Moving forward

     It's been a pretty good couple of days. I finally got all moved over at Kylies and Willow is settling down really well.  She still has a few dominance issues with Penny but they're working it out.  She's not a fan of sharing her bed and her crate with the others nor my bed either. But she's settling.  It's been a little adjustment for her but I'm hoping once we go to work tomorrow we'll be much better and get back into routine.  This week Mary should be in to do checks and I'm either going to talk to Mary or leave her a letter and see about getting a set day off so I can pick up a part time job for Saturday and Sunday  afternoons and whatever day off I have.  I'm hoping to get Wednesday's off.  It'll make things a lot easier on me.  I need the extra money to help pay board.  I'm already facing the fact of having to ask for help to cover September.  Right now I don't even have the money or room on my credit card to get my train tickets up for the wedding.  I know I need to get myself together and hopefully over the next two months I can get everything organized and get through all my stuff so I can may have stuff put together to bring over to Dad's for court day weekend and sell/ get rid of.  I've learned in this move that I have way too much stuff for a 30 year old person.  So now it's time to really get a hold of everything.   
     I went up and went riding today with Kylie, before running back to my dad's place to get my pants that I forgot in the dryer.  If you can call it riding.  Heidi had her feet trimmed last Wednesday, along with Amber had her's trimmed.  Kylie's going to have more shoes put back on Amber's fronts.  Amber was acting all ouchie today like the lack of shoes was killing her so we really didn't do much riding persay.  We kind of got up to the arena we walked around then stood in the middle just talking and it was kind of interesting.  Just a fun relaxed day.  
     I got home to pick up my pants, Willow enjoyed running around sniffing everything like she hadn't been there in a month or two.  Then went in and got her routine milk bones from mom and settled down to chill while I sat there and talked to mom for a little bit.  It wasn't until I was leaving did it hurt.  I don't know why it didn't bother me yesterday but today was much more painful.  I do miss my dad.  I am so used to him being around all the time that not having him here just doesn't feel right. I know that too will pass and like Kylie said to me earlier at least he's only a 45 minute drive away, not liking visiting her folks 11 hours away.  
     Now to just get to work on losing weight and I'll be fantastic.  Time to kick myself in gear and get going.  I know Mikey wants me to join the gym with him but I'll have to have him find out the actual cost because it'll be a while before I can actually afford it.  I hate not being able to afford anything hardly, but I have to start somewhere. I have Heidi, I have Willow I have a fresh start with one of my bestie's and let's see where this goes from here. 

Problem solving

     This week has been a very trying week.  I have stayed up late on my days off trying to get things done and my body refuses to sleep in so I am physically wore out from not getting enough sleep.  I think tonight I'll take some nyquil and go to bed very early to get my sleep.  Moving is tough, and I have it easy.  Today was supposed to be moving everything else but my dresser, TV, Computer and it's desk but it won't be.  It'll probably be just my movies since I only have two totes that I am working with, which leaves Saturday for whatever I can get into my truck Friday night and then Sunday will be everything else.  The forcast is saying no rain so let's hope that can hold and this way the dew is the only thing that can make what's in my truck wet(and even then it'll have to go through a tarp).  I really hope I can get all this done and get it out of the way so Sunday is as easy as possible. 

     Willow has been training great.  Still having some issues with Sit for Exam.  That's going to be our sour spot I think.  I'm pushing her training the best I can and I'm hoping the move the week before the show isn't what messes her up.  She'll still be going out to train on our lunch breaks at work so here's for hoping.  I can't afford to blow two entries in a row.  I know the last one when she was sick was not her fault- just very irritating to me.  But still was a blown entry.  

     I have barely spent any time at all with Heidi now.  Between moving and the heat there hasn't been much hope for messing with her after work.  September is fast approaching and without a new job prospect in sight(but plenty of applications out) I'm at the ends of my rope as to what to do.  I can't 'bring her home' since Kylie's field isn't horse ready yet and I couldn't make someone else take care of her and still have that drive out to Bath county to see her.  I've told a couple people when they asked me what I wanted for my birthday was simply money to put towards my board.  Hopefully by the end of September I can have another job (or a second one) to start getting money paid up for Heidi's board for the winter.  I really don't make enough money to keep a horse and it does bother me something fierce.  My brain tells me I should sell her because financially I couldn't do anything with her, and seeing as I didn't get a raise at a year I should just give up.  I cashed out all my overtime to get the calf for meat and with this move I haven't hardly gotten to work any overtime, but I love Heidi so much.  Heidi and Willow are my life right now.  I have my bunnies and they make me happy too and then there's Waffles too.  He's so stinking cute.  Been a long time since I've been around fish.  

