Courage

     I had the guts today, after getting up 'late' because of daylight savings, to clean out the rabbit side of the barn.  I was glad to do it, it seriously needed it.  I took several cages out of the barn, because I don't want the temptation to put rabbits in them.  The barn looks kind of empty now!  But that's okay.  Let it look empty, then I have the room to build my new cages and get rid of the old cages.  Keep with a conscious this time!  

     I did a count today, 24 adults, 5 babies.  I have the one empty cage for Penelope still, though it's unsure if she'll come down or not.  I don't even know what I'm going to do.  Even with all the time I spent working on the barn today- I still didn't get it all done!  I still have yet to strip the run in.  SO much to do, so little time!  I might head to bed early tonight to see what I can get stripped and cleaned tomorrow.  I just need to do something.  Anything at this point is better than nothing.   
     I did pull Raven out and look at her again too and found out Raven pulled a tooth.  It had grown crazy long so I cut her bottom teeth all the way back to her gums.  Hopefully this time it can grow out normally.  I'll check her again in a week and see how her teeth look!
     But the best part of today was the fact that Bailey looks AWESOME.  9 weeks into her rehab and she's done a complete 360.  She's just a darling little pony, I think she's as big as Jazz or almost!  She's got good substance to her legs, now that I got closer look at her.  She's a good stout little girl.  

     I didn't have enough time to go visit Heidi today, sadly.  I just lost too much time cleaning rabbit cages.  But I can say that I DID post an ad up on Craigslist to try and find a closer boarding barn.  An hour drive each way is NOT working out at all.  I know the days are getting longer but the drive back and forth is murder.  I love Tamarack and if I could win the lotto I would buy a mini farm closer to Tamarack and move closer to Heidi.  
     I still can't believe that even with all the places I've put my resume into I haven't gotten a single phone call.  I'm just to a point that I can't keep track of everything.   It does make me want to give up.  At least I am eventually going to be out of the Dough room, I got my sauce room job bid.  Hopefully I won't last too much longer in the dough room.  I can't handle the 12 hour shifts.  I try to stay up on Sunday nights so I can make the 4 am Monday night/Tuesday morning of work.  4 Straight days this week and 5 days off.  I can't wait.  I'll do what I can every morning to keep pushing and getting the barn clean 

Short ramble

      I know I need the hours, I'm starting to fall behind on my bills, plus board for March is DUE now and I don't have it.  I have 12 hours for Tuesday, and I got 6 tonight, and that's been all, all week.  We got done REALLY early tonight and I'll be in training tomorrow in the Sauce room.  I got my sauce room job bid.  Out of all the people that bid on the job, I had the highest seniority PLUS I was the only one with zero attendance occurrences.  I start some cross training tomorrow!  
     I had a wonderful chat with Rachel the other night.  It was awesome.  I haven't talked to her in a while, Kylie neither though.  What the bunch of us are doing(Cin, Rae and myself) by cutting back our rabbit herds it just setting ourselves up to get out of them.  I've cleared quite a few of my cages out and it's quite nice, a very nice feeling at least.  I'll be keeping my show winners and a few juniors.  I'll continue to show a small number of rabbits.  Tomorrow will be interesting to start shifting rabbits around so I can take stock of what I have and what's left!  
     Still no nibbles on Bailey.  I didn't think I'd have any, I think she's destined to stay with me.  As much as I don't really care for gaited horses, she's a blind black pony to me.  

Lovely end to a week off

     I had a WONDERFUL day other than Jess being with me.  I could have easily have spent the whole afternoon up with my princess but Jess was with me, she was getting hungry and like me, she had to pee.  I knew I had a few stops to make on the way home as well but I *HAD* to try out the new saddle pad and go for a ride before going back to work.  I'm hoping to get back over on Sunday but it's not a guarantee for me.  I do have rabbit cages to clean and get these rabbits all organized and set back up the way I want them.

     At that point I was letting her get done easy and I asked Jess if she wanted to sit on her.  She got up there, it was hard for her to do since Heidi's so tall, Jess is far farther out of shape than I am and Heidi was ready to go!

     Then I swung by Aunt Lisa's real quick to see if maybe by chance she had gotten home so I could go chat with her for a little bit(even though Jess was with me).  Not seeing both white pickups at the top of the hill I knew she wasn't home, but I took the truck up just in case I was missing the other white truck.  My truck made it, it wasn't happy but it did make it.
     I stopped by CVS for the prescription of antibiotics that I got for the root canal, then we swung by Tractor Supply and looked at dog foods for Ayden.  Made the desire for my own dog even stronger.  Anyway, got home in time to yell to Bailey and get her fed.

