What a day!

     I've had a whirlwind day!  No wonder I'm wore all out.  But the front porch has been started.  Tomorrow morning I'm getting up early to go help load up a sheep, this time I'm going to visit Heidi and hopefully tack her up and get out for a little bit of a ride afterwards.  
     I was everywhere today.  Except at the barn!  I'm glad a lot of these things are done, makes the rest of the week off seem like I don't have much to do.  I'm waiting to hear back from Michael to trim Drifter.  She really needs it.  Then Wednesday if my paycheck looks like it'll be enough to cover the vet coming out I'll set the vet up to come out Monday and do Drifter's stuff.  Have to get them all set up so Heidi can come home to her here.  The two chunkies can share that pasture and they'll be fine.  It'll mean going back to having to buy grain so Heidi can have her supplements.  But thankfully she doesn't need much to get her meds down. Eventually I do plan to have them do some bloodwork and check into everything we can for her itchiness.  
     Thinking of Heidi, tomorrow while I'm out I have to pull the number off my cell phone message so I can call her back tomorrow evening. Well I'm so tired, going to sleep early.    

Relaxing start into the Shutdown

     Today was the first day of my 9 days off to relax and get myself together.  It was nice to be able to relax.  I had a loose time frame today.  I spent a few hours up with Grandma and Nell.  Then some time with Heidi.  Had I not gotten soaked through a downpour, I would have stopped at Aunt Lisa's and relaxed even farther.  It's going to be weird not having Grandma and Nell there when I go over tomorrow.  
     Tomorrow will be the interesting day.  I get up in the morning to meet James at Lowes, with Uncle Jim's truck and the big 16 foot trailer.  Makes me nervous driving the bigger truck, but I know I can do it.  I drove the big U-Haul with a car on a dolly behind it, and this isn't that big.  Still makes me nervous.  I'm so afraid of making a mistake with the truck.  Then get home, drop the trailer and wait for mom to get home, then when mom gets home I'll take the truck back over since they need the truck the next morning.  Then I'll pick up dad's truck and eventually head over to see Heidi.  Give her a good grooming again and I'll probably bring some of her stuff home. I'm going to bring her home at the end of July.  Tuesday or Wednesday I'll go up to Sharpsburg to visit that other boarding place.  The visit might get put off for a little while but to either extent I will get out to visit this other place.  Heidi will come home for a few months to save both on the costs of keeping her and the cost of the gas it takes to go and see her.  I can't see paying that much extra to keep her there, to do that I have to work the OT and then I don't have the time to go see her.  At least here at home, I save the gas, I can still ride her more, I know she'll be getting her supplements-which she has missed at least one day- She and Drifter can share that pasture quite nicely.  Both girls are over weight and if their weight still holds high like it is currently, I'll have to put both mares into grazing muzzles.  Right now I need to get Drifter trimmed and vetted.  I've already sent a message to Michael to come trim, and now to pick up a grazing muzzle.  I do need to stop by TSC tomorrow.  First time in a while I've been into Tractor Supply.  I have rabbit floor wires to replace as well a couple days.  I'm going to hopefully set the vet up to come out next Monday, the 7th.  
     I'm going to offer to join Aunt Lisa on a couple of her transport trips if she wants and they aren't too early too.  I know she's getting another foster.  Man, do I wish I could get my own dog.  Though I still want my red merle Aussie.  My heart's set on one.  Hopefully soon, hopefully.   

Not perfect

     I didn't get to see Heidi at all these last two days.  I did get the truck filled back up on the gas and that was killer for round two.  Hopefully this tank will last the full week.  I fully intend to go over to Heidi several days.  I did go ahead and ask Allen if he could cover my June board and half of July, I'll get the other half myself the weeks following to the end of the month.  Then with Uncle Jim and Dad's help I'll borrow truck and trailer and bring her home.  That gives me a couple weeks to get Drifter vetted out so I know she's clear before I bring Heidi home to her.  Hopefully that can help to save some money.  I just simply can't afford to keep her on full board.  
     I am going to go check out that other barn.  I have to call them back tomorrow or Sunday, let them know that I am in deed still interested.  Maybe I can move her there instead of home.  It might be out of Michael's travel range but I'd much rather have her closer to home so I can afford to go see her.  If so I'll list Drifter for sale.  
     I'm very strongly thinking of switching to riding trails.  I'll need to save up for a western or an Aussie saddle for Heidi first. That'll be a few months down the road!  
     Sunday I'm intending to take Dad's bike out for a ride, see how far I can push and still get home before Allen gets here and really whoops my butt.  I need to start getting this weight off.  I'm still holding at 275 give or take a pound.  I wanted to be down to 240 by the time I was 30.  Time to start making it actually happen!
     Well hopefully tonight I can get a decent night's sleep, then a hellish night on Line 8 Sauce then 8 days off!  So excited!  

