Monday, September 29, 2014

Step sideways instead of forward or backwards

     I thought I had made the right choice taking Boonesboro, but I'm facing falling behind on all my bills or getting a new job or working two different jobs completely just for the extra money.  Without the dalmation work each week that cuts all my extra spending money out, I run across an emergency need for something, I'm done, screwed, toasted or however you want to put it.  Sad part is I'm finally starting to get someplace.  I've started drawing blood(cats at least for Combo tests) and learning a lot more.  Alas I cannot afford to stay working there.  The only down fall is living paycheck to paycheck and hoping I have enough to make it to the next paycheck with cat, horse and bunny food, gas and everything else.  It's just not right.  My only other choice is to get rid of all my animals and focus solely on work.  But that's no life, not for me.  I couldn't survive without Heidi and my bunnies.  I'm going to stop by a few other closer vet offices and see if they need someone and if they'll pay equal to better.  Ideally $12 an hour or up is what I need.   
     Surprisingly the bunny show was awesome. I forgot how fun shows were.  I don't get to enough of them.  I went ahead and put in for October 18th off, it's the fall Shepardsville show.  Hopefully Mary will give it to me off so I can go again.  Even if I only do the Shepardsville and Frankfurt shows each year that's better than nothing.  I've already set my heart on going to Nationals next year up in Ohio.  I doubt I'll have anything worth showing there but I want to go up and see it.  I want to keep some of my bunnies going.
     Heidi's been a savior for me.  She comes gives me my snuggles and if I stop paying attention to her to mess with Oscar, Bandit or Jeanie, she comes over and puts herself in front of me.   She's such a jealous mare.  I'm hoping to still be able to send her to a professional trainer for a month or two come spring.  I'm not sure yet how the moving her back to boarding is going to work this winter.  Just five months is a thousand dollars.  $200 a month.  I can spend less than a thousand and bring hay in and take care of her myself.  I don't know.  I'm still mulling over keeping her here by herself for less.
     Still quite a few days I am still longing for my own dog, and I still dream of the day I have an aussie (Like Gracie!) laying on my bed snoozing with me or chilling in the back yard together.  Right now I'm using Ayden as much as I can but I know Jess will never let him go again.  Either way.  I still have huge dreams and aspirations and MUCH to do before I can get a dog.  Most of all get established and get everything ironed out.  

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Seeing Stars



     Everything happens for a reason, at least how I believe it. Maybe Billy's wedding will be a blessing in disguise and I'll meet a great person while I am there.  I feel like I'm going to make an idiot out of myself going there though.  
     I have everything set and ready for Saturdays rabbit show.  4 Rabbit total entered- Connie, Natalie, Zachary, and Tobias.  There's just not going to be a lot of things entered from me.  I have plenty of items that I'll be tagging along for sale as well. Bowls and crocks.  
     I texted someone from CL that had an Aussie female for free.  I texted and asked for color, picture  and some more information.  I don't know why.  I can barely stay up ahead on my bills as it is, why on earth did I add yet another mouth to feed?  I know.  I want a dog.  I'm actually seriously considering looking for another job.  There's no way I can make it on $8 an hour.  I should never have taken the job because it's just too tight on money.  I've got my passcode coming for the 401k account so I can get that all sorted out and correctly going where it needs to go. Once that passcode comes in it should work for my Pension account as well.  Get the pension cashed out so I can get my bills all caught up and hopefully get a decent little car that should help with saving a little bit more money and not spending it in gas. Right now I'm too tired to think of too much so I'm just going to go to sleep!  

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Muddled

     Well I've given my job more chances than I should have.  As much as I've been pushing to keep myself there. I'll see what happens after this paycheck.  I've told almost everyone there that I can't afford to stay at the job.  I doubt it'll do anything so I'm going to have to do something myself.  Time to start calling the other offices and see what I can push for. 
     I've got to figure out how to move Heidi back to Tamarack for the winter.  At least this way I know she's safe and she's comfortable.  At least this way I can make sure she's safe.  She's my baby she's my life right now.  
     I've got the double shows this weekend coming up. I'm going to pre-enter for Saturdy but if I do decide to go on Sunday it'll be day of show entry.   I've got plenty going for sale.  Maybe a few more of them will sell and I can have plenty of extra cage spaces again.  
     There's a female Aussie for free on CL.  I want to text them so badly and find out more information on her but I'm so scared that I won't be allowed to keep her and I won't be able to afford to keep her.  I might go ahead and text it tomorrow and find out some more information on her anyway.  Why did I quit Nestle again?  As much as I hated that job, it wouldn't leave me feeling like I can't afford anything.  