Time to think

     I've done almost everything I can to find another job to make keeping Bailey possible.  I've resorted to listing her on CL for adoption.  As much as I'd rather not list her on there but I'd rather she have a human to call her own.  She needs to have a home and a child to love her as much as I love Heidi.  My pasture needs the work before the bottle calves get put on it.  I still haven't gotten her vetted but I just plain and simple do not have the money.  I don't have the money to continue with her at all.  Not if I plan on doing barn improvements this year.  I have to get my pasture done and ready to bring Heidi home for the summer if I can't put her on full board to be in during the worst of the summer heat.  Heidi's my #1 and she needs to be taken care of.  There's no way I'll ever have a second chance for a horse like her.  She doesn't get half the stuff she needs to get now.  Eventually I also want to get a dog and show her in agility or obedience.  
     I think I can work my way into a dog show ring a whole lot easier than I can work myself into a horse show ring.  It will certainly be less expensive to show a dog than it would be to show a horse!  The show cloths, show quality saddle, plus trailering to a show, the trainer(s) to get ready for a show.  The dog showing, I've got guidance going into that ring with Aunt Lisa, plus the dog would be less expensive to start with of coarse I still have the initial lay out to get the puppy, food, vet visit and it's crate.  Then comes the time to actually devote to her training.  Eventually I'd like to have her well enough trained to take her on trail rides with me.  
     I've started working on cutting down my rabbits, most of what I'm keeping is steels and blues with another minor in torts and Chins.  The torts if I could force myself to cut them down even farther I would.  Right now I'm aiming to keep Shelly or a Shelly x Jayger baby, Della and a buck.  The farthest I have gotten myself to now is 15 rabbits.  I think after this year I'm going to give up showing rabbits in general.  Raise a few litters each year for meat. This choice comes after much thought and deliberation because it's just not working out with my work schedule.  I've been trying to change it, but for the life of me I cannot get another job.   Della might also go too and I'll leave open a spot for a Sassy baby, to keep a Syd bloodlined baby in the barn.  My two biggest colors will be steel and blue.  Chins still have to build in slowly, I might only keep them at a trio, and the torts might even work down to a pair in the end.  
     I've spent a lot of time thinking lately about the rabbits.  Going through, over and over again seeing where I can and will cut my herd back.  I have to fix the outside meat cages so I can start putting them to use as well.  Two more does going out on Friday at work.  Thankfully.  Two more empty cages.  The more empty's I can make the better off I am.  It's late so it's shower time and then bed time.  I'll be going up to see Heidi tomorrow and go for a ride, I haven't ridden in almost a week- haven't seen her in almost a week.  The weather hasn't been good at all.  

Life rules

     Today was root canal day.  By dang it he numbed me up good!  I didn't feel a damn thing!   It was 9:30 before I finally started to feel any pain, which of coarse is too late to fill any of the pain scripts he gave me.  Some of them I won't touch anyway(Norco) but the Motrin is plenty strong enough at 800 mg.  I'll survive.  I've certainly done worse pain wise.  6 More weeks, then I do the crown on top of this root canal, and I'll get the cavity in the molar behind this tooth while I'm numbed up for the crown.  Then I plan to wait 4 weeks or so to do the last 4 cavities in the front.  From there just keep up with them.  That gets me health wise back where I need to be.  I've still got bills from the biopsy that need to be paid, and then get the crown and fillings all paid for, but it's all well needed and upkeep is better than catch up from here!  
     I've gone ahead and sent the email to Rachel about swapping or buying back Penelope but she hasn't responded.  I don't know what email shes uses other than the redthunder email.  I did, however go back through my tort does. I intend to only keep a trio, and I put all three of my does, Della, Shelly(Della's daughter) and Faith up on the table and judged through them as if I was looking at all three as babies and chosing which two I was going to keep.  Faith got the boot.  She's the last of my Syd bloodlines but she's got the worst body type.  So for now I'll be listing Faith instead of Della or Shelly up for sale.  I do not expect her to sell at all, and she'll probably kindle out with me, her litter to Corbin and if anything is decent I might keep it, but it'll have to be phenomenal to beat out what I've already got.  
     I've got Bailey listed, it's almost time to list her on CL for adoption.  Much as I do love the little blob I just don't see her in my future.  I just want to keep some rabbits and Heidi.  Eventually I'll get a second horse but it'll be long ways down the road so I don't have to worry about it just yet.  Second horse will be a dark dapple gray.  Or at least I'm hoping.  She still bugs me whenever there is a human outside, she's hollering for grain, which I'll be cutting her to a once a day over my 5 day weekend, next weekend.  Also I never know where her feed pans are, she picks them up and walks around the pasture with them.  At least she stopped throwing them at me, but she about walks on my heels in the mornings when I'm bringing the bucket of feed out to her pan.  She steps on me, I'll have to back her off good and then I'll have to work in training sessions for her.  
     On day I'd like to be married, have a mini farm with about 15 acres, two fenced pastures a 4 stall horse barn(only 2 horses though. 1 stall for each, a stall for my rabbits and an extra stall just in case) with loft to keep hay.  A nice fenced yard for kids and my eventual dog.  Of coarse finding said man will be the hardest part.  I still dream, heavily, about my future and what I see there.   I'll continue to dream and keep my heart happy and brain sharp.  I can do it. I will do it. 
     I'm off and sleeping shortly because I have to get up early to meet up with another bunny buyer!  I'm still working on my herd cut down!     