Figuring it out.

     Well I've got to get myself to some much needed sleep here soon, I've been short on sleep all week so far.  I've been mentally struggling with actually going through with the loan or not.  Also on weather or not to call the lady back about the other boarding place.  I still love it at Tamarack.  It's such a nice place, but there's never anyone there to go riding with.  Today I simply drove straight past as I wasn't in the mood to deal with the other people being in the barn(Juan, Victor and the farrier) and feeling completely guilty since board hasn't been paid.  I want to see Heidi again, I really do.  Maybe next weekend when I'm up to see her on Sunday I'll try tacking her up and just using her halter and both of her lead ropes and try riding that way. See how she does.  Maybe bitless is the way to go with her.  She never seems to be comfortable with the bits I've been trying.  I don't want a crap load of bits that fit her but she hates- like that Myler.  I have 4 bits for Heidi, two are the same thing, that's the 6" loose ring.  I have the 5 1/2 D ring Myler and the 5 3/4 hollow mouth eggbutt as well.  
     The other boarding place is a family place.  Way less stress, possibly not forgiving about board as Perry is.  I may have to find a new farrier as well.  Sharpsburg is probably out of Micheal's zone.  It might be worth it still in the long run.  Especially if the place is cheaper and I already know it's closer by a bit.  Well I will be going out and checking it out over the shutdown.  Worst case scenario I stay at Tamarack and fight my way through to October and come October she goes back out to Pasture board.  Which will be a huge sigh of relief for me.  Half the costs. no more supplements, board is half costs.  Still lack someone to ride with, but at least there someone that can ride can come ride Mary or ChaCha.  
     Thinking to a much more positive note, today I helped Aunt Lisa move the last of Grandma's big furniture into her new apartment.  It was fun actually.  I enjoy a good days of good hard work.  Even if it only took a couple hours and it really wasn't that hard.  Feels good to get out and do something good again.  
     I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be able to get out and get a few other things done.  I have plenty of laundry to get done and I really need to get Heidi's grooming stuff washed, I have my towels and sheets to wash, my cloths at least as well.  I'm going to spend a good chunk of the morning doing all that stuff.  

Try again

     Well this couple of work days comes with plenty of trials.  Tuesday I was woken up by Jess making noise and letting me only get about 4.5 hours of sleep, then Shaw's actually showed up to put the AC unit in.  So tired as I was I still dragged into work.  Finally got home and went to bed only to be woken up by Ayden continually barking at the Shaw's guys that had come in to finish the wiring up.  I went out told him to be quiet, he sat quiet for a couple minutes then started barking again.  One quick swat shut him up but by that point there was no value to going back to sleep.  I wouldn't have gotten back to sleep fast enough to make it worth it.  So lack of sleep round two and I'm going back to work.  If it wasn't Nestle it wouldn't be so bad.  Tomorrow I'm getting up early to help my aunt move my grandma's big furniture into her new apartment- that doesn't bother me.  

     Only good thing that has come of this is, we have the central AC now.  Now my room is COLD.  I'll be able to cuddle up under my blanket and sleep solid plus, no more fans all over my room  trying to cool my room down.  

     I'm calling back the one loan place today when I get to work see what I can do for a short term loan, get Heidi caught back up and get one of my CC bills paid off.  Together, paid off, will be a smaller amount than what I am currently paying per month.  Well Heidi's was I just plum didn't have the money to pay June nor July when that one comes due.  I almost can't wait to bring Heidi home, I'd rather bring her home right now.  I don't have anyone to ride with there and I don't have anyone to ride with here so what's the big difference?  Nothing.  There's a solid Red dun paint mare free on Louisville Craigslist over in Shelbyville free to good home, if I can get Drifter sold(she's just too small for my comfort) then I could pick up this mare to keep Heidi company and have the two mares here at home.  Knowing how my luck goes that won't happen.  

