Short lived

      My vacation weekend seems to have been short lived.  I know I tried to forgive and forget but I think it's about time to forget my past and leave everything behind me that frustrates, irritates me.  Right now it's my vacation.  I had a heated disagreement with Rachel over something Michelle said and I over thought everything and how frustrated I was with my vacation in part of the people I didn't get to see.  It managed to raise my stress level too high and I'll admit it, I was an insufferable pain in the ass at work Monday night, so Tuesday I was better but tired.  I'll admit, I told Kylie about much of this.  After I butted heads with Rachel I was so frustrated I told Kylie about it.  I don't have any friends outside of the three of them, none that I'll call close enough friends to be there to talk to when I need it- that don't know each other.  I wanted to see Trish, I wanted to see Mark.  TR was out of town so I couldn't have seen him anyway.  I didn't get to see either one.  I was stuck as some stupid baby shower that I didn't want to go to in the first place.  Then back at Aunt Cindy's.  She was trying to talk me into a Shit-zu puppy.  I simply said, 'No I still want my Australian Shepard puppy.'  Rachel just blurts out, 'Why? they are so stupid.'  Well I certainly hadn't asked for her opinion.  Just like I never gave mine on about her pit-bull terrier.  I think pit-bull terrier's are dumb as a box of rocks myself.  if you want a pit-bull, get a pit-bull but the terriers are just wanna-be's.  Did I voice my opinion to her?  No, if that was what she wanted so be it.  I made nice and petted the thing but that was about it. I wanted to walk away when she said that.  I'm not sure if the other's noticed or not.  Maybe I've been gone far too long or they don't know me like they think they do. 
     I got the impression as well when I kept thinking back to my vacation how much Gena didn't seem to want me around.  I missed Spudley and I missed Dakota, her and the farm.  As much as I might have complained about it at times it really was a nice barn, farm and area.  I don't know if I can go back there again or not.  At times I still want to leave Kentucky and go back to New York, but right now I don't think I could. 
     Still it wasn't until today when I was able to go and spend time with Heidi and Phoenix, give them both very deep solid grooming downs and Heidi walked the field with me, I checked their barn, Heidi stayed with me, then around the field a few times.  It helped settle my nerves.  It made me think for a while that Rachel and I might just be too much alike cause all we seem to do lately has been argue, butt heads and fight.  It's been just not normal for me.  I'm not usually this argumentative. I'm used to being quiet, laid back and recessive.  I think it's time for a HUGE change in pace.  I need to be the person I used to be.  I know Kentucky has changed me.  Maybe not for the better but certainly not for the worst.  I think it's about time to move on with my life.  Take the leap, make the change and move on. 
     As for the spirit lifter, my Heidi.  She came up to me, and gave me several hugs, and made me hug her back.  I am very glad she did.  She stayed by my side until I told her to go ahead and leave me to go graze.  After she finally left she did come back a few times and gave me a few more hugs.  I do love her, she's got such a sweet, sweet, loving temperament.  She's still very jealous and almost get's herself kicked and bitten if I try to groom Phoenix but she just stands behind me.  I love her to pieces.  She's my rock, my world right now. 

 

     But I still had the bunnies to get to.  I let several out in the x-pens while I was feeding and watering.  Then when I was done, since it wasn't raining yet, I let my babies out, Michelle(called Shelly), Dylan and their sister, plus my three chocolate babies which are in the cage with them for the meantime. 

     Shelly is such a cuddle bug.  It was kind of creepy how much of a cuddler she as.  She just wanted to stay in my lap. 

     Yep, Shelly in my lap.  She's aptly named.  Michelle is such a sweet caring young lady. 

I'm going to keep thinking and working down my rabbit numbers.  I know I'll lose a few here and there as I'm going but I'm completely ready to give them up completely.  There won't be anything left in common with Rachel, except we hold an old friendship that has held us through much.  Maybe I'm just one of those that's not meant to have and keep friends for long periods of time.  Such a blue update but it is time to move on I think.  I'll keep it in mind as I'm going.  Maybe it is time to enjoy myself, be myself and be WHO I am deep down inside.