banging against the wall.  To me the stall is still a bit too small.  10 x 10 is my best guess.  Now I know she can still turn around in the stall as she did while I was in there in the corner.  After our Super Bowl party-which was almost a blow out Seahawks over Denver 42 -8.  I came home across some pretty ugly roads as the weather turned ugly. 
     This morning I found out it was mostly ice.  

     I did get to watch some of the Purina challenge show.  The Shelties and Border Collies kicked some ass.  I'm still waiting for the time to eventually get my own dog which goes back to Bailey as well.  If I keep Bailey I'll have to wait a LONG time to ever think about getting a dog.  I really miss having a dog that is actually MINE.  I am still set on a red merle Australian Shepard.  I'd like to try showing Rally or agility some day, doign that will most likely put showing horses on the back burner but Bailey wouldn't ever be shown anyway but Heidi I thought about english flat classes some day to maybe dressage.  Why oh why can't I win the lotto so I can actually get things going, but fighting to get things together is better, teaches you more along the way.  
     As for weight control.  I made it through so far the same weight since Jan 1st.  I've got a month less now to lose 30 pounds by August 29th.  I did weigh in this morning so Super Bowl party didn't kill me.  I was out running with Ayden today in the back yard and then sat out in the barn, thoroughly chilled clipping bunny nails.  Some of them made me cringe, I'm not usually this bad about clipping nails.  Speedle and a few of the others had some really LONG nails and that's not normal for me. I like well kept nails.  I've really been slacking on a LOT of things and it's not normal at all.  I think a vast majority of it has to do with Nestle.  Once I get Nestle in my past I'm hoping things will take a few turns towards the better.  I can't wait to get Nestle into my past.  Nestle has been just down right time consuming, stressful and filled with ignorance.  
     This five day, other than not over quite yet, has been interesting.  Ky and Rae drove down to spend the weekend with me.  I didn't get enough time with them at all.  Saw them some on Friday when we spent some time over with Heidi and we all rode her(as seen in the previous posts), then they got here for some supper on Saturday since I had to do hay with dad.  They ended up leaving early Sunday instead of Monday due to the inclement weather, so that cut a day off.  I hardly got to spend any time with them.  Breakfast Sunday morning didn't happen because of my thyroid medication.  I woke up about 5 minutes before they got here, took my pill and that gave me an hour before I could eat, they only had about an hour before they wanted to take off.  Well shit.  That ruined a bunch of things.  So not much ever happened.  We walked the dogs together Saturday night, well Ky and her puppy Eli and I took Ayden, Rae was in with Buster tucked up into her jacket still talking to Mom.