Keeping the chin up as I ramble on

     To add a little bit more onto yesterday's post things are still confused to me.  I hate how I thought of things and others being greedy and I have done the same damn thing.  I couldn't believe I had done it.  I know things are just getting better from here and hardships are just stepping stones for something better.  I know I've got to do a lot more hard work coming up to learn.  I was given a choice, I know Mrs. Standish will cover Amber's board for a little while but I REALLY need to make enough to cover them.  I want ever so dearly to keep both mares, and Heidi will forever remain with me but if Kylie sees fit she can trade or sell Amber- as far as I am concerned.  Amber really is still her horse.  She's just gracing my life for the meantime.  I hate to fall deeper in love with a horse I cannot afford to keep myself.  I have to learn and figure out how to keep and pay for her.  I will not be a clingy needy girl I will do what I need to do.  
     Well Willow's entry got dropped in the mail today.  I can't believe I forgot to put it in the mailbox on Saturday, hopefully it makes it.  I can't face myself if I don't make it entered in this one.  I have to put the AKC paperwork into my doggie binder.   I am hoping still at least qualify- I am just so nervous thinking of the idea of going out into the ring.  I don't know how to get my mind wrapped over that fact.  I am going to have to borrow a pop up crate again for Willow.  Eventually I will have my own for her.  I think I can still do it but I just have to remember to ignore everything outside the ring.  My stomach's flipping already and it's still almost 3 weeks away.  I know it's creeping up fast and I still have quite a bit of work to do, the moving down and even better heeling is still on my radar to get better at.  I have to do it, I have to make it.  
     The job hunt is still on.  I've got a few more leads that I am checking into on Wednesday, I just hate the idea of them all being Winchester or Lexington.  It's just not feasible living all the way in Preston.  Bath county is just too far out in the middle of no where.  I'm really not making enough for an apartment yet, but that's also on my radar.  That or at least being a roomie with someone or something.  I need get my life together and I need to get on with life.  Things have to start improving just need to keep my chin up, mind focused and just GO.  
     I think I might go riding bareback tomorrow, even if it has popped hot, it will be in the low 80's tomorrow, so saddles will be optional for Heidi- if I ride her.  I might just take Amber bareback for a while.  Kind of let her graze and we'll ride around a little bit.  Nothing major I just want her to relax and enjoy what time we have at Tamarack.  I may not want to really leave but if it comes down to money I may have to move the girls home and talk to the guys across the road to see if I can rent the field from him to graze them in.
     I know I still have to figure out all the monetary issues and I think a better job will do the trick, but soon after that I will need to save up for an apartment.  I know it'll mean cutting off quite a few things.  I still will owe Kylie for the saddle, and I have to get a pop up crate for Willow and a few other odds and ends.  The many things mulling through my head is crazy, and I need to prioritize and start working on getting them checked off and done.