No work, random ramble

     I had some more deep thoughts today, as I was cracking yet more ice out of rabbit water dishes.  I snuggled my keeper Chin doe, Hermione, into my Carhartt vest, and I was attempting to do pictures of her daddy to show interested parties in Hermione's sisters. She just stayed tucked in up in my vest while I messed with Eliot.  I'm definitely staying with the Chinchilla Dutch.  
     I'm cutting my tort herd back to a trio, and even cutting my blues back.  I told myself, when it comes to the blues, I was going to either sell Alura or sell Trinity.  Alura was the bigger, better mom, Trinity was better at showing.  Both does are bred to Harold, but I have a buyer for Harold & Alura as a pair.  So looks like I'll be keeping an Alura x Harold baby and Trinity.  Marcie and a Gwen x Vance baby will round out my blues.
     The torts, I'm looking to keep a Faith x Corbin baby, a Shelly x Jayger baby and the new buck coming in.  While Shelly is probably one of the prettiest does I've ever produced for torts, torts just do not hold appeal to me anymore.  
     As for Steels, I have Iria, Raven, Natalie, Neil and Connie should throw steels but she's a black.  All my steels, except Connie and possibly Neil and Iria are blue carriers.  I have to work the courage up to ask Rachel if I can trade or buy back Penelope as I know she's a blue carrier.  She was my Rafik baby that I had wanted to keep.  This way I'm mainly Steel, Chinchilla and Blue since all three colors can work together.  If I go into a 4th color again, it'll be grays since Grays need the ring pattern like the Chinchilla's.  I used to hate ring pattern but after getting some really nice ring on my Chinchilla's I'd rather not give it up!  I might do a few cross colors to help improve body, ring and color-which is where the blue comes in!  
     I don't know why I can't just ask her straight out, it would be so much easier.  I don't know if she'd even understand why but I do miss Rafik badly and want to cross his bloodlines back into my blues,  Maybe the courage will come tomorrow.  I will attempt it.  Tommorrow(later today?) after my dentist appointment I'll have a lot of things to do, then two more days off.  Thursday I'll probably go to Winchester talk to Boonesboro and go see Heidi again.  

Pre work update

      Saturday, before the nasty storm of today/Sunday I was up and even though I had tweeked my back a little Friday night at work I figured to push and see how far I could go before it became intolerable.  Trotting was it, it about killed me.  So I un-tacked Heidi in the arena, Sandy brought Spencer in and I had one camera, Sandy the other and we let the two run.  I did do a little bending with Spencer and it did make me want a TB.  He's actually still a really good boy.  If the weather will clear up I can continue to work on him.  He needs to stop walking all over people and to stand for his feet to be cleaned.  That shouldn't be too hard.  The harder task will be getting him into shape.  I have a few idea's of helping to teach him to bend and work a little bit better.  

      Heidi's just in really good shape now, I need to be in much better shape myself now.  My back feels much better again.  The ankle popping is directly related to the toe being a pain.  It does that in the winter so for the time being I just have to deal with it.  
     I did spend a little extra time with Bailey and while I really do love her, I really do want to find her a good home. 

      If I could get another job and be able to afford to keep her I would.  She's small but she's a cutie patootie.  I've got her back to eating more hay again, I had to cut her grain back.  She's still a bit thin but the rest will come as the pasture comes in. I still have to get her shots but right now I'm holding a paycheck behind and I have to get my bills all caught up-again.  Then once I get them all caught up I'll get Bailey caught up.  Hopefully by the end of March she'll be done.