     We shall see, I know the field can't handle three, we've tried that in the past.  Just needing someone to keep Heidi company is very hard to find with me being so choosy.  Makes me wish I could play and win the lotto and have some of that for a cushion and maybe even buy Bahloo to keep with Heidi, those two got along great.  

     Well it's off to work I go.  No where near as fun but so long as I stay quiet and keep moving, hopefully the night will go by faster, much faster.  I'll skip out a tad early tonight, I have to make a quick run over to Walmart or Kroger for some milk and then head for home.  Get the time and location of where to meet Aunt Lisa in the morning set the alarm and go to sleep.  

Attitude

     Today has been great for my mind.  I was up at the barn for several hours.  Seriously relaxing.  Yeah, I got a little sunburnt but it was worth it.  I love my afternoon's up at the barn.  I did roll an ankle when I was walking Heidi out to her pasture.  Good thing she's big and steady.  I was able to fall over into her neck and grab onto her.  It rolled for no apparent reason.  I grabbed onto Heidi and hopped a few steps.  I figured my boot would hold until I could get home.  Stopped by and said 'hi' and hung out for a little while with Aunt Lisa, Uncle Jim, Grandma and the girls.  
     Then on the way home I finally stopped and picked up my pipes for my land bridge(which is on my other blog), dad had brought home the bag of sawdust already from work so we cleared the area some and got my bridge in.   now to get the Mulch that goes on top of everything else.  I asked dad to get one more bag of the saw dust and then hopefully Monday I'll get a load of mulch to put on top- if not it'll have to wait a week.  So I finally get done for the evening- Jess and Mom were at Walmart- and I went took a shower and then rubbed some more Deep Blue into the ankle and have it wrapped in an Ace Bandage in hopes I can get the swelling down so I can ride on Monday. 
     This weekend will be interesting very shortly.  The lack of money is a harder cramp.  Tomorrow I'm hoping to get a few things around home done and I want to get out for a good bike ride, something else to start exercising.  Monday I'll have a few pitstops to make on my way over to the barn.  I want to stop by a few banks and see about getting a loan something to help cover Heidi's board.  June still hasn't been paid and I have July right around the corner.  Hopefully with the loan I'll know out one bill plus get Heidi covered for a couple more months.  Then I'll spend most of the winter paying it off.  It should help to build my credit as well as cover Heidi and get one bill paid off.  I still have a few things that I'm buying along the way that I don't *need* but want- ie my doTerra.  But for me it's worth it in the long run.  
     Maybe tomorrow, assuming I can find my nippers somewhere here, I will start to work on Drifter's feet.  I might put her halter on and bareback around a little bit as well, something a little bit easier on my ankle.  If the ankle's not feeling better by Monday I'll have to go up to the clinic and have it checked out.  Trying to set myself up for a good weekend.   
     

Doing it!