     Just all comes down to lack of money, need better paying job and need less expensive hobbies and 'pets' really.  I even applies to a graphic designer job posting.  It's been so long since I've done any of that kind of work I'd really have to work at it for a little while to get current with the programs.  I have applied to customer service kinds of jobs, even the ones that have you as a phone rep.  Hopefully something can and will give soon.  As much as I thought Boonesboro was the place little over a year ago, it's just a stark realization that I probably should never have left Nestle- even if I hated it there, I could afford to keep my big girl.  Had I not I would have never gotten Willow though.  Six of one half dozen of the other, right?  Well I'd best get to packing, it's not going to do it by itself.  

Not giving up

     I have started riding a lot more again and Kylie gave me some pointers while we were riding yesterday, and even if I ride alone I can work on it better.  Heidi's been going with really good with the spurs though I think dropping back to the 3xw gullet bar will do better, she seemed a lot more uncomfortable with the saddle yesterday with the 2xw gullet bar than she did the other day with the 3xw.  So I think for now I might just go back to the 3xw and keep working and see what happens.  I am getting more and more comfortable.  Soon I will probably have to move back to lunge line work and start teaching Heidi to canter undersaddle.  I can't wait to be able to canter under saddle again.  I think once she starts to canter under saddle we'll be able to improve.  I know I've been thinking and saying the same thing for the past 2 years that I was going to get Heidi solid but I think now I really can.  I may have lost a lot of my confidence and as I have noticed more and more a lot of my drive.  Even though I know I had Shana helping me, I don't know.  It's not the same as having Kylie there.  Maybe because Kylie was really the one that got me started on horses. 
     Willow had to skip the last dog show and it really bummed me.  Partly because I didn't want Lisa to go alone.  Going alone kind of sucks.  But Willow had Kennel Cough and while she's basically over it now I couldn't risk spreading it to so many other dogs.  Perry was telling me last night that it was basically my fault, I shouldn't bring her with me to work so much that's just lining her up to get sick.  But I do know she's been vaccinated and it was a strain not covered by the vaccine.  It's really no one's fault but the shelter's.  The shelter dogs were what brought it into the clinic.  I kind of want to leave her home tomorrow to make a point but it won't make any kind of point what-so ever.  It'll make her upset, that I know for sure.  She literally has been glued to me for a long time.  She was ready for the show but was sick.  So I went ahead and entered Bluegrass instead.  I know I am super nervous about Bluegrass as I know it's a HUGE show but I'm hoping that by entering on Sunday we'll be okay.  We will have to be okay. She's got this week off and then two weeks of grind to get herself prepped for that show.  It was Tuesday evening before she finally started to play again. She's back to playing again and running.  I've missed dearly watching her run around or after her ball.  
     I have done it, I went and got a few more rabbits.  I'm actually really happy to have them again.  I've bred one of my does right away.  I'm heavy on Chin's now but I'm okay with that. I love the chin color and blues, so I got a blue pair and what steel does I have are blue carriers so I am hopeful for some blues down the road.  I'm really excited to be able to get back into them.  They were part of what I was missing.  
     Now I just need to find me a man that can handle me in general.  Also need to find a better paying job so that I can afford to sustain myself.   The horse, the dog and the rabbits!  Loving my life right now and going to at least enjoy enjoy what there is to offer.  

Quietness

     I have been up and down but more ups lately.  I've had several days where I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I just wanted to sit and cuddle with my dog and my horse and be content.  I miss having Heidi at home so it was easier to take care of her.  I have been a horrible pony mom and haven't seen her enough at all this year.  We rode today, especially when I had to pull out of the dog show because Willow has Kennel Cough.  I know she's had her vaccination for it but Patrick said to Mikey- since it was his dog that got it first- said it was probably a strain that wasn't covered by the vaccine.  Well shit.  I was so ready and eager to show and I was so disappointed when I realized Willow didn't have allergies and really was sick.  I about cried.  Then we went up, caught Rex at the clinic and we got some meds.  She's been sleeping most of the day, she hasn't had much energy and what energy she does get we run it out. I know she still needs the exercise.  
     I got another Wintec Wide for Heidi and I got back up on her again today in it.  Oh how comfortable it was.  I hope soon to have the girth in that she needs to fit that saddle, it took Shana and I to get the girth on her today.  She was great and I'm glad of it.  I learned I didn't have the saddle quite far enough up.  I shall keep that corrected from here out.  
     Hoping for a better day tomorrow.   With Willow feeling better and great things come!