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Quiet time

     Well now my brain is so muddled that I don't even know where to start sorting things out.  I haven't even had the time or motivation to get out and bike ride.  I usually use my drives to keep thinking about things and I'm not sure even where to start now.  Wednesday Grandma fell and broke her hip, it's been super crazy and insane since then.  I haven't had a full nights sleep since then either.  I highly doubt Lisa, Cathryn, or Jennifer has either.  I know Cathryn and Jennifer have already gone home but Lisa and I have spent so much time up there, and right now I just can't do it anymore.  
     I really need to start getting things figured out.  I just don't know what to do yet.  I'm just wore out and tired.  So many things need to get paid and so few things are getting paid because of just a pure lack of money.  I've begun looking at other jobs again.  I do like it at Boonesboro but there's just the really low payscale that I just cannot hold out much longer at such a low pay rate.  I haven't gotten any winter hay in for Heidi, I'm running literally paycheck to paycheck plus working the dalmation for the extra cash.  I've had inquiries from Neogen, but of coarse that's even farther into Lexington.  If the pay is just that much better I might have to leave Boonesboro just so I can make things meet up.
     I'll be doing quite a bit of calling around and what not on my day off this week.  Short time spent up with Grandma and Blake, then it'll be home to get more stuff done.  Rabbit cages do need to be cleaned again.  I've been lucky to remember to do them twice a month.  I do have the 27th off for a rabbit show.  It might just be my last rabbit show.  There's a double show on the 27th and a double show on the 28th. I might just go both days and be as pushy as possible to get the last few rabbits sold and gone. I'm still toying with selling the Blue Barn's steel buckk and Iria but so far nothing has been set in stone. 
     Heidi's actually been really good.  We've dumped 4 bags of saw dust into the barn and now it's her cozy spot.  She sleeps in there and just seems so much more comfortable.  I still want to do hay for her but right now I can't right now.  I just don't have the money to get the hay.  
     I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Selling all my animals has crossed my mind.  I can't afford them.  I know life wouldn't be the same without them.  I just need to sleep more, catch up on my sleep and then get everything straightened away.  

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Jumbled up Brain

     There are still times that I just simply don't know what to do.  Part of me still wants to keep trying some with my rabbits.  As much as I love the Chin's I just don't have the chance to really develop them and work with them.  I might have to let my Chins go completely.  I think I'm going to let Iria go as well.  I'm looking right now at keeping her son, who is a chin carrier, but he's a decent looking buck and I might try to find a different chin doe later on down the road if I choose to keep going.  Looks like the steel buck will be going to a different home in the long run as well.  I really only need to keep two bucks.  I don't need 2 does to 1 buck or else I'd have kept the Blue Barn steel buck.  I don't know it's all running around my head like I'm insane.  What do I do?  I don't know yet.  I have to sit out there and actually think about it.  I just really need to sit and think about it without something else interrupting me.  Maybe a couple hours on Thursday.
     Heidi's still a tender spot for me too.  When I keep thinking about budgeting, there really is no room for a horse in it.  I can't bear to part with her.  I've been that way with so many other things.  I can't bear to do this or that.  But I SERIOUSLY need to put a lot more thought in it.  I really love Heidi, but I don't spend as much time with her as I really should!  That or my choice will have to resort to something of balancing better.  I think after Heidi I may not get another horse, I don't know for sure it'll depend on what's going on in my life, what I'm doing and how well I'm getting paid and everything else.  
     We got this dog in at the clinic.  Owner turn over had been hit by a car.  She's a blue merle, sorta, Aussie x Heeler cross with a docked tail.  She's been an absolute sweet heart.  Doesn't top the Red Merle that's in Arkansas but I'm partly hoping the shelter finds her a home once she gets up and going, if not it'll be really hard for me to not take her myself.  I really want to.  She loves to cuddle.  That could very well change when she heals up.  She was x-rayed today, I held her for those.  She never offered a growl, snarl, whine or whimper.  She's been one tough cookie these past two days at the clinic. I still really want a dog of my own.  Gracie is still on my mind and even though I found a closer rescue they don't have one that has the same draw that Gracie does.
     Well things at home have been quiet.  Just keep rolling on and keep going really.  Now if everything can finish as planned.  Even if it's in my dreams so be it.  I just want everything to settle so I can afford to get everything where it needs to go.  