     I'm working on it!  I had some of the dutch out today, got the barn cleaned up and even raked out.  It really looks pretty good in there right now!  Then I even sold two more rabbits today.  means I have 3 empty holes with only one more doe coming in.  As far as I can tell, Penelope is coming down.  It will be good to be down to just the steels.  Becky has her doe rebred for babies for me.  I should hopefully by then have the torts gone so I can open up the room for a gray or steel buck from her.  I do have two blue bucks though right now.  And in the mean time they're going to both stay until I can show them and then go from there.  I thought it was going to hurt to sell Trinity but surprisingly it didn't even bother me.  Becky's kids also fell in love with Drifter.  I put her halter on and tied the rope around and the two boys rode her around the pasture.  Yes without helmets but then we got the smaller girl up there and I finally got the older girl, who was terrified to get up there.  and they all loved her.  Becky and her hubby were very impressed with how good and quiet she was with everything.  Asked what I was looking for her, I told him $400 to get most of what was put into her back.  So after telling me that wasn't much for a good little mare like her, they said they were going to talk to a few people to see if they could find a place to put her.  So crossing fingers she gets to go home with a bunch of kids that absolutely love her.  Still going to call Michael and see if he can come trim Drifter this weekend though.  
     On the Heidi front, gas prices are too high, I didn't get to go over and see her today.  Sandy texted me and said she was healing up really well but put a little more stuff on it since it was still puffy.  I hope in a week or two to get at least some of her board paid off, I'm keeping track of what's been paid and what has not been.  I know I have one more week until I have to make sure I have the extra money in my account for Heidi's SmartPak's.  I might seriously bring her home.  It's costing way too much to keep her there.  I really want to keep her there, but the gas prices are just simply too high, plus the costs of keeping her there.  I'm hoping to go look at a place in Sharpsburg this weekend as well.  It's a small family place that doesn't have the riding ring or anything but has miles of trails.  I'm really hoping that Drifter goes, it'll be easier to keep up with just Heidi for now.    
     I know I had originally stopped looking for other jobs but after the last week I've had in that place I've gone back to searching and doing so with gusto.  It's time to get away from that place.  I'll be down to less than 15 rabbits, with no intentions of breeding any of my other does again until late this fall.  A few fall litters maybe and then nothing again until spring, if that.  Less than a week from now until the AC unit gets put in, I can't wait.  It's so stinking hot in my room.  I'm ready for some cooler weather.  Heidi should be healed up enough to ride this weekend, or at least I hope so!  

Rant to Trust

     Well what a wild three days, I got more of an insight to the two people I work with than I ever wanted to get.  I knew I didn't really trust Bishop from when he kept leaving me and the last time when he wouldn't give me a break before.  As far as I'm concerned he's a lazy bastard that plays on Ashley's soft side and is one of her favorites.  Right now I don't care what any of them think of me.  They've done all pissed me off.  Sunday started it  off.  I had mom make us brownies that I brought in for everyone.  Then Chris wanted me to train Terry.  I said no, training was not my job.  So I disappeared and went off to do my own things and help other people.  Then Monday, I told Aaron Johnson, from day shift that I took over for, that I had never done a washdown back there and he said he'd tell Chris to come back and help me.  I told him Chris wouldn't come back there, he insisted he would come back to help.  Well needless to say, I was right.  I hit the washdown, after two tag tests back to back with no breaks or nothing.  I had stopped for a bathroom break, and a couple minutes to get some water to drink.  I was already covered in sweat.  Then it was back to the washdown.  I got almost all of the washdown done, I was foaming I got half of the system foamed, and about ready to pass out from the heat when Jason and DJ came back.  DJ has been accused apparently by everybody in the Sauce room, to be a bully(for which HR, Shana and Joey will hear my displeasure on-you just don't put words in my mouth) so DJ wouldn't help but I think DJ pushed Jason to come back there and help me.  At least Jason bought me enough time to get out for a dinner break.  Needless to say, yes there's playing favorites- and I won't intend to ever trust people in there anymore.  
     I got back up to Heidi today.  It's so relaxing to sit up with her, I'm just going to probably pay for the rest of this month and if I can swing it financially, get July paid for and then bring her home.  I have to get Drifter vetted out first.  I'm kind of starting to enjoy having Drifter here.  I haven't done much with her, but to give Heidi a week or so off to let her finish healing up and I can start working Drifter some.  First step is getting her feet done.  
     I have one bunny going home tomorrow.  That should be exciting tomorrow.  No Heidi tomorrow.  I'll have to keep myself occupied here at home.  Shouldn't be a big deal at all.  I wish at times I was a pretty, thinner, good looking women that didn't have such a bad attitude and horrible temper so that one day I could be married with a nice little family and farm.  I have very low self esteem when it comes to finding a good man.  I'm so afraid of what I will find and I just don't feel comfortable going out into public.  I've become quite Hermit like.  Very Introvert.  Well tomorrow will come soon and I do have one rabbit going home, thankfully, but I have cages to clean and I need to go get a new battery for my scale tomorrow too.  I need to relearn how to trust people again, and trust myself to go out and just live a little again.