Relaxing

     It's been a pretty good day, other than the rain practically all day long.  I didn't get Willow out and working again, that's a day off that she coudn't really afford.  I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew this time around.  Hopefully we can squeak by at least. The first and only time I have ever wanted to just squeak by.  Aunt Lisa wants to skip Bluegrass Classic and in a way I am terribly thrilled.  I know it's a HUGE show and the thought of going to that show gives me shivers.  I think at least this year I wouldn't be ready for a show of that size.  Just like the first show that Lisa showed in I wouldn't have been able to, I'd have freaked out.  Next year I might be able to do, but I'll have to get my second dog ready for those kinds of shows before then or get Willow to work off leash.
     I'm hoping soon the weather will start to cooperate so I can get back to riding Heidi.  It's been so long and I'm itching to continue and get better myself.  I am starting to think that Amber was a bit too much horse for me.  Pretty, sweet and good mare none the less but I have lost too much skill.  Kylie gave me a set spurs so hopefully that can help hold Heidi in a trot.  I'm still so lost in saddle land. The most comfortable saddle we ahd together was the wintec, which I of coarse sold and got the aussie, then got rid of the aussie for the dressage.  I'm not comfortable running long stirrups.  So I'm back to looking for a wintec.  Easier said than done. 
     I will totally admit it now too, I really think Kylie was right, I really think Amber was too much horse for me with what skills I still retain from years ago.  Kylie's going to whoop my ass back into shape, with Heidi, Rayna and probably Mary.  Get me back up to a level of riding that I used to be at. 
     I'm really looking forward to getting things moved into Kylie's this weekend.  Get some started at least.  I need to first get the shelving up for my models and my stuff out of Jess' storage room  then slowly empty my room out.  Before I make the complete move I will move the rabbits over.   Last things to move are computers, bed, dog and human.  I am ready.  

Slumped

     I don't know what's been going on.  I went days, over a week cheerful and happy, and then today, after getting home after the barn I was back to totally depressed.  I don't know what caused it.  Was it a combination of things?  
     I don't know if it was seeing Kylie with Amber again.  I knew those two were such a good pair, I hated the idea of splitting them up before and deep down I knew she loved her.  I did like riding her but I also knew I wasn't good enough for her,  I made Amber fat and lazy.  Part of it was I was scared to ask her to do much because I don't remember enough.  I admitted it to Kylie today while we were riding, I haven't cantered since that accidental canter on Lindy in 2006.  I was jealous watching her and I *know* Amber is out of shape because of me.  I want to get to that point again.  Even if I have to first canter on Mary or Rayna, I will do it again.  I just want to be as good as I once was.  I need something that's forgiving in a horse, which Heidi is, but also something that is well trained or at least is more forward than Heidi is.  Bahloo would have been a good choice.  I was just as comfortable on Bahloo as I was on Amber.  I don't think Cathryn is going to ship Bahloo up now.   
     I am totally out of shape, I am so fat so I've decided my stomach can now tell me when it's hungry for me to eat.  Maybe it will help, maybe not.  I'm going to try a few other things when it comes to vitamins and other supplements.
     I kind of can't wait to get moved over to Kylie's.  I am so ready to get out and get going.  I want to wait for the painting to be done and then I'll start moving my bigger furniture that is in storage over there.  Then my extra barn stuff into a corner of her barn.  Storage of some stuff until I can get through it all.  I know I have so much horse crap still it's not even funny.  Some day I will have a second horse again.  I will keep my second horse stuff just in case. I'm doubting I'll ever get the chance to have a second horse without getting married but for now I'll keep it because there's no point in getting rid of it. 
     I am having some serious second thoughts on the dog show this coming weekend.  I am the only Beginner Novice Obedience 'A' person.  First in that ring that day.  9:00am.  Oh lord.  Now I'm scared shitless.  I really need to work her hard this week.  I hope we can at least qualify.  Of coarse if we qualify we're first place anyway!  LOL.  Breathe deep and relax.  I need to relax for this week and just get her working.  Heeling, sitting upon stopping without being told and sitting straight.  Oh god I hope I can do this.  
     Though I have to admit, it was awesome, weird and interesting to go to Kylie's house today and find her there.  It's been something else. I'm glad she made the trip in pretty good.  Let's see how life plays out from here.