Friday, September 5, 2014

Still kicking

  
     It's been another up and down kinda work week.  I snapped at Heather W, because I was so irritated after work with lazy ass 'S' all week up until Heather and then Heather complaining about how lazy 'S' is and I finally said, 'shut up, I already know I do it every day.'  I was just so sick of it.  There's nothing we can do, I will, if I can find Mary tomorrow.  I will talk to her because I can't do this.  There's no way I'm going to work my ass off for $8/hour when 'S' gets paid the same as I do and she sits on her damn phone all day.  Debbie and Diane have already talked to Mary.  What gets me is I always have to go back through everything she does and make sure she's done it right.  She's an adult she can do her own damn job.  
     Anyway.  Got home and I was in a much better mood and just brushed Heidi and stood with her while she ate her supper.  I'm going to keep looking for another job if Mary won't do anything about 'S' and I"m going to do whatever it takes to make sure Heidi's taken care of.  I hope to be able to move her back to Tamarack for the winter.  Someplace that I know she'll be taken care of hay wise.  I know they take very good care of their animals every winter.  If I can get back there, I'll see about sizing Mary for a saddle and I'll ride her as well just to keep her in shape.  I've already kinda dreamed about it.  Trail ride Heidi and I'll get up on Mary and ride in the arena with her.  I'll ride Heidi in the arena as well but I'm intending to use my tax return, part of it, to get some professional training put on her.  I miss some of the girls and the possibility of riding out on the trails.  
     I'm going to call about my Pension and get that cashed out, and then roll the 401K rolled over.  Get myself a small car for running to and from work.  The better the gas mileage, the better it'll be.  If I can save on Gas then I should be fine to afford to move Heidi back.  I'll have to figure out what to do come spring when she needs to be moved back inside out of the sun.  Hopefully by spring I'll know more anyway.  I'm hoping they'll move me up soon, maybe to train and cover for Kari's maternity leave this winter at some point. 
     I haven't been messing much with my bunnies lately.  So yes, after this one last fall show I think I'm done for a while with them.  I might be more permanently done for a couple years until I get far more stable.  I might have to get all new rabbits to get back into them as well.  Not sure how old mine will all get or anything before I pick it back up.  I do know two of the does I'm keeping, I'm keeping as Pets only- Marcie and Hermione.  I might try one more litter with Marcie and one litter with Hermione this fall but no guarantee's yet.  They aren't selling worth a nickel plus if I never go to shows there's no point to breeding them.  Raven needs a prove out litter, so I might breed Raven and Hermione- I don't know yet.  Going to have to keep thinking about it, a lot harder too.  Raven should hopefully throw as nice a baby as her mother has.  Maybe I'll just cross out Raven to the Hooper line steel buck and see how that goes. 
     Tomorrow's an easy day at work so I'll put my mind to thinking about the rabbits and Heidi's future as I coarse my day on.  

Monday, September 1, 2014

Reflecting

     The weekend was interesting.  It's been raining off and on all weekend.  So much for going out horseback riding this weekend.  I really wanted to more as a birthday to myself than anything else.  Heidi makes me happy and that's about it.  I can tell she's miserable so I need to figure out how to get her some where that she's got a friend, I think she's lonely.  She probably misses Misty.  I miss Misty as well.  I really do wish I could make more money and make moving Heidi back to Tamarack much easier.  It will be easier to put her back there for the winter than to deal with bringing hay in and trying to make sure I keep enough hay out since I can only feed in the evenings and it's just not fair to her to have to go without for so long waiting on me.  Sometimes I just feel like I'm not being fair to her, like I need to do more for her and with her.
     Today I had a short span that I knew the weather was going to be decent, and I chose to go out on the boat.  It was relaxing getting out on the boat, I had the camera out again until the battery ran dead, which was but a few minutes before it started pouring.  We got wet one way or another!  We had our swim suits in case we chose to go swimming.  Got home and I'm too chilly to now tack up and ride.  I do have to wait until at least 6pm to go out and feed tonight as I have to load up the kittens for the night to get fixed tomorrow. 
     I've gone through my rabbits again.  I keep telling myself I have to get fewer of them.  Penelope should be coming down Thanksgiving and Iria and the Hooper Steel buck should be going northward.  So I'm looking right now at Connie, Natalie, Marcie, Penelope, Raven, Hermione, Zachary, and the little chin buck.  Speedle will make 9 rabbits.  As much as I know that the little steel buck is a nice little buck, I still much prefer the gray buck Zachary.  
     I still want a dog, I can't get the one dog from the rescue page out of my head.  She's a gorgeous dog and I would love to work with her.  I know by rights I shouldn't do it, plus the costs of finding transport for her to Kentucky when she's in Arkansas- 11 hours away.  I know it's wrong.  Maybe she will still be available when I do have the money for the transport.  
     She's a gorgeous dog.  "Gracie is a 4 or 5 year old red merle girl with a docked tail. She is an average size Aussie and weighs about 45 lbs. She is a very sweet, but also very shy girl. She follows her foster mom around the house but is afraid to approach her directly. She will come up from behind her foster mom and put her head in her lap, looking for petting. When her foster mom goes for walks, Gracie will not usually play with the other dogs; instead she walks just behind her foster mom, but will leap away if her mom tries to pet her. She is also very afraid of men. When she relaxes enough to be petted, she almost seems to melt with pleasure. She seems to really want to be someone's dog, but is afraid. She seems completely submissive to people, and has never acted aggressively. She was rescued from a neglectful breeder, and has not had a lot of socialization.
     Gracie is housetrained and settles well in the house. She is good with cats and male and female dogs, and seems to be a submissive female. She is fairly calm overall, but does like to play with another Aussie in her foster home. She is living with several other dogs in her foster home and gets along with everyone. She is living with school-aged children in her foster home and has done well with them. Gracie is moderate energy, but loves her daily walks with her foster mom. She needs a home that is willing to be patient with her and help her develop confidence that people can be trusted. She has a very sweet temperament; she just needs the right home to help her show that side of her to them."  I think part of it is that I've always wanted a dog for a long time and I chose Aussie's because I LOVE the red merle color and not quite as much hair as the shelties.  
     Maybe one day this winter I can start to inquire about transports and then see about adoption fees.  Hopefully she'll still be available.