  

Mental points

     I'm ready to a 'mid-life' crisis right about now.  It IS Nestle messing with my sinus' and I can't keep fighting them.  It seems no matter what I do I can't keep them under control.  The best was when I was running both Clariton and Zyrtec every day.  I can't keep that up for too long, makes me too drowsy.  So I'm still hunting and searching for a 1st shift packing job at Nestle while I also look outside the company to a completely different job in order to make things happen.
     After riding Drifter the other day it made me think more and more about Tessa.  The two are the same basic size and I actually kind of think that Drifter's not pregnant, she could be I don't know much about how they'd start dropping milk but her teats are still high and dry.  I'm going to look at grazing muzzles this weekend and maybe pick one up for her.  It'll still be a week or two before I pull Joe out to do shots and everything else on her so I might hold off until then.  First I have to get June board paid for Heidi.  I also think I may have to swing by Aunt Lisa's and pick up my hoof nippers, at least get some of her feet trimmed back.  some thin leather gloves for using the rasp and get them feet trimmed back.  She's got a VERY visible and physical mark in her hooves from the starvation point to when she wasn't being starved.  She's got a lot of good hoof growth in the meantime.  At least this will get me going back to trimming, I can practice and work on Drifter.

     Everything's been just a mental jumbled mess.  I keep telling myself, just dedicate some time to thinking about things and eventually it'll all work itself out.  Yes it will, I just need the time to mentally rummage through these things.  Would I like to have multiple horses?  Yes.  Do I want to continue with the rabbits and keep my show/breeding herd?  Maybe.  I don't know.  Some times yes, sometimes not.  I want to keep some of them, but not that many.  Small herd just to mess with and enjoy for a little while without the stresses of showing.  Do I want to get a dog and try obedience/Rally/Agility?  Yes.  Hmm so many things to muse and mental through.  

   

Focus

     Today was a mental pick me up kind of day.  I needed to give myself a swift kick in the butt.  I'd heard a few of the girls at the barn sniggering about my size and the fact that I still ride.  I got bad self esteem to start with and this was a low blow for me.  I went for weeks without even thinking about riding.  Today, despite I'm waiting for her SmartPak suppliments to come in, I tacked her up anyway and went up for a ride.  I figured if someone wanted to say something I could always turn Heidi back around and go elsewhere.  
     My foot is throbbing something fierce, it's been doing so for over a week now.  I might have to actually go to the podiatrists again.  I quit using the Voltaren gel a long time ago and finally broke down and got a tube out and used it again tonight, after a thin coat of the Voltaren I put the Deep Blue rub into it and it's less painful.  I'll just keep up with Voltaren and Deep Blue and if it eventually settles down then I won't worry about it.  I don't need to pay him $50 to tell me he can't do anything with it.  
     Work is insane.  I'm still hanging in there, thankfully.  I even volunteered once this week since they're short handed at work.   The extra in the paycheck will be good.  
     I had a good ride on Heidi, then after helping dad unload the mulch had an okay one on Drifter.  I came off Drifter the first time.  She was nervous, and I wasn't seated too well.  Thank heavens she's close to the ground!  It didn't hurt, I went and collected her again and tried again.  This time we walked around a little bit.  She still needs to settle in some more.  Once she's settled and calm again she'll be fine.  She's a really strong mare and could do real good in a gymkhana!  
     Well must settle in for tonight since I have 3 straight days of work before another night off.  

Thinking and planning

     I spent a good couple hours up at the barn today seeing Sandy and Spencer.  I am kind of heart broken that Truly is gone.  She was rehomed last Sunday while I was working.  I didn't even get to say goodbye.  It's for the better.  Tru would have been a heck of a project horse.  I don't even know how well broke to ride she was and I didn't know if I could ever get her sound enough to ever ride.  She was just a wonderful little mare.  Time for me to move on.  
     I've talked some with Aunt Lisa about bringing Drifter back here since she's bred and Lisa doesn't want a foal.  I could foal her out here, and still trail ride her and tag the foal along beside and get my work in on a little QH and then come fall, wean and sell the foal off and have both mares out on Pasture board while I move myself into an apartment. 
     For the time being I've stopped looking for jobs, with the pay I'm making now it'll be worth the stress the place puts me though for a few more months.  Gives me the time to save up a lot more money and maybe in the meantime find me a decent man.  I know Nestle probably isn't the best place to find a man, but there's several there that 'hit' on me and think I'm cute so maybe they're actually decent.  Some day I'd like to find a real good guy and have my mini farm.  
     I put plenty of thought into bringing Drifter here, I'd probably change her name back to Mystic or something similar since that's the name that one lady said her name had been.  Or I'll leave it Drifter, I don't know yet.  It'll be a rare treat for me to raise a foal.  A once in a lifetime most likely.  Heidi nor Drifter are registered so I won't breed them.  Maybe in the future I'll get a registered horse that I feel more comfortable breeding.  Something with proven parentage.  Though adding to the population of horses doesn't seem like the best plan in the world either.  If Drifter comes to me, she'll stay with me for the remainder of her natural life, just like Jasmine and Phoenix before her.  
     The higher payscale at work will hopefully allow me to put both on pasture board and keep both comfortable.  I've got to start getting everything together and planning heavily how my paychecks are going to pan out.  The 48 hour week has a really nice paycheck.  I'll be able to get a lot of things set up and done this weekend(Bonus, I have this weekend off coming up as well!).  I'll get mom's new pre-paid phone, switch dad's to a prepaid and leave just mine on the contract so that should seriously cut that bill down.  Even if I still continue to pay for their phones, a $10 card a month for them should be more than enough.  They don't really use them except to text each other and rarely call someone.  This way they keep their numbers though. 
     I've been thinking a lot more still about the rabbits.  I'm keeping the pair of chins and basically steels.  Down to 10 rabbits total.  That should be something good to get down to.  A chin buck and a gray buck.  I have to still get a gray buck still but I need to make sure it's not Gerhart lines.  I might have to make a trip up to Kevin Hooper's place to get a good gray buck.  Then all steel does except Connie, who's a black.  Well it's bed time again.  Two days of work and then 3 days off!

Thinking ahead

     Well these last three days of work, while stressful, long and boring I got to do a lot more thinking.  I've chosen to cut out all my blues and torts for dutch.  Hopefully Marcie does have a nice steel baby in that litter with David North's buck.  I palpated her and got nothing, but she's so fat it's hard to feel anything.  Shelly palpated positively so I do have at least a litter of torts coming.  The torts will all be for sale and any of my other Juniors that I have coming up soon out of the litter.  I can't keep going with them.  I really want to get a dog and try that instead of rabbits.  The rabbits haven't held anything for me for a while.
     The horses, I'm switching back to western.  I just don't much care for the english.  The more I push to learn the more frustrated I get.  I'm still going to keep my english saddle but I'm going to invest in a western and if Drifter is pregnant, I'll use her while she's nursing to just enjoy riding, pony the baby with us.  If she's not then she's sold, which could prove to be better.  And the days that are cool enough, once I get the meds in for Heidi, I'll do what I can to keep schooling her.  I may have to use Perry's western saddle for a while until I can get a draft treed western.  Then I'm going to try and set things up in the arena like gymkhana events and try to take her that way instead.  I'm hoping maybe the change in venue will be promising for her.  I've got to call the pharmacy tomorrow to have the prescription faxed to Bath Co Vet and then Joe will sign it and fax it back so I can order the antihistamine's for Heidi.  Joe said that if that doesn't work to let him know, he'll do a more thorough test to see what's going on with my big girl.  It only seems to happen while on pasture in the summer.
     A second horse, adding Drifter back might be counter intuitive but it might be needed to go back to enjoying horses again.  I'm going to have to save up a few hundred dollars and have her sent out for training.  Even if it is broke western.  I think running barrels would be fun again.  I can imagine having a fast little Creamello mare and a slow big black and white mare at a gymkhana.  Better than at an english show!  
     I went back to the docs today sicne the sinus pressure still hasn't let up, and she said my sinus' weren't inflammed so she has to doubling up on an allergy med (Clariton in the AM, Zyrtec in the PM) for one week, then drop back down to just Zyrtec and keep using the Flonase.  If the Flonase turns up more issues to call her and she'll call in a script for Nasonex.  She said Nasonex was way more expensive but it works better.  It could be worth the cost.  I'll see how this goes.  
     I'm still looking for a new job.  I'm ready to go back to Customer Service type of jobs.   Though I'm just starting to get comfortable where I am.  They raised our pay rate again, hoping to keep us there.  For now I'm staying and looking for the right job.  Hoping that I might eventually go back to school for my Vet tech.  I'm waiting and watching the local